What's wrong with me?

[Leonfrost]

I have a problem. Since I was in preschool, I have been friends with someone who's become practically my brother. What I realize now though, is that he has always been the type of personality that stomps on weaker personalities. Not intentionally, of course. He did not set out to crush my spirit or anything like that. He just wound up being the empowered one in our friendship, and as a byproduct, did some pretty severe damage to my self-confidence.

I can get over that. What I can't get over, is the specific instances that stick out in my mind. E.g. I remember him very clearly calling me an idiot, a loser, spoiled, said I waste my time on things that don't matter, etc. And I want to forgive him for those hurtful things he's said over the years, but I can't.

I ask God, "Help me forgive him. MAKE me forgive him." But I still can't. I'm scared by that. Doesn't Matthew 6:15 say that I have to forgive him? And why am I still angered by these memories even after asking God Himself to make me forgive in spite of my weakness?

 

[znr]

Hey Leon, if he's so empowered then how come he calls you names? He's not empowered; he's scared and feels inferior deep down, or maybe not even that deep down.

You don't have to feel like you forgive him to start the process. Just decide that you are going to forgive him and then find something else to do. And if this guy is still an active part of your day to day life then maybe it's time to take a break until he starts treating you like a treasure.

 

[Scottmcc1]

This is what I did with a job supervisor. I forgave him in my heart. And each time the hurt came back I forgave him again in my heart. This went on for years. Now I am over it and there is no problem any more.

You just got to keep fighting. 1 Timothy 6:12

 

[FromTheDarknessToTheLight]

I was constantly beat by my babysitters, and possibly even molested. As a result of that daily abuse from them and my father, I have brain damage. I forgave my babysitters for what they did, it was hard. It took years. They took away things from me I may never get back unless God wills it. Give it time. Pray. You will feel no relief however unless you have the holy spirit. To obtain the holy spirit you must put Christ first in your life, above all things. Then you will be able to forgive. The holy spirit shapes us over time to be more Christlike, it is not us.

 

[hedrick]

Fortunately I don't have the same experience, but I think the experience of a couple of others suggests that it's going to take time. Furthermore, I think Jesus is more concerned about intention and will than emotion. You've already made the decision to forgive him, and I'm going to assume that you're not out for revenge, and you'd care about him if he were in danger. Feelings will follow. Feeling guilty may actually make it harder; there's no need to feel guilty for not being super human.

 

[paul1149]

It sounds like this is an ongoing relationship? If so, it may help to understand that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. We must forgive from the heart, and that may be a legitimate battle for a while, but as others have said, stand fast in it and you will have your victory.

But we do not have to reconcile unless there has been repentance. If there hasn't, this may be a situation where you forgive and then walk away toward the fullness of your new life in Christ.

The fear business doesn't sound like the Holy Spirit to me. As long as your desire is to please God, He's going to be supporting you and showing you what to do, not laying down the law on you.