What to say to someone who crosses boundaries with how much we are willing to help?

[sccs]

Recently, my wife came into contact with a college-aged young man who is not a Christian as far as we know. My wife, being the friendly person she is, spoke kindly to him and upon learning that he needed some help with elderly care resources, offered me to help him with it.

However, over the past few months, this young man keeps messaging my wife privately and asking to meet up for a meal. He knows that she is married and suggested that the three of us can meet up together. Neither of us particularly want to meet up with this youngster as we are very busy with ministries in and around the church. Time is a resource that we don't have at the moment. Furthermore, my wife feels extremely uncomfortable with him messaging her.

Based on what I've read of their conversation, he seems genuinely harmless and simply wants a form of connection and some help for his grandmother.

Which leads me to my question: as Christians, how do we decide certain boundaries? My wife and I both acknowledge passages such as:

Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. -Hebrews 13:2

and

But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. -Matthew 5:39

But at the same time, we don't have time for him nor do we want his intrusive messages at periodic times asking to meet up.

So, how do we decide what to do in this case? We want to be "good Christians" but don't want to do something just because we have to do it.

Would it be right to message this young man and be up front with what we can and cannot do and ask him to stop messaging my wife?

 

[Radagast]

Would it be right to message this young man and be up front with what we can and cannot do and ask him to stop messaging my wife?

Yes, it would be right and appropriate.

 

[AvgJoe]

Would it be right to message this young man and be up front with what we can and cannot do and ask him to stop messaging my wife?

That's exactly what I would do. Nothing wrong with it, in fact, it's what needs to be done to head off a potentially dangerous situation. A person can seem like Dr. Jekyll, but turn out to be Mr. Hyde.

The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)
​

It is right to have a heart that would continually give to others, and it pleases God to see this wonderful characteristic in our lives. However, in this area of giving and helping, the Bible also teaches that we must have wise discernment (Matthew 10:16). God gives us certain standards that we must take into account when it comes to giving our time and money to others. When the Bible tells us we are to help others, the purpose is never for us to do this to the point where it becomes detrimental.

 

[FatalFantasy]

Recently, my wife came into contact with a college-aged young man who is not a Christian as far as we know. My wife, being the friendly person she is, spoke kindly to him and upon learning that he needed some help with elderly care resources, offered me to help him with it.

However, over the past few months, this young man keeps messaging my wife privately and asking to meet up for a meal. He knows that she is married and suggested that the three of us can meet up together. Neither of us particularly want to meet up with this youngster as we are very busy with ministries in and around the church. Time is a resource that we don't have at the moment. Furthermore, my wife feels extremely uncomfortable with him messaging her.

Based on what I've read of their conversation, he seems genuinely harmless and simply wants a form of connection and some help for his grandmother.

Which leads me to my question: as Christians, how do we decide certain boundaries? My wife and I both acknowledge passages such as:



and



But at the same time, we don't have time for him nor do we want his intrusive messages at periodic times asking to meet up.

So, how do we decide what to do in this case? We want to be "good Christians" but don't want to do something just because we have to do it.

Would it be right to message this young man and be up front with what we can and cannot do and ask him to stop messaging my wife?

Let you no be a no, anything else comes from the evil one.

 

[Endeavourer]

If you feel compelled to stay in contact with this man, you might ask him to direct all of his communications to you instead of to your wife. You can mention that you two have a policy of each not corresponding with the opposite sex after a certain point. It is quite possible his outreaches will then dry up on their own and the problem will be resolved.

 

[ChicanaRose]

Would it be right to message this young man and be up front with what we can and cannot do and ask him to stop messaging my wife?

I am thinking maybe you should pray about whether or not it is you and your wife's calling to continue helping this young man. Perhaps you can refer him to a pastor or a Christian counselor. In a professional environment, he would have no choice but to respect boundaries. Churches and counseling centers have restricted office hours. People don't know the staff's family or where they live. It is easier for people to cross boundaries when you help them on a personal/ individual basis.

 

[ChicanaRose]

We want to be "good Christians" but don't want to do something just because we have to do it.

You've done your part in helping him. And it is a Christian thing to honor and protect the boundaries of your marriage.