What to do about an insecure guy I met online...yikes

[LoricaLady]

My experience is that men and women can be friends, but that such a case is unusual.

Now some people do meet and marry happily online but that seems very unusual too. How many are harmed, sometimes horribly, because of online relationships that led to disaster? I say beware, beware.

There is no accountability in your situation. How do you know he isn't married? How do you know he isn't sitting in some green gown being given his meds in a medical institution, or dressed in an orange jump suit ready for the road crew to call him? You don't. Really, you may not know one thing for sure that you can verify about him. Except this: You really don't like him much, if at all! He is a downer to you.

What you seem to be asking above all, is how to get away from him.

You don't owe him a thing, except to treat him with respect. Just tell him you have enjoyed chatting with him but your interests are moving you in another direction. (Like say, your interest in untangling yourself from someone you don't know and don't really find attractive.) You don't have to be specific and he has no right to ask you to be. If he gets insistent, block him. Again, you owe him nothing but respect, but if he isn't respectful in return, he deserves to be blocked.

Just get rid of him. It's not that hard. It's easy, in fact..

 

[Invalidusername]

I find myself getting annoyed because I can't stand people who don't want to help themselves but leech onto others for affirmation (even though I have done that myself but still).

You're doing that right now in this thread.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I met a 22 year old guy off of Reddit on an MBTI personality forum and we private messaged each other for a bit. He is a Christian and seemed nice and I figured what the heck, right? Being the friendly person I try to be, I messaged him thinking he'd get bored soon enough and stop talking to me. He didn't. He messaged me every night during his work shifts and I found we had a lot in common. He shared with me stories about his life and his issues, and I did the same briefly (I don't share a lot though). He shared a lot of problems with me and I found he has a lot of self-esteem issues and so I tried to minister to him by telling him God loves him that he needs to love himself over and over again but he always has excuses for why he doesn't feel it. I find myself getting annoyed because I can't stand people who don't want to help themselves but leech onto others for affirmation (even though I have done that myself but still). I can't fix this guy, and I told him that. I also let him know I just want to be friends. But after messaging for almost 3 weeks straight I think feelings have developed.

He's nice and never asked me for pictures of myself or asked my any vulgar questions...but I'm still playing it safe.

From my side, I was really excited to get so much attention from a guy and be messaged everyday (that never happened to me before) but I realize now the reality that I have created in allowing myself to do so. I am afraid I have led this guy on. I mean, I kinda like him too--but he is WAY too self-pitiful for me to consider him as a partner. I think he has some form of autism by the way he writes, and maybe that is why he is obsessed with me because I give him so much positive attention. He has told me I've helped him a lot in not feeling so lonely. Both of us have struggles relating to people and we shared a lot about that with each other. He's trying to go to church more and make friends there, but he says he doesn't feel connected to any of the people there and it's hard.

I don't know what to do. I don't want crap in my life. I can't and don't want to make this guy my project because he isn't my responsibility--but if we can just be friends I'd love that. But as much as we have shared...feelings would develop.

Sounds to me like you need to cut off contact.

 

[Sal Robinson]

You're very perceptive, and you already have a good grasp of the situation.

So you pointed out he clearly has issues....Here's the Thing!

there's a hole in his heart, that can only be filled by him finding God's purpose for his life and getting busy about it>>>>


That's the only thing that will fill his heart that will heal his issues,,,,,when he believes God is with him, and he follows God's call on his life

that's the only thing that can fill the hole in his heart, that's the only that heal his issues.


Right now, he's looking to you to fill the hole his heart. He's looking to you to heal him from his issues....

that's dangerous,, and you have to be clear that you are not there to do that>....


when it comes to partners, your existence compliments his existence, it doesn't complete his existence.

He's looking for an emotional connection with you to to heal his issues,,,,when you are not his healer..

so make that clear,....and you' can encoruage him to pursue God's call on his life...and make it clear that that is the only thing that can heal his heart....not you

God Bless you friend...praying you find happiness in a relationship, trust God and it will happen, in this way or another

 

[Christfan]

Doubt this will proceed or end well. You're a woman giving a lonely man attention online. Like someone else said, he probably already envisions a future. It's extremely easy for them to latch on like that so quick. He will just want more and more becoming needy which will just annoy you. Also like someone else said, make your intentions clear if it treads that line in the conversations if you continue.

 

[Serving Zion]

You're very perceptive, and you already have a good grasp of the situation.

So you pointed out he clearly has issues....Here's the Thing!

there's a hole in his heart, that can only be filled by him finding God's purpose for his life and getting busy about it>>>>


That's the only thing that will fill his heart that will heal his issues,,,,,when he believes God is with him, and he follows God's call on his life

that's the only thing that can fill the hole in his heart, that's the only that heal his issues.


Right now, he's looking to you to fill the hole his heart. He's looking to you to heal him from his issues....

that's dangerous,, and you have to be clear that you are not there to do that>....


when it comes to partners, your existence compliments his existence, it doesn't complete his existence.

He's looking for an emotional connection with you to to heal his issues,,,,when you are not his healer..

so make that clear,....and you' can encoruage him to pursue God's call on his life...and make it clear that that is the only thing that can heal his heart....not you

God Bless you friend...praying you find happiness in a relationship, trust God and it will happen, in this way or another

(Dear OP): In having said all this, which seems to be quite good and fitting advice to your situation, I have to say it isn't necessarily so in all cases and indeed it isn't necessarily the only outcome in this case.

It is because we are called to be the vessel of the indwelling Holy Spirit, that if you did meet him and decide that in fact you are willing to yield yourself to serve him in that capacity (God is love, the one who stays in love stays in God and God in him), then this whole advice could be flipped upside down so as to say that you are the one who does complete his existence, in whom he see's the love of God, and vice-versa (because it is the role for somebody, right? .. only it needs to be an equal yoke, a suitable match for the devil to have least opportunity between them).

That is the completeness of the love that is lost to modern society who doesn't acknowledge the divinity of Christ but rather see's relationships as gratuitous (emotion, sex, yoke). Partnerships that do not observe Christ's divinity don't see Christ in each other and therefore do not treat each other with the due honour that is to complete love (Colossians 3:23-24, Matthew 25:40).

God is spirit, God is love, the flesh contends with the spirit, live by the spirit you will not fulfil the desires of the flesh.

Notice that sin is the opposite of love (self-centredness vs self-lessness), so wherever there is sin between partners (envy, pride, wrath etc), there is breakdown of love, and God does not shine through. He does need that quality in his partner, but as you are expressing that you have found him annoying, you don't have the capacity to provide that to him. That might change if you were to meet him, because you would see his true character, and if it is meant to be so, then you would also see The Holy Spirit in him. TXT messages greatly reduce the capacity for The Holy Spirit to convey (but the one who is exercised in discerning is still able to detect love and sin as the motivation behind the words).

In addition to this, extending Mark 10:43-44 shows that this isn't only the role of a spouse, but this is our duty to each other, as Christians. You seem to have inspired him somehow to confide in you with a very raw wound .. which I think you should consider an honour, but also respect with care so as to not encourage him to rely on you if your heart is not for him, and likewise to guard him from the impact of that reality, which can be especially traumatic.

 

[pinkjess]

You're very perceptive, and you already have a good grasp of the situation.

So you pointed out he clearly has issues....Here's the Thing!

there's a hole in his heart, that can only be filled by him finding God's purpose for his life and getting busy about it>>>>


That's the only thing that will fill his heart that will heal his issues,,,,,when he believes God is with him, and he follows God's call on his life

that's the only thing that can fill the hole in his heart, that's the only that heal his issues.


Right now, he's looking to you to fill the hole his heart. He's looking to you to heal him from his issues....

that's dangerous,, and you have to be clear that you are not there to do that>....


when it comes to partners, your existence compliments his existence, it doesn't complete his existence.

He's looking for an emotional connection with you to to heal his issues,,,,when you are not his healer..

so make that clear,....and you' can encoruage him to pursue God's call on his life...and make it clear that that is the only thing that can heal his heart....not you

God Bless you friend...praying you find happiness in a relationship, trust God and it will happen, in this way or another

Thank you so much!

 

[discipler7]

But as much as we have shared...feelings would develop.

GENESIS.3 = 16 To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eve & Adam's Original Sin resulted in curses/punishments/sufferings from God. ...

Women tend to fall in love or develop feelings, not men. Men may "love their neighbors/friends/wife as themselves", at the most. Evil men tend to fall in lust = adultery, fornication, rape, sexual harassment, etc.

 

[pinkjess]

GENESIS.3 = 16 To the woman He said:

“I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eve & Adam's Original Sin resulted in curses/punishments/sufferings from God. ...

Women tend to fall in love or develop feelings, not men. Men may "love their neighbors/friends/wife as themselves", at the most. Evil men tend to fall in lust = adultery, fornication, rape, sexual harassment, etc.

So should I cut off communications with him then?

 

[discipler7]

So should I cut off communications with him then?

Possibly no, as long as you can see him as a fellow sufferer/patient and not romantically.

If both of you end up married to each other and have kids, the mental problems may get compounded and the suffering may get added to the kids.

 

[salt-n-light]

I met a 22 year old guy off of Reddit on an MBTI personality forum and we private messaged each other for a bit. He is a Christian and seemed nice and I figured what the heck, right? Being the friendly person I try to be, I messaged him thinking he'd get bored soon enough and stop talking to me. He didn't. He messaged me every night during his work shifts and I found we had a lot in common. He shared with me stories about his life and his issues, and I did the same briefly (I don't share a lot though). He shared a lot of problems with me and I found he has a lot of self-esteem issues and so I tried to minister to him by telling him God loves him that he needs to love himself over and over again but he always has excuses for why he doesn't feel it. I find myself getting annoyed because I can't stand people who don't want to help themselves but leech onto others for affirmation (even though I have done that myself but still). I can't fix this guy, and I told him that. I also let him know I just want to be friends. But after messaging for almost 3 weeks straight I think feelings have developed.

He's nice and never asked me for pictures of myself or asked my any vulgar questions...but I'm still playing it safe.

From my side, I was really excited to get so much attention from a guy and be messaged everyday (that never happened to me before) but I realize now the reality that I have created in allowing myself to do so. I am afraid I have led this guy on. I mean, I kinda like him too--but he is WAY too self-pitiful for me to consider him as a partner. I think he has some form of autism by the way he writes, and maybe that is why he is obsessed with me because I give him so much positive attention. He has told me I've helped him a lot in not feeling so lonely. Both of us have struggles relating to people and we shared a lot about that with each other. He's trying to go to church more and make friends there, but he says he doesn't feel connected to any of the people there and it's hard.

I don't know what to do. I don't want crap in my life. I can't and don't want to make this guy my project because he isn't my responsibility--but if we can just be friends I'd love that. But as much as we have shared...feelings would develop.

Stick to friendship, and adjust yourself as such. Maybe don't talk as frequent to start, and give some of that time towards friends and family that are physically with you. Give distance. If you can't handle that, then cut him off. Can't control his feelings, but you can control yours and what you do in the situation.

 

[Poppyseed78]

If you're getting an unpleasant vibe, you should trust your gut. Your instincts are telling you something for a reason. I don't think even a friendship with this man is going to be beneficial for you in the long run. I understand it's uncomfortable to pull away and end a friendship, but that doesn't mean you should continue one when you have such strong reservations.

 

[W2L]

I met a 22 year old guy off of Reddit on an MBTI personality forum and we private messaged each other for a bit. He is a Christian and seemed nice and I figured what the heck, right? Being the friendly person I try to be, I messaged him thinking he'd get bored soon enough and stop talking to me. He didn't. He messaged me every night during his work shifts and I found we had a lot in common. He shared with me stories about his life and his issues, and I did the same briefly (I don't share a lot though). He shared a lot of problems with me and I found he has a lot of self-esteem issues and so I tried to minister to him by telling him God loves him that he needs to love himself over and over again but he always has excuses for why he doesn't feel it. I find myself getting annoyed because I can't stand people who don't want to help themselves but leech onto others for affirmation (even though I have done that myself but still). I can't fix this guy, and I told him that. I also let him know I just want to be friends. But after messaging for almost 3 weeks straight I think feelings have developed.

He's nice and never asked me for pictures of myself or asked my any vulgar questions...but I'm still playing it safe.

From my side, I was really excited to get so much attention from a guy and be messaged everyday (that never happened to me before) but I realize now the reality that I have created in allowing myself to do so. I am afraid I have led this guy on. I mean, I kinda like him too--but he is WAY too self-pitiful for me to consider him as a partner. I think he has some form of autism by the way he writes, and maybe that is why he is obsessed with me because I give him so much positive attention. He has told me I've helped him a lot in not feeling so lonely. Both of us have struggles relating to people and we shared a lot about that with each other. He's trying to go to church more and make friends there, but he says he doesn't feel connected to any of the people there and it's hard.

I don't know what to do. I don't want crap in my life. I can't and don't want to make this guy my project because he isn't my responsibility--but if we can just be friends I'd love that. But as much as we have shared...feelings would develop.

Maybe you could be his friend. Sometimes people need a friend.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

you can't be friends with this person as you have already admitted you have feeling for the guy. this is why male and female "friendships" usually don't work. feelings happen.

time to cut the rope.

 

[LoricaLady]

If you're getting an unpleasant vibe, you should trust your gut. Your instincts are telling you something for a reason. I don't think even a friendship with this man is going to be beneficial for you in the long run. I understand it's uncomfortable to pull away and end a friendship, but that doesn't mean you should continue one when you have such strong reservations.

I once heard a talk from a policeman about safety and women. He said the police have learned that if a woman has a gut feeling that something is wrong with a man, that she needs to listen to that feeling very seriously as it is totally likely to be accurate.

 

[Invalidusername]

I once heard a talk from a policeman about safety and women. He said the police have learned that if a woman has a gut feeling that something is wrong with a man, that she needs to listen to that feeling very seriously as it is totally likely to be accurate.

Yes, women are never wrong. Their FEELINGS always are right.

 

[pinkjess]

Yes, women are never wrong. Their FEELINGS always are right.

Is this sarcasm?

 

[pinkjess]

98% of the time my instincts were correct.

 

[Invalidusername]

Is this sarcasm?

Your feeling was completely correct. Yes, it is sarcasm.

Trust me, women are wrong very often. Women just don't realize it as often as they should. Women have a very strong social filter and they basically just dislike men who aren't high up in the social hierarchy. That's why some of the biggest serial killers were successful womanizers, because they were high up in the social hierarchy, good-looking, and confident but they were able to worm in their lives because of the fact they had the social status.

Right now you just dislike this guy because he is everything that a woman isn't looking for in a relationship. Insecure, weak, and effeminate. I can't blame you. However don't pretend that you have some special compass that is gender specific.

 

[Invalidusername]

98% of the time my instincts were correct.

If the guy you were contacting was a good-looking, well adjusted socially, and had everything together, you would have ZERO problems with his advancements.

However he isn't, so he is delegated to "creepy perv".

It's just my observation. You can disagree.