What should I do?

[Moe Green]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. In the beginning of our relationship I told him that I will not have sex until I was married after becoming a Christian again. I asked him if that was going to be a problem and he told me he struggled with sexuality but he would wait with me. Speed up to now. We have had sex on multiple occasions and I feel regretful every time. I know I've put up a blockade in between my relationship with God.

I made a decision to tell my boyfriend that I was going to be firm in waiting until I am married to have any relations again. I then asked him if he was confident that he wanted to get married and he said Yes.

However, he added that he's not going to be happy waiting in our relationship. He also said that It's important to him and didn't want to do that.

Now, Over the time in our relationship we have invested a lot together, material items mostly. If I were to leave it would be devastating to both of us. I just want us to be on the same page.

I can't go to my parents with this for fear of judgement. Please help!
(I am 22, he is 24)

 

[Tolworth John]

I were to leave it would be devastating to both of us. I just want us to be on the same page.

y
You have been together for 5 months, what do you mean living together for this period or dating?

You want to be both on the same page? Is he a Christian? Does he come with you to church? Does he take a lead in moral issues?
What does he think about this matter?

To be blunt, you have told him you don't want sex and he has paid how much attention?
If he is a Christian what does he say about the Bible's clear teaching of no sex outside of marriage.

Ask him whether he will support you and lead you as a man in Christian service?
If he won't drop the toy boy and find a man to whom Christianity is important.

 

[Moe Green]

We are not living together. He has purchased a lot of things for my home though, and we built up a lot mentally and materially. We're both trying to grow in Christ, we go to church together. I'm usually the lead in moral issues though. He knows it's wrong but believes he is above that law apparently.

 

[BigMat]

Do you honestly want to be married to a male who learns of your needs and desires, agrees to help you with them, then promptly disregards those needs, and uses you as a mere implement to satisfy his own desires and get what he wants for his own life? At best, what he has already done in the short time you have been with him is disrespect, mistreatment, abuse of trust, breaking an agreement that's foundational to your relationship, and lying. You made it clear from the beginning that you wanted to walk a moral and righteous path. In short order he pulled you off of that course and down into the the gutter -- pulled you away from your chosen path and onto the unadmirable path that he has chosen to take his own life down.

This male has chosen to be something far less than husband material. In fact, he has chosen to be something less than a man. Rather than choosing your heart and your beauty, he instead chose his own less than laudable desires.

You are twenty two years old. You are fortunate enough to live in a culture that places your life's steering wheel in your hands at this time and gives you the option to take it in the direction you want. Your life is what you choose to make of it. Unless of course, you hand the wheel over to someone else and let them steer it in the direction they wish and, make of it what they want for themselves -- which, appears to be what has happened.

There isn't any amount of things that he might have purchased for your home or any amount of time that you could have spent with him in a short five months that is worth letting someone else lead your life away from what you want it to be, just as it's getting started. I'd say this guy has made it pretty clear how much -- or rather, how little -- you are worth to him. Your heart and your beauty aren't wort the ring and a commitment and, your sex isn't worth the wait. Not to mention that what you want for yourself and your life doesn't even enter into the picture with this guy.

Take back the steering wheel and get yourself and your life moving back down the path that you want and know is right for you.

 

[Lost4words]

Do you love him? Does he love you?

 

[Moe Green]

Update.
God moved in our relationship.
The same day I wrote this post I prayed a prayer that I think gave a way for God to move in our favor.
It was simple. "Father, give my man a soft heart of love and understanding."

On Sunday we went to church. And it was as if our pastor had looked right into our lives and picked it apart word by word, sentence by sentence. The message was on running the race to win. Our pastor told it in a way that I'd never heard it before.

The part that stuck with me was how he described the race and the lane that we have to stay in or else we would be disqualified from winning the race. We were given boundaries not to limit us but to keep us from being disqualified from receiving the crown. The boundaries are in black and white! Its in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.

We were both convicted not in shame but in the way that we had been caught by a Holy God, who loves us enough to give us boundaries so that we are not disqualified.

We left the church and when we got to the car and settled in he says to me. "You win." And he gives me the biggest smile.

Our relationship is strengthened, by keeping Jesus in the midst.

 

[Lost4words]

Update.
God moved in our relationship.
The same day I wrote this post I prayed a prayer that I think gave a way for God to move in our favor.
It was simple. "Father, give my man a soft heart of love and understanding."

On Sunday we went to church. And it was as if our pastor had looked right into our lives and picked it apart word by word, sentence by sentence. The message was on running the race to win. Our pastor told it in a way that I'd never heard it before.

The part that stuck with me was how he described the race and the lane that we have to stay in or else we would be disqualified from winning the race. We were given boundaries not to limit us but to keep us from being disqualified from receiving the crown. The boundaries are in black and white! Its in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.

We were both convicted not in shame but in the way that we had been caught by a Holy God, who loves us enough to give us boundaries so that we are not disqualified.

We left the church and when we got to the car and settled in he says to me. "You win." And he gives me the biggest smile.

Our relationship is strengthened, by keeping Jesus in the midst.

God works in mysterious ways.

God bless you both

 

[TassiaNico]

Ultimately, for a relationship to succeed, both partners need to respect each other. If your boyfriend isn't respecting your wishes to stay abstinent, he is not demonstrating love, and is weakening the relationship. You are also damaging the relationship by refusing to hold fast on boundaries that are important to you. This leaves you feeling bad about yourself and teaches those around you you don't think you're worth respect. I know your last post said things have improved since your church service, and I hope that's true. But if patterns slip back where he's pressuring you, it may signal you need some time apart to evaluate whether you belong together.