On another post, he did describe his room as about the size of a cell.
Well it's actually smaller than the average cell, but no, I'm not imprisoned.
And the room isn't forced on me, I didn't wanna share a room anymore with 2 other brothers, cause the sleeping schedules are all messed up, nobody could sleep well.
The imprisonment, would be that of my own mind, there's a mental wall that I can't get around.
The wall so to speak, is the result of the years of actual forced isolation.
I was always told I could go to school at high school age, 14, that time came, I was told no, and later told that I was forced, literately, not to go.
But before 14, I was forced to not go anywhere, only to the store with my folks.
And it's understandable, without going into much detail, there was some legal stuff surrounding the family around my age of 5 or 6 or so.
And we lived in a very bad area, still kinda do, but it's much better than before.
We lived next to a halfway house of sorts, where this woman would nurse mentally ill people, or something like that.
It was like 4 times a month, the police would be in our yard looking for a woman, or someone, that got out.
And the house directly across the street from us, was broken into, and the man who owned it was shot and killed.
So I fully understand that, it was not a good school district, and money was tight, was we couldn't spend a buncha gas money going to and from places a lot.
So then, it was in my best interest to stay home, cause it wouldn't have been hard for someone to kidnap me, or hurt me.
Sidenote: We also lived right next to an old chapel, that was somewhat abandoned, and there was a graveyard there aswell.
Has no bearing on anything, just interesting to me. Very creepy feel to it
Every local in your town is a drunk or meth-head? Every, single one? That seems unlikely to me... Surely, there must be some people who are not under the influence of illicit chemicals or alcohol. I have found the elderly often make great friends. They have time to hang out, they have wisdom, and patience, and fantastic senses of humor. Certainly, a wise, good-humored, elderly man would make a far better friend than a meth-head.
Not far off actually, they may not all be on meth, or drugs, or even drinking.
But they sure do act it.
Again, where is God in all of this? Does He have no bearing on how you live?
He has bearing on why I live, and the manner in which I do.
If not for God, I would most definitely have killed myself by now, I don't see the point in meaningless things.
And if God doesn't exist, which he does and I can prove it, in several different way.
Life has no meaning without God, you can be happy, and feel good, sure, but it's all pointless because everyone dies.
IF God doesn't exist, that is.
The former is a grim reality, but it's lucky that we don't live in such a reality.
That's the way I would, and did, see life without God.
At the end of the day, I'm ultimately happy, because one day, don't know when or how, but one day I will be with God, in Heaven.
I live my life, for God, sure, I do have my problems with sin, who doesn't.
Lust would be one, bein a teenaged boy. Coveting, I guess this post would fall into that one, I covet a life different than the one I live.
Can't say I lie very often, but one is too many.
But, I do always try to live my life as closely to the bible, as I humanely can.
I see God with me, through my life, he isn't silent through all of it, I can't exactly explain all the little details of it, but just some things that happen, it would be hard to chalk it up to chance.
God is not only the reason I live, but he also influences the way I live, through his words The Bible.
But it doesn't change the fact that I am lonely, fellowship is a big part of life, I feel.
Get a job. Go to college or university. Get your own place.
Well the plan is to enlist in the military, next year when I turn 18, so that would be the answer to those 3.
But that's then, this is now.
The only reason I am afraid now, is that I can see my mind slipping in certain places, my memory, the things I think I said vs what I actually said, things like that.
You're right, I should have a different outlook on it, and be happy in my situation, because of God.
But I'm not, and I can't. To do that I would have to change the way I look at my life, and I've tried to do that, look at it in a positive light, and it use to work, for a while. But then suddenly stopped. And now I need a new way to keep afloat.
The only way for me to fix it, would be to make friends, that is difficult because of my area, and my social anxiety caused by whatever.
I can talk to people, if I have a reason, it isn't so much the talking that gets me, it's the reason. I can't just go up to someone, say my name, and strike up a conversation, because I'm apprehensive.
If I see someone struggling, I will speak to them normally, and help them. But there is no further reason to continue the conversation, in my mind. What else would I say, or do? That wouldn't sound creepy.
I have a deep southern accent, and a deep voice, I'm bald and weigh 230 pounds.
I'm just a banjo twang away from being a deliverance character.
And I know what the response to that would be, that's self image, be confident.
It's unfortunately what people do, they judge on first glance, and I do not look friendly, even though I am.
I do live not but like 4 miles from a retirement home, could volunteer there or something, I'm sure they could use a young'n like me to help move stuff around or something like that.
