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What should I do now?

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Evan Wright, Aug 19, 2019.

  1. Evan Wright

    Evan Wright New Member

    33
    +29
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    This is probably going to be a fairly long post, and there is a lot of things that are on my mind about this topic so I do apologize in advance if my ideas seem to be all over the place. I'll try and start from the beginning.

    So, there is this girl that I've had feelings for, for a very long time and we both attend the same church. We have been friends for almost 2 years and in those 2 years we have learned a lot about each other but I feel like there is still much more to learn as well. Now, she lives with her mother, as well as 2 younger siblings, and when she initially told her mother that I liked her, she was super excited and so she has always been an advocate of us dating each other. When we had went on our first date together to the movies, her mom sparked the idea in my head to just do something simple for our first date. On our second date, her and I both went to Red Lobster which was back during Valentines Day (I believe it was Valentines Day weekend) and it was very fun for both of us. We both opened up about our feelings and shared some really personal things about us that we don't normally share. After this date, things for some reason had just fallen off and I can't seem to figure out what happened. She did express interest in going out again but I don't know what happened. After about a week, she would just stop answering my messages, but she would still always answer when I called her she seemed disinterested. When we saw each other in person sometimes she would look at me and smile but now she just avoids me which is weird because I don't know what I did. Eventually, I just cut all contact, and at this point her mother noticed because we always would talk so much.

    Yesterday, her mother and I happened to run into each other while we were going home, and she asked me if I had given up on Autumn(that's her name). I told her honestly, I don't know but kind of. I still really like her, and sometimes I still get nervous when I see her in the hallways at church even though we aren't even talking to each other right now. When I told this to her mom, she just gave me a big hug, and told me "Don't throw in the towel just yet. Autumn can't be a bit stubborn sometimes but do't give up. Just pray about it" The we both smiled at each other and left. I've been praying about the situation a lot before this, and I don't know what to do. Please help.
     
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  2. A. Sinner

    A. Sinner New Member

    48
    +67
    Canada
    Christian
    Single
    The only things that work in more mysterious ways than God are women.

    Get used to it, Lad.
     
  3. A. Sinner

    A. Sinner New Member

    48
    +67
    Canada
    Christian
    Single
    *
     
  4. Evan Wright

    Evan Wright New Member

    33
    +29
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Amen brother
     
  5. pdudgeon

    pdudgeon Traditional Catholic

    +9,366
    United States
    Catholic
    Widowed
    US-Republican
    Well it's not too long until school starts, so that might be a good time to get in touch with her to see what classes she has, which lunch period, etc.

    What you've written so far is very typical for teen dating. Things tend to cycle around Valentine's Day and then taper off over the Summer. That's also why going back to school and new opportunities seem to be a really good opportunity to pick back up in a friendship.
    Best wishes!
     
  6. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

    +5,569
    Catholic
    Married
    US-Others
    Obviously I wasn’t there so I have no idea what happened.

    But depending on how personal the conversation was, it’s possible that you accidentally said something that turned her off.

    No offense is intended here. But I find that men really have a way of complicating these things. The reality is that if she was overjoyed at the prospect of being with you, she wouldn’t make being with you so impossible.

    My experience has been that it’s the woman in 10,000 who will say “no” when a man expresses interest in her. If she’s not interested, she’ll tell a lie or she’ll accept the date but cancel at the last minute or any of a bunch of other possibilities. But she’ll never directly say “no”.

    Luckily, these things are easy to figure out. If she says or does anything other than say “yes”, she’s saying “no”. And “no” means “no”.

    So I say you should back off and give her space. You’ve made your interest clear. If she’s interested, she’ll get back to you. But until then, I say leave it alone from now on.
     
  7. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    +3,321
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    US-Republican
    I would give her the space she is wordlessly requesting. After sharing personal things so soon, she may be backing off to make sure her perspective is reliable, rather than diving in wholesale too soon. It doesn't necessarily mean you said something that offended. It's probably just a relational depth issue. She might want to make sure it's on solid ground and that she's free to make her own decision.

    Give her time. Keep the Lord first, and remain solid in Him; it's the only way to remain free. Continue to be friendly to her in a general way so that the door stays unlocked, but don't use any pressure. Let her come to her own decision. And her mom is correct about praying. Bathe it in prayer until you have a peace about it.
     
  8. ABCthings

    ABCthings New Member

    17
    +8
    Nigeria
    Anglican
    Single
    Give her some time and space. Get a new girl. If she is meant for y0u,she will come back.

    Meanwhile you must have said something bad, really bad, really really bad.
     
  9. Redwingfan9

    Redwingfan9 Active Member

    319
    +198
    United States
    Reformed
    Married
    She isn't interested, you should move on with your life. The fact that she's stubborn is a red flag, as is her inability to tell you what her problem is. She's not mature enough for a serious relationship and as such you shouldn't waste your time on her.
     
  10. christine40

    christine40 Well-Known Member

    +5,853
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    sorry to say the mother might be more interested in her daughter having a relationship than the girl
    (just a possibility)

    girls can want to do the opposite of mom's wishes
    so if mom is trying to push her towards you, she will resist

    if you like her, talk to her and ask if she's interested in going out again or not
    if not, just friends it is
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2019
  11. sdowney717

    sdowney717 Newbie

    +1,853
    Christian
    That girl is not interested in a relationship or she would not be doing what she is doing.
    The mother is pushing it and that is not going to work. The mother may have been talking to the daughter about you and her, and that sounds like forcing to me.

    If its meant to be by God, then it will happen. Otherwise just no, or heartache.
     
  12. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member

    674
    +502
    Catholic
    Single
    If you're still in high school focus on your education, leave her she isn't interested. God bless
     
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