What Makes a Marriage Valid?

[CowardlyLion]

Okay, so I've seen a few posts on here as well as other areas of the internet. But I still have not been unable to come up with an answer. I see a lot of arguments both for and against State marriages. But here are my facts:

- We both want to be married and committed to one another. We are sure of this.
- We need our marriage to be valid in the eyes of God.
- A legal marriage would bring with it a few complicated issues; mostly regarding things like health insurance.
- We do not have any friends (not an exaggeration).
- We do not have much money.
- We do not want a party. We do not have people in our lives that we would like to celebrate with.
- We want wedding vows and wedding rings.
- We would prefer a pastor to oversee our wedding.
- We don't need our marriage to be a secret. We would be proud to be known as husband and wife.

I am getting so many mixed signals and messages about what would be a valid marriage in the eyes of God. I have it being said it's important to have a public declaration. I've read a celebration is necessary. I've read that we must follow the government laws for it to be valid in the eyes of God. Government marriages are also not always Christian, so we'd be sharing the same type of "validation" as someone who is atheist or anti-God. Weddings these days are some of the furthest things removed from Christianity, even if they take place in a CHURCH.

Ideally, this is what I want: I want to bring my fiance' to a beautiful place. I want to say our wedding vows, preferably in the presence of a pastor. If there are other witnesses, that would be great as well. I want to be surrounded by nature and I want to commit myself to my wife in the way that Christ commits Himself to the Church. I want to remain with my wife for the rest of my natural life. I want to meet her again at the gates of Heaven. I know that to ME, I view a marriage as valid (on earth, not sure about how God feels) if I commit in these ways.

I'm asking for advice. I'm not sure exactly what to do. I know people won't be able to give me an exact answer. But any additional perspectives may help.

If at the end of the day, it needs to be a legal, state marriage, validated by a pastor and in the presence of a large amount of people...then I suppose I'll have to wait until I can have all of that in place. But I'm tired of not being married anymore. I don't want anything to hold us back. I want us to be husband and wife.

EDIT: Also, I would like answers that are backed up by scripture. If you do have something to say, please show me where the Bible mentions something.

 

[Dave-W]

I see not need for a party or a "large amount of people."

The bible says to obey the laws of the land unless they force you to disobey a biblical command. Having the state register the marriage does not do that so IMO it is mandatory.

As to having a "pastor" perform the ceremony, IMO that is optional. My middle daughter had her wedding with only her mom and I in the pastor's office. Our youngest daughter and her husband went to the county courthouse and officially got married. Both sisters later had the public ceremony. They each had valid reasons for doing it that way.

I don't want anything to hold us back. I want us to be husband and wife.

And I think that is as valid a reason as any.

Call around. See if you can find a pastor who will marry you in his office. But for many reasons, I would get the state license.

 

[HTacianas]

Okay, so I've seen a few posts on here as well as other areas of the internet. But I still have not been unable to come up with an answer. I see a lot of arguments both for and against State marriages. But here are my facts:

- We both want to be married and committed to one another. We are sure of this.
- We need our marriage to be valid in the eyes of God.
- A legal marriage would bring with it a few complicated issues; mostly regarding things like health insurance.
- We do not have any friends (not an exaggeration).
- We do not have much money.
- We do not want a party. We do not have people in our lives that we would like to celebrate with.
- We want wedding vows and wedding rings.
- We would prefer a pastor to oversee our wedding.
- We don't need our marriage to be a secret. We would be proud to be known as husband and wife.

I am getting so many mixed signals and messages about what would be a valid marriage in the eyes of God. I have it being said it's important to have a public declaration. I've read a celebration is necessary. I've read that we must follow the government laws for it to be valid in the eyes of God. Government marriages are also not always Christian, so we'd be sharing the same type of "validation" as someone who is atheist or anti-God. Weddings these days are some of the furthest things removed from Christianity, even if they take place in a CHURCH.

Ideally, this is what I want: I want to bring my fiance' to a beautiful place. I want to say our wedding vows, preferably in the presence of a pastor. If there are other witnesses, that would be great as well. I want to be surrounded by nature and I want to commit myself to my wife in the way that Christ commits Himself to the Church. I want to remain with my wife for the rest of my natural life. I want to meet her again at the gates of Heaven. I know that to ME, I view a marriage as valid (on earth, not sure about how God feels) if I commit in these ways.

I'm asking for advice. I'm not sure exactly what to do. I know people won't be able to give me an exact answer. But any additional perspectives may help.

If at the end of the day, it needs to be a legal, state marriage, validated by a pastor and in the presence of a large amount of people...then I suppose I'll have to wait until I can have all of that in place. But I'm tired of not being married anymore. I don't want anything to hold us back. I want us to be husband and wife.

If you appear in front of witnesses and announce that you intend to live as husband and wife your marriage is valid. But you will run into problems with that.

 

[CowardlyLion]

I see not need for a party or a "large amount of people."

The bible says to obey the laws of the land unless they force you to disobey a biblical command. Having the state register the marriage does not do that so IMO it is mandatory.

As to having a "pastor" perform the ceremony, IMO that is optional. My middle daughter had her wedding with only her mom and I in the pastor's office. Our youngest daughter and her husband went to the county courthouse and officially got married. Both sisters later had the public ceremony. They each had valid reasons for doing it that way.

And I think that is as valid a reason as any.

Call around. See if you can find a pastor who will marry you in his office. But for many reasons, I would get the state license.

Thank you. I appreciate that advice. I'll have to look around some.

 

[CowardlyLion]

If you appear in front of witnesses and announce that you intend to live as husband and wife your marriage is valid. But you will run into problems with that.

What kind of problems? Problems with God or problems with other people?

 

[Dave-W]

You are welcome. Happy Thanksgiving!

 

[HTacianas]

What kind of problems? Problems with God or problems with other people?

All the problems married people have run into throughout history that caused States to register marriages. Inheritance rights, legitimacy of your children, survivors benefits,etc.

Most churches will not recognize it as a marriage, and you're not likely to find anyone to perform a ceremony without a marriage license. In most States it's illegal to perform a marriage ceremony without a license unless you're a Quaker or something similar.

 

[Tolworth John]

We need our marriage to be valid in the eyes of God.
- A legal marriage would bring with it a few complicated issues; mostly regarding things like health insurance.
- We do not have any friends

Talk to your pastor. He will confirm whether he can legal marry you.
If as you say you have no friends you are screwed as you require at least two 'friends' to act as independant witnesses.

Once you've had the marriage service you are married. A party/meal is not esential, just normal to celebrate the event.

It is up to you what you do.

 

[CowardlyLion]

Talk to your pastor. He will confirm whether he can legal marry you.
If as you say you have no friends you are screwed as you require at least two 'friends' to act as independant witnesses.

Once you've had the marriage service you are married. A party/meal is not esential, just normal to celebrate the event.

It is up to you what you do.

The problem is that we also don't have a pastor. We don't have someone that we regularly talk to.
And does it matter if we know the people who witness us or not? Can it just be some strangers? I might be able to ask my brother to come witness. And her sister lives across the country. But I suppose it's possible.

 

[Dave-W]

And does it matter if we know the people who witness us or not? Can it just be some strangers?

As long as they are legal citizens they are ok to be witnesses.

 

[Tolworth John]

The problem is that we also don't have a pastor. We don't have someone that we regularly talk to.
And does it matter if we know the people who witness us or not? Can it just be some strangers? I might be able to ask my brother to come witness. And her sister lives across the country. But I suppose it's possible.

Then start attending church consistently for the next 6 months and then start thinking about marriage.
Or talk to the person who is marrying you, would he accept the pair of you and two strangers off the street.