What Is Wrong With This Picture?

ThisIsMe123

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One man,that I know,is 55 years old. He has never been married,never has kissed a girl,never have had a girlfriend, and,is a virgin.

Strike 1, 2 and 3!

and Christian women still reject him!

Of course! Employers won't hire someone without experience, but how can you get experience without having it first. Same goes for applying for your first credit card. Virgin men over a certain age that aren't sexually experienced are seen as someone mentally flawed. That there's "something wrong with him". They may even think he's an incel.

They are typically found as socially inept. The NEVER been kissed is a big sign here as there's no sin in kissing. So he could have at LEAST gotten that far with a woman. So there's the kissing part.

This means he's experienced NO kind of intimacy with a woman whatsoever, even at the G-rated level.

Is he actually TELLING them he's 55 year old virgin? That could be the problem too, unfortunately.
So my question is.What is wrong with this picture? This just does not make any sense.

See above....I could go on more, but yeah, being a 55 year old-virgin is a deal breaker straight out the door.

You'd THINK it'd be seen as a noble, but...this may make some women insecure or not good enough for him either.
 
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ProGoddess

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Many times,I have heard and have read on these threads, that there are single Christian women saying and/or implying that good, godly single Christian men are hard to find and to meet.

I know of some godly,single Christian men who are simply ignored by Christian women. Our church is a large church that require 3 services on Sundays.

One man,that I know,is 55 years old. He has never been married,never has kissed a girl,never have had a girlfriend, and,is a virgin. He also lives here in California!He said that he wants to remain a virgin until he gets married. Because he wants to please God,good for him! He is a better man than I was. But,christian women reject him because he is a virgin! Can you believe this? Here is a man,who is obeying one of God's rules, has no pre-marital sexual past, has not been divorced,and Christian women still reject him!
So my question is.What is wrong with this picture? This just does not make any sense.

How did you get all these information? Who does he tell?
 
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Joined2krist

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There's more to being turned down by women, in most cases it's not because he's a virgin. The major reason I'll turn such a man down is age. I'm in my 30s, I wouldn't want to date someone in his 50s unless he's easy going and young at heart. I wouldn't mind at all if he has both qualities
 
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Elliewaves

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Single Christian men and women often say the same things about the other: that the opposite devoted gender is hard to find/date. The reality is that good candidates of either gender are often ignored by the other. The guy in the OP has likely been liked by a few Christian women but they weren't attractive enough for him or he didn't notice them b/c they were shy or whatever so he didn't pursue what might have been a good match for him.
And the virgin thing? I don't think it's so much being a virgin that is a turn off;as it's being obssessed with being a virgin that's the turn off. If it's mentioned all the time so that people know that about you as an identifying trait over your hobbies or interests or character then it becomes a little weird. If the guy wants a romantic relationship; then he should get to know people, be social and active in life, pursue women that are interesting to him (ask them out),in general start the initial dating stage as just fun fellowship and don't bring up never being kissed or having a g/f, or being a virgin until they are an exclusive couple and actually talking about deeper things or they have come to the point in the relationship where they are discussing past things or serious things. Some people can be super pious and devout in wanting to please God, but stink at socially engaging others or starting and cultivating relationships. I think it's possible to do both.
 
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How did you get all these information? Who does he tell?
I have known him for about 25 years. He volunteered this information to me. On year he complained to me that women will not go out with him. So,I asked him,"Well.M….how many women have you asked out so far this year?" The month of that year was August. He said, "None". I told him that he can never get some lady to go out with him if he does not ask any lady to go out with him. He then told me,"I am afraid that they will say,"NO!"
In order to try to make him feel better,I gave him an analogy. I told him," M....,you have seen me in a lot of plays,haven't you?" He said,"Yeah,but you are a good actor." I told him,"Thank you,but M believe me, I have been told "no" (not getting the part),many more times that I have been told "yes".(getting the part)
One getting a date,and one passing an audition are very similar. One has very little time to give a great first impression. But, if one does not "try out",one will never "get the part".
 
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ProGoddess

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Relationship, particularly romantic ones, requires much time nurturing. Unlike friendship, we can have many friends, but we only need one life time partner. If the focus is on ourselves all the time, we may not be able to see beyond. It may sound like a broken record, but the saying, "frog in the well" may hold true to some extent.

I would encourage your friend (or anyone) to be like the eagles, they can fly up high in the sky, through the rain and storms, but they do not give up. Have the spirit of an eagle, stretch out your wings far and fly and you will definitely reach that destination. Remember that the Lord will provide. This is the assurance from God Himself.

Be blessed, always. :amen:
 
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ThisIsMe123

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I have known him for about 25 years. He volunteered this information to me. On year he complained to me that women will not go out with him. So,I asked him,"Well.M….how many women have you asked out so far this year?" The month of that year was August. He said, "None". I told him that he can never get some lady to go out with him if he does not ask any lady to go out with him. He then told me,"I am afraid that they will say,"NO!"
In order to try to make him feel better,I gave him an analogy. I told him," M....,you have seen me in a lot of plays,haven't you?" He said,"Yeah,but you are a good actor." I told him,"Thank you,but M believe me, I have been told "no" (not getting the part),many more times that I have been told "yes".(getting the part)
One getting a date,and one passing an audition are very similar. One has very little time to give a great first impression. But, if one does not "try out",one will never "get the part".

You see, the problem with dating these days is, everyone is overly concerned with too specific criteria in another partner. They become concerned about things that don't matter in a relationship than ones that do matter.

In the old days, people typically cared less about appearances and specific criteria. Being Christian was enough and most people back then were lady-like and gentlemanly.

You didn't have to worry about dating games. Women typically said yes to almost the first guy that asked them out.

Now, women are concerned if he's even a proper match BEFORE she would go out with him.

Of course, women were under the pressure to get married by a certain age, or otherwise she'd be deemed a spinster at the age of 30 (may have been younger than that).

"I am afraid that they will say,"NO!"

Seriously? The dude's 55 and THIS is his reason? NO offense to your friend, but he sounds socially stunted. AKa arrested development.
 
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I've heard men say the same thing about women. The truth is that being a Christian, virtuous, and available isn't all there is to picking out someone to be in a relationship, and many people don't have the time (or patience) to do the work to find out if someone can be a good match. They give up pursuing, or reject someone, too soon.

We have a fast paced society that craves quick gratification, and most people (even Christians) act or move on fast.

I have literally been rejected or threatened with breaking up, simply because I wanted some pacing in a relationship. The guy who threatened to break up with me if I didn't want to progress through the relationship as fast as him? I saved him the time and trouble and cut off the relationship myself.
Good for you! No one should be forced or hurried into a relationship.
 
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I suspect that your friend is not very good at interacting with women. I have always dated men whom I enjoyed their company ... until there is a reason that shows we are incompatible. I am looking for a friend in a partner...someone I like hanging out with.

I sometimes think that also. But,when we go out for coffee or lunch,he has no problem making small talk to the waitresses, baristas ,the other help that happens to be women,and even to the young women customers.

One would think that I,who has more experience with women,would be more talkative to strange women at a restaurant than my friend would be. However, now I have noticed that he only makes small talk to women who appear to be under the age of forty.

He tells me that he has no problem talking to the married women at our church, especially to one of our Pastors' wife.Because, as he puts it, "They (the married women) do not act as if they are doing me a favor by talking to me. I feel comfortable around them. I can just be myself around them." (The women who are married)
 
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Citanul

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However, now I have noticed that he only makes small talk to women who appear to be under the age of forty.

Well, that's just compounding his problem. Some women might be happy with a 15+ year age difference, but I think most wouldn't. Even if he doesn't look his age, the difference still might appear to be big enough for women not to be interested.

He tells me that he has no problem talking to the married women at our church, especially to one of our Pastors' wife.Because, as he puts it, "They (the married women) do not act as if they are doing me a favor by talking to me. I feel comfortable around them. I can just be myself around them." (The women who are married)

How old are these women? If they're closer to his age than the single women he's trying to talk to then it's clear that it's not their marital status that's affecting their attitude towards him.
 
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Well, that's just compounding his problem. Some women might be happy with a 15+ year age difference, but I think most wouldn't. Even if he doesn't look his age, the difference still might appear to be big enough for women not to be interested.



How old are these women? If they're closer to his age than the single women he's trying to talk to then it's clear that it's not their marital status that's affecting their attitude towards him.

Yes, the married women are closer to his age than the single women who are younger than him.

I have encouraged him to ask women out that are closer to his age, but to no avail. He once asked me,"Who would want to date a 50 year old woman?" I told him," I would! When I was 25,the thought of me going out with a 50 year would have been out of the question. But now that I am in my early sixes, fifty years old is not old anymore. Besides,I would rather date a woman in her 50's or 60's. Because,these women are more experienced"
 
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In college, I remember a guy who we thought was in his 40s who would always hangout at the college hangout. Everyone would talk to him casually. I suspect that some girls talked to him to play with his head but he was known as "Creepy Pete". I suspect his name was Pete and he had no idea that was his "nickname" for every girl I knew. He was too old to be there trying to fit in.
 
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Are all these discussions helpful to you for your friend?
Yes,they are. However,my friend,at times,is as stubborn as a Missouri Mule. All of us try to encourage him to have a positive out look on life. However,I have never known anyone like him.He does have a lot of bad luck. I have told him,"M….with your kind of luck,you would be better off staying away from Las Vegas." I have even told to him to get some help. But, he refuses to get help. He implies that he will start to feel better about himself when he gets a girlfriend .We remind him that when he starts to feel better about himself that he would attract the right Christian woman.His father was an alcoholic.So there are some issues in his past. What gets me is that he is honoring God,as he say he is doing,by being pure until marriage. But, that is just not good enough.
 
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ProGoddess

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Yes,they are. However,my friend,at times,is as stubborn as a Missouri Mule. All of us try to encourage him to have a positive out look on life. However,I have never known anyone like him.He does have a lot of bad luck. I have told him,"M….with your kind of luck,you would be better off staying away from Las Vegas." I have even told to him to get some help. But, he refuses to get help. He implies that he will start to feel better about himself when he gets a girlfriend .We remind him that when he starts to feel better about himself that he would attract the right Christian woman.His father was an alcoholic.So there are some issues in his past. What gets me is that he is honoring God,as he say he is doing,by being pure until marriage. But, that is just not good enough.

Be like "Mary", sit at Jesus' feet and listen to His Word. Spend time with the Lord in the morning and let Him bless the rest of our day. Whether we are the "helper" or "being helped," we need the Lord's wisdom to guide us through, to overcome issues we have in the past or present, or what is yet to come. "Anxious not," our Lord says (Matthew 6).

Blessings! :amen:
 
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Citanul

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me,"Who would want to date a 50 year old woman?"

The counter to that is "Who would want to date a 55 year old man?", and the answer is generally not going to be "A 30 something woman".

What gets me is that he is honoring God,as he say he is doing,by being pure until marriage. But, that is just not good enough.

The idea that we're guaranteed a spouse as a reward for staying pure isn't Biblical (at least I don't think it is and I'd be surprised if there was a verse indicating otherwise), and it can lead to purity being treated as a bit of an idol. And even if there were some sort of reasonable expectation that staying pure would have the positive results you're suggesting it does, your friend isn't helping his cause by focusing on women where there's too big of an age difference for it to be likely that anything will happen, and if there was a possibility he's not taking the step of asking any of them out. That's a sure fire recipe for not finding a partner of any kind.
 
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Sir Robbins

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But in all seriousness, would you be happy with someone who lacked your adventurous spirit?

I suppose not. I am a home body for the most part but when I do go out on an adventure, it's a free spirited one. No schedule, selected destinations, etc. I love the free roaming aspect of travel.
 
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