What is Wrong With Hurt Feelings

[akaDaScribe]

Thank you

That is good advice. I will work on that.

Looks like you are already growing. Some of the feedback you received was corrective and some was a little harsh, but you took it like a champ.

Keep up the good work.

 

[Samaritan Woman]

I get offended by how some people may criticize me. I sometimes take that as an attack. I watch for their tone.

I probably get offended by little things as well. I just can't think of anything right now.

Years ago I used to have a very thin skin; I was easily offended and hurt while taking everything personally. I finally came to a breaking point where I was ready to admit to the Lord that I had a serious pride problem, that I wanted everyone to cater to MY needs and feelings. Once I confessed that, God did a great work within me and little by little my pride (and subsequent emotional repercussions) reduced wherein my thin skin toughened up; I am more secure and satisfied now. There are, of course, people who just want to be jerks on purpose who, as far I'm concerned, can go stuff it.

 

[dcalling]

I am a very sensitive guy. My feeling get hurt really easily. I OWN THAT. I know that most people will never admit that, or that being sensitive make me week to a lot of people. But it is who I am.

What is wrong with being really sensitive? I am not going kill myself because my feelings were hurt. I am not going to attack the person that offended me. I may pretend that person doesn't exist any more, which is not a punishment toward him for it is not easy relating to me anyways. And I will move on from my hurt feelings.

I have had people try to be friends with me, but I tell them the truth that it is not easy being friends with me. But sometimes they try anyways, and I just can't. Why? Because I am taking a risk.

But my sensitivity hasn't affected my professional life. I will still do my job, even if I have to work with somebody. But I keep it professional. I don't care about his or her personal life. If my grade depends on working with somebody, then so be it. If that person hates me and shows it, my feelings will be hurt, but I will survive and get over it.

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person week. I don't see anything wrong with them. I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?

I know I am sensitive and I own that. It is who I am. And yes, it makes it hard for me to make friends as a result. But I am still surviving.

What is wrong with being overly sensitive? Don't we have the right to feel what we feel? People act like as though there is something wrong with that.

I am not a tough guy with thick skin. I am quiet and I keep to myself these days, except if I have to work with somebody and my grade depends on it.

Be blunt and don't worry about hurting my feelings. I asked. ​

It is not hurt feelings make a person weak, it is the weakness in us made us be hurt.

I was also easily hurt too, even now I still got hurt, because we are all weak (no matter how powerful a power is, they will get hurt) and we are all sinners.

Before I believe in God, I must hurt a lot of feelings when I argue with my Christian friends, I can feel some of that, because people are doing what I did before back to me .

My believe to God changed that a lot (I still got hurt though don't be mistaken), since now I know that God is my boss, He is the one who judges. Pray to Him and He will take the burden. He will let others know, "Why are you persecuting Me".

 

[aiki]

I am rather appalled by the number of people on this thread encouraging the OP to be an easily offended, hyper-sensitive person. There is just no grounds in Scripture whatever for the idea that you can walk with God and be such a person. To the degree a person is easily offended and sensitive, to that same degree they are occupied with Self. What do I mean by "Self"? I mean that person you were before you were saved; that person occupied with the impulses of the flesh, who is radically self-interested, who craves being praised, and appreciated, and respected; that person who thinks only of the temporal and not the eternal, who is in rebellion against God, living according to the ideas, philosophies, and values of the World (see Ephesians 2:1-3). Paul called that person the "old man" (Romans 6:6) and described those living according to the "old man" as "carnally-minded." (Romans 8:5-6) No one can walk well with God and live according to Self. Self is the enemy of God (Romans 8:7); Self seeks to be the center of one's life rather than God; Self is incorrigibly focused on serving itself and cannot ever be made to serve God. Even when Self does what is moral, and pious, and charitable, it is always ultimately serving itself.

Being easily offended, being "sensitive," is just the consequence of giving room to Self. And the more room Self is given, the touchier one will be. Self is terribly self-centered, narcissistic, vain, and proud. It wants to be the best in the room, to be praised at every turn, to be respected by all, to be admired. Now, few people want to admit they are actually like this, that the reason they are withdrawn, and sensitive, and easily offended is because they are controlled by Self. But a couple of probing questions can expose Self pretty easily: When I get offended, why am I offended? What part of me is taking offense? If I don't have any pride, if I don't want to protect my ego, how can I be offended? "Oh," we say, "I'm not the problem. So-and-so was wretched to me; he was rude, and cold, and arrogant. He's the reason I got offended. If it weren't for him, I'd be fine." But this is just a deflection from the truth. If you were "dead to Self," to your "old man," as Paul says a Christian should be (and, positionally, is) (Romans 6:6), if you were taking up your cross and dying to your Self on it as Christ says every one of his disciples must do (Matthew 16:24-25), the nastiness of others would roll off you like the water off a duck's back. To the degree this doesn't happen, to that same degree you're living under the power of the "old man," of Self, and so are living in contradiction to the way God commands you to live.

I sometimes yield to my "old man" when I'm driving. There's something about the way people behave when they are in their car that can really get up my nose. I like to think I'm learning to die to my Self more and more as the days pass, but when somebody does something really obnoxious when they are driving that involves me, boy, am I tested in the matter of dying to myself! I don't have to chew iron and spit nails when I'm cut off in traffic. I can live in the truth of my death to Self - or not. I get cross at other drivers ultimately because I think I deserve to be better treated, to be better respected, when I'm driving. But if Jesus is my Lord and I have yielded up myself (and all my rights) to him, if God is truly in control of me, I won't be going around thinking I deserve to have this or that right respected. Certainly, this is how Jesus behaved. He didn't stamp his foot and demand he be treated as he deserved to be treated. He didn't scream about his rights being trampled. No, his response was very different:

Isaiah 53:7
7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth.

If I claim to be a follower of Jesus, then I can do no less. If I want to be a vessel sanctified and meet for God's use, then Self must die. Any believer who thinks its okay to be sensitive, and easily offended, and withdrawn does not understand what it means to truly walk with God.

 

[Introverted1293]

like someone said, I was also picked on in school very often and it has shaped who I am today but not in a positive sense - it is probably the reason I am so sensitive and worried about pleasing others...:/

I understand. This is me as well.

 

[Introverted1293]

I feel for you.
I may be wrong but I suspect hurt feelings are born of low self esteem, and so any perceived slight - confirms to your inner self how unworthy you feel.

Maybe it is a comfort that Jesus said "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"

Thank you very much.

 

[Introverted1293]

Hurt feelings and conviction are two completely different things. Keep in mind we live in a world where people love wickedness and don't want to be told any different. So a lot of time when conservatives say, "I don't care about your feelings", they are talking about the way that people in these times get offended when societal wickedness is challenged.

Now conservatives have their own wickedness. They defend the rich, want to deport people, and are full of wrath. But generally, when conservatives say, "I don't care about your feelings", what they are really saying is, "I am going to challenge wickedness, I don't care if it bothers you or not".

In day to day life, among our brothers and sisters, we should never have the idea of "I don't care about your feelings". Paul cared very much about other people's feelings and if there was any ambiguity at all, he would always err on the side of causing the least amount of offence. Therefore, when conservatives use that expression they are wrong to do it. They are often times challenging wickedness, but from a spirit of being flippant and defiant, and are not preaching the truth in love.

Thank you

Yes, our motives do count.

 

[Introverted1293]

I think conservatives are rather fed up with everybody’s feelings, particularly when the tantrums people throw about “tone” or whatever are really just emotional manipulation designed to cloak encroaching censorship of an alternative viewpoint.

I understand that. I was just watching some protest against a professor because he refused to call transgenders by the pronoun they want to be called. So, I understand. I just wanted clarification on what they meant.

 

[Introverted1293]

I’m very sensitive, it’s a direct result of my childhood. Sometimes it’s good and helps me relate to those in pain, particularly children, my heart goes out to young black boys struggling to be accepted in a generational slave curse. Sometimes it doesn’t help, I may overreact and I might cut good people off to protect myself. The older I get the more I heal

I do the same exact thing. And I can relate to other people's pain to. But I don't see myself growing as much as I should grow.

 

[Introverted1293]

I'm a bit confused by your post, because you say you have a hard time being friends with anyone...... and then you say 'why is wrong with being an overly sensitive guy'.

Well... if you are happy being alone, knock yourself out. If you want friends.... or if you want a wife someday.... you are going to have to get your emotions under control, and stop being a balloon ready to pop at the slightest touch.

I gotta be honest with you.... ain't nobody who will never hurt you, unless they can't talk, or communicate. Unless your best friend is a virtual girlfriend on an Iphone, anyone you can communicate with, at some point, will hurt you.

The best wife that has ever existed since the dawn of humanity, at some point will hurt you. Though I doubt you'll lose a rib in the deal like Adam, but the fact remains.

How are you going to handle that? Stay single for life, and live as a hobbit? Or divorce every couple of years, when your wife hurts your feelings?

I'm just asking honestly.... seriously, what is your plan? You say this doesn't harm you professionally.... but here's a fact.... most professionals that succeed, do so with the support of people around them. You can't get support of everyone around you, if you have a melt down because they hurt your feelings... and again.... everyone hurts people's feelings at some point.

This is life man. Human beings are a fallen people..... we all say things that 10 minutes later, we think "I was a total idiot"... I've had that phrase go through my head hundreds of times.

So I am just thinking that you need to sit down somewhere, and determine just how 'sensitive' you want to be going forward, and figure out how you want to live your life.

If you want to be an isolated person, hiding by yourself alone in an apartment for life.... then go for it. But if you want to not be a hobbit, then how are you going to handle this?

Because I can say from personal experience where I work right, everyone knows who the sensitive people are. And they avoid them. They won't lose their jobs, no. But they are not being promoted either. Who wants to work with someone, that you never know when a tiny 'perceived' slight, will cause a melt down?

This was somewhat hard to read. But I asked people to be blunt. I'm sure you would have been blunt anyways whether I asked to be blunt or not. There is the scripture that says a harsh rebuke done by a righteous man is better than kisses from an evil man. So I need the truth.

I am already dealing with the effects of my sensitivity. It is true that people don't really want to work with me and sometimes they're made to work with me. It is also true that I will not being able to move up if I have a meltdown. But I usually keep my meltdowns to myself until I am at home. Then I have a meltdown. I will never have a meltdown in front of people. But they can still tell that something is wrong and they just don't enjoy being around me all that much.

I know what you are saying is true. I am working on it.

 

[Introverted1293]

I am rather appalled by the number of people on this thread encouraging the OP to be an easily offended, hyper-sensitive person. There is just no grounds in Scripture whatever for the idea that you can walk with God and be such a person. To the degree a person is easily offended and sensitive, to that same degree they are occupied with Self. What do I mean by "Self"? I mean that person you were before you were saved; that person occupied with the impulses of the flesh, who is radically self-interested, who craves being praised, and appreciated, and respected; that person who thinks only of the temporal and not the eternal, who is in rebellion against God, living according to the ideas, philosophies, and values of the World (see Ephesians 2:1-3). Paul called that person the "old man" (Romans 6:6) and described those living according to the "old man" as "carnally-minded." (Romans 8:5-6) No one can walk well with God and live according to Self. Self is the enemy of God (Romans 8:7); Self seeks to be the center of one's life rather than God; Self is incorrigibly focused on serving itself and cannot ever be made to serve God. Even when Self does what is moral, and pious, and charitable, it is always ultimately serving itself.

Being easily offended, being "sensitive," is just the consequence of giving room to Self. And the more room Self is given, the touchier one will be. Self, is terribly self-centered, narcissistic, vain, and proud. It wants to be the best in the room, to be praised at every turn, to be respected by all, to be admired. Now, few people want to admit they are actually like this, that the reason they are withdrawn, and sensitive, and easily offended is because they are controlled by Self. But a couple of probing questions can expose Self pretty easily: When I get offended, why am I offended? What part of me is taking offense? If I don't have any pride, if I don't want to protect my ego, how can I be offended? "Oh," we say, "I'm not the problem. So-and-so was wretched to me; he was rude, and cold, and arrogant. He's the reason I got offended. If it weren't for him, I'd be fine." But this is just a deflection from the truth. If you were "dead to Self," to your "old man," as Paul says a Christian should be (and, positionally, is) (Romans 6:6), if you were taking up your cross and dying to your Self on it as Christ says every one of his disciples must do (Matthew 16:24-25), the nastiness of others would roll off you like the water off a duck's back. To the degree this doesn't happen, to that same degree you're living under the power of the "old man," of Self, and so are living in contradiction to the way God commands you to live.

I sometimes yield to my "old man" when I'm driving. There's something about the way people behave when they are in their car that can really get up my nose. I like to think I'm learning to die to my Self more and more as the days pass, but when somebody does something really obnoxious when they are driving that involves me, boy, am I tested in the matter of dying to myself! I don't have to chew iron and spit nails when I'm cut off in traffic. I can live in the truth of my death to Self - or not. I get cross at other drivers ultimately because I think I deserve to be better treated, to be better respected, when I'm driving. But if Jesus is my Lord and I have yielded up myself (and all my rights) to him, if God is truly in control of me, I won't be going around thinking I deserve to have this or that right respected. Certainly, this is how Jesus behaved. He didn't stamp his foot and demand he be treated as he deserved to be treated. He didn't scream about his rights being trampled. No, his response was very different:

Isaiah 53:7
7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth.

If I claim to be a follower of Jesus, then I can do no less. If I want to be a vessel sanctified and meet for God's use, then Self must die. Any believer who thinks its okay to be sensitive, and easily offended, and withdrawn does not understand what it means to truly walk with God.

Very hard message. I guess it's hard to process this because I lived for myself for ever.

 

[Introverted1293]

This is a forum for giving Christian advice to the OP. It is not appropriate to use it as a soap box to verbally trash what you call "conservatives."

I know that this was written to somebody else. But I thought I could clarify something.

Sorry about that. I probably paved the way to bash people. But that was never my intention. I may take an issue with what somebody has said, but my intention is never to bash that person or the group of people. I may just ask people about some clarification. When somebody clarified why conservatives said what they said I understood. So I apologize for bashing anyone. I know conservatives. And I myself have sort of conservative views. I was just on a conservative Network and so that's why I brought up conservatives.

I just want to apologize to anybody who may be conservative. I did not mean to bash anybody. I just wanted clarification why they felt the way they felt.

 

[Introverted1293]

It is not hurt feelings make a person weak, it is the weakness in us made us be hurt.

I was also easily hurt too, even now I still got hurt, because we are all weak (no matter how powerful a power is, they will get hurt) and we are all sinners.

Before I believe in God, I must hurt a lot of feelings when I argue with my Christian friends, I can feel some of that, because people are doing what I did before back to me .

My believe to God changed that a lot (I still got hurt though don't be mistaken), since now I know that God is my boss, He is the one who judges. Pray to Him and He will take the burden. He will let others know, "Why are you persecuting Me".

Thank you very much this was very helpful.

 

[Introverted1293]

Looks like you are already growing. Some of the feedback you received was corrective and some was a little harsh, but you took it like a champ.

Keep up the good work.

Thank you very much for your encouragement. God bless you

 

[Introverted1293]

Years ago I used to have a very thin skin; I was easily offended and hurt while taking everything personally. I finally came to a breaking point where I was ready to admit to the Lord that I had a serious pride problem, that I wanted everyone to cater to MY needs and feelings. Once I confessed that, God did a great work within me and little by little my pride (and subsequent emotional repercussions) reduced wherein my thin skin toughened up; I am more secure and satisfied now. There are, of course, people who just want to be jerks on purpose who, as far I'm concerned, can go stuff it.

Wow thank you this was also very helpful.

 

[SolomonVII]

….

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person weak. I don't see anything wrong with them. I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?
….
​

Some conservatives are sensitive too, and some are not. Some people of any persuasion think that hurt feelings make people weak; some don't.
I think what conservatives are politically motivated to react to when it comes to feelings is not that the Princess and the Pea syndrome exists for some people.
It is that some people expect everybody else to alter their beliefs and stifle their God given right to express themselves because some people are incapable of handling any kind of micro-agression, be it as small as a pea under several mattresses.
Worse than such expectations is the real life punishments for expressing oneself that triggers a reaction in some people who are sensitive to microaggressions. People, and often not conservatives, lose their jobs and their livelihoods because people are offended and then they come after the offender.
More often than not it is not even a conservative that is fired for the macroaggression; on campuses it is usually liberals not sufficiently woke enough that get the axe.

Overly sensitive is an impossible standard to live up to. It has people walking on egg shells all the time.
It is constantly changing standard, and the aggressions that some overly sensitive people launch against people that hurt their feelings are anything but micro.

 

[eleos1954]

I am a very sensitive guy. My feeling get hurt really easily. I OWN THAT. I know that most people will never admit that, or that being sensitive make me week to a lot of people. But it is who I am.

What is wrong with being really sensitive? I am not going kill myself because my feelings were hurt. I am not going to attack the person that offended me. I may pretend that person doesn't exist any more, which is not a punishment toward him for it is not easy relating to me anyways. And I will move on from my hurt feelings.

I have had people try to be friends with me, but I tell them the truth that it is not easy being friends with me. But sometimes they try anyways, and I just can't. Why? Because I am taking a risk.

But my sensitivity hasn't affected my professional life. I will still do my job, even if I have to work with somebody. But I keep it professional. I don't care about his or her personal life. If my grade depends on working with somebody, then so be it. If that person hates me and shows it, my feelings will be hurt, but I will survive and get over it.

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person week. I don't see anything wrong with them. I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?

I know I am sensitive and I own that. It is who I am. And yes, it makes it hard for me to make friends as a result. But I am still surviving.

What is wrong with being overly sensitive? Don't we have the right to feel what we feel? People act like as though there is something wrong with that.

I am not a tough guy with thick skin. I am quiet and I keep to myself these days, except if I have to work with somebody and my grade depends on it.

Be blunt and don't worry about hurting my feelings. I asked. ​

"What is wrong with being overly sensitive?"

I get this a lot and from my own family no less. :o(

But, I like you .... am able to deal with it. Weak? No. Moreso Meek ;o) and

and I don't think it's wrong ... it's just part of who we are ... we are to love one another no matter what.

Luke 6:29
To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.

God Bless.

 

[LoricaLady]

Replaced post.

 

[LoricaLady]

Introverted On reflection, I will add this. I am extremely conservative. I have no problems whatsoever with people being sensitive. When liberals were using PlayDough to calm down after Trump became President, for example, I never called them "snowflakes". There is no such thing as a conservative position on the level of sensitivity that people should have. Some feel this way. Some feel that way. I no way always identify with all people who call themselves conservative. I'm me. I have my personal positions, not group positions.

I know you will understand that.

 

[Introverted1293]

Introverted On reflection, I will add this. I am extremely conservative. I have no problems whatsoever with people being sensitive. When liberals were using PlayDough to calm down after Trump became President, for example, I never called them "snowflakes". There is no such thing as a conservative position on the level of sensitivity that people should have. Some feel this way. Some feel that way. I no way always identify with all people who call themselves conservative. I'm me. I have my personal positions, not group positions.

I know you will understand that.

I do. Thank you very much for explaining that to me. And I shouldn't generalize everyone.