What is Wrong With Hurt Feelings

[Introverted1293]

I am a very sensitive guy. My feeling get hurt really easily. I OWN THAT. I know that most people will never admit that, or that being sensitive make me week to a lot of people. But it is who I am.

What is wrong with being really sensitive? I am not going kill myself because my feelings were hurt. I am not going to attack the person that offended me. I may pretend that person doesn't exist any more, which is not a punishment toward him for it is not easy relating to me anyways. And I will move on from my hurt feelings.

I have had people try to be friends with me, but I tell them the truth that it is not easy being friends with me. But sometimes they try anyways, and I just can't. Why? Because I am taking a risk.

But my sensitivity hasn't affected my professional life. I will still do my job, even if I have to work with somebody. But I keep it professional. I don't care about his or her personal life. If my grade depends on working with somebody, then so be it. If that person hates me and shows it, my feelings will be hurt, but I will survive and get over it.

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person week. I don't see anything wrong with them. I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?

I know I am sensitive and I own that. It is who I am. And yes, it makes it hard for me to make friends as a result. But I am still surviving.

What is wrong with being overly sensitive? Don't we have the right to feel what we feel? People act like as though there is something wrong with that.

I am not a tough guy with thick skin. I am quiet and I keep to myself these days, except if I have to work with somebody and my grade depends on it.

Be blunt and don't worry about hurting my feelings. I asked. ​

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I am a very sensitive guy. My feeling get hurt really easily. I OWN THAT. I know that most people will never admit that, or that being sensitive make me week to a lot of people. But it is who I am.

What is wrong with being really sensitive? I am not going kill myself because my feelings were hurt. I am not going to attack the person that offended me. I may pretend that person doesn't exist any more, which is not a punishment toward him for it is not easy relating to me anyways. And I will move on from my hurt feelings.

I have had people try to be friends with me, but I tell them the truth that it is not easy being friends with me. But sometimes they try anyways, and I just can't. Why? Because I am taking a risk.

But my sensitivity hasn't affected my professional life. I will still do my job, even if I have to work with somebody. But I keep it professional. I don't care about his or her personal life. If my grade depends on working with somebody, then so be it. If that person hates me and shows it, my feelings will be hurt, but I will survive and get over it.

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person week. I don't see anything wrong with them. I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?

I know I am sensitive and I own that. It is who I am. And yes, it makes it hard for me to make friends as a result. But I am still surviving.

What is wrong with being overly sensitive? Don't we have the right to feel what we feel? People act like as though there is something wrong with that.

I am not a tough guy with thick skin. I am quiet and I keep to myself these days, except if I have to work with somebody and my grade depends on it.​

It's amazing how feelings change when you pray for the ones who hurt your feelings that they may say yes to Jesus and be saved. You then see those ones in a new light, as lost souls needing Christ. If they are fellow-Christians, when you pray that Jesus will enhance their experience with Him through the work of the indwelling Spirit, your attitude changes and you are comforted.

 

[Introverted1293]

It's amazing how feelings change when you pray for the ones who hurt your feelings that they may say yes to Jesus and be saved. You then see those ones in a new light, as lost souls needing Christ. If they are fellow-Christians, when you pray that Jesus will enhance their experience with Him through the work of the indwelling Spirit, your attitude changes and you are comforted.

I haven't done much praying, which I need to do.

 

[akaDaScribe]

I am a very sensitive guy. My feeling get hurt really easily. I OWN THAT. I know that most people will never admit that, or that being sensitive make me week to a lot of people. But it is who I am.

What is wrong with being really sensitive? I am not going kill myself because my feelings were hurt. I am not going to attack the person that offended me. I may pretend that person doesn't exist any more, which is not a punishment toward him for it is not easy relating to me anyways. And I will move on from my hurt feelings.

I have had people try to be friends with me, but I tell them the truth that it is not easy being friends with me. But sometimes they try anyways, and I just can't. Why? Because I am taking a risk.

But my sensitivity hasn't affected my professional life. I will still do my job, even if I have to work with somebody. But I keep it professional. I don't care about his or her personal life. If my grade depends on working with somebody, then so be it. If that person hates me and shows it, my feelings will be hurt, but I will survive and get over it.

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person week. I don't see anything wrong with them. I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?

I know I am sensitive and I own that. It is who I am. And yes, it makes it hard for me to make friends as a result. But I am still surviving.

What is wrong with being overly sensitive? Don't we have the right to feel what we feel? People act like as though there is something wrong with that.

I am not a tough guy with thick skin. I am quiet and I keep to myself these days, except if I have to work with somebody and my grade depends on it.​

What is wrong with being overly sensitive? Don't we have the right to feel what we feel? People act like as though there is something wrong with that.

There is nothing wrong with being sensitive in a caring way. However, being sensitive, meaning easily offended, can cause problems in the workplace as well as in your personal life.

Is it that you are offended by little things or that you have extreme reactions to things?

 

[Introverted1293]

There is nothing wrong with being sensitive in a caring way. However, being sensitive, meaning easily offended, can cause problems in the workplace as well as in your personal life.

Is it that you are offended by little things or that you have extreme reactions to things?

I get offended by how some people may criticize me. I sometimes take that as an attack. I watch for their tone.

I probably get offended by little things as well. I just can't think of anything right now.

 

[akaDaScribe]

I get offended by how some people may criticize me. I sometimes take that as an attack. I watch for their tone.

I probably get offended by little things as well. I just can't think of anything right now.

When it comes to the little things, it may benefit you to work on letting things go.

In relation to criticism, are they making accurate accusations, are they attacking you, or are they just being petty?

 

[Introverted1293]

When it comes to the little things, it may benefit you to work on letting things go.

In relation to criticism, are they making accurate accusations, are they attacking you, or are they just being petty?

Well, sometimes they are correct. I am just stubborn.

But sometimes they are petty and they have to tell me what they think of me.

 

[akaDaScribe]

Well, sometimes they are correct. I am just stubborn.

But sometimes they are petty and they have to tell me what they think of me.

Ok, so you have to work on letting things go and work on identifying what behaviors or concerns are being addressed rather than looking at it as an attack on your being. Working on these 2 areas will help you socially, which can be rewarding.

Dealing with people who just feel like being jerks is a bit trickier, but just by letting minor things go and realizing that fair criticisms aren't really personal, but efforts to change behaviors or concerning things, you will reduce your sensitivity level to a very reasonable level.

The best response to personal attacks is to address the person's behavior and not return personal attacks. It makes you come across as very serious and makes people feel foolish about their behaviors.

In short, people addressing your reactions is not an attack on you, but about trying to change your behavior. The thing is, most people are not well equipped communicators, so they tend to come across as attacking, aggressive, or insensitive. When you know that bout people, it's a lot easier to not take it personal.

 

[Take Heart]

I don't think there's anything really wrong with being sensitive. Some are just more sensitive than others. I personally consider myself to be 'tough' when it comes to someone criticizing me or giving constructive feedback [I guess it depends on how you interpret what they say]. But I also have those moments, especially when I'm not really used to hearing it much, where I feel really hurt/offended by what they say. It definitely depends on how it's said. I know my family can be especially critical because..family, lol. But to receive criticism/constructive feedback from strangers can be a good thing I guess. It can help you to understand where they're coming from, how they feel, and perhaps how to adjust, so-to-speak, to find that middle ground of compromise in which you can meet them halfway with whatever they're complaining about. When I was in college a few years ago and had those group assignments [which I kind of dislike but it can be of tremendous help in terms of workload], someone would feel like they were the ones taking on more workload than the rest of the group [which is understandable]. In that case, they would voice out their concern and we'd all pitch in and add in a little extra to our own workload to even it all out between us. Sometimes a group member would point out that one of ideas aren't that great or perhaps the way we set-up a powerpoint presentation isn't that good looking. It can be frustrating and hurtful but if it's something you feel that is also valid..then think of it as them giving constructive advice in order for you both to get top marks on your assignment, etc. It's like teamwork in which your partner is willing to be a bit more upfront in order to get you and your partner top marks out of all the people in your class. Hope that helps I know how hurtful and offensive criticism/negative words can be. Sometimes I have to try to ignore their tone, if any, and just hear out the 'facts' of what they're saying.

 

[Chesterton]

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person week. I don't see anything wrong with them.

No, it's just when people use phony hurt feelings to try to stop people from discussing views they disagree with in regard to socio-political issues. Or just for attention.

I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?

It can be arrogance if you think you get to make up ridiculous rules about what hurts your feelings. If someone looks like a man, and they claim they're a woman, and they're hurt because I use the wrong pronoun, that's arrogant and self-centered.

 

[Introverted1293]

No, it's just when people use phony hurt feelings to try to stop people from discussing views they disagree with in regard to socio-political issues. Or just for attention.

It can be arrogance if you think you get to make up ridiculous rules about what hurts your feelings. If someone looks like a man, and they claim they're a woman, and they're hurt because I use the wrong pronoun, that's arrogant and self-centered.

You have a point there.

 

[Introverted1293]

Ok, so you have to work on letting things go and work on identifying what behaviors or concerns are being addressed rather than looking at it as an attack on your being. Working on these 2 areas will help you socially, which can be rewarding.

Dealing with people who just feel like being jerks is a bit trickier, but just by letting minor things go and realizing that fair criticisms aren't really personal, but efforts to change behaviors or concerning things, you will reduce your sensitivity level to a very reasonable level.

The best response to personal attacks is to address the person's behavior and not return personal attacks. It makes you come across as very serious and makes people feel foolish about their behaviors.

In short, people addressing your reactions is not an attack on you, but about trying to change your behavior. The thing is, most people are not well equipped communicators, so they tend to come across as attacking, aggressive, or insensitive. When you know that bout people, it's a lot easier to not take it personal.

Thank you

That is good advice. I will work on that.

 

[Introverted1293]

I don't think there's anything really wrong with being sensitive. Some are just more sensitive than others. I personally consider myself to be 'tough' when it comes to someone criticizing me or giving constructive feedback [I guess it depends on how you interpret what they say]. But I also have those moments, especially when I'm not really used to hearing it much, where I feel really hurt/offended by what they say. It definitely depends on how it's said. I know my family can be especially critical because..family, lol. But to receive criticism/constructive feedback from strangers can be a good thing I guess. It can help you to understand where they're coming from, how they feel, and perhaps how to adjust, so-to-speak, to find that middle ground of compromise in which you can meet them halfway with whatever they're complaining about. When I was in college a few years ago and had those group assignments [which I kind of dislike but it can be of tremendous help in terms of workload], someone would feel like they were the ones taking on more workload than the rest of the group [which is understandable]. In that case, they would voice out their concern and we'd all pitch in and add in a little extra to our own workload to even it all out between us. Sometimes a group member would point out that one of ideas aren't that great or perhaps the way we set-up a powerpoint presentation isn't that good looking. It can be frustrating and hurtful but if it's something you feel that is also valid..then think of it as them giving constructive advice in order for you both to get top marks on your assignment, etc. It's like teamwork in which your partner is willing to be a bit more upfront in order to get you and your partner top marks out of all the people in your class. Hope that helps I know how hurtful and offensive criticism/negative words can be. Sometimes I have to try to ignore their tone, if any, and just hear out the 'facts' of what they're saying.

It does help. Thank you

 

[LoricaLady]

Of course there is nothing wrong with being a very sensitive guy. But, now, honestly, aren't you kinda shielding yourself like a turtle in a shell to keep from being hurt, by only interacting with others when you have to? The shell is the problem, not the sensitive feelings. You have been very hurt in the past, from what I have gathered in your other posts. So, that shell has been built up. But you ain't a turtle! Shells are great for turtles, not always so great for people.

Maybe you could practice, as they say, "coming out of your shell" a bit more here and there. What is also said is "by the yard it's hard, but by the inch it's a cinch" I just don't believe you want to live in that shell forever.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I haven't done much praying, which I need to do.

The book of Psalms is a good guide to prayer.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Theres only one solution to transcending your sensitivity. Taking completely responsibility for how you feel. You need to get to the point where you can verbally articulate what you feel and exactly why you feel it and alternative ways of interpreting the experience that is causing you such strong emotion. For instance it seems you assume the worst if someone says something that could just be a neutral statement. So in these situations where it's nothing directly offensive but something that might be offensive it would require you to give these people the benefit of the doubt. Then taking babysteps till you get to the point where even when you are facing a direct verbal assault you can handle it in an assertive way where you don't run withdraw emotionally and feel tremendous resentment for that person. This is all a process, what I'm saying is look at your life in a way that is eternal.

In doing so you won't feel like you'll never solve your emotional problems because you have a longer term mindset, so when you try to solve your problems in life you won't quit because you aren't getting immediate results. You will just keep looking for solutions until you find something that works. The key to your problem isn't to change your personality its to expand it's range. To expand the range of your personality you need to adopt traits from those on the opposite end of the personality spectrum. So if you are sensitive, work on being more secure and confident. You can start by giving people the benefit of the doubt till you get to the point where even if you know they are verbally attacking you, you are secure enough in yourself and your abilities that it doesn't matter what they say, their words can't change what you know is the truth.

 

[aiki]

I am a very sensitive guy. My feeling get hurt really easily. I OWN THAT. I know that most people will never admit that, or that being sensitive make me week to a lot of people. But it is who I am.

Is it who God wants you to be? No. He wants you to be like Jesus. And Jesus did not have a thin skin.

What is wrong with being really sensitive?

It makes you too easily offended and is the result of being hyper self-centered. We can't love as God calls us to love when we are like this. The more we are focused on ourselves, the less use we are to God.

I don't care about his or her personal life.

If God treated you this way, you'd be in serious trouble!

Conservatives act like as though hurt feelings make a person week. I don't see anything wrong with them. I was told that it is arrogant to have hurt feelings. How?

Well, what part of you suffers hurt feelings? What part of you wants to protect and isolate? That part of you that is Self-centered, that wants to serve and coddle Self. But that part of you must die if you're going to walk rightly with God.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

I know I am sensitive and I own that. It is who I am. And yes, it makes it hard for me to make friends as a result. But I am still surviving.

Surviving isn't God's plan for any of His children. He made you to be His vessel, His tool, through which He accomplishes His will in the world. He made you for Himself not for you. And when you live in the way God made you to live, you will find a satisfaction, and joy, and peace you can't find any other way - certainly not by being self-centered and touchy.

1 Corinthians 6:20
20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

 

[Introverted1293]

Is it who God wants you to be? No. He wants you to be like Jesus. And Jesus did not have a thin skin.



It makes you too easily offended and is the result of being hyper self-centered. We can't love as God calls us to love when we are like this. The more we are focused on ourselves, the less use we are to God.



If God treated you this way, you'd be in serious trouble!



Well, what part of you suffers hurt feelings? What part of you wants to protect and isolate? That part of you that is Self-centered, that wants to serve and coddle Self. But that part of you must die if you're going to walk rightly with God.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.



Surviving isn't God's plan for any of His children. He made you to be His vessel, His tool, through which He accomplishes His will in the world. He made you for Himself not for you. And when you live in the way God made you to live, you will find a satisfaction, and joy, and peace you can't find any other way - certainly not by being self-centered and touchy.

1 Corinthians 6:20
20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

Thank you very much for your bluntness. I needed to read this. And you are right, Jesus was not thin skinned.

 

[Introverted1293]

Theres only one solution to transcending your sensitivity. Taking completely responsibility for how you feel. You need to get to the point where you can verbally articulate what you feel and exactly why you feel it and alternative ways of interpreting the experience that is causing you such strong emotion. For instance it seems you assume the worst if someone says something that could just be a neutral statement. So in these situations where it's nothing directly offensive but something that might be offensive it would require you to give these people the benefit of the doubt. Then taking babysteps till you get to the point where even when you are facing a direct verbal assault you can handle it in an assertive way where you don't run withdraw emotionally and feel tremendous resentment for that person. This is all a process, what I'm saying is look at your life in a way that is eternal.

In doing so you won't feel like you'll never solve your emotional problems because you have a longer term mindset, so when you try to solve your problems in life you won't quit because you aren't getting immediate results. You will just keep looking for solutions until you find something that works. The key to your problem isn't to change your personality its to expand it's range. To expand the range of your personality you need to adopt traits from those on the opposite end of the personality spectrum. So if you are sensitive, work on being more secure and confident. You can start by giving people the benefit of the doubt till you get to the point where even if you know they are verbally attacking you, you are secure enough in yourself and your abilities that it doesn't matter what they say, their words can't change what you know is the truth.

This is true. No one can make me feel that way but myself. It just doesn't feel like it sometimes.

 

[Introverted1293]

The book of Psalms is a good guide to prayer.

Thank you very much.