What is the right age to start thinking about courtship and marriage?

kaitlyn7645

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Ok this is a little embarrassing, but I have been thinking about marriage and courtship/dating WAY too much lately and I have no idea why. I feel I shouldn't be thinking about this yet. But I can't help it lately. PLEASE tell me this is normal. lol I feel I'm going crazy. I think about it everyday! At church I sometimes go to, everyone marries very young, like 18/19. It's crazy.
I feel I will probably never get married, because I'm so shy, but I still think about it so much!! Like way too much. I start imagining myself as a wife, and start thinking about how I want to be married, then catch myself, like what are you thinking?!
I know that God is my one and only and I don't need a man to fulfil or complete me but yet I yet think about this everyday.

I turn 17 in a couple of weeks, by the way. I'm so young. I've finished school over a year ago ( finished early). Maybe that's why I've started to prematurely think about this?!
 

faroukfarouk

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Ok this is a little embarrassing, but I have been thinking about marriage and courtship/dating WAY too much lately and I have no idea why. I feel I shouldn't be thinking about this yet. But I can't help it lately. PLEASE tell me this is normal. lol I feel I'm going crazy. I think about it everyday! At church I sometimes go to, everyone marries very young, like 18/19. It's crazy.
I feel I will probably never get married, because I'm so shy, but I still think about it so much!! Like way too much. I start imagining myself as a wife, and start thinking about how I want to be married, then catch myself, like what are you thinking?!
I know that God is my one and only and I don't need a man to fulfil or complete me but yet I yet think about this everyday.

I turn 17 in a couple of weeks, by the way. I'm so young. I've finished school over a year ago ( finished early). Maybe that's why I've started to prematurely think about this?!
Hi, Kaitlyn; my wife and I married somewhat late; and we don't regret waiting because in His good time the Lord led us wonderfully together.

You know also what the huge divorce statistics suggest? "Marry in haste, repent at leisure", as the saying goes.

But you are right that it's never too soon to think about what God wants for the priorities in life. This is why daily Bible reading and prayer is so valuable, as is fellowship with those who love the same activities.

John's Gospel is a wonderful book of the Bible to get to know well.

As you'll know, people at your age are face with many choices; and some of them that you know will have made choices in haste that they come to regret. For example, if you really want to become a doctor, you won't be satisfied to work at MacDonalds (not that there is anything wrong with McD) and spend all your money earned on clothes, make up and gas; you'll need to think of your grades in school ,and time and effort studying, etc. If you really want to be able to style hair professionally, you won't be content to use any pair of scissors on your friends' hair. If someone at 18 really wants a tattoo (as 18 seems to be the age to do it, for so many) then the time to decide upon a design and a parlor is not the day before one's 18th b-day; instead, months - even years - in advance are advisable in planning. If you want to drive an automobile, then you don't just get in one and try to drive away; you need to figure about driving lessons, the cost of gas, and so forth.

So it is in the Christian life: if we want to live lives that are worthwhile and honouring to God - and this may include as a huge aspect, becoming a wife and possibly a mother - then we need to think Biblically about God's ways, and faith in His Son, the Lord Jesus, Who went to the Cross for undeserving sinners. We need to get to know His Word and learn to appreciate the company and fellowship of others who have similar spiritual interests.

(A few thoughts for you!) :)
 
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It's normal for young girls to think about dating and marriage. I use to day dream about marrying my high school boyfriend when I was in high school. Most girls do this it is nothing to worry yourself about. Unless you find yourself deciding to marry just to marry and be a wife. Marriage is a lot of hard work and shouldn't be entered into lightly. Enjoy your day dreams and don't let it effect your reality.
 
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thecolorsblend

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I feel I shouldn't be thinking about this yet. But I can't help it lately. PLEASE tell me this is normal. lol I feel I'm going crazy. I think about it everyday! At church I sometimes go to, everyone marries very young, like 18/19. It's crazy.
Well, the biological clock is a biological reality so it's not a totally crazy question.

When do you think you'll be ready for marriage? People wait a long time these days. Too long, I think. When you find the right man, you'll know. Nobody can tell you. And nobody will have to tell you. You'll know that he's right for you.
 
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St_Worm2

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Hi Kaitlyn, first off, WELCOME TO CF :wave:

As for being 17 and thinking about getting married, that does seem a bit on the young side these days (apparently it's not at your church however ;)), but there's absolutely no reason that you should not be considering what marriage might be like as a 17 yr old.

As for being "shy", that won't stop you from getting married when the Lord brings the right man into your life (as he'll love you for who you are :)).

Statically (according to the world's statistics, that is), the most successful marriages happen when a couple chooses to get married between the ages of 27-32. This is not to say that a marriage cannot be successful outside of that age bracket, of course, but it should help you understand that you needn't be in a "rush" to make such an all important, lifetime decision, especially at age 17. Rather, take time to pursue God's will in all things (which certainly includes His choice of a mate for you, of course, and His timing in all of it). Don't hesitate to tell Him what you are feeling and what you want, of course, but your focus needs to be on growing in/trusting Him before all else (Matthew 6:33).

As the psalmist says:

"Delight yourself in the LORD*; and He will give you the desires of your heart" .. Psalm 37:4
This is a wonderful and amazing promise, but the "promise" part is something that you need to trust God to fulfill. Your focus needs to always be on the command, yes ;)

God bless you! (Numbers 6:24-26)

Yours in Christ,
David



"I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the
LORD, ‘plans for welfare & not for calamity
to give you a future and a hope"

Jeremiah 29:11


* - BTW, be sure to take the time to 'truly' understand what the psalmist means when he tells you to: "Delight yourself in the Lord".
 
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Calvinist Dark Lord

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Ok this is a little embarrassing, but I have been thinking about marriage and courtship/dating WAY too much lately and I have no idea why. I feel I shouldn't be thinking about this yet. But I can't help it lately. PLEASE tell me this is normal. lol I feel I'm going crazy. I think about it everyday! At church I sometimes go to, everyone marries very young, like 18/19. It's crazy.
I feel I will probably never get married, because I'm so shy, but I still think about it so much!! Like way too much. I start imagining myself as a wife, and start thinking about how I want to be married, then catch myself, like what are you thinking?!
I know that God is my one and only and I don't need a man to fulfil or complete me but yet I yet think about this everyday.

I turn 17 in a couple of weeks, by the way. I'm so young. I've finished school over a year ago ( finished early). Maybe that's why I've started to prematurely think about this?!
i can't speak for anyone else here, but i wanted to be married ever since i could remember. Oddly enough that did not happen until i became old enough to be a grandfather. i married a woman young enough to be my daughter (her first marriage too). She's slightly more than twice your age, which should tell you about how old i am.

God has different plans for different people, and He's not in the habit of telling anyone else your story. He will tell that to you and you only. The only real advice i could give you...as a man who prayed for my wife before she was even born...is not to settle for less than what is a Godly man.
 
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NothingIsImpossible

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Young marriage is never a good thing unless both people are very mature in heart, mind, Christianity...etc. They have to know what they really want in life and really be prepared. Its why the divorce rate for couples 18+ is so high. Doesn't help we have a culture where we see teens dating and getting hitched at 18 so they can marry and have kids.

I've said in another topic that studies show the male brain doesn't fully mature until the late 20s, a little bit earlier for women. By that I mean we can still make short term, unlogical decisions even at something like 24.

So I tell people don't marry until after 25. Actually don't even date until maybe 23 or 24. Because if you start at lets say 18, that means within 6 years you will change ALOT. What you want to do. Who you want to be. Who maybe your friends are. What your thoughts are about some things.

Remember Sarah has a baby at 90. Now that you have to wait until 90 for marriage lol. Just take your time. Keep praying, don't rush into any relationships. Pray about them and see what God says. And also TALK alot to whoever you may want to be with. So many eventually marry without asking important questions first like "Whats your belief on discipline?", "How many kids do you want, if any?", "How will the money work?", "Are you ok with x, x and x?"...etc.
 
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kaitlyn7645

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I didn't grow up in a Christian home, and I still live with my parents who are not christians. None of my family is christian. I guess I really desire that christian leader in my life. Of course I love my dad, but I can't talk to him about spiritual things or ask to to pray for me or anything like that. I find myself really, really wanting that!! Badly
 
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faroukfarouk

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I didn't grow up in a Christian home, and I still live with my parents who are not christians. None of my family is christian. I guess I really desire that christian leader in my life. Of course I love my dad, but I can't talk to him about spiritual things or ask to to pray for me or anything like that. I find myself really, really wanting that!! Badly
Well, it's understandable; and so it's good to keep waiting prayerfully on the Lord; and not neglecting our Bibles.
 
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PrettyChillAtheist

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17 is crazy young. I've had a few relationships and 'been around the block' you could say. People mature and change at that age. You finish high school, you figure out what you want to do with your life, and you meet new people that you actually WANT to interact with. I'm 23 now and I am SUCH a different person than I was five years ago. Even now my girlfriend and I aren't talking marriage for several more years until after we've lived with each other for a while because living with someone else can absolutely destroy a relationship.

Take it slow, don't commit too early. If you're with the right person they won't mind waiting and will understand.
 
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Paidiske

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I wonder... you've finished school, so what are your days filled with? Are you working? Pursuing further study?

I agree that there's no hurry and plenty of time to work on becoming someone who will be a good wife. But I also think if you're not pursuing worthwhile things with your time and energy in the meantime, it's natural to focus on something you don't have yet.

So I'd say, what would you like to achieve (besides marriage) in the next five years? Do you know? Maybe it's time to set some goals and go after them (after all, it's much easier to do that while you're single and don't have children than later on when you have other responsibilities).
 
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