I don't understand what the heck my problem is. I mean, I know I defintely have these issues that I am not able to work out on my own, and I know I need to see someone to get the help I need (I hope they could help anyways) but I just sit here and cannot seem to make myself get any farther. You'd think I'd be really motivated, and I do want to get these things out of my life. Maybe its just part of me feels its an unobtainable dream or something and it will never happen. I don't know, but I have tried to talk to my dad about it on two seperate occasions, but he's good at dogging the issue and doesn't feel I need anything like that. I figure I should just take matters in my own hands, but I just don't have the gusto to start. Ugh! I can't stand myself! 
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