what is happening to this forum as well as to CF in general?

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

Johnny,

Thanks for your caring response. I know I can get excited about some issues and I don't apologise for that. I do hope I'm not rude.

Yes, Christians have been nasty on CF.com. Perhaps others have read me that way. If so, I seek their forgiveness.

In which part of NZ do you live? I met a person 2 days ago from the Hawke's Bay area, who is now an Aussie. I have friends in Hastings.

I moved to an outer northern suburb of Brisbane, Burpengary, 2 months ago.

Oz

I'm from the United States.

 

[OzSpen]

I'm from the United States.

Sorry, Johnny, I got you confused with Yoona86. That was bad Aussie thinking by me.

Where in the USA do you live? When I lived there as a student, I was in Kirkland WA (greater Seattle), Ashland OH (old order Amish country), and Anaheim CA (smog with a capital S).

As a country music buff, I've been to the Grand Ole Opry, Nashville TN for a visit - and lots of other places.

Oz

 

[DZoolander]

I've been around since 2007ish...but my participation fluctuates. When I first came on I enjoyed the dialogue a lot more, because (at least my perception was) the breadth of advice was greater. You couldn't be crass, of course, but there also wasn't a lot of censorship of opinions. Back then, if it warranted it (IMHO), I'd freely tell people their relationship sounded like a disaster and they needed to get while the getting was good.

Over time that changed. Nowadays you could have someone that told you that they had been beaten up every single day of their 20 year marriage, and if you mentioned the D word you'd be facing discipline. That really does throw a monkey wrench into the idea of giving an authentic bit of advice to real situations people present.

Then another time I felt sorry for someone posting their issues. They had a bad situation going on, and someone else here was giving them (what I believed to be) bad advice that mirrored the same cookie cutter bad advice they gave everyone else. Since I felt sorry for the poster, I called that out and told them "This is what you can expect from this person, because they believe A, B, C and D. So before you take their advice to heart, realize they aren't really advising you on your unique situation, but rather just fitting your situation to their desired outcome." That got me into a bit of trouble, too.

So, ever since, I've been just kinda "meh" about the whole thing. I had them change my religious affiliation so I could participate in the political forums - but that's a pretty wild place with a ton of Alex Jones posts on it - so think my participation there will be limited too.

 

[Yoona86]

I agree with some of the above points, but I am under no delusion that comments in the forum will change anyone without the Holy Spirit making those changes in them. I have only been in the forum for 3 years and have suffered discipline of being banned from the site. During that time I visited other forums and found them to be too restrictive in their views. When my ban was lifted I was glad to come back to a forum with a much broader audience. I am now careful how I word the politically incorrect positions I hold, but still speak the truth.

We all have seasons of life. People move on for many reasons. But there will always be an influx of new people that the forum is the season they need at this time. I agree that many things are beaten to death, so I pick and choose what I join. Use the forum as you feel led by the Spirit. Welcome back.

yes, i agree, people comes and goes.

you always get new people coming in and people leaving.

it just that the number of new people coming in does not appear to break even the number that are leaving, and the overall number appears to dwindles....

also i am not against a diverse view, but i feel like the forum now are predominantly visited by atheists and people who claim to be Christians but not really....

that is why i can see why many are leaving, i mean ideally you come to the websites to interact with other believers but if all you see is atheists, or people who claim to be believers but act otherwise, at some point you just feel like what is point?

 

[Yoona86]

I've been around since 2007ish...but my participation fluctuates. When I first came on I enjoyed the dialogue a lot more, because (at least my perception was) the breadth of advice was greater. You couldn't be crass, of course, but there also wasn't a lot of censorship of opinions. Back then, if it warranted it (IMHO), I'd freely tell people their relationship sounded like a disaster and they needed to get while the getting was good.

Over time that changed. Nowadays you could have someone that told you that they had been beaten up every single day of their 20 year marriage, and if you mentioned the D word you'd be facing discipline. That really does throw a monkey wrench into the idea of giving an authentic bit of advice to real situations people present.

yeah, i can relate to this. Censorship overboard is a real buzz kill when it comes to ANY kind of dialogue.

though in the specific instance of divorce, it is tricky because this is a Christian forum, so those of us who are Christians do believe divorce is against God will and not only that going against God will is bad for all parties involves long term.

in the specific example you mentioned ( i have not came across that one myself, but then again, i have stopped coming to CF for a long time, now i am back i am rarely here) yes, i totally see what you mean.

i would probably give the same advice as well

Then another time I felt sorry for someone posting their issues. They had a bad situation going on, and someone else here was giving them (what I believed to be) bad advice that mirrored the same cookie cutter bad advice they gave everyone else. Since I felt sorry for the poster, I called that out and told them "This is what you can expect from this person, because they believe A, B, C and D. So before you take their advice to heart, realize they aren't really advising you on your unique situation, but rather just fitting your situation to their desired outcome." That got me into a bit of trouble, too.

tell me about it! I have seen this OVER and OVER again, who who does not listen nor do they think it is important to listen to others, just cut and paste generic advice, and Viola, problem solved!

it is like going to a family doctor, the moment you are about to tell him the specific symptoms you are experiencing, he just put up his hand and go "no need, i am the expert here. here is mine diagnosis and prescription, the very same one i give to everyone who come through mine door!"

i means, how can you trust that kind of advice?

i don't know the exact context, but when you pointed that out, it should not get you into trouble at all!

I've been around since 2007ish...but my participation fluctuates. When I first came on I enjoyed the dialogue a lot more, because (at least my perception was) the breadth of advice was greater. You couldn't be crass, of course, but there also wasn't a lot of censorship of opinions. Back then, if it warranted it (IMHO), I'd freely tell people their relationship sounded like a disaster and they needed to get while the getting was good.

Over time that changed. Nowadays you could have someone that told you that they had been beaten up every single day of their 20 year marriage, and if you mentioned the D word you'd be facing discipline. That really does throw a monkey wrench into the idea of giving an authentic bit of advice to real situations people present.

Then another time I felt sorry for someone posting their issues. They had a bad situation going on, and someone else here was giving them (what I believed to be) bad advice that mirrored the same cookie cutter bad advice they gave everyone else. Since I felt sorry for the poster, I called that out and told them "This is what you can expect from this person, because they believe A, B, C and D. So before you take their advice to heart, realize they aren't really advising you on your unique situation, but rather just fitting your situation to their desired outcome." That got me into a bit of trouble, too.

So, ever since, I've been just kinda "meh" about the whole thing. I had them change my religious affiliation so I could participate in the political forums - but that's a pretty wild place with a ton of Alex Jones posts on it - so think my participation there will be limited too.

yes, i have not visited there for a long time, it is literally like THE WILD WILD WEST out there!

in all fairness though, people don't go there to have a discussion, they go there ready for a gun fight (mine perception anyway, i could be wrong). and it applies to both sides.

it is like they have this mentality, either you go down , or I go down, and it ain't going to be me!

it is pretty much zero sum game there.

 

[Dave-W]

I left for privacy reasons, but when I came back the forum was dead...

That summs it up as well as anyone.

It is not just CF. It has happened to every other forum I have been a part of over the last 10 years. Faithcommunitynetwork folded into facebook. The Sourdough and Kathy Tyres discussion groups on Yahoo Groups have maybe one post per month. Maybe. Even Grace Centered is down to less than half of the posts per day from a few years ago.

 

[AlexDTX]

that is why i can see why many are leaving, i mean ideally you come to the websites to interact with other believers but if all you see is atheists, or people who claim to be believers but act otherwise, at some point you just feel like what is point?

That would certainly be one reason to come to the forum. However, reaching out to the lost, at least to plant seeds, is another. Of course, if your intention is merely to be with other Christians, isn't that what Church is for?

 

[DZoolander]

yeah, i can relate to this. Censorship overboard is a real buzz kill when it comes to ANY kind of dialogue.

though in the specific instance of divorce, it is tricky because this is a Christian forum, so those of us who are Christians do believe divorce is against God will and not only that going against God will is bad for all parties involves long term.

in the specific example you mentioned ( i have not came across that one myself, but then again, i have stopped coming to CF for a long time, now i am back i am rarely here) yes, i totally see what you mean.

i would probably give the same advice as well

Yeah, thankfully I've never seen anything that horrid either...lol I was just coming up with a really horrible example to illustrate a point. Even in a case like that you'd get a reprimand.

Now, even though I haven't seen anything THAT bad, in the past 10 years I've been on here there have been a litany of horror stories though. Like, people with abusive spouses, people with unrepentant spouses who are seeing prostitutes, people with molester spouses, people with actively bisexual spouses, and the list goes on.

Even in those scenarios I felt like saying "Get out" was justified... I understand the drive people have to try and avoid divorce here, but I guess my gauge on when it's acceptable to advise for it differs from others. I don't take it lightly - but I don't take exposing yourself to AIDS or other venereal diseases lightly either...!

tell me about it! I have seen this OVER and OVER again, who who does not listen nor do they think it is important to listen to others, just cut and paste generic advice, and Viola, problem solved!

it is like going to a family doctor, the moment you are about to tell him the specific symptoms you are experiencing, he just put up his hand and go "no need, i am the expert here. here is mine diagnosis and prescription, the very same one i give to everyone who come through mine door!"

i means, how can you trust that kind of advice?

i don't know the exact context, but when you pointed that out, it should not get you into trouble at all!

Exactly. What I think got me in trouble was that I called the other user out by name...lol Kind of like "See so and so's advice over there? Here's what you need to know about their point of view".

Apparently that wasn't permitted.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

also i am not against a diverse view, but i feel like the forum now are predominantly visited by atheists and people who claim to be Christians but not really....

that is why i can see why many are leaving, i mean ideally you come to the websites to interact with other believers but if all you see is atheists, or people who claim to be believers but act otherwise, at some point you just feel like what is point?

I’ll be honest, this was a reason I didn’t feel compelled to participate for awhile, but on the other end of the stick. It got to be like seeing a real-life version of “The Sneeches” where, if you felt differently or saw things differently, you were the wrong faith, too liberal, too conservative, the wrong type of Christian, too devout, not devout enough, married too long, not married long enough, too old, too young, married too many times, not in enough relationships... It just got exceptionally old to give an opinion and spend the next 10 posts hearing all the reasons you personally could be totally written off because arbitrary standards are arbitrary.

For awhile, up to and including now, there was/is an irritating vibe of people looking to boost their faith by trying to pull apart others.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

There was also a massive change to the site this year (or was it last year?) so everything looked diffrent. ALOT of people left because they didn't like the changes and found it all confusing. Since then it feels much less active. Its ashame to because some of those changes have been tweaked and the site feels great again.

 

[Larniavc]

i have not logged in for a while, then when i came back, i can't help but notice the marriage forum so much quieter than it used to be.

what happened all the users that was here such as Niffer, Hetta etc

i wonder if this is a general trend across CF, i know it is the case in Christian Advice.

Hiya, this is my first post I’m this fora I think.

Been with my wife 12 years, married for 8.

Hello, everyone.

 

[Blade]

I don't come to this forum. Yet.. been married 33y. As for this site in general it has changed. Many of hte forums I would go to have far less people. Which really does not mean anything. This site as much as I do love it ... well its like your in a big house. Where you come in and ..wow look at all the people.. awesome! Now.. you come in and .. you have to look for your own room and stay in that room..so to speak. I could post more but.. would not help nor bring Glory to the Father.

That being said.. I read a post in this threat where it was said about saying the "D" word. short story.. when I was.. like 18. I was talking to this friend. And as we were talking I said DA*. She went.. wow rebuked me and spoke the word. Leaving it there one could say.. wow did she over react. Lets look at her. Her name was Jean. Her and her husband had a bible study. Now she prayed 4+ hours every day. I have never in my life seen someone with so much POWER of God. I could write book on what I seen in that bible study. I give you one. I was one night at my girl friends house. The mom (Lee) said Chrissy was not home yet and it was DARK out. She knew how I talked about "Jean" asked if I would call her now and have her pray. So I did. See when Jean prayed it was RIGHT to the word.. and MAN she knew it. She prayed and then said "the lord shows me a yellow house and she is playing in the basement. The mom said "I KNOW that house!". And.. thats right where Chrissy was.

See they always said.."if we say anything that is not in the word do not believe us". I asked her once about a preacher.. hmm SOME have said things about. To see if she felt that way. This is as negative as she got. "I listen to him I dont agree with all he teaches".

My point is.. this is no game. Every word we speak..even Sam 3:19 "And Samuel grew, and the LORD was with him, and did let none of his words fall to the ground.". Our words matter. So many books we read.. Jesus would open it put down.. and say.. its not sin.. but it has no life in it. For me.. every thought word deed HAS TO be Him.. give glory to HIM. If yo think YOU can help someone.. its wonderful nice thought.. but..its not you. Its ALWAYS Him. He is the answer to all things. He is REAL! So.. speak how ever you want. I am no ones God. But.. try everything HIS way.. and watch live open.. see this world through HIS eyes.. you will get a joy you never had.. a peace.. that does not come from this world and.. guess what? YOU CAN KEEP IT!

Sorry..forgive me.. I see I spoke more then I wanted.. lol. So for me.. when it comes to WORDS.. if what some in this thread said is true.. then its a GOOD thing. For.. to be great.. we are the servants to all. We no longer have to sit in the front seat. We gladly sit in the back..

 

[LinkH]

I don't participate as much because I have other things going on, mainly. But I find the forum restrictive anyway. There is a rule against using 'the s word', pointing out what three passages of scripture advise for wives. I think we can quote the verses on that topic, and that's about it. But advice in the opposite direction seemed unmoderated.

I've been away, so I don't know if this is still a rule or not.

I occasionally pop in from time to time, though.

I suspect forums are dead because social media sites like Facebook offer a similar experience and are more of a one-stop-shop for online social interaction. They even have subforums now.

 

[Odetta]

I stopped coming for a while because it is so freakin' legalistic here. Maybe not so much on the marriage forum, except with the divorce subject. But Christian Advice forum - oh my goodness. "Is it a sin to watch the ballet? Because the male dancers wear tights." Good grief. So many people here forget that God is full of grace, or assign sin where there is none.