When I married into this union... I had been to what I felt was hell and back, and thought this had to be the one God finally brought for me. I never let my feelings attach to him, though he had the looks, until I heard him talking about Jesus and I took that as a sign... he identified as bi-sexual but claimed to have a preference towards women and also brought a child into this world where, because of hardships he couldnt father. But his desire to be one made me think this guy deserves a second chance right? I too at the time had one child. Before we even got together he helped me with her, and I saw him being the father he said he was. Well attraction led to "going out" and then me thinking he talks about Jesus so he sa gotta be safe. I'm learning much later how naive I was. How I should have been in the word day in day out... talked to Jesus day in and day out. Maybe even gone to church a bit more, even though my work schedule full time as it s is, would leave me exhausted Sunday morning and that was IF I got sunday and preferably Saturday off... theres alot more to the story, but I met him through my ex's nephew and he needed a place to stay so he could start work and stuff so that's how we got to talking...
I'm sorry this is so long, it's just I feel a deep need to share my experience here, I've been holding this dark secret for quite some time now, and the pain does go away, but then comes back now and again to haunt me and it's been almost more than five years since I was made aware of an encounter my husband had... AFTER our wedding.
I was well off work one evening when I was driving my husband to a hospital about half an hour away "he doesn't have a license yet" for some workers comp stuff he needed done. My husband then told me he gave oral sex to this guy (my ex's nephew) and it broke my heart into smithereens... though other guy did nothing back and they did nothing else, it shocked me and still affects me to this day, on and off..
I pray and pray but it still comes back. Not that the reasoning mattered for sure, it was basically unfinished business... and trade for illegal drugs that I was not a part in at all btw. Since then he has stopped those drugs... we are still married because despite the returning ocean waves of pain, disbelief, and curiosity... I know that God hates divorce and I still love him. We just had our second child and hes an amazing helpful father who is there when I need him. Again I'm sorry about the length of this... again it's been years and I havent told a soul, feel like no one could ever understand going through something like this because... it's just weird, but also being affected in the same way that I am. Maybe I should be happy because it wasn't another woman, but the fact that it's a guy almost makes it worse because I know I couldn't even fathom how great it must've been
The guy who was my husbands friend has been outta town for years also but I keep fearing hes gonna come back and want to make amends... with "us" again But i dont know if i can take it. Last I seen the guy he was still doing drugs, and throwing out "taunts" to my husband when we had to hang out... which i feel were directed more towards me, references to the um... act of fornication that happened between them, these remarks which felt like a hot knife cutting through me. And never an apology, no remorse... he has a history of mostly taking advantage of me and constantly needing to borrow my money and getting angry and scary if I couldn't give it... which I've mostly forgiven him for... I dont know what to do now other than bring it into some kind of light and ask for more prayer on those awful dark feelings to dissipate so I can continue with our lives and stop feeling so negative. And hope that someone could see this and put the brakes up before entering into something the Lord may not have set up in their future... comments, prayers, advice welcome...
