what if....

[abelieverinChrist05]

hi, its me again with the friend...

This girl had a terrible childhood and had only been in two relationships, 1 year old relationship and the 3 month old relationship. Her childhood life was not normal and she does not want give all of her love to sudden. She is marked with terrible events of her life and i told her to forget those events but she wont, but i trust in God that she will, forget and start loving again. Anyways, she told me that she never had a friend like me before. There were two occasions where i cheered her up with some jokes.

Anyways, i believe that this relationship will blossom in the future and probaly not, but i'll be happy anyways if she does not end with me.


but when someone is n love, he/she thinks in a different way, what do you think?

 

[peanutbutter12]

It depends on the past. Some things can scar you and "just forgetting about it" isn't an option, even if you desire it. In fact, yo just tell someone to just forget things like that shows nothing but selfishness. :\

 

[The Nihilist]

That chick is trouble.

 

[mustang333]

If you want a relationship and she doesn't then you might end up hurting both of you. Sounds like she really just needs a good friend. Sometimes good friendships can turn into relationships but I wouldn't necessarily count on that if I were you.

Matt

 

[Solo Man]

Just "love her like Jesus". go listen to that song. it's by casting crowns. they have some good stuff.

 

[waxlion10]

1. Your post confused me. You think the relationship will blossom but probably not?
2. Be her brother and friend first. Show her that you aren't just trying to get her to be with you in a romantic sense. Cheering her up with two jokes is really sweet, but in the grand scheme of life, hurting people need a bit more than that to know that you're sticking around for the long haul.
3. She is always going to be "marked" by her past. All of us are. It doesn't mean we can't heal, but we'll always have the scars. God uses them to shape who we are. Please don't make the mistake of expecting her to just "forget" everything...God isn't a magic genie who just makes everything disappear because we trust Him and love Him. He uses the painful circumstances we endure to shape us.
4. I'm not sure why you told her to "forget those events," but as someone pointed out, that sounds a bit callous and unrealistic on your part. What she really needs is to deal with those events, not just ignore them.

I'm sure you're a great friend, but to be honest with you, it sounds like you may not be ready for a relationship...

 

[latteda]

For the record, if her terrible past included abuse or something of that nature, it is impossible for her to forget it. Even if she undergoes extensive counseling, those scars will always be part of her life. Unless you have been through the same situations, you probably cannot fathom how much of her life those past events will affect. I agree with waxlion...just be her friend.

 

[JdwB10]

1. Your post confused me. You think the relationship will blossom but probably not?
2. Be her brother and friend first. Show her that you aren't just trying to get her to be with you in a romantic sense. Cheering her up with two jokes is really sweet, but in the grand scheme of life, hurting people need a bit more than that to know that you're sticking around for the long haul.
3. She is always going to be "marked" by her past. All of us are. It doesn't mean we can't heal, but we'll always have the scars. God uses them to shape who we are. Please don't make the mistake of expecting her to just "forget" everything...God isn't a magic genie who just makes everything disappear because we trust Him and love Him. He uses the painful circumstances we endure to shape us.
4. I'm not sure why you told her to "forget those events," but as someone pointed out, that sounds a bit callous and unrealistic on your part. What she really needs is to deal with those events, not just ignore them.

I'm sure you're a great friend, but to be honest with you, it sounds like you may not be ready for a relationship...

Awesome post, here.

 

[Luther073082]

Depending on the extent some things are just not something you can move past or get over.

If you are in a relationship with someone, you have to deal with their past in one way or another. In this case you will have to have patience to deal with a past that she can't get over. And you will have to maintain that patience so long as you are with her.

 

[Blank123]

i'm not sure what you're actually asking here to be honest.

if you want to be there for her because you love her you need to understand that telling someone to forget the bad things in their past isn't helpful at all in fact it could be incredibly hurtful. The way you phrased it makes it sound like you think she's just being stubborn in holding onto that hurt, and if thats the case then you need to do some self-examination to see how you're actually coming across to her. if you love her, be a friend. listen to her when she needs to talk. let her talk about whats hurting her. point her to Jesus, but don't undermine what she's dealing with by telling her to get over it and forget it. that is, in essence, telling her you don't care about her past and you don't want to be bothered hearing about it.

It is true that Christ can heal those wounds but that comes in time as she's ready to hand over those hurts to Him and forgive those who hurt her and that may be something she needs to work at for a long time depending on what she's dealing with. it won't be cured by hearing a few jokes and it won't be cured by being told to forget about it.

 

[lenaj]

Somethings you will never forget. As time goes on they might not hurt as bad but the memory will always be there. If you really want to be with this girl you will need to be sensitive to how your actions might bring up those painful memories for her. You will need to encourage her to actually process her feelings about her painful past. Trust me, when you just try to forget them and act like nothing ever happened or pretend everything is ok, you are asking for trouble.