Hello.
I found this in an Aussie newspaper and it got up my nose a bit. I shared it in Aus/NZ regional, but thought it might get a more lively response here.
No, it is not to do with homosexuality or abortion.
This is from the M section of The Age (Melbourne Fairfax paper) on 5/7/08.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT
Each week, sex columnist Maureen Matthews answers your questions about sex, intimacy and relationships.
Q. I am a young woman. For some time, Ive suspected my father of cheating on my mother. My suspicions have now been confirmed by one of his mates. My father has maintained an image of high moral respectability. That is why it disturbs me that he visits a brothel, and watches inappropriate content regularly. He is 60 years old well past the age for a midlife crisis. I told my mother, but she dismissed it in denial. Why is it that my father, so late in life, behaves this way? Please help me to work out what to do.
A. Although I sympathise with your disappointment, I have to tell you to mind your own business. Just as you would not want your parents prying into your private life, so too you, must respect their privacy. Children believe their parents to be all-powerful gods, who can do no wrong. Part of growing up is coming to the understanding that they are, in fact, flawed humans like the rest of us. This realisation can be painful but thats life. I realise that you also feel indignant on your mothers behalf, but this situation involves only your parents.
Having suspicions is one thing. Grilling your fathers friends is totally unacceptable. His mate should not have told you anything. If you really wanted to know, you should have spoken to your father directly. His friend has betrayed his trust.
You also had no right to go to your mother with this. Interpersonal relationships are very complex. Only the couple involved know the full situation. In some marriages, people come to arrangements. Perhaps your mother no longer wants sex, and has tactfully come to an agreement that she wont ask what he does so long as he is discreet. This is one of a number of possibilities. Some people choose to tolerate something distasteful rather than walk away from years of marriage, their home, their security. What you call denial might simply be a reluctance to talk to you.
Your father is 60. To you, that seems like a grand old age. In fact, he is a relatively young man with all the urges of other men. He is not committing a crime, and his moral decisions rest between him and his conscience. A person can be a respectable member of society and have a sex life. The reason its newsworthy when a TV evangelist is caught out is because they make a living demanding standards of behaviour that they are not upholding. I think its only fair that you tell your father whats happened. He has a right to sort out whatever mess you might have caused. Most little girls are slightly in love with their dads. You feel hurt by the discovery that he is not the man your childish fantasy imagined. Perhaps you feel tha your love has been betrayed. If you are suffering from anxiety over this, or find that you cannot put it out of your mind, you might benefit from talking to a counsellor. You need to work on your reactions, not on his behaviour.
Your father is an adult, and is free to live his life as he sees fit. He also has a right to privacy andyour parents will conduct their relatnionship in whatever way they feel comfortable. Stop snooping, stop meddling, and focus on living your own adult life.
_____________________________
Do you think she was a bit harsh? Seriously, what would most people do if they found out one of their parents was having an affair? I've had issues with my mum, but i'd tell her straight away (if they weren't already divorced).
I found this in an Aussie newspaper and it got up my nose a bit. I shared it in Aus/NZ regional, but thought it might get a more lively response here.
No, it is not to do with homosexuality or abortion.
This is from the M section of The Age (Melbourne Fairfax paper) on 5/7/08.
ABOUT LAST NIGHT
Each week, sex columnist Maureen Matthews answers your questions about sex, intimacy and relationships.
Q. I am a young woman. For some time, Ive suspected my father of cheating on my mother. My suspicions have now been confirmed by one of his mates. My father has maintained an image of high moral respectability. That is why it disturbs me that he visits a brothel, and watches inappropriate content regularly. He is 60 years old well past the age for a midlife crisis. I told my mother, but she dismissed it in denial. Why is it that my father, so late in life, behaves this way? Please help me to work out what to do.
A. Although I sympathise with your disappointment, I have to tell you to mind your own business. Just as you would not want your parents prying into your private life, so too you, must respect their privacy. Children believe their parents to be all-powerful gods, who can do no wrong. Part of growing up is coming to the understanding that they are, in fact, flawed humans like the rest of us. This realisation can be painful but thats life. I realise that you also feel indignant on your mothers behalf, but this situation involves only your parents.
Having suspicions is one thing. Grilling your fathers friends is totally unacceptable. His mate should not have told you anything. If you really wanted to know, you should have spoken to your father directly. His friend has betrayed his trust.
You also had no right to go to your mother with this. Interpersonal relationships are very complex. Only the couple involved know the full situation. In some marriages, people come to arrangements. Perhaps your mother no longer wants sex, and has tactfully come to an agreement that she wont ask what he does so long as he is discreet. This is one of a number of possibilities. Some people choose to tolerate something distasteful rather than walk away from years of marriage, their home, their security. What you call denial might simply be a reluctance to talk to you.
Your father is 60. To you, that seems like a grand old age. In fact, he is a relatively young man with all the urges of other men. He is not committing a crime, and his moral decisions rest between him and his conscience. A person can be a respectable member of society and have a sex life. The reason its newsworthy when a TV evangelist is caught out is because they make a living demanding standards of behaviour that they are not upholding. I think its only fair that you tell your father whats happened. He has a right to sort out whatever mess you might have caused. Most little girls are slightly in love with their dads. You feel hurt by the discovery that he is not the man your childish fantasy imagined. Perhaps you feel tha your love has been betrayed. If you are suffering from anxiety over this, or find that you cannot put it out of your mind, you might benefit from talking to a counsellor. You need to work on your reactions, not on his behaviour.
Your father is an adult, and is free to live his life as he sees fit. He also has a right to privacy andyour parents will conduct their relatnionship in whatever way they feel comfortable. Stop snooping, stop meddling, and focus on living your own adult life.
_____________________________
Do you think she was a bit harsh? Seriously, what would most people do if they found out one of their parents was having an affair? I've had issues with my mum, but i'd tell her straight away (if they weren't already divorced).
