mm hun, that's rough.
I'm afraid I dont' know what to say in regards to your diffculty, as far as regular means go, but I do have an answer... albeit unconventional.
I've never been 'diagnosed' with it, but I'm positive I'm bipolar, and if not I at least have something that gives all the same symptoms. =-P I was homeschooled, so there weren't any counselors or teachers or w/e to pay any attention to it, and my parents just thought that I was letting satan get the better of me. It got rough b/c nobody understood me and I didn't know anyone else who struggled with this stuff & such, y'know? But after a long time, I finally found release from all of it, and His name is.... you guessed it... Jesus. I know your'e a Christian already, so dont' get me wrong, I'm not saying you're not or anything like that lol... but see there's a whole area that many ppl don't realize, when it comes to God.
Everything... and I mean *EVERYTHING* is in His control. There isn't a single thing, medical or otherwise, that He isn't 100% in control of.
That said, I'd like to point out how God wants the very best for us. He loves us more than anything, and loving us, He naturally wants the very best for us.
Something else that needs pointing out that would seem completely abstract is how He wants to be close with us. He wants a close, intimate relationship with us more than anything else. He wants it so much He gave His very life for it, lol, I mean, it's preatty important to Him.
Okay, now with those foundations laid out, think about this: He knows when we phisically cannot get the help we need. He knows everything. So when things can't be helped by us, humanly, then He'll do anything necisary to keep things going along the way He wants; He's God. He doens't want you bipolar. He also doens't want you under this stress. Sometimes He'll place things of this nature into our lives to teach us valuable lessons or otehr things, but I feel that most of the time, He does it to get what He wants most; us closer to Him. Now, mind you, I'm not saying that you don't spend enough time with God or that you don't care much about Him or anything; I couldn't say anything about any of that, as I have no idea what your private life is like. I can, though, say that none of us are close enough to Him. Nobody.
That said, chew on this tought for a moment: Could God put you through struggles and trials, soas to bring you closer to Him, and with the plan of giving you relief from your trials when you simply grow closer to Him?
The answer is yes.
Now, I'm not a scholar, I don't clain to be all knowlegable or anything, but I do know what God has taught me in my own personal life, and so that's what I'll share. I started, a while back, spending a lto of tiem with God... taking a walk so I could be alone with Him to pray, or going to some beautiful place in the national forest/public land to have a Bible study for a few hours and just get to be with my BestFriend. I did it because I loved Him. Things were going fine, and it was just wonderful to get to be with Him. After a while, I started to have problems with bipolar and conventional depression, stress, and other things, even though I was spending the time I did with Him. I eventually gave up and stopped doing it, because it wasn't helping; in fact I wasn't even enjoying the time spent with Him anymore. After a while, I finally realized that I was just going out to get. that was the whole point.. to get things. to get answers to prayer, to get teh emotional stimulous, etc... I wasn't going out b/c i love Him. Well... I started going again.. but this time for a different reason. I went out simply to be with my love.... Jesus. Getting to spend quality time with Him.... well it is awesome. Anyway, Iv'e been doing that.. and the depression & such has kidna receded a bit.. but then yesterday it was hitting me really really hard, and I was chattign with a friend online, and she basically told me "Andrew, stop running ot oru music, don't struggle wtih the depression, go to God"..... and it was like it clicked within me, I realized that that was *exactly* what I needed. So I went out to a special place I have on this really massive rock in the public land behind my house, and just sat there and prayed and told Him about what was wrong, and how much I loved Him, and just generally spent time with Him... and the problem went away.
See, the thing is that He's like a friend. If we have a friend that we're always asking favors of, but never really do much with or anyhting, just whenever we see them, asking favors... well after not too long, they're gonna get preatty sick of it and start ignoring us. But if you have a close friend; a bestfriend that you do everything with... when you wind up in a hard time, you know that you are more than welcome to go to them for help, because they love you just like you love them, and you two have a good relationship.
Does that make any sence? Lol just say so if it doens't, I know that I kind of rambled.
Anyway... I do hope that helps. Just always remember that God is with you in it 100%, and tha tHe knows exactly what you're going through and can fix it, if it's what's best for you... so if you love and care about Him 100%, then more than likely, the struggles you're going through are for the better... even though it may not always seem liek it when thigns happen, bad things can really turn out to be rawk awesome
Again, I hope this helps somehow
Drew
