what are you feeling right now? (24)

[LoyalToGod]

Thank you, Jeshu, for helping me, and hang in there! Demonic oppression is in the air a lot lately, but God will help you

 

[chaoticfirefly]

I have nothing to report. Not feeling like anything. I do need a haircut but I'll have to re bleach my hair to keep the signature white tip I have going on.

 

[TimAM]

I seem to be healing up pretty good now. I did a physical therapy exercise I learned from the last time I hurt my back. It put pressure on the hurt area, but felt better afterwards.

I seem to be getting a little stronger each day, especially the days where I listen to healing scriptures. I improved a lot yesterday, after listening to the Scriptures.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

One of my favorite celebrities committed suicide. Here comes the slew of, "We need to talk about mental illness more!" and people shutting down any attempts at conversation.

 

[Jeshu]

One of my favorite celebrities committed suicide. Here comes the slew of, "We need to talk about mental illness more!" and people shutting down any attempts at conversation.

Very sorry to hear that firefly. I hope and pray you will not follow suit, for it is so very true what you say about people refusing to address the issues surrounding mental illnesses - mentally ill people committing suicide because someone they admire did - sadly - is very much one of them.

How are you going otherwise? Are the new meds you are on helping to ground you or are they making you depressed like it was always for me?

I hope not.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Very sorry to hear that firefly. I hope and pray you will not follow suit, for it is so very true what you say about people refusing to address the issues surrounding mental illnesses - mentally ill people committing suicide because someone they admire did - sadly - is very much one of them.

How are you going otherwise? Are the new meds you are on helping to ground you or are they making you depressed like it was always for me?

I hope not.

I'm listening to their new album, and it all sounds like a cry for help now.

I'm okay. They are.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling very nauseous as i often do when i wake up at night, especially the last few years. It seems like that every day for ages already i always wake up feeling sick no matter how well i might have felt when iwent to bed. My councilor reckons that that happens a lot to people who suffer from trauma because when they sleep some of the most pressing trauma memories stored are released subconscious because we don't hinder the process as we do when we are awake and this causes the P.T.S.D symptoms to be so heavy at these times. He also pointed out that if i learn to release more of the tensions of my trauma during the day in a controlled fashion, which he has been teaching me, then this ought to balance out over time and not be so intensive anymore at night.

So far i have noticed that overall the nausea and other P.T.S.D symptoms are indeed decreasing in severity, especially my rage and anxiety levels have improved dramatically over the last few months and also the nausea has overall not been as heavy as it has been though i still get severe bouts of that at times.

My councilor has helped me understand that the nausea has become so bad because I have hated myself for so long and this is where i try and correct my wrongful actions towards myself dying to my self hate and repenting from hating myself when I fall for such feelings again.

However tonight the nausea is in full swing even though I have not entertained any hateful thoughts whatsoever but, i have been dealing with severe tension back aches for the last few days because i have not been using any calming meds and think this might well be the reason why my nausea has become so bad this time around.

Lets hope i'm able to get past this problem with my meds, for it is not nice feeling like crap all the time and be so sore at the same time, it keeps me awake and robs me of the little precious sleep i might get otherwise.

However that this increase in unwellness and lack of meds has not caused any psychotic episodes is a first in my life and i'm feeling very thankful to Jesus for doing that for me, despite having to feel so sick and the intense physical pain bothering all the time.

Please pray that I will be able to relax more, as more tension makes the pain so much worse, but I find it so hard not to tense up when I''m so sore.

Hoping everyone else is doing good.

Peace

 

[Press On]

Feeling very nauseous as i often do when i wake up at night, especially the last few years. It seems like that every day for ages already i always wake up feeling sick no matter how well i might have felt when iwent to bed. My councilor reckons that that happens a lot to people who suffer from trauma because when they sleep some of the most pressing trauma memories stored are released subconscious because we don't hinder the process as we do when we are awake and this causes the P.T.S.D symptoms to be so heavy at these times. He also pointed out that if i learn to release more of the tensions of my trauma during the day in a controlled fashion, which he has been teaching me, then this ought to balance out over time and not be so intensive anymore at night.

So far i have noticed that overall the nausea and other P.T.S.D symptoms are indeed decreasing in severity, especially my rage and anxiety levels have improved dramatically over the last few months and also the nausea has overall not been as heavy as it has been though i still get severe bouts of that at times.

My councilor has helped me understand that the nausea has become so bad because I have hated myself for so long and this is where i try and correct my wrongful actions towards myself dying to my self hate and repenting from hating myself when I fall for such feelings again.

However tonight the nausea is in full swing even though I have not entertained any hateful thoughts whatsoever but, i have been dealing with severe tension back aches for the last few days because i have not been using any calming meds and think this might well be the reason why my nausea has become so bad this time around.

Lets hope i'm able to get past this problem with my meds, for it is not nice feeling like crap all the time and be so sore at the same time, it keeps me awake and robs me of the little precious sleep i might get otherwise.

However that this increase in unwellness and lack of meds has not caused any psychotic episodes is a first in my life and i'm feeling very thankful to Jesus for doing that for me, despite having to feel so sick and the intense physical pain bothering all the time.

Please pray that I will be able to relax more, as more tension makes the pain so much worse, but I find it so hard not to tense up when I''m so sore.

Hoping everyone else is doing good.

Peace

Love you, Gerry. Be strong in the Lord!

 

[Jeshu]

Love you, Gerry. Be strong in the Lord!

Thank you very much Ron, love you too bro, your prayers and your love mean a real lot to me, and not only this time around. I count myself blessed to know you and have you pray for me for i know the prayers of The Righteous are never prayed in vain.

God Bless you and keep you.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

I'm working through this suicide and been binging the new album. It's almost like his suicide note. His friend killed himself two months prior, and yesterday would have been his friends birthday.

May he rip. He carried a lot of pain in his life.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Why does the phone ring most often when I'm the busiest? I can look in the caller history and document that it hasn't rung once when I wasn't doing anything, but boy did it get to ringing after I started trying to get stuff done.

 

[Jeshu]

Why does the phone ring most often when I'm the busiest? I can look in the caller history and document that it hasn't rung once when I wasn't doing anything, but boy did it get to ringing after I started trying to get stuff done.

I reckon there are no bigger conversation killers than the police calling in unannounced or the phone ringing. Consider getting rid of your land line at least sis, we did and like it much better this way.

I absolutely hate phones interrupting life in the home. The phone rings and everyone stops talking, no matter how good time we were having, and on top of that a lot of people can't seem to help themselves but listen in on the conversation you are having curious what's up, and such is not very often a good thing so you have to leave the room and stand in the cold.

And now I'm not even talking about those nuisance callers trying to sell things, (if I want to buy something I go and get it myself thanks I don't need you advising me on that as standard answer in the end) Or those constant 'charity' callers - who appeal to your good nature to lift the dollars out of your wallet from which they take a large portion for themselves.

I know we got rid of our land line and I'm not sorry, now only my wife and kids and a handful of people know my number and the phone rings perhaps 2 x a week, for we see each other regularly so why ring? Plus we communicate via the Internet with a lot of people we know when we want to and not while we are busy doing other things much better that way.

Crappy invention if ever there was one.

Peace.

 

[TimAM]

My back continues to heal up. I'm probably at around 85-90% better. I even did a little bit of work outside yesterday. I hope to be well enough to go in to volunteer next Tuesday like usual. I had to miss this past Tuesday.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Sad.

 

[Press On]

I reckon there are no bigger conversation killers than the police calling in unannounced or the phone ringing. Consider getting rid of your land line at least sis, we did and like it much better this way.

I absolutely hate phones interrupting life in the home. The phone rings and everyone stops talking, no matter how good time we were having, and on top of that a lot of people can't seem to help themselves but listen in on the conversation you are having curious what's up, and such is not very often a good thing so you have to leave the room and stand in the cold.

And now I'm not even talking about those nuisance callers trying to sell things, (if I want to buy something I go and get it myself thanks I don't need you advising me on that as standard answer in the end) Or those constant 'charity' callers - who appeal to your good nature to lift the dollars out of your wallet from which they take a large portion for themselves.

I know we got rid of our land line and I'm not sorry, now only my wife and kids and a handful of people know my number and the phone rings perhaps 2 x a week, for we see each other regularly so why ring? Plus we communicate via the Internet with a lot of people we know when we want to and not while we are busy doing other things much better that way.

Crappy invention if ever there was one.

Peace.

You have nuisance callers on the other side of the planet too, eh? They certainly are prolific!

The robo calls that keep coming back...I block them for a few weeks.

I've gotten so I just ignore them unless the caller is in my directory so there is an I.D. If it's a doctor's office or something or somebody I need to talk to they'll always leave a voice message.

 

[Jeshu]

Was given a little meds and I've had a good sleep and my back ache has gone right down as well as my head ache and my tension has lessened dramatically, a very good thing I suppose, and timely. I was beginning to crumble how much can one cope with in one go?

Boy did satan pour it on a few times, that creep does truly hate me, but i don't mind, i hate him as well, and curse him every time i see him up close, or whenever His Spirit of Love wills me.

Can't wait till Jesus comes to destroy him as I know He will Soon. When His children are ready to Welcome Him and the dead have been raised!

So important to understand that about His salvation! New Birth always proceeds His Coming! It is impossible we could even know The Truth otherwise! We would think He was the enemy. For our kings ruling would make sure of that spreading their crap like black matter through our soul and blinding us to what is going on.

Time and again those ten kings stick their heads up that is for sure as I go through the wheels within wheels of His Spirit working within me, just as Ezekiel showed me so many times before. Our Heavenly Father is so unbelievable much more than words can speak. Talk about being speechless about His Majesty and Glory! Flat on the floor thinking you going to die from delight so amazing that His light simply explodes in ou soul. Just as The word of God teaches. So good to see Him.

So despite the hardships things have gone very well spiritually for me lately. Ever since I have had P.T.S.D counseling these last few months I'm beginning to understand how satan has gotten int me so badly all the time.

Psychology understand this process as trauma memories which manifest themselves as 'highly charge energy fields' within us - 'energy' as result of the trauma we went through. Those energies are stuck there and can be powerful enough to kill us depending on the trauma levels experienced and the frequency and duration of the trauma centerpieces. When we begin to heed our bodies while we go through those horrible energy charged times then we can easily find out where they are located and what emotional language such speaks. Noto only that knowing what the energy is doing to your body will tell you the content of the trauma welling up - you needing love, care and attention in those parts of self big time and healing washing away of sins and so on. Very interesting process I have learned to understand when we let The Word go over us there in His Divine Love. However we should neither suppress nor hasten the process above what we can cope wit. (This is where I really struggle a lot for i take on far too much all the time it seems, and then when i try to stop the process because it is going too fast then i can't and ruin everything. So it is a process full of traps!

When it comes to those highly charged energy fields in me, I know that sadness ling in me for example is so bad that I can only ever allow little bits to be felt for otherwise it surely seems i'm going to die - it is that overwhelming. I have suppressed my sadness for so any years because I couldn't cope with it that now it is a force far beyond my ability to cope with. It is even much worse than that!

For the real problem I find all the time is lack for words for the sadness within as i know it to be, words are hard to use describing such life within - Though Scripture is sure best at it. Strange how that works.

Suffering The Wicked sure makes us take on His image as described in The word. For example

(Isaiah 53:2b-4)
"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted."

and again

Isaiah 53:8
By oppressiona and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation protested?


it certainly is The Truth of my life in sadness that is precisely how it has been and still is increasingly getting clearer even, such a humbling experience to be.

It appears that our bodies store trauma experiences like that so we are able to survive such severe trauma. amazing how our bodies are designed to deal with it like that so we can function short term and not be overcome by the bad life attacking us at the time. However how sad I have been mindless making all this so much worse treating myself so bad within myself because i was stuck with bad life.

I had understood this about my trauma for years already and carefully nurtured myself in the parts of my life where such energy forces had done a lot of damage. However i had excluded major parts of myself within myself which i had deemed evil - often selves in me which hadn't wanted to come along with me and how i was during those times as a person v for the trauma shaped my thinking very different in such selves and i had no time for such highly demanding energies within myself threatening my inner peace within.

So mindlessly i cut myself of from myself of in those trauma parts of my life fro i couldn't deal with it, years ago already i cut myself off from myself in them, fully believing that was the right way to treat myself, having life in one of those ten kings ruling my sinful reality at the time. And all part of Babylon ruling oppressing my nations within. (so interesting to be able to see it all in perspective in these parts of my life now.)

Jesus was not happy meeting me in myself like that, and i wasn't happy with myself either, for in that self i have even brought severe bad life upon myself by isolation those horrific energies that are there ALL because of severe trauma - but i had not shown love or kindness to myself there - and even condemned myself to hell in those parts of my life. Such shame meeting Jesus on the bottom of all that!

How much more loving than that He is!!! Boy have I failed my Lord here not sowing His love and compassion there with such terrible results and years and years of torture from the evil energy living there hurting me 24/7. Talk about terrorist attacks, and I truly brought it all upon myself thinking i was accursed, but was in reality me all disfigured and stuck under the wickedness of years of evil deeds gone unchecked that have been destroying me and my efforts to find peace and harmony within myself someone who loves God and others.

Yet now letting His love explore these parts of my life gives Jesus finally the chance to undo the damage i have done to myself because others damaged me there if that makes sense. This is the process in a nutshell I'm going through and Jesus is slowly making me one within myself with myself, so that all the had been divided by lies and wickedness ruling my life with misery has to go big time - so yes the devil is hot on my heels trying to hinder the process by trying to pour my emotions all over me at the wrong times, especially when I'm at my lowest or weakest times of course.

However so far all his efforts Jesus has turned to good, and all his evil traps have sprung in vain, and despite the enormous pressures he brings down on me trying to stop me from exploring these parts of my life i'm enjoying myself immensely - seeing justice done - and seeing The word alive on the clouds of Heaven. Our Lord growing in me shining The morning Star brightly - I know very well what comes next - see The Word come true so many times already and it is so good to know i'm finally getting to safety - even while the anxiety peaks and everything seem lost. Yet now i know He will be there in a second or two after that. I have to get to the bottom of things and not cut off too soon for otherwise I have to do it again, nor let satan overwhelm me with what he got on me there, as satan is so good at doing in my life. Yet so far Jesus is always RIGHT on TIME to get me away from disaster.

And NO PSYCHOSIS stuffing the process up! I'm so happy about!

So thankful to Jesus He is my Lord. I know i may praise Him ever and ever! He truly is gong to make me completely better I just know it. Hallelujah!

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you, Jeshu, for helping me, and hang in there! Demonic oppression is in the air a lot lately, but God will help you

Oh thank you Loyal i missed that post but just saw it now when my browser first opened the page on top. It is so true, i know you kow that as well, He will get us through wont He? Jesus is greatest God ever.

Be blessed loving the wicked to death - give it to them!!!

 

[chaoticfirefly]

There's a fire 45 miles away with 200,000 acres burned. And it's uncontained. This is terrible. I hope it stops and the weather cools down.

 

[TimAM]

I think I may have over did it yesterday. Two steps forward, one step back.

 

[TimAM]

The medicine I've been on is making me hallucinate and have weird dreams that is causing me anxiety. Just woke up in a not too happy mood a little while ago.