what are you feeling right now? (24)

[Jeshu]

Terrible struggle Jeshu, may this past soon and peace, joy, goodness & love abound in your life again.

Thanks brother, i appreciate your words. So sad with myself about myself when i'm like this. Sadness fires even though i have a thankful heart. Weird how both realities impact as they do.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling much improved today and thanking Jesus for life in His truth. i listened to a really good sermon and feel much encouraged and more determined than ever to let Jesus teach me how to love truthfully under all circumstances.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling humbled when the Lord pointed out to me that impart i don't love truthfully yet, and that really it is much harder to love true than meets the eye. Faithful love is important here! For faithful is what our Lord Jesus is, so we can always meet Him there, but unfaithful love feeds itself to the cost of the other, and that is not how life ought to be in God's truth. All in me should be synchronised around the essence of love and truth together, our Lord Jesus. He is the door into Heaven, He is Lord of lords and King of kings, i know i must bow down to His will about this.

So glad Jesus showed me this flaw within myself for now i can take it before His throne and find New life in Him, also in this. If He hadn't told me about i would not have known i was unfaithful in this part of myself.

Feeling well otherwise, yesterday as well, so altogether i have had a reasonable week so far. Going to the big smoke tomorrow all the way to Sunday. Can't say i look forward to it. 800 km round trip in two days. i'm not keen on travelling long distance.

 

[Yusuphhai]

Shabbat Shalom,

Glad to hear from you. Recently American has racial problem. From another viewpoint, I think it is amazing that American and Jewish are the only global nations which have global genes and cultures. This is one important reason that American and Jewish are so strong and hard to be overcome, the strength of Human Union. Pray for the peace between white and black in US. I think this can be done well in Christian and Jewish congregation in US. In China many Uygur and Tibet don’t think they are Chinese (Hanchu).

Sukkot(Festival of Tabernacle) is over here. I find I am hiding from Jewish traditions, because the Church does not like it. After I preached on last Sunday, In my local church I found some liked Jewish and Middle Eastern viewpoint but one of the leaders disliked. She has some opinions, E.G. “The Church is real Israel” ,”The Church has no sins”. But to me the ones who have true circumcision in heart are real Israelite. True Israelite would love Israel. The Israel Nation has the right of trade mark of the word “Israel”. If the church has no sins, the blame of Holy Spirit to the seven churches in Rev. is wrong.

And I read an Article "Yeshua loved Judas the Betrayer truely, Judas still had a chance to repent though he failed enventually" .I’m going to hell, Jesus said so （#47）

Anyway, Wish you a blessed Sukkot, and May the Lord live in you as a tabernacle.

Yusuph Hai

 

[Jeshu]

Sukkot(Festival of Tabernacle) is over here. I find I am hiding from Jewish traditions, because the Church does not like it. After I preached on last Sunday, In my local church I found some liked Jewish and Middle Eastern viewpoint but one of the leaders disliked. She has some opinions, E.G. “The Church is real Israel” ,”The Church has no sins”. But to me the ones who have true circumcision in heart are real Israelite. True Israelite would love Israel. The Israel Nation has the right of trade mark of the word “Israel”. If the church has no sins, the blame of Holy Spirit to the seven churches in Rev. is wrong.

i believe the gentile churches are wild branches that have been grafted into the true Vine, Jesus Christ. The promises of God started for the Jews first of all and are eternal promises, which cannot be undone. The Jewish nation will always be the natural branch, though God cut it off would it not grow naturally better on the true vine?

When Christ rules the world from Zion through the truth of Scriptures then we will all know that Israel is God's beloved nation and Jesus is the true Hero of the Jews.

Any Church that tries to rob the first born will herself be robbed from the first born son. China's Government is not happy with the Jews as is now so they say nothing good about them. i don't like a lot of Jewish policies with regard to the Palestines either and believe Israel have to learn to love first, instead of shoot first.

Churches are guilty of sin, bad sin, often time they keep people burdened by dos and don't dos but don't lead people to Christ. The Church has to lead people to Christ not keep peole away from Him, often time religion does just that. My Church is often guilty here as well, a lot of Churches are. They become so self important that they forget about the One who made them important in the first place.

A humble attitude which confesses sins and short comings and is striving to do something about them is what we want to see, not Churches thinking they are sinless.That is pulling the wool over our eyes.

How have you been going depression wise? A bit better than has been? Or is the depression still heavy?i hope you will have a bit of a break brother.

Peace.

 

[Lady Bug]

I can't decide what I'd rather have if I were forced to choose...

- a med that causes cognitive impairment but really helps against binge eating, or
- a med that helps my brain feel clearer but makes me hungry...

there is a drug I was on that helped my brain feel clearer and didn't make me hungry but it also skyrocketed the libido...I swear this med hopping is getting nowhere.

 

[Jeshu]

I can't decide what I'd rather have if I were forced to choose...

Yes that can be very hard. i found in my case that searching for something that worked the best was worth it. if i had followed doctors recommendations i would have stayed on medicines that were not really benefiting me anything.

In the end i found something that worked. So if it works for you, even if it has rotten side effects, then it may well be worth it.

i hope you get this sorted.

 

[Paulus59]

I can't decide what I'd rather have if I were forced to choose...

- a med that causes cognitive impairment but really helps against binge eating, or
- a med that helps my brain feel clearer but makes me hungry...

there is a drug I was on that helped my brain feel clearer and didn't make me hungry but it also skyrocketed the libido...I swear this med hopping is getting nowhere.

Very hard choice LadyBug and I wish I could give you an answer. I pray that God helps you make the right choice and that you have some quality of life.

 

[Lady Bug]

Considering that I feel really wired, as if someone is pulling my brains apart sometimes, my blood pressure proved to be decent - - 127/84, and my heart rate was somewhat elevated but not a huge deal either -- 84 beats per minute. I'm not sure how that is even possible, given how I feel.

My primary doc though is giving the impression that it's beyond the scope of what she knows, in regard to my medication, and is encouraging me to go to a psychiatrist if I have further problems with my meds, and I am nervous about going to one. She have me a list of clinics and they all have bad reviews except one. I then went to my insurance website to see the list of available providers in my network and that seems more promising, and there is one that has great reviews, but I don't need to go to a psychiatrist at the moment until I know for sure that I can't handle this medication. I just hope that I don't have a long waiting time for an appointment, if I need an appointment.

 

[Jeshu]

Considering that I feel really wired, as if someone is pulling my brains apart sometimes, my blood pressure proved to be decent - - 127/84, and my heart rate was somewhat elevated but not a huge deal either -- 84 beats per minute. I'm not sure how that is even possible, given how I feel.

My primary doc though is giving the impression that it's beyond the scope of what she knows, in regard to my medication, and is encouraging me to go to a psychiatrist if I have further problems with my meds, and I am nervous about going to one. She have me a list of clinics and they all have bad reviews except one. I then went to my insurance website to see the list of available providers in my network and that seems more promising, and there is one that has great reviews, but I don't need to go to a psychiatrist at the moment until I know for sure that I can't handle this medication. I just hope that I don't have a long waiting time for an appointment, if I need an appointment.

It might help you to go and see a psychiatrist, not much different than a doctor, but they are more knowledgeable about mental health and which medications can treat what. You also have a chance that they upgrade your diagnoses. i got as first diagnosis bi-polar, which was later upgraded to schizo effective. Whatever the label, we are ill and need help. Making sure the medicines work optima is important.

It is hard to find a good psychiatrist, as it is hard to find a good doctor, but in the end you can't discuss much with them. All they are interested in is diagnosing you accurately and medicating you accordingly. Seeing that all you are after is good medicine, it might be wise to go and see one of them.

i would make an appointment, most are months apart, simply council it before you go if your medicine do turn out to be okay. That way you don't have to wait so long if the medicine do continue to make trouble.

 

[BookofMatt]

I haven't posted here for a long time, over a year. I've gone through a lot of mental health crises since then, and my psychosis got worse during quarantine. I had to go to the mental hospital a few times, but Jesus was always there to help carry me through the darkest times and I thank him so much for taking me where I am now, in a better place.

I still struggle with chemical imbalances I can't control, so while I take comfort knowing Jesus will never leave or forsake me, I still sometimes feel a little sad or manic, even with medications. I'm feeling a little bit down today.

 

[Jeshu]

I'm feeling a little bit down today.

i'm with you brother, i often feel like that as well. Sometimes the depression gets bad again, sometimes for days on end, but often time i'm feeling just a little down as the normal.

Good to see you back here. Not good hearing you have been battling psychosis that is horrible, i hope it is well medicated now.

And Yes you are right it is a blessing to know Jesus will always be with us, no matter what. What better comfort than that? For when i'm weak He is strong!

 

[Paulus59]

I haven't posted here for a long time, over a year. I've gone through a lot of mental health crises since then, and my psychosis got worse during quarantine. I had to go to the mental hospital a few times, but Jesus was always there to help carry me through the darkest times and I thank him so much for taking me where I am now, in a better place.

I still struggle with chemical imbalances I can't control, so while I take comfort knowing Jesus will never leave or forsake me, I still sometimes feel a little sad or manic, even with medications. I'm feeling a little bit down today.

So good that Jesus is with you through your struggles BookofMatt. He is our rock & fortress in times of trouble. May you find healing from your suffering and goodness shine in your life.

 

[BookofMatt]

So good that Jesus is with you through your struggles BookofMatt. He is our rock & fortress in times of trouble. May you find healing from your suffering and goodness shine in your life.

And Yes you are right it is a blessing to know Jesus will always be with us, no matter what. What better comfort than that? For when i'm weak He is strong!

Thank you both. I take such great comfort in knowing Jesus is with me during my darkest moments and during my best moments, too. I wouldn't be alive now without knowing this truth.

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you both. I take such great comfort in knowing Jesus is with me during my darkest moments and during my best moments, too. I wouldn't be alive now without knowing this truth.

Thank you both. I take such great comfort in knowing Jesus is with me during my darkest moments and during my best moments, too. I wouldn't be alive now without knowing this truth.

So good to hear that you have also found Jesus in your greatest hours of need. My testimony is the same as yours i would have perished without Him, utterly perished and i'm sure that there are others with this living testimony in their hearts. The proof of His love is our life today.

This is why i like Psalm 34 so much, it calls all those who have suffered but found refuge in the Lord during their darkest hours to praise Him.

Come lets praise The Lord!

Psalm 34

I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
I will glory in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.


Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his holy people,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from telling lies.
Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.


The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to blot out their name from the earth.


The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.


The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.


Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord will rescue his servants;
no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

 

[Paulus59]

Thank you both. I take such great comfort in knowing Jesus is with me during my darkest moments and during my best moments, too. I wouldn't be alive now without knowing this truth.

Amen to that BookofMatt. I wouldn't be alive either and it's only through God's love and the redeeming blood of Christ that we are alive and let us never lose sight of that so that we praise his holy name.

 

[BookofMatt]

Thank you! I really love these forums, there's lots of great support here and Jeshu, you always post so much encouraging stuff.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Praise the Lord!

 

[Jeshu]

Thank you! I really love these forums, there's lots of great support here and Jeshu, you always post so much encouraging stuff.

Thank you brother. i try to be the voice of God's loving truth when it comes about depression. Depression in the hands of the enemy is a deadly weapon, which literally sows misery in our hearts by the bucket loads.

So many brothers and sister fall for the lies of satan and suffer deep down in those dungeons. When i was down there i prayed Jesus to get me out and i told Him i would witness of His loving truth to any one who would listen if He did. He got me out, i'm just keeping my side of the agreement.

Mind you i hate satan for making the life of already ill people so much worse with his lies. The creep knows what he is doing. He singles mentally ill people out for his cruel treatments. i will hate him forever for doing that. What a fiend! Who would stoop that low as to cruelly hurt those who already suffer deeply?

So every chance i see i will tell people about our Lord who loves us and about satan who hates us. i know depression does not have to be as bad as it often gets. When we hold onto the the loving truth of Jesus then the suffering is much more bearable, and a lot of people just get up and walk away from their depression, which is even better to see.

God's truth has real power as you have also found out in your struggle with mental illness. i love telling people about that power. The power of love.

Feeling rather flat today. i was fine most of the day yesterday but dropped suddenly at around 4.30pm and haven't been the same since. i was up this morning at 4am because i couldn't sleep any more. It looks like it is going to be a long day.

Blessings to everyone

 

[Yusuphhai]

I sleep too much, get up at noon. And I play E-game too much. My father said I didn't honor father and mother.I feel guilty. I need repent.

I want to take part in a rehabilitation room. Blessed be this forum. Thank you for your care.

 

[Jeshu]

Blessed be this forum. Thank you for your care.

Good to see you coming past here brother. i hope you are well?

About feeling guilty. People are really good at making us feel guilty to do their bidding but that is satan's way, not God's work in us. Our Lord convicts us of wrong, has us repent, and then He brings the new, through the holy Spirit, to give us the ability to do it in love and through love.

Guilty however has nothing to do with Godly change, because we are saved and washed clean by the blood. So when you feel guilty about something go to Jesus and ask Him to take control of the situation you cannot take care of and let His loving truth wash you clean from feeling bad about it. Our Lord loves your parents as He loves you. He will work for the good of both of you and never make you feel guilty but fill you with His love to do the job.

Feeling guilty does not give you the tools to change, God's love does! So grow in love for God and you will also love your parents enough to do what God wills you to do, not what the norm requires from you.

You have to remember that you are mentally ill. It is already hard to take responsibility for yourself let alone for someone else. i don't think your father is fair asking you to give what you cannot give, only healthy children would have been able to provide for them as he wants. So do what you can do brother. And do it with love for God and your parents, but please don't feel guilty. For then Christ's blood is not washing you clean, but satan's lies will be polluting your inner being, and you will feel really bad and never be able to do anything good for your parents.

Hoping you will go to Christ with this and hand Him over your guilt and let Him wash you clean of feeling that and instead fill that part up with love for God and neighbour. For then you find His loving grace in your heart where now guilty as charged rules your mood.

Be blessed brother.