what are you feeling right now? (24)

[Vieste]

Thank you very much for praying. i'm in regular contact with our daughter about all of this. My daughter knows that i understand mental illness very well and also knows that i found ability to survive in God. She wants that for her daughter as well. So she spends a lot of time teaching her faith, trust and hope in the Lord. It is about letting God's truth arrest the lies before they can take hold and sow confusion and terror.

Next week all our grand children will remain home and be home schooled until this pandemic is past. i feel much happier about that than sending them to school. Schools are bad places for catching a virus. Our kids court all their colds from school in days past. The moment we send them back to to school the illnesses started up again. In the holidays they were never sick.

This might help pour grand daughter as well. Less anxiety about people spreading the virus to her. She is washing her hands all the time and never thinks it is good enough.

Trust in the Lord is essential at this time. i know i'm vulnerable but trust that everything is fine for God is in control and that is good enough for me.

Have you been surviving okay? So much pressure right now.

Wishing you God's peace and nearness.

Peace.

How fortunate your granddaughter is to have a family of faith beside her. What you're instilling in her now will be her salvation in years to come. And being home is a blessing [as a substitute teacher, I'm constantly catching something - and kids spread anxiety they pick up from adults and the world around them].

At her age, I remember wanting so badly to have someone, anyone, there that understood what problems I faced that other kids didn't seem to have. The adults around me were 'religious' but not Christian - and kids just had no patience for depression/anxiety [and why should they?]. I was just 'difficult.' Somehow I made it to adulthood and years beyond - with much failure along the way - but I always had a faint glimmer of God. I became a Christian in the last decade, and at last got the answer I was seeking.

Please tell your granddaughter someone far away is praying for her, and also understands. With love from her family she will know the all-encompassing love of our Lord who will forever be there to comfort and guide her throughout her life. And someday she'll be able to reach out to others and uplift them as her grandfather has been able to do.

This virus thing has thrown me new serious challenges - but I'm not curled up in a fetal position as I would have been years ago. I know where to put my trust - and keep my focus on Him.
Isaiah 40 - "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength: They will soar on wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary; They will walk and not be faint." I read that verse before I became a Christian and liked it, but now I truly believe it - and I can live it. God's blessings to you and family .... and stay well.

 

[Jeshu]

How fortunate your granddaughter is to have a family of faith beside her. What you're instilling in her now will be her salvation in years to come. And being home is a blessing [as a substitute teacher, I'm constantly catching something - and kids spread anxiety they pick up from adults and the world around them].


At her age, I remember wanting so badly to have someone, anyone, there that understood what problems I faced that other kids didn't seem to have. The adults around me were 'religious' but not Christian - and kids just had no patience for depression/anxiety [and why should they?]. I was just 'difficult.' Somehow I made it to adulthood and years beyond - with much failure along the way - but I always had a faint glimmer of God. I became a Christian in the last decade, and at last got the answer I was seeking.

Please tell your granddaughter someone far away is praying for her, and also understands. With love from her family she will know the all-encompassing love of our Lord who will forever be there to comfort and guide her throughout her life. And someday she'll be able to reach out to others and uplift them as her grandfather has been able to do.

This virus thing has thrown me new serious challenges - but I'm not curled up in a fetal position as I would have been years ago. I know where to put my trust - and keep my focus on Him.
Isaiah 40 - "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength: They will soar on wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary; They will walk and not be faint." I read that verse before I became a Christian and liked it, but now I truly believe it - and I can live it. God's blessings to you and family .... and stay well.

So good you found Christ, He is a wonderful Saviour, who never lets us down but sticks to His word. We are very blessed to know Him in our lives.

Thank you for praying. i can't mention it to her at the moment because she is feeling very bad about her issues and doesn't want to talk about it with others, but i will remember to tell her when she grows older that God surrounded her with prayers as she battled the darkness. i know your prayers will be effective for a caring heart is behind the words. When we pray because we care God is always the author of it.

i had a rotten youth as well. Lots of depression and the beginnings of my psychosis. Ever since my assault at the tender age of 11 i heard voices of evil in my head. i had no one to talk to and everybody i decided to trust betrayed me. It was an most awful time which literally set me up to become severely mentally ill.

As a kid i already used to have paralysing fears and on top of that i had a wild imagination. The sheets drying in the attic became ghosts that attacked me. i suffered immensely during this time and often didn't go to sleep well after my mum and dad did, because i was so scared, and i was not allowed to come out of bed from my parents.

i swore to myself that my kids would have never to endure that, but luckily my kids didn't suffer from anxiety. We have three of our four natural kids who have a mild depression at times, but none developed psychosis like i did.

Our grand daughter on the other hand has suffered from anxiety and insomnia from the beginning, just like i did. i explained to my daughter that trust building and let the child express her fears would be most helpful. Our grand daughter did get some counselling to help her with her insomnia but now hear fears are going through the roof.

Our daughter and our grand daughter are developing a good strong bond on these 'inner' issues especially now that the trust she has in mum needs to go to Jesus. Our daughter is a genuine believer and her husband as well and we also often talk about God and celebrate our faith with the grand kids. She is in good hands and hope very hard that she wont develop a full on mental illness like i did. Good guidance will make all the difference we have seen that with our own kids and how they have learned to deal with depression.

The virus is a disaster and causing havoc around the globe. i do not really wonder why it is in the Lord's will to send us pestilence, for i do know that our generation has been the worst of sinners. Throwing all God's laws out, and killing countless unborn babies and the old and infirm, as well as destroying our planet, to mention the worst of our crimes. It is written in Isaiah to go into our rooms and lock the doors and wait for God's punishment to pass. i think that is excellent advise to us at this moment in time.

Isaiah 26:20 "Go, my people, enter your rooms and shut the doors behind you; hide yourselves for a little while until his wrath has passed by."

That is my advise to you dear sister. i hope you have a blessed day.

 

[Bumble Bee]

I’m exhausted. It’s exhausting trying to rationalize myself through each anxious thought or attack. It’s exhausting trying to talk myself out of worst case scenario mode.
I’m frustrated too. I’m frustrated because every time I try to implement the forward thinking my therapist is trying to have me do, it falls apart. Every time I have set up a plan, something has taken it away. I’m so tired of fighting this battle all day every day and I don’t know how to stop.

 

[Jeshu]

I’m exhausted. It’s exhausting trying to rationalize myself through each anxious thought or attack. It’s exhausting trying to talk myself out of worst case scenario mode.
I’m frustrated too. I’m frustrated because every time I try to implement the forward thinking my therapist is trying to have me do, it falls apart. Every time I have set up a plan, something has taken it away. I’m so tired of fighting this battle all day every day and I don’t know how to stop.

Yes it is an epic battle to stay focussed on Jesus and His loving care over us. Often times the anxiety breaks through to our thought level and overcomes us with terror.

i found that accepting the worst case scenario and giving myself into His hands worked the best to calm down. His love would always cast out the fear and comfort me the fearful one.

i know how tiring it is to fight the fear. i know how frustrating falling back can be.

Hold onto God's love over you. Thank Him for each breath you and your loved ones take. Let His love cast out the fearful thoughts and bring you His peace.

Ground yourself in the truth of Scripture and so don't let fearful thoughts overpower your senses.

So rather than rationalising your thoughts bring your thoughts to Jesus and the worries that lay behind them. Don't leave Jesus until His words have set you free from your anxiety. Pray yourself through each panic attack. Honest it is amazing how much more able we become fighting our fears with Him in focus.

i found that music helps a lot as well. i listen predominantly to Sherri Youngward when i'm anxious her soothing voice and awesome Biblical lyrics can be very helpful overcoming anxious times.

Please be of good courage.

 

[Vieste]

I’m exhausted. It’s exhausting trying to rationalize myself through each anxious thought or attack. It’s exhausting trying to talk myself out of worst case scenario mode.
I’m frustrated too. I’m frustrated because every time I try to implement the forward thinking my therapist is trying to have me do, it falls apart. Every time I have set up a plan, something has taken it away. I’m so tired of fighting this battle all day every day and I don’t know how to stop.

I feel your exhaustion and frustration and I wish that I could offer something to ease your struggle. All I can do is tell you that I've been there - when I thought I couldn't go on for one more minute of one more hour of one more day. But I did, and I'm here, and I'm better. So what happened? I gave up trying to do it myself - and begged God to take my burden from me and cried out to Him to tell me what to do as I was exhausted by all my efforts. About that time, I had read something that said "Let go and let God." And I asked a Christian friend, "Let God what?" And he said, "Let God do what you can't." So I prayed, and read and asked and prayed and prayed some more - and while I was doing all that - God must have been working behind the scenes, because I gradually felt my burden lift and I began to see my way through. That was several years ago - and I now see how far I've come. When we cry "God be my strength" instead of "God give me strength" - miracles happen.

I wait patiently for God to save me;
I depend on him alone.
He alone protects and saves me;
he is my defender,
and I shall never be defeated. — Psalm 62:1-2

To this day the Psalms are my "go to" when I can't find my own words. Keep praying, keep trusting God, keep up with the help you're getting - and He will deliver on His promises to be your Savior.

 

[Jeshu]

My heart is often overcome by sadness this last week. Deepest sadness aching in my chest but i don't know fully why. i bring my sadness to Jesus, and do find comfort, but it hasn't cleared up the reason i feel so sad so often nowadays.

i have a deep sadness with the world going worse each passing day. Our freedoms are stripped away one after the other, each day some more. We can't even go and visit our own grand kids. i can't even go to Town to visit a friend

i fear that the wicked are behind the virus and that this is but the beginning of our destruction. Not that i care about my own life but i do care about the kids and grand kids and all these other people who love to have a good life instead of a life under dominion.

i pray for Jesus to come back. i hope He will but don't think it is the right time yet.

i hope everybody else is okay.

 

[Paulus59]

My heart is often overcome by sadness this last week. Deepest sadness aching in my chest but i don't know fully why. i bring my sadness to Jesus, and do find comfort, but it hasn't cleared up the reason i feel so sad so often nowadays.

i have a deep sadness with the world going worse each passing day. Our freedoms are stripped away one after the other, each day some more. We can't even go and visit our own grand kids. i can't even go to Town to visit a friend

i fear that the wicked are behind the virus and that this is but the beginning of our destruction. Not that i care about my own life but i do care about the kids and grand kids and all these other people who love to have a good life instead of a life under dominion.

i pray for Jesus to come back. i hope He will but don't think it is the right time yet.

i hope everybody else is okay.

I sometimes get deeply sad too Jeshu, life and this world can get us down. God called us to shine like lights in this dark world so that we may share his love with our fellow man and your light does shine in this world Jeshu. Please try not to be overwhelmed by the current circumstances as they will pass soon enough and things will get back to normal and your kids & grand kids will be alright. Rest and let this saddness wash over you and may the Lord God heal your heart and restore your joy & peace.

 

[Jeshu]

I sometimes get deeply sad too Jeshu, life and this world can get us down.

Thanks for you encouragement brother, appreciated.

Yes the world is big a downer in my life, that is why i try and keep it out, but ever turn i take it has me cornered. My flesh needs this world to survive so being in contact with it is inevitable.

Still i don't think the deep sadness comes just from this world going to pieces, it has more to do with my moods cycling to deeply. i have deep valleys and i have steady lines in my life, but lately the steady line has been gone and i plummet down wards in deep valleys.

No peaks. No mania. My anti-psychotic makes sure of that, but those profound mood changes when sadness, grief, wailing would come over me. Often i would feel for God the deepest sadness because i realise anew how profound His suffering our sins is, and yet He is loving and caring for us. i love that of Him and want to have that ability as well. i always get angry at wickedness directed at me, but He is long suffering and patient hoping that the fruits of the wrongdoing will show the sinners the way to go.

So much learning to do!

The sadness will keep digging until the mood passes then it might be replaced with anxiety, or insecurity, or possibly even with good feelings like endurance, long suffering and patience.

i believe everything has a purpose, and that i feel nothing for nothing, even though often times i can't trust my feelings, it still tells me that, and from that perspective still serves its purpose. i just wish i wouldn't go so deep at times. The pressure of the decent can literally be physically painful.

Cycling quiet slowly today but deeper. Yesterday it went a lot quicker, but not so deep, not sure why one day is like this and the next day is like that. My bi-polar reality i suppose and God just making good work of it.

Please try not to be overwhelmed by the current circumstances as they will pass soon enough and things will get back to normal and your kids & grand kids will be alright.

i'm not convinced the new normal will give way to the old normal. Give greedy liars a bit more power and they are very reluctant to give it back.

Not to worry we will see where this all ends when the virus is gone, as of now the world has gone mad.

Rest and let this saddness wash over you and may the Lord God heal your heart and restore your joy & peace.

His rest is good Victor, i simply love Him for His ability to stay together under pressure. In the garden of Gethsemane that became clear, in my life it becomes clear as well. i love Him for that.

He turns bad into good and has me pray for those in need as an expression of my sadness. My heart cries out in anguish because the sadness triggers so much more sympathy towards those who are suffering this mad gone world so much more than me. i trust The Lord sends comfort to those who need it most.

See brother even in sadness i can dine with Him. i think He is just making me over.

Peace.

 

[Lady Bug]

i have a deep sadness with the world going worse each passing day. Our freedoms are stripped away one after the other, each day some more. We can't even go and visit our own grand kids. i can't even go to Town to visit a friend

there's something really demonic about that. I see more and more people getting onto the stay-at-home thing and while I understand this I am starting to feel like it's not right to deprive people of meeting their loved ones. this feels like it's from the devil. it's unnatural. I also feel like it's causing people to act more coldly toward one another, as if this social distancing thing is conditioning people's brains to dislike other people more than they already do. The love of many is easily growing cold by these measures. I also think that all these measures are veiled methods of getting people to accept incremental marshal law.

 

[Jeshu]

there's something really demonic about that. I see more and more people getting onto the stay-at-home thing and while I understand this I am starting to feel like it's not right to deprive people of meeting their loved ones. this feels like it's from the devil. it's unnatural. I also feel like it's causing people to act more coldly toward one another, as if this social distancing thing is conditioning people's brains to dislike other people more than they already do. The love of many is easily growing cold by these measures. I also think that all these measures are veiled methods of getting people to accept incremental marshal law.

Yes precisely robbing lonely people of their loved ones is demoniacally cruel. Everything happening at top speed is an other indicator that things are not well. The media obeyed is another very worrying development. And yes people walking around like stones out of the ice age. No smiles no greetings no music no dancing. We are only allowed to be in groups of two, even families together have become illegal. How can that have God's blessings? How can we spread love and kindness to those in need? All the Churches are closed and only those who know how to use the internet can live stream sermons.

It is a sad time.

 

[Lady Bug]

Yes precisely robbing lonely people of their loved ones is demoniacally cruel. Everything happening at top speed is an other indicator that things are not well. The media obeyed is another very worrying development. And yes people walking around like stones out of the ice age. No smiles no greetings no music no dancing. We are only allowed to be in groups of two, even families together have become illegal. How can that have God's blessings? How can we spread love and kindness to those in need? All the Churches are closed and only those who know how to use the internet can live stream sermons.

It is a sad time.

I think if you truly have the Holy Spirit in you, it's not hard to see if something is not of God.

 

[Jeshu]

I think if you truly have the Holy Spirit in you, it's not hard to see if something is not of God.

The Holy Spirit shows us that sowing fear reaps confusion, disassociation and hiding away, while sowing love reaps us caring, sharing, accepting togetherness and setting free.

The virus is real enough but the importance this little bug receives while driven by fear, will not reap us a righteous harvest in the end.

i pray Jesus forgives us our guilt, if any, for the appearance of the virus, and ask Him to graciously help us overcome this evil that has befallen us because of it.

Blessings

 

[Paulus59]

I think if you truly have the Holy Spirit in you, it's not hard to see if something is not of God.

So true Lady Bug. The Holy Spirit opens our eyes and gives us a spirit of truth.

 

[Lady Bug]

I'm having a "nobody likes you" kind of day even though it's not true. My mom's hospice nurse is mad at me for missing the door when she knocked/rang the doorbell but I honestly didn't hear it and she doesn't seem to be convinced. I'm not a liar and I hope I don't get upset with her when she comes around the next time and acts like I'm not telling the truth. But the fact that she's mad at me makes me feel like a bad person who is not likeable.

 

[Jeshu]

 

[Paulus59]

Wow, imagine if every church had a Choir like that.

 

[Paulus59]

I'm out of action today and my brain is not working. Sometimes wonder if I have a slow progressing dementia.

 

[Jeshu]

I'm having a "nobody likes you" kind of day even though it's not true.

They are hard to refute don't you reckon? Especially if someone does something horrible to us. We have to learn to ground yourself esteem in Jesus ladybug and not in what people tell us. People are so fickle and go all over the place at times, i know i do, but Jesus is 100 percent reliable. He always upholds us with His love. We can always go to Him no matter what we have done. That is why i love Him. For He is a rock to lean on.

Be of good courage.

 

[Jeshu]

I'm out of action today and my brain is not working. Sometimes wonder if I have a slow progressing dementia.

Maybe this is so, i often wonder the same. When i'm down nothing seems to go properly and i make tons of mistakes. It might just be the conditions but it seems something worse at times doesn't it.

If you are scared for dementia, begin using rosemary tea, or add rosemary oil to your cooking. C.B.D oil is extremely very helpful as well. Also eat lots of blueberries. If anything it slows down the disease.

Peace.

 

[Jeshu]

i'm feeling well today. i quite using anti-psychotics during the day and my mood has been slightly elevated as a consequence. It has been nice to feel a little better again, i've been so down lately.

Sam, our daughter with down syndrome (32), is home on Mondays and Tuesdays now, she is in contact with her carer via facebook and that has been working good. i just made her some lunch and a cup of tea. At 1 pm she will begin her afternoon session.

Yvonne is at work today. Her bosses have decided to cut work in the office in half and do all consultations via phone, Zoom, Facebook and Skype. So Yvonne has to work today and Friday, but Friday is good Friday so she will have that day off. Next week she will go for two days again and otherwise she works from home.