what are you feeling right now? (24)

[Noxot]

How is it going brother? What are your impressions? How did you survive? Was it hard? How does it work financially do you get any income at all?

Let me know if i can help will you?

Blessings

Im stuck in the "freeze" of the fight, flight, or freeze brain mechanisms. So im still at home. I realized humans are my enemies when i dont conform to their tribal dictates and this makes it stressful to be out in the open.

I seek for peace and safety, not violent and alien humans. I wont survive in the world long but i dont want to belong anyways.

My family cares too much about me in some ways but this situation cant go on much longer. I want my own world where rust and moths dont destroy, nor humans.

 

[Jeshu]

My family cares too much about me in some ways but this situation cant go on much longer. I want my own world where rust and moths dont destroy, nor humans.

i understand, i have had the same longings very often. i'm often but a stranger in this world, if it weren't for my loved ones i have been gone already a long time ago. Yet when Jesus asked me are you ready to serve life beside of Me or languish in your pit because you choose the wrong path to attain your glory? i understood - can death set me free if I haven't been set free yet in that part of my life yet? Wanting to end life here before our time is one of those choices our Lord would never make. Everything has to serve God's loving truth not ourselves.

That is why it is so important to love our loved ones and lay down our life to accommodate them in our love and will. It sure pays of doing that. For i know that everyone sealed by love in my heart is sealed by God as well, that is why i try to love everyone, even myself.

A hard job denying yourself first place, i know, but so worth dying for the other, as Jesus demonstrated as well. i wish you all the best brother. We go a long way back here at C.F. i have learned a lot from you. I love you for what it is worth. Praying you will be okay and growing in your love for Lord and neighbour, as well as yourself.

Peace.

Righteous Love

Righteous Love lays down own life
for those fallen so low and sore
ignoring painful deep down low
True Love gathers the broken
those who succumbed to lies
awaiting death to take them.

Yet never may The Wicked win
God's Children to devour like bread
For True Love leaves death behind
Loving True all the way back up
till Loving True is Safely Home
taking along All The Chosen.

 

[Paulus59]

Feeling like a bit of a zombie today.

 

[HouseCat71]

What is triggering your temptation to eat sugar or overeat? For example, when I am sad, I eat ice cream or find something else comforting to eat. I had to find the source of my sadness. It began when I started cleaning up my house. Cleaning the house made me upset because my mother would always force me to clean the house all the time and yell at me if it wasn't to her liking. I had to trace back to the root of my depression (my mother making me feel like a slave in the past) and what triggered it (cleaning up my own house in the present). Your addiction is just a symptom or physical manifestation of something else (a root problem) that is causing it. So again, think back to the past. What is triggering you and making you feel compelled to overeat and consume a lot of sugar when you already know its not the best thing to do in the first place? God can use that weakness to deliver you from the hands of the enemy. Once you come to this revelation you will begin to thank God for that weakness and allowing Him to turn things around.

IT IS ANGER. Foot sates my anger and frustration. I have the whole vicious cycle thing drawn out and know the steps, but I keep forgetting to intervene and redirect/distract myself when I get to the triggers. Lack of control of situations is one. My 20 yr old daughter is the biggest one. We are in financial ruin cause of her. She won't work, has been fired 5 times for being lazy and mouthy, she trashes everything in our house, eats ALLLL the food, steals stuff all the time and is nothing but a black cloud of doom and negativity to be around. I seriously get ptsd when she comes home after her pot parties. She is a pot head...probably into meth but I can't prove it yet. Won't get help either. She's been in/out of mental institute 6 times...but won't take meds, won't listen to advice. Won't DO anything to change herself...it all needs to be done for her else we're to blame for not emotionally coddling her or changing her situation for her!

I am apparently the biggest piece of crap in the world cause I live in an hour away from town where she can't find a good job. Then, my husband, her step-father yells at me because of her behavior. He is mad because I won't kick her out. She doesn't have anywhere to go. I don't know what to do. I'm a villain if I kick her out, but I'm a victim if she stays cause she doesn't give two flips about us...just uses us for money.

 

[Noxot]

Yet when Jesus asked me are you ready to serve life beside of Me or languish in your pit because you choose the wrong path to attain your glory? i understood - can death set me free if I haven't been set free yet in that part of my life yet? Wanting to end life here before our time is one of those choices our Lord would never make. Everything has to serve God's loving truth not ourselves.

A hard job denying yourself first place, i know, but so worth dying for the other, as Jesus demonstrated as well. i wish you all the best brother. We go a long way back here at C.F. i have learned a lot from you. I love you for what it is worth.

I've been learning about how most people think that egoism is always bad and that selflessness is automatically good. But reality is not so simple. To foolishly deny myself would be to deny prudence, among other things.

As you know, cast out the evil and gather up the good. I cannot give into this or that moral commandment just for the sake of it being a supposed authority of what constitutes "goodness".

If people want to be slaves to things like family or some arbitrary Moral code then that is either their prerogative or their enslavement but as for me I figured that I have so much value that I cannot submit to this or that servant and will certainly not call them "masters".

I think the basic reality goes something like "self and God". I prefer to try to live from that than from some outside secondary explanation. To this day I fight the evil ones calling themselves "authorities". To see God as mere exalted government is surely not enough.

 

[Noxot]

For how long must one endure that which is against them and that which you are tired of? Having this kind of body is such a burden.

I think that we saw all this struggle and toil as something valuable, but lately I have not seen that value as much as I have seen the value in other things.

Who knows how things will turn out for me? I'm just bored of how the world is yet in not wanting to participate anymore I become a burden and burdened with the world and even burdened with death.

 

[Jeshu]

For how long must one endure that which is against them and that which you are tired of? Having this kind of body is such a burden.

I think that we saw all this struggle and toil as something valuable, but lately I have not seen that value as much as I have seen the value in other things.

Who knows how things will turn out for me? I'm just bored of how the world is yet in not wanting to participate anymore I become a burden and burdened with the world and even burdened with death.

You can find yourself already in Him brother, and then all is fine and you can be your own I am. He shares His reality freely will your share Him yours? It is not about slavery too anything or anyone, stuff the physical i love the spiritual. Such is real and cannot lie when God's truth speaks out of love. Find yourself back Alive in His love through the truth of the word.

Yes i understand. Self is very complex to explain but we may not oppress one part of ourselves with another part of ourselves, it is about living in peace and rest without boundaries.

It is not about succumbing but attaining Victory! In your weak up and fed up self you have to find newness of life as well. It is an ongoing process. Every day God harvests us into His Kingdom and dumps our physical reality for the birds to feast on.

i pray you find the life you crave after.

Galatians 5:1 is very appropriate right now isn't?

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery"

 

[sea5763]

nvm

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I had to sit through an all-day orientation yesterday and there were a lot of people. It was draining. I'm feeling very lethargic today like my batteries did not get recharged last night during sleep.

 

[MoniqueRenewed]

IT IS ANGER. Foot sates my anger and frustration. I have the whole vicious cycle thing drawn out and know the steps, but I keep forgetting to intervene and redirect/distract myself when I get to the triggers. Lack of control of situations is one. My 20 yr old daughter is the biggest one. We are in financial ruin cause of her. She won't work, has been fired 5 times for being lazy and mouthy, she trashes everything in our house, eats ALLLL the food, steals stuff all the time and is nothing but a black cloud of doom and negativity to be around. I seriously get ptsd when she comes home after her pot parties. She is a pot head...probably into meth but I can't prove it yet. Won't get help either. She's been in/out of mental institute 6 times...but won't take meds, won't listen to advice. Won't DO anything to change herself...it all needs to be done for her else we're to blame for not emotionally coddling her or changing her situation for her!

I am apparently the biggest piece of crap in the world cause I live in an hour away from town where she can't find a good job. Then, my husband, her step-father yells at me because of her behavior. He is mad because I won't kick her out. She doesn't have anywhere to go. I don't know what to do. I'm a villain if I kick her out, but I'm a victim if she stays cause she doesn't give two flips about us...just uses us for money.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes children do not understand that we only want the best for them and are trying to protect them. This reminds me of how God was constantly warning Isreal of their rebellion and they would not listen. Finally, after numerous attempts, God finally withdrew His protection from Isreal. The exile was to discipline them and finally get them to realize that they needed God and also needed to obey Him for their own good. After some time, God did redeem His people after they were exiled. It sounds like your daughter is battling with her own demons. I am not sure what she is going through in life that is making her resort to drugs, parties, and not taking responsibility for herself. Have you tried talking to her to see what is really causing these issues? I would definitely be prayerful about whatever decision you decide to make.

Child Images- For the Parents

 

[Jeshu]

IT IS ANGER. Foot sates my anger and frustration. I have the whole vicious cycle thing drawn out and know the steps, but I keep forgetting to intervene and redirect/distract myself when I get to the triggers. Lack of control of situations is one. My 20 yr old daughter is the biggest one. We are in financial ruin cause of her. She won't work, has been fired 5 times for being lazy and mouthy, she trashes everything in our house, eats ALLLL the food, steals stuff all the time and is nothing but a black cloud of doom and negativity to be around. I seriously get ptsd when she comes home after her pot parties. She is a pot head...probably into meth but I can't prove it yet. Won't get help either. She's been in/out of mental institute 6 times...but won't take meds, won't listen to advice. Won't DO anything to change herself...it all needs to be done for her else we're to blame for not emotionally coddling her or changing her situation for her!

I am apparently the biggest piece of crap in the world cause I live in an hour away from town where she can't find a good job. Then, my husband, her step-father yells at me because of her behavior. He is mad because I won't kick her out. She doesn't have anywhere to go. I don't know what to do. I'm a villain if I kick her out, but I'm a victim if she stays cause she doesn't give two flips about us...just uses us for money.

Sometimes we have to let go of our offspring so they learn to swim by themselves. Not that we don't love them, but because we love them we force them out of the nest they feel so comfortable in. Birds do it all the time with their young. When the kids begin to use us without caring then it is time for them to learn to stand on their own two feet, specially when they begin to steal from us.

i pray you will be given the ability to do with this in the best way. It is so hard to know what to do when when things go bad. Openly love her but also let her know the your boundaries and enforce them. i don't think letting her grow more and more loveless in her actions towards you will help anything, it is best to make her responsible for her actions lovingly that we we demonstrate God the best.

Blessings.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling worried i might get sick again as i'm sleeping only very little and i don't know what to do about that. i've tried everything to sleep well but it still isn't working.

 

[HouseCat71]

Today I had to drop $160 for a new alternator for the kid's car. I know she couldn't help that, but....GRRRR. You know what I did? I made her put it in. Showed her how to use tools, what to disconnect, how to adjust the tension bolts/belt and made her do it all. There wasn't one bit of drama or whining and we actually enjoyed ourselves. (I always enjoy myself working on something.) She was happy to learn how to do it and I got to get out of fixing something for a change.

On another positive note, I started wood burning again. I forgot how much I enjoy pyrography. Been burning a lot of pictures for the holiday bazaar. Need to make some money to pay off some bills.

 

[Noxot]

Feeling worried i might get sick again as i'm sleeping only very little and i don't know what to do about that. i've tried everything to sleep well but it still isn't working.

Is it cause your mind won't shut off? I had a friend that meditated just so he can go to sleep but you probably suffer from something complex that doesn't have an easy solution.

 

[Jeshu]

Is it cause your mind won't shut off? I had a friend that meditated just so he can go to sleep but you probably suffer from something complex that doesn't have an easy solution.

i have little problems going to sleep, at least at bed time, but after a few hours i wake up and can't get back to sleep again.

The grip of insomnia begins slowly. Like i sleep a hour or so less than usual and then rapidly increases its grip on me, over a few months, until i basically don't sleep any more. (It has to do with my P.T.S.D as much as it runs in the family. My mum and two sisters use sleeping medications daily.) And so i begin to wake up earlier and earlier. It is a real pain. When i wake up and my mind is going full on then i know enough. It usually ends in major psychosis.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling fed up with my sleeping patterns, down to 4 hours a day along with a rapidly increasing depression, possibly amplified by my increase of anti psychotic medications.

It is quarter to three in the morning, i've been up since 12.30am and find it impossible hard to catch more sleep. Yesterday i took a sleeping tablet during the night when i got up for the first time but i slept only a few extra hours on it with a lot of tossing and turning.

i didn't drop the 5-htp but try to take it for 3 months on one month off instead. It seems that not taking it full time curbed its usefulness to me lot. Hopefully taking it for longer periods of time gives it more chance to work. i did benefit from it for almost 18 months before it went wrong.

hoping others are doing better than me.

 

[HouseCat71]

Daughter packed her car up and left. Said she is going to go live in it in town so she can find a job. All I did was tell her that she needed to help out around the house, clean her bathroom up and keep her room somewhat straightened up. I had just cleaned the house up Sat night, came back from church Sunday and it...was...trashed. That, and I found pot in her car again and flushed it! She was so mad at me so, I told her no drugs, or you can get out. After cussing us out for being 'horrible parents' she made an even bigger mess and left. I just can't take anymore of her craziness. I feel like a prisoner in my house having to lock everything up all the time...even my own bedroom at night.

I was supposed to go with my husband on his business trip this week, but my Chihuahua got really sick so I had to stay home. Don't really mind as it's super hot where he went. Went to clean up the hall bathroom that my daughter trashed and found that she broke the toilet! We heard her wrenching around in there and sounded like she threw a temper tantrum. Today, after calming down, I finally went in there and found that she busted the flange. I had to take the toilet completely off an try to fix it, but it's a PVC kind that is cemented into the cement slab! UGH. So...off to Lowe's tomorrow to see if I can find a temp fix kit of some sort. I gotta get it fixed before he husband comes home. He is already angry at the daughter for what she said and did, now he's going to change the locks.

Last, but not least, I moved into the mountains to get away from the city because I like peace and quiet and privacy. Well, I find a drone outside my window peeping in and then it flies off really quick. Texted the husband and he asked another neighbor if he knew who might have a drone around our mountain of neighbors. apparently, this old man up the hill from us likes to spy on his neighbors. Talk about freaking out! I came unglued today. Apparently, he's gotten in trouble with some other neighbors for peeping on them. This has been one of the worst weeks! Trying to calm down this evening and just...chill out. Going to take a nice hot bath and do some reading.

Dog is doing better at least. That's one good thing.

 

[Tempura]

Said a prayer for all of you. Hang on in there brothers and sisters.

 

[Yusuphhai]

Maybe in September I will work for the rehabilitation room for the handicapped every weekday. If it is the will of God, it would be a good job.

Blessings to all!

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.