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what are you feeling right now? (23)

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W2L

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Disaster struck during the night an aerating pump stopped working and now most of my fish are dead, I don't know precisely how many because the water is to cloudy at the moment and I don't want to upset the survivors too much they were half dead when I got there this morning.

This is a major set back and I am devastated at the loss of fish which could be as high as 26 - only 4 left that would mean. It looks like I am going to have to double everything up to make sure that at least one is working. My mood has dropped to below zero and I'm fuming at myself for not preventing this. I can't believe how unreasonable, unforgiving, and plain moody I can be. I hate existing like this. Why can't I take failures or set backs and have to wreck my health try to deal with such things as these? The fish are worth 60 bugs and this 'failure' a dent in my pride, but what the heck is so bad about that? I know I can learn a lesson from this, I already have.

The good thing is the first few strawberry plants are flowering and shooting new leaves and the spaghetti squash has taken off like a manic and 6 or 7 bean plants have sprouted in the seed bed even though it is mid winter here.

I also realised that for safety sake I'm going to have to rebuild a part of the way I'm doing things, preferable as soon as possible but I feel crap now and had a hard time disposing of my fish - though the dogs loved them - the puppy as well.

Shadow is doing really well. A bit lonely at times because Rocky the B.I.T.C.H totally refuses to acknowledge her. She is as jealous as anything even though we always give her everything first to acknowledge her superior position. Each time the puppy tries to play with her she growls and twice she snapped at the puppy, though I don't think she hurt it the puppy wasn't happy with the events. She sleeps all night though even when she hears that I'm up during the night doesn't she whine apart after 5am then she thinks it is time I give her breakfast I think but I simply ignored her and so did Rocky so she waited till I got her. It is going to be fun training her I reckon, she already gets the sitting down for her food bit.

I started a new sleeping remedy last night after clocking very poorly for the last week - about 3 hours average maybe less - I got 7 hours last night over three tries so that is really good lets hope this will continue.

Have a great day

Groundhog ate all my bean plants and I just lost 65 bucks as well. That's a lot of money to me. Don't feel bad brother, we'll get through it.
 
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Jeshu

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:hug: Sorry about what happened ): There's possibly nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening. You didn't know.

Rocky is establishing herself as the alpha dog of the pack, just keep an eye on her so she doesn't get violent. It can take a long time for an older animal to accept a new member. Good luck training her!

That's good about your sleep. It's a difficult issue to deal with, that's for sure.

Yeah we do realise that as well and don't mind she is the boss but she must not hurt the puppy. Rocky is an reasonable obedient dog, but if she has got something in her head then it is hard to get out.

Just before I playing with Rocky on the veranda and Shadow came running wherever I was rubbing Rocky she would come and play as well - all over Rocky laying on her back getting a rub. At first she stiffened, but I encouraged her and gentle rubbed her neck and chest which she loves a lot, while I told her how much I loved her and how good a dog she was. When she relaxed completely and I let the puppy play all over her lastly her face as well, Shadow was all over her licking her and play bitting my hand and Rocky's face. A few tense moments but everything went fine - so good that when I stopped - taking the puppy with me for good measure,Rocky got up and hauled her joy staying at my right sight - this is a very good sign indeed. She only does that when she is happy.


Groundhog ate all my bean plants and I just lost 65 bucks as well. That's a lot of money to me. Don't feel bad brother, we'll get through it.

I know I get through it but I can't understand my own behaviour, why should I get so upset about such a thing? Sure I can get upset and feel the loss but what does it matter? I can easily go on from here. It is just this rage at myself - always myself - never anybody else, only ever me. It is so unreasonable, unlike I am when things are going okay. And then this gapping hole under my feet all the time. It could take me a bit to get hold of my emotions again. Though playing with the dogs really helped get my mind of it I might take them for a walk on the block. Everything is okay I suppose I don't have to imagine what the fish went through - nor have terrible flashbacks of my own assault - lack of air is all part of the problem here I suppose. Stupid or what?

Can't say I feel well.
 
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W2L

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Yeah we do realise that as well and don't mind she is the boss but she must not hurt the puppy. Rocky is an reasonable obedient dog, but if she has got something in her head then it is hard to get out.

Just before I playing with Rocky on the veranda and Shadow came running wherever I was rubbing Rocky she would come and play as well - all over Rocky laying on her back getting a rub. At first she stiffened, but I encouraged her and gentle rubbed her neck and chest which she loves a lot, while I told her how much I loved her and how good a dog she was. When she relaxed completely and I let the puppy play all over her lastly her face as well, Shadow was all over her licking her and play bitting my hand and Rocky's face. A few tense moments but everything went fine - so good that when I stopped - taking the puppy with me for good measure,Rocky got up and hauled her joy staying at my right sight - this is a very good sign indeed. She only does that when she is happy.




I know I get through it but I can't understand my own behaviour, why should I get so upset about such a thing? Sure I can get upset and feel the loss but what does it matter? I can easily go on from here. It is just this rage at myself - always myself - never anybody else, only ever me. It is so unreasonable, unlike I am when things are going okay. And then this gapping hole under my feet all the time. It could take me a bit to get hold of my emotions again. Though playing with the dogs really helped get my mind of it I might take them for a walk on the block. Everything is okay I suppose I don't have to imagine what the fish went through - nor have terrible flashbacks of my own assault - lack of air is all part of the problem here I suppose. Stupid or what?

Can't say I feel well.

Yes, I am disappointed with myself when I get that way too. I know what you mean brother. Have a good day/night brother. (Day for you I think, night for me :) )
 
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look4hope

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Prayers aswell and adding in some hugs. We all need those, right?
I know I do.

Feeling a bit concerned with so many different things in life, but holding on that faith close and tight.
 
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W2L

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Prayers aswell and adding in some hugs. We all need those, right?
I know I do.

Feeling a bit concerned with so many different things in life, but holding on that faith close and tight.

Amen. Perseverance is our way.
 
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Noxot

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Disaster struck during the night an aerating pump stopped working and now most of my fish are dead, I don't know precisely how many because the water is to cloudy at the moment and I don't want to upset the survivors too much they were half dead when I got there this morning.

This is a major set back and I am devastated at the loss of fish which could be as high as 26 - only 4 left that would mean. It looks like I am going to have to double everything up to make sure that at least one is working. My mood has dropped to below zero and I'm fuming at myself for not preventing this. I can't believe how unreasonable, unforgiving, and plain moody I can be. I hate existing like this. Why can't I take failures or set backs and have to wreck my health try to deal with such things as these? The fish are worth 60 bugs and this 'failure' a dent in my pride, but what the heck is so bad about that? I know I can learn a lesson from this, I already have.

The good thing is the first few strawberry plants are flowering and shooting new leaves and the spaghetti squash has taken off like a manic and 6 or 7 bean plants have sprouted in the seed bed even though it is mid winter here.

I also realised that for safety sake I'm going to have to rebuild a part of the way I'm doing things, preferable as soon as possible but I feel crap now and had a hard time disposing of my fish - though the dogs loved them - the puppy as well.

Shadow is doing really well. A bit lonely at times because Rocky the B.I.T.C.H totally refuses to acknowledge her. She is as jealous as anything even though we always give her everything first to acknowledge her superior position. Each time the puppy tries to play with her she growls and twice she snapped at the puppy, though I don't think she hurt it the puppy wasn't happy with the events. She sleeps all night though even when she hears that I'm up during the night doesn't she whine apart after 5am then she thinks it is time I give her breakfast I think but I simply ignored her and so did Rocky so she waited till I got her. It is going to be fun training her I reckon, she already gets the sitting down for her food bit.

I started a new sleeping remedy last night after clocking very poorly for the last week - about 3 hours average maybe less - I got 7 hours last night over three tries so that is really good lets hope this will continue.

Have a great day

that sucks. have you thought about putting aquatic plants in with the fish? I guess you don't have that much room.
 
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Jeshu

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Shadow.jpg


Isn't she beautiful?
 
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Prayers aswell and adding in some hugs. We all need those, right?
I know I do.

Feeling a bit concerned with so many different things in life, but holding on that faith close and tight.
Keeping you in my prayers. ((hugs))
 
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I am not doing well. I have extreme apathy and don't want to do anything. My mother wants me to move to another place closer to the city. I have to pack my stuff again. I cannot even clean my apartment now since I am so out of it. I'm trying to keep my spirits up by praying and listening to Christian music. I really don't want to move but for the future it may be a good idea. I liked where I am now but for some reason or another I have to move again. I am feeling like I hit a wall. No energy at all. I am taking my meds and believe I was hypomanic for awhile and now am apathetic. It is difficult. I have no reason to be depressed. I don't know if I am depressed but have no interest in doing anything. May be I will get out of this situation by just resting. I don't know.
 
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W2L

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Life isn't perpetual joy but is full of trials and tribulation. Its easy to talk about faith when everything is going well but having faith in the midst of great sorrow and anguish, that's pure faith in my opinion. That's when the wheat is separated from the chaff. I'm not saying my use of that analogy fits these parables, but I am saying I will persevere. Those who sow in tears reap joy.

Matthew 13:24 Another parable He put forth to them, saying: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field; 25 but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way. 26 But when the grain had sprouted and produced a crop, then the tares also appeared. 27 So the servants of the owner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ 28 He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The servants said to him, ‘Do you want us then to go and gather them up?’ 29 But he said, ‘No, lest while you gather up the tares you also uproot the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.”’


Matthew 13:1 On the same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the sea. 2 And great multitudes were gathered together to Him, so that He got into a boat and sat; and the whole multitude stood on the shore.

3 Then He spoke many things to them in parables, saying: “Behold, a sower went out to sow. 4 And as he sowed, some seed fell by the wayside; and the birds came and devoured them. 5 Some fell on stony places, where they did not have much earth; and they immediately sprang up because they had no depth of earth. 6 But when the sun was up they were scorched, and because they had no root they withered away. 7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up and choked them. 8 But others fell on good ground and yielded a crop: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. 9 He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”
 
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W2L

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There are many ways to glorify God I suppose, but God wants our heart. That's all I really have to give anyway. I don't have money, or religion, but I have a heart to give. I persevere. I like this song. Its really just these guys showing a demo but its good. Worship music should have some soul to it I think. Sometimes the soul sounds like joy but other times it hits a deep emotional note that words cannot easily express. Its like hope I guess, I don't know but its found in the heart. ITs a part of love I think. LOve is very emotional and even mysterious I think. I want to worship God not just with joy but with my whole heart, even in its yearning, because that's who I am. Its part of me. Its not religion but is a relationship.


 
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W2L

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Amen. What a song. It left me with an awesome image in my mind. Ain't no rock gonna cry out in my place, ain't no tree gonna wave its branches. That reminds me of how the scriptures say that all creation declares Gods glory. Do you see it? Even our yearning glorifies God, especially if we acknowledge it, within our own heart. While the tress and rocks, moon and stars declare Gods glory, so does my heart when it cries out from within. Even my pain, sorrow, and anything I may feel, it declares Gods glory because I am Alive! :) What an awesome revelation this is. Praise the Lord. We walk by faith, not sight.

Think about what is good, lovely, and praiseworthy. Rejoice in the Lord always. Amen!



2 Corinthians 6:10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

2 Corinthians 5:4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Psalm 19

1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.

3 They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.

4 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens God has pitched a tent for the sun.

5 It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

6 It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is deprived of its warmth.

14 May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,

Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
 
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I was just working through my struggles. Maybe our faith needs to be worked, like a field. Paul talks about plowing in hope. He talks about sowing to the spirit too. Whenever I'm down, I need to work the field I guess. I feel much better now. Praise the Lord.
 
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