What are you all's thoughts on this?

[princess34]

Hello all again! I know I keep posting about my issue with others always labeling me as "quiet" but I just want input on if you all think I handled a recent situation appropriately. Okay, yesterday was me and my mother's birthday (yaay!) and at work there were two women telling me I need to loosen up more. Now the one who actually started the whole thing actually got the other woman to chime in by asking the woman what she thought about me. She then told me that I all I do is smile and then continue working when they try to include me in conversations. Of course, I became internally upset and even told them that I felt like I was being called abnormal and that I felt insulted. I definitely did not want to hear those comments on my birthday, just as I was enjoying it then I hear those comments. And as I mentioned in previous posts, people do not realize that when they tell me such things it only makes me withdraw from them even more because they have already labeled and judged me. And the one who asked the lady what she thought about me always wonder why I am always short on words with her. It is because she is always constantly pointing out to others that she thinks I am quiet and even sarcastically always says to me,"You make so much noise." Sometimes I just ignore her or just be short on words with her and just communicate with her when something is work related.She also mentioned that she does not like gospel music and sometimes calls herself a "devil". I realize the devil comes in many forms but this particular co-worker just irks me because I never know what she may say or do. She has a lot of negative energy as well, which other co-workers seem to not be aware of as well. She along with the other co-workers constantly chatter and are playful all day with another. I just do not get it. It is like I am being condemned for not acting and behaving the way they do. I only speak when spoken to or when I have something meaningful to say, not just speak just to speak. Neither do I feel I should act like others just to fit in. I struggle to remain confident in myself because of such words by others. How should I deal with this issue at work and do you all think I handled this situation correctly? I would appreciate your comments again. Thanks in advance.

 

[Jeshu]

Yes it is horrible one loveless comments and stares come our way, it can really intervene with our good life and make bad life dwell inside of us. i found that the best is to hold onto God's perspective of you and rest your self esteem in His loving truth. That way you are safe from the enemies arrows. i found that hearts which don't know how to love the other, always thinks bad about the other, and themselves better, it is a real trap of the devil that brings alive much misery in people's hearts.

i found that once i based my identity as God's child on His truth. God loves me. i find it much easier to be lovelessly treated. For now i understand that such lovelessness dwells in such people's hearts and is destroying them in their good life from within, while i may because of Christ carry the love of God and learn to pray Father forgive them instead of feel badly treated.

My most sensitive feelings about myself are so much better protected now i'm learning to do this.

Psalms 71:1-4
In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;
turn your ear to me and save me.
Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of those who are evil and cruel.

 

[devin553344]

Hello all again! I know I keep posting about my issue with others always labeling me as "quiet" but I just want input on if you all think I handled a recent situation appropriately. Okay, yesterday was me and my mother's birthday (yaay!) and at work there were two women telling me I need to loosen up more. Now the one who actually started the whole thing actually got the other woman to chime in by asking the woman what she thought about me. She then told me that I all I do is smile and then continue working when they try to include me in conversations. Of course, I became internally upset and even told them that I felt like I was being called abnormal and that I felt insulted. I definitely did not want to hear those comments on my birthday, just as I was enjoying it then I hear those comments. And as I mentioned in previous posts, people do not realize that when they tell me such things it only makes me withdraw from them even more because they have already labeled and judged me. And the one who asked the lady what she thought about me always wonder why I am always short on words with her. It is because she is always constantly pointing out to others that she thinks I am quiet and even sarcastically always says to me,"You make so much noise." Sometimes I just ignore her or just be short on words with her and just communicate with her when something is work related.She also mentioned that she does not like gospel music and sometimes calls herself a "devil". I realize the devil comes in many forms but this particular co-worker just irks me because I never know what she may say or do. She has a lot of negative energy as well, which other co-workers seem to not be aware of as well. She along with the other co-workers constantly chatter and are playful all day with another. I just do not get it. It is like I am being condemned for not acting and behaving the way they do. I only speak when spoken to or when I have something meaningful to say, not just speak just to speak. Neither do I feel I should act like others just to fit in. I struggle to remain confident in myself because of such words by others. How should I deal with this issue at work and do you all think I handled this situation correctly? I would appreciate your comments again. Thanks in advance.

Just be yourself. I think you're doing fine! Let other people be themselves and respect who you are!

 

[Radagast]

Hello all again! I know I keep posting about my issue with others always labeling me as "quiet"

Extroverts don't understand introverts at all. It's a problem.

Your co-workers are obviously trying to be helpful by including you in conversations.

Some office suggestions:

Ten Strategies for Introverts to Excel in the Workplace

Introverts in the Office: How to Work Well in an Extrovert's World

6 Tips For Surviving As An Introvert In An Extroverted Workplace

 

[turkle]

It's certainly fine to tell someone when you are upset at what they said, as long as you are gracious and kind in the way you say it.

Based upon what you've said though, it sounds like your co-workers are enjoying each others' company at work and would like you to participate in their conversations. One way people try to get a response is to tease, which is what I suspect she is doing with her remarks. While I don't think teasing is a good way to draw someone into conversation, it is often done.

It might be helpful for you to look at it from their perspective. Overly quiet people make most people uncomfortable. They often think they are being judged by the quiet person. When a group is enjoying each others' company and one doesn't participate, it is very uncomfortable. I think they are trying to include you, but feel rejected by you. This is often interpreted as snobbish behavior.

I don't know why you find it necessary to be so quiet, but I'm sure this kind of experience has happened to you repeatedly over the years. And unless you open up and let others into your life, this experience will surely continue. You can't control other people's reactions to you. Your choice is to continue to stay silent (as you have every right to do) and keep getting this kind of reaction, or you can choose to open yourself up and be friendly to people. There is no right or wrong, it's simply a choice of how you want future relationships (or non-relationships) to go. As the saying goes, keep doing what you've always done and you'll keep getting what you've always got.

 

[Sarah G]

You have every right to be quiet. You have every right to be sensitive. You have every right to be discerning and not waste your time and energy on nonsense. Why would you want your level of consciousness to be dragged down? So long as you're not being rude or unfriendly then there's no problem except that you might feel lonely sometimes, or often. I think the spiritual path is a lonely path, but worth it.

For me, stillness and silence are where I find God and I cherish those moments and detest noise and silliness.

The book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain helped me to accept my introvert nature and just yesterday a highly respected spiritual teacher was saying that the more spiritually evolved one becomes, the less one talks. We simply become quieter and use less words. Empty vessels make the most noise

Happy belated birthday.

 

[ajcarey]

I don't think you handled the situation poorly and I understand how you feel and it is a dilemma that not only introverts face, but also anyone who has a sensitive conscience (which is a good thing) and doesn't want to say corrupt things, useless things and/or get themselves involved in a conversation that might go somewhere that might make you uncomfortable and/or cause you to offend God by participating in it. Being an introvert on top of those things can REALLY make things like this hard and I have been there many times.

I believe there is a time for letting others know how you feel. But with that said, beware of the following, since doing any of these is likely to make things worse: - Expressing feelings of discomfort to someone who really doesn't care at all. - Expressing discomfort in a way that shows irritation stemming from a lack of self-control (these show weakness and the cruel will use it to target you more). -Expressing discomfort over things that aren't in themselves wrong, but rather you just don't want to participate in and/or when you can see how the conversation would turn bad but it hasn't actually turned bad yet. Not an exhaustive list, just some points that stand out to me.

Active things you can do to mitigate the situation overall: - If indeed you do have something meaningful to say, don't miss the chance and say it with confidence. - Do also ignore sarcastic comments over these matters, and be sure to ignore them with as much confidence as you can (i.e. don't withdraw, put your head down, or show emotion on your face with the intent of either appeasing them or of giving them the impression they hurt you or anything like that). If you can smirk at such a comment genuinely or you can say something righteously clever to humor the one who said it, it could break the ice and make them back off. But don't do or say anything stemming from pressure you feel from them. Again, not an exhaustive list.

Most importantly: In 2 Corinthians chapter 12 Paul talked how God's grace is made perfect in weakness. The Lord knows your dilemma and He wants to use it for your eternal good! Let this draw you nearer to Him and cause you seek to know Him and to understand the wisdom of His Word with a greater hunger and intensity! Be all the more diligent to seek Him and to please Him- this will make the reactions of your co-workers to seem of less and less importance. Be diligent though to be a faithful example of a Christian before them in the fear of God and leave them no place to say anything against you- by that I only mean anything that would hold up in God's courtroom, not things that would only have weight with the dishonest and those with a corrupt value system affected by the values of this world.

 

[Reborn1977]

Hello all again! I know I keep posting about my issue with others always labeling me as "quiet" but I just want input on if you all think I handled a recent situation appropriately. Okay, yesterday was me and my mother's birthday (yaay!) and at work there were two women telling me I need to loosen up more. Now the one who actually started the whole thing actually got the other woman to chime in by asking the woman what she thought about me. She then told me that I all I do is smile and then continue working when they try to include me in conversations. Of course, I became internally upset and even told them that I felt like I was being called abnormal and that I felt insulted. I definitely did not want to hear those comments on my birthday, just as I was enjoying it then I hear those comments. And as I mentioned in previous posts, people do not realize that when they tell me such things it only makes me withdraw from them even more because they have already labeled and judged me. And the one who asked the lady what she thought about me always wonder why I am always short on words with her. It is because she is always constantly pointing out to others that she thinks I am quiet and even sarcastically always says to me,"You make so much noise." Sometimes I just ignore her or just be short on words with her and just communicate with her when something is work related.She also mentioned that she does not like gospel music and sometimes calls herself a "devil". I realize the devil comes in many forms but this particular co-worker just irks me because I never know what she may say or do. She has a lot of negative energy as well, which other co-workers seem to not be aware of as well. She along with the other co-workers constantly chatter and are playful all day with another. I just do not get it. It is like I am being condemned for not acting and behaving the way they do. I only speak when spoken to or when I have something meaningful to say, not just speak just to speak. Neither do I feel I should act like others just to fit in. I struggle to remain confident in myself because of such words by others. How should I deal with this issue at work and do you all think I handled this situation correctly? I would appreciate your comments again. Thanks in advance.

How insensitive of someone to do such a thing on your birthday.

You be who God created you to be, be true to your inner temperament placed there by God and controlled by the Holy Spirit, and those who are truly meant to be in your life will embrace you.

Do not be so insecure...life is too short.

 

[Joined2krist]

There's nothing wrong in being a quiet person, you did nothing wrong in that situation. If they can't accept you the way you are, they need to start minding their own business, it's your life not theirs. Happy birthday luv. God bless

 

[LoricaLady]

Hello all again! I know I keep posting about my issue with others always labeling me as "quiet" but I just want input on if you all think I handled a recent situation appropriately. Okay, yesterday was me and my mother's birthday (yaay!) and at work there were two women telling me I need to loosen up more. Now the one who actually started the whole thing actually got the other woman to chime in by asking the woman what she thought about me. She then told me that I all I do is smile and then continue working when they try to include me in conversations. Of course, I became internally upset and even told them that I felt like I was being called abnormal and that I felt insulted. I definitely did not want to hear those comments on my birthday, just as I was enjoying it then I hear those comments. And as I mentioned in previous posts, people do not realize that when they tell me such things it only makes me withdraw from them even more because they have already labeled and judged me. And the one who asked the lady what she thought about me always wonder why I am always short on words with her. It is because she is always constantly pointing out to others that she thinks I am quiet and even sarcastically always says to me,"You make so much noise." Sometimes I just ignore her or just be short on words with her and just communicate with her when something is work related.She also mentioned that she does not like gospel music and sometimes calls herself a "devil". I realize the devil comes in many forms but this particular co-worker just irks me because I never know what she may say or do. She has a lot of negative energy as well, which other co-workers seem to not be aware of as well. She along with the other co-workers constantly chatter and are playful all day with another. I just do not get it. It is like I am being condemned for not acting and behaving the way they do. I only speak when spoken to or when I have something meaningful to say, not just speak just to speak. Neither do I feel I should act like others just to fit in. I struggle to remain confident in myself because of such words by others. How should I deal with this issue at work and do you all think I handled this situation correctly? I would appreciate your comments again. Thanks in advance.

Someone who is calling herself a devil is trying to manipulate and control you and make you feel bad about yourself. She needs to be doing her job. She is taking mini vacations away from her work to harass you.

I would suggest the "grey rock" technique with any such.
This vid, and so many others you can find that are like it, is focused on those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Whether your co worker has that or not, well, you could check out the channel Surviving Narcissism, by a Christian psychotherapist, and see if you recognize her. (For sure you will recognize others you have known, as this is a very common disorder.) But one way or another the grey rock technique is useful for dealing with toxic people.

You have done nothing wrong. The people attacking you have the problem.

 

[Sarah G]

Someone who is calling herself a devil is trying to manipulate and control you and make you feel bad about yourself. She needs to be doing her job. She is taking mini vacations away from her work to harass you.

I would suggest the "grey rock" technique with any such.
This vid, and so many others you can find that are like it, is focused on those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Whether your co worker has that or not, well, you could check out the channel Surviving Narcissism, by a Christian psychotherapist, and see if you recognize her. (For sure you will recognize others you have known, as this is a very common disorder.) But one way or another the grey rock technique is useful for dealing with toxic people.

You have done nothing wrong. The people attacking you have the problem.

Great video, I have started something along these lines on Facebook recently and this video really clarifies the technique for me. Sad to have to resort to such things but protecting one's mental and emotional health is important.

 

[bèlla]

But one way or another the grey rock technique is useful for dealing with toxic people.

I’ve never used this technique but I’ve established firm boundaries regarding the people and behaviors I’m unwilling to accept.

Life is too short to keep company with a plague. I cut them off and remove all contact and access.

 

[princess34]

Before I even read about the technique on here, I honestly in the last few days since she slighted me on my birthday, started to not even make eye contact with her when she speaks to me. And when she does speak, I answer very quickly with few words as possible. I do not think she has even noticed! I answer her but do not make eye contact. I guess I had inadvertently already started using the technique and did not even realize it! lol