What are criteria for choosing the right person?

[coffee]

I mean other than loving Jesus and having shared goals. How do you actually decide between different people? I would guess that a lot of people claiming to have found "the right person" just went for the first eligible person that came along. I'm also not sure what "compatibility" is - surely any personality will do if both people are willing to sacrifice and listen/communicate? Not that any of this is currently applicable to me haha

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

Kindness. I used to ask any new boyfriend to do something for me and watch their reaction carefully.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I think the number one thing is the connection you form with the person. To be able to spend the rest of your life with someone who you completely connect with is more important than the material(looks,money,status).

 

[splish- splash]

Kindness. I used to ask any new boyfriend to do something for me and watch their reaction carefully.

You've gotta make sure he's not the miserable grumpy type as well....

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I assess personal values. If they don't meet up, then there's no point pursuing a relationship.

 

[Miles]

Good rapport, mutual attraction, and shared values.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I was a different person when I was married than I am today. Even in the short time my ex and I were together through the courtship and the marriage, we both grew in different directions that made a relationship impossible. Our values had shifted and they didn't line up.

As far as personality is concerned, I don't really have an opinion. Each person is different. For me, specifying personality traits feels wrong. I can't really say I like one personality better than another. They're all different. *shrugs*

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Me: Lord, can I date this one?
God: No
Me: Okay

/moves on

 

[coffee]

Me: Lord, can I date this one?
God: No
Me: Okay

/moves on

But presumably you have an idea of who you want to date before asking that question?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

But presumably you have an idea of who you want to date before asking that question?

Of course. But the final say is His.

Wanting God to micro-manage my life: It's what I want. But it's gotten to the point where He just says to do whatever's on my heart. It's a balance that I need to walk carefully; knowing any decision I make, He has an override option at any time.

 

[coffee]

Of course. But the final say is His.

My question then is - what are your personal preferences?

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

My question then is - what are your personal preferences?

Oh, I see. In that case, I'll repost my response I made in a thread similar to this the other day. (with one added trait)

1. someone with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4)
2. someone who's industrious with the gifts and talents she's been equipped with. (Proverbs 31)
3. someone that's able to laugh and not take things too seriously.

 

[Sam91]

I'm not wanting to be anything but single. But if I was looking I'd be interested in:

Kindness, humility, prayerfulness, patience, self-control, gentleness, knowledgeable, quiet (doesn't talk too much... I get tired of talking. If I am able to just listen, smile and nod I don't mind someone rabbiting on), helpful, someone who likes nature and being active outside. Someone who sees the good in others and is slow to criticise. So an encourager rather than a condemner. Not a gossip. Compassionate.

Someone sure in his convictions about the Lord but more reliant on God than whatever doctrine he's been taught. Someone who knows his bible back to front and inside out yet doesn't have pride in that. (It would be fun to play Bible trivia games then. I have a couple)

 

[kittysbecute]

Are they loving and kind to you? Do they love you? Do you love them? You mentioned shared goals, that is one thing but having shared values are also important. Not only do you two have to choose to love each other, but seeking God’s guidance and living in obedience to him also will help you know and feel peace that you found the right person.

 

[Kashina]

I mean other than loving Jesus and having shared goals. How do you actually decide between different people? I would guess that a lot of people claiming to have found "the right person" just went for the first eligible person that came along. I'm also not sure what "compatibility" is - surely any personality will do if both people are willing to sacrifice and listen/communicate? Not that any of this is currently applicable to me haha

If I can be myself with them. There are a lot of people we all could connect with and who would make suitable partners but, how often can we actually be our complete selves with them. Some people may want you to change parts of yourself that aren't bad. Your partner should be okay with all of you even if some parts are really annoying. I feel that a good test is to be friends first and get comfortable with them that way.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

When I was young, idealistic, and full of hope, I imagined that the 'right' woman for me:

Would want to take the time to earn my trust, my respect, and my friendship

Would want to learn what it means to have a friendship, and only if that goes well do we think about becoming more than that

Would like to have those uncomfortable conversations that let you know what makes someone tick - and can have them because her character shows her to be someone who doesn't use a man's faults to brow-beat him later

Would have values that line up with or mesh well with mine. Unapologetically, I value patience, loyalty, honesty, modesty, and the like. Stuff like 'success', 'good social/sex life', or 'make a difference in the world' don't make my list most of the time

...

As I aged though, I gained an ability to self-reflect that was lacking in youth. I saw that I was expecting things I myself could not deliver. I'm far too closed off emotionally for anyone to ever get to a 'friendship' stage with me, which explains why I've only got two friends in the world and the most recent of them still has a 16 year tenure with me.

For a long time, I was seeking that 'surrogate' that would finally fill the void in my heart from being inadequate. I was bouncing from one trauma relationship to another, seeking qualities in partners that weren't 'healthy', but what I was 'attracted to' trying to meet that unresolved need.

No idea if I'm still in that pattern or not. I took a nice, long break from all of it, and I think the distance is what helped me gain perspective. No idea though if I'd fall into the same trap.

Now in my 40s, I'm less concerned with 'fun' as I am finding good company, pleasant conversation, maybe the occasional laugh. *shrugs*

 

[bèlla]

Life alignment and outlook is high on my list. Are we working towards similar aims or moving in opposite directions?

I appreciate relationships with mutual investment that inspire my support and service. If the thought of doing for him doesn’t ignite a spark we’re not a good fit.

Good conversation and laughter are unsung treats. Do we delight in the other’s company? Can we explore meaningful subjects and lighter topics without effort? I enjoy great discourse and the opportunity to learn and delve into unchartered areas with my partner.

Lastly, the person who sees my potential and isn’t afraid to guide, challenge, or correct my behavior ranks high in my eyes. There’s always room for improvement. I prefer a companion who is committed to betterment for both.

Compatibility is ongoing. When we approach one another with respect and a willingness to look beyond the surface and put quirks and mistakes in their proper place. We encounter unexpected complements and opportunities for companionship.

Effort is my barometer. We show up and persevere through times of ease and hardship. That’s how lifelong connections are born.

~Bella