Well its been a long time since I was here

[Hopes]

I used to come here a long time ago but everytime I try to get closer to God I have a manic episode where I think I am some sort of biblical figure and go off the rails for a month or so then I fear trying to get close to Him again for fear I will have that happen to me again.

I tried to go to a church a long time ago but in the sermon the preacher told everybody that he KNEW that some of them were not saved and was brow beating his own people till I got up and walked out. I mean how on earth would anybody know if somebody is saved. Who does he think he is? Jesus? I think not. I decided after dealing with a few of these churches around here that its not for me. I will say I just have had bad luck dealing with them and leave it at that.

So anyways I am going to try again to get closer to God. Mainly I want to study about Jesus because I really love Jesus. Last night I finished up watching the Passion again for just to remember what He did for me but it gave me a panic attack and I had to go to the ER. I love learning about Him but I dont always agree with what Churches and people say.

Oh by the way I got diagnosed as Schitzoaffective with bipolar type 1. I wasnt sure where I should post so I just came here.

 

[William J]

I haven't had a full-blown manic episode in a long time, but I remember thinking I had made some sort of amazing new discovery. Some pastors are incredibly self-righteous and it's a shame. If you ever try another church, I hope God sends you to one with a pastor who is gentle and thoughtful. I pray that God would continue to bring you to close to Him day by day.