Wedding Ceremonies: Consumerism?

[PassionFruit]

Here's a feminist critique of weddings these days. It seems there is the belief that as young girls, we dream of having the the "fairy tale" wedding. As we grow older, we have this belief of wanting to have this big huge wedding. There are magazines that specifically specialize in planning your wedding. However, it seems what is missing from this is the cost of having that "princess fairytale" wedding. It's not that unusual for people spend thousands of dollars for something that's supposed to happen on one day. Weddings can cost up to $30,000, though it is possible that they can cost much more than that. The cost doesn't include the honeymoon. :o

Here's my issue with this, for one it seems that young girls are still taught their main goal in life is still to get married. Despite the fact that we can have other goals as well. Another issue I have with this emphasis on creating this huge wedding, but takes away from the fact of what weddings are supposed to be. And that's the union of two people making a commitment to share their love for each other. Finally, I also have an issue with the fact that when people spend so much money on weddings that as newlyweds they end up in debt. If I ever get married, I do know that I don't want to spend the first half of my marriage trying to pay off debts.


Okay I'll get off my soapbox for now. Does anyone want to discuss why it seems the ceremony of the wedding seems more important than the fact two people are making a commitment to spend their lives together?

 

[Ramona]

PF, you are (as usual) right. I think I'm a bit of an odd duck in the sense that I have never wanted a great big wedding ceremony. Not only can my other half and I not afford to shell out several thousand dollars for one party, but as you said, the party itself means nothing in the long run. What matters is the commitment we make to one another.

We figure we'll hire a JP and run off to Acadia National Park sometime down the road. He and I just don't need all the glitter and glamour to love each-other forever.

 

[PassionFruit]

PF, you are (as usual) right. I think I'm a bit of an odd duck in the sense that I have never wanted a great big wedding ceremony. Not only can my other half and I not afford to shell out several thousand dollars for one party, but as you said, the party itself means nothing in the long run. What matters is the commitment we make to one another.

We figure we'll hire a JP and run off to Acadia National Park sometime down the road. He and I just don't need all the glitter and glamour to love each-other forever.

Oh yeah I understand what you're saying. I'm someone who'd like to get married in a nice park somewhere. It'll be a small ceremony with a some family and my close friends. There's alot of other issues I have surrounding weddings and such, like all this importance placed on the size of the ring. I hate those televisions shows like Bridezilla.

 

[Ramona]

Yeah, we're not big on diamonds other expensive rings at all. We use claddagh rings.

 

[JustMeSee]

Unless you are ultra-wealthy, it is a waste of money.
The whole meaning of the event gets lost in pomp and circumstance.
--
Of course, I am quite biased. Had a reasonably expensive wedding for a marriage that lasted all of two years.

 

[Joykins]

We had a reasonable wedding, I think; there were 150 people and a dress and a reception with dinner and DJ. I was glad so many friends and family could come and enjoy the party, and glad my parents could afford it. I do not believe young couples should take on large amounts of debt for a lavish wedding if they can do something reasonable on a better budget or have parents pay for it (traditionally, the family SHOULD pay for it, not the couple). Certainly I have been to very nice weddings that had a reception of cake and punch in the church fellowship hall.

I do think as a society we could stress building marriages a little more and stressing over the material trappings of weddings less. Certainly as you approach the "Big Day" you do tend to focus on it more.

 

[IzzyPop]

Wifey and I had a gorgeous little ceremony down in Key West. About 9 people came down for the week long wedding/honeymoon/vacation. They had to supply their own way down and hotel room (but wait! Wifey worked in hotels! Can you say $50 a night for a suite on Duval Street?) but we paid for the wedding (license $50 and Notary Public $200 for the ceremony) and the reception. We were both working good paying jobs back then, so it did not really effect us financially. Nowadays, it would be a JOP in a park somewhere (child and a stay at home mom eat a bunch o' cash).

 

[Beanieboy]

One of the things that I don't understand about heterosexual marriages is that it is "the bride's day." I say, "Isn't this a wedding, the union of the two?" They say, "No, she has dreamt of this day all her life." I ask, "How can she dream of this day prior to meeting the guy?" They say, "Well, she just thinks about the dress, the bridesmaids, the flowers..."

And that's what a wedding is? Flowers? A dress?

At my former work, my coworker said, "Hey, everyone! Jim proposed!" The girls said, "Congratulations - LET ME SEE THE RING!"

Total consumerism.

 

[PassionFruit]

One of the things that I don't understand about heterosexual marriages is that it is "the bride's day." I say, "Isn't this a wedding, the union of the two?" They say, "No, she has dreamt of this day all her life." I ask, "How can she dream of this day prior to meeting the guy?" They say, "Well, she just thinks about the dress, the bridesmaids, the flowers..."

And that's what a wedding is? Flowers? A dress?

At my former work, my coworker said, "Hey, everyone! Jim proposed!" The girls said, "Congratulations - LET ME SEE THE RING!"

Total consumerism.

Yeah, sometimes I wonder if weddings are just a way to one up people as well?

 

[Beanieboy]

Yeah, sometimes I wonder if weddings are just a way to one up people as well?

While Carrie from Sex And the City can either be annoying or endearing, I loved when she made her married friend pay for the shoes stolen from the friend's house by adding up the bridal shower gifts, wedding gifts, and baby shower gifts given to her over the years, and saying that she wanted some payback.

 

[PassionFruit]

While Carrie from Sex And the City can either be annoying or endearing, I loved when she made her married friend pay for the shoes stolen from the friend's house by adding up the bridal shower gifts, wedding gifts, and baby shower gifts given to her over the years, and saying that she wanted some payback.

I remember that episode. She gets upset because Carrie spends $500 on a pair of shoes for herself, but Carrie has spent over $2000 for the decisions her friend has made. That's what's strange about SATC, it's either empowering or downright insulting.

The wedding industry makes a lot of money. I can't remember the exact statistics on how much money there is in the wedding registry area, but I know it's in the billions.

 

[Beanieboy]

If I marry my partner, and that is a big if, because it's a heteronormative thing, I want it to be simple, I want it to be about us, and our friends. That's all.
We may even jump a broom.

 

[cantata]

I have never really fancied getting married.

I'd be expected to invite too many people I don't like, for a start.

 

[Athene]

In many cases it's not the brides day, it's the mother-of-the-brides day who is making up for the fact that when she got married she didn't get the wedding she dreamed of but the one her mother dreamed of. I was at one wedding where bride confessed to me that she had no idea who several people were and at least half were only vaguely familiar to her.

Getting married is still seen as the ultimate achievement for a woman, it doesn't matter if she has a PhD and a six figure salary, if she's not married and popped out a baby or two then anything she has done is nothing. I think this attitude isthe reason there are still many flat out wrong 'statistics' floating around, for example an educated woman over 30 has only a minute chance of getting married, also she only has a minute chance of becoming pregnant. It's all absolute tosh of course, educated women are more likely to get married then uneducated women of the same age, and while fertility does decrease as we age there is no dramatic drop of fertility from our 20's to our 30's.