We Didn't Develop A Friendship and Went Straight To Dating..

[nb408]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 7 months now. She told me she's missing an intimacy that she needs. She doesn't want to lose me but she also told me she wants a friendship type of intimacy so that she can build from there. She doesn't know how to build that while we are dating. Because when we're dating she doesn't treat me like a friend. It's been 7 months and she hasn't gotten the type of intimacy that she wants. Holding hands and kissing means very little to her. But to me that's what intimacy is, being present with each other. I have to come up with a good plan for us to start building intimacy or we will become friends. I have no idea what to do..

 

[Tolworth John]

She told me she's missing an intimacy that she needs.

So ask her what does she mean by that?

May I suggest that you spend time together doing a bible study and praying together.

If she means sexual intimacy! then you have to decide whether to continue or end the relationship.

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

Maybe she means talking deeply?

 

[Sapiens]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 7 months now. She told me she's missing an intimacy that she needs. She doesn't want to lose me but she also told me she wants a friendship type of intimacy so that she can build from there. She doesn't know how to build that while we are dating. Because when we're dating she doesn't treat me like a friend. It's been 7 months and she hasn't gotten the type of intimacy that she wants. Holding hands and kissing means very little to her. But to me that's what intimacy is, being present with each other. I have to come up with a good plan for us to start building intimacy or we will become friends. I have no idea what to do..

Hi!

From what I read, you both seem willing for this relationship to go on. Like someone else said earlier, the best really would be that she tells you exactly what she feels is lacking. It's normal that you don't know what to do if she hasn't told you!

Questions like: "what sort of friendship characteristics are lacking? How could they be incorporated in your relationship?" would be relevant to answer.

God bless,

Let us know how it goes!

P.S. two books I loved on dating (I also am in a dating relationship) are from Gary Chapman: "the five love languages" and "things I wish I'd known before we got married".

 

[Fireflies]

A lot of people give the sage advice of "marry your best friend".

It sounds like that idea is very important to her. Which, it should be. Being friends (not to say they have to be your best friend, but definitely your friend!) is what gets people through the difficult times.

The 5 love languages is a must read, regardless of you two getting serious. Regardless if she's the one for you.

Definitely ask her what her ideas of friendship are. It always the best starting point. SEcond, know that to a lot of people, sharing a bond with someone constitutes as friendly intimacy. That bond can be surviving a hostile situation with someone to as simple as giving up your most guarded secrets to another.
Maybe go on a (group) trip that involves survival (camping) or competition. Maybe spend time sharing deep fears/regrets/dreams with each other.

Honestly, connecting with people is the most hard pressed thing in our society. Everyone needs it & it is sorely lacking in today's culture.

 

[Lifeisagift]

There is no requirement to be friends 1st. I suspect she might putting on the brakes in the relationship. For me whenever a guy I was dating demoted me to "just a friend", they did not want to continue dating me.