Was it a mortal sin? Or arousal? Plus another question

[Timid Catholic]

I've been battling terrible sexual urges to...you know...touch and look at porn. It started after a horrifying incident when I was younger where I stumbled on an immoral image and could never stop thinking about it and soon it became an obsession.
I have been slowly pulling away from these terrible urges, but whenever I have been off long, a thought enters my head again and it's back to confession, making me feel horrible; especially around my family, who know nothing of it and I admit to crying from guilt. I feel like I'm straying from the faith sometimes.

I'd like to know if this is a mortal sin:
I woke up with immoral thoughts, I wasn't really dwelling on them since I would shrug them off, stop thinking about them, and then they'd come back. I felt some arousion and with it went to touch. But I didn't really, the arousion got pretty bad, but I fought it, but I got ready to do it, letting it take over for a few seconds then immediately ran from it. Was this a sin? I've been struggling with whether or not I'm being scrupulous and fearful of going up to communion in mortal sin, or am really committing a sin? I want to remind you, though I did sorta start, I stopped one second into it.


Also, I want to tell my Mother, but I'm just so ashamed I can't. Mainly because I've kept it hidden for too many years. It would have been better had I gone to her in the first place. Are there any other teens who have gone through this that might tell me how to bring it up to her? I would rather tell then let it be a lifelong secret, I've settled my mind on that. I've just been so terribly sinful I can hardly say it here, I'm an introvert as it is.

I could only bring myself to do it by making my profile anonymous. I hope I wasn't lying in any way when making the account, I tried not to.

I'm just so worried how my Mum and Dad will view me after this. I could never break it to my Dad, though Mum probably will.

Please pray for me.
Thx

 

[Timid Catholic]

Thank you! I've been doing better than a while ago, but thoughts are the hardest to get out. I've thought over some things and will be trying to spend more time with family, I notice I never get those feelings when I'm not alone, Internet is probably the worst cause. Even just looking at emails. I think it's because I'm almost in a daze, I'm not as much in control.
Thank you for your encouragement! I'm going to speak to my mum about it today, I started last night when she noticed something was wrong, but it was too late in the night to continue.
Pray for me!

 

[Timid Catholic]

<Staff Edit>

Thank you! I've been doing better than a while ago, but thoughts are the hardest to get out. I've thought over some things and will be trying to spend more time with family, I notice I never get those feelings when I'm not alone, Internet is probably the worst cause. Even just looking at emails. I think it's because I'm almost in a daze, I'm not as much in control.
Thank you for your encouragement! I'm going to speak to my mum about it today, I started last night when she noticed something was wrong, but it was too late in the night to continue.
Pray for me!

 

[thehehe]

This is true - when you keep yourself busy, you don't have the time to give up to bad inclinations. Perhaps you should get out a little more, spend more time with friends or family, or take a job, do some physical activity especially or something. Bore is the mother of sin.
Really, you should spend a lot of time with people around you. You need to feel that you are not alone facing your obsessions, because you are not and never will - your loved ones will support you, and mostly God will always care for you!
No one's case is beyong hope. It will take time, need help and trust, but you will succeed.
There is no place for shame in you : do you know why? Because you are proving how courageous you are. You want to get free of your worst inclinations, and I highly value that! I wish you all the best little sister!

And anyway welcome here

 

[Timid Catholic]

This is true - when you keep yourself busy, you don't have the time to give up to bad inclinations. Perhaps you should get out a little more, spend more time with friends or family, or take a job, do some physical activity especially or something. Bore is the mother of sin.
Really, you should spend a lot of time with people around you. You need to feel that you are not alone facing your obsessions, because you are not and never will - your loved ones will support you, and mostly God will always care for you!
No one's case is beyong hope. It will take time, need help and trust, but you will succeed.
There is no place for shame in you : do you know why? Because you are proving how courageous you are. You want to get free of your worst inclinations, and I highly value that! I wish you all the best little sister!

And anyway welcome here

Thank you!
Since all these troubles and the internet, I have slowed down my good habits which probably prevented this. The main one being a novel writer. I always wanted to write good books (there aren't that many), but lately my creative process slowed, so my imagination was turned elsewhere. It might be good to get back into this, since it kept all ideas pure and is actually beneficial to my career.
The rest of my family is arty, so we're starting projects together

 

[thehehe]

Thank you!
Since all these troubles and the internet, I have slowed down my good habits which probably prevented this. The main one being a novel writer. I always wanted to write good books (there aren't that many), but lately my creative process slowed, so my imagination was turned elsewhere. It might be good to get back into this, since it kept all ideas pure and is actually beneficial to my career.
The rest of my family is arty, so we're starting projects together

That is simply amazing!! I also write a lot -poetry, novels, etc- even if I rarely have time for it with my studies. Yes, art is perhaps the better key to self-understanding and self-improvement. Using your creativity to draw or paint, or visiting museums, reading etc allows you to enrich and sanctify your life. So yes, I think you should write again, or perhaps use a diary or write poetry to express your own burdens. If your family is an artistic one, then I guess you already know what an amazing gift we received with creativity : an ability to resilience.

 

[Timid Catholic]

That is simply amazing!! I also write a lot -poetry, novels, etc- even if I rarely have time for it with my studies. Yes, art is perhaps the better key to self-understanding and self-improvement. Using your creativity to draw or paint, or visiting museums, reading etc allows you to enrich and sanctify your life. So yes, I think you should write again, or perhaps use a diary or write poetry to express your own burdens. If your family is an artistic one, then I guess you already know what an amazing gift we received with creativity : an ability to resilience.

Thank you! I'm feeling much better getting back into my good old habits Nice to meet another writer!

 

[Timid Catholic]

<staff edit>
Thank you for the advice! She didn't know, but she's going to help t

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

This thread has been cleaned of posts from those over 19 years of age.

 

[Ecclesiastian]

Its not a mortal sin. You know what you're thinking about is wrong and are restraining yourself from acting on it. While I would recommend prayer for help with it, you don't have to treat yourself so harshly just because you have such thoughts unwillingly.