I've never been a parent. Maybe I should have known better because I'm 58, but I took in a teenager two months ago she's now moving out by my request. C is from a fairly dysfunctional immediate family and told me her grandma (whom she and her family were living with) didn't like her, her parents were moving to Idaho and she wanted to go to college here it was pretty much an "everyone is abandoning me, I'm all alone" speech. However, she does have an extensive family and many go to my church. I didn't know about her family when she asked to move in it's a large church.
I let her move in with one rule: no boys stay the night. Well, that got broken two months later on August 15th (I wonder if there are more occasions I don't know about). I caught them as they were leaving the house. C acted tremendously guilty and said more to me then than she had for the previous 2 months. She even volunteered to come back and help with the yard work I was doing after she dropped the boy off! Wow. Actually volunteering to help (but I didn't take her up on it)! C said nothing sexual went on, but I don't believe that. (I thought the boy was acting like I was her father and was going to shoot him.) She texted me later to say that nothing happened because the boy is gay. How stupid does she think I am? A girlfriend spent the night and slept on the sofa upstairs. The boy sleeps in her room?
C often leaves the house anywhere from 10pm to 5am. Sometimes she comes back, sometimes she doesn't. (Her mom told me she sometimes goes to grandma's to stay because her dad is there.) This morning she brought a boy back to the house and I didn't hear them come in. They didn't know I was home until my cell phone rang much later and the boisterous talking and laughing in the family room abruptly changed to whispers. Guilty or not? He could have slept on the sofa, but he had been in her room from around 5 am to past 11 am. Am I supposed to believe nothing went on?
I guess what I want to know it why, when she had such a great setup at my house, did she fail to respect the one requirement I asked of her? And why did she barely speak to me at all? Not even a hello or goodbye? To get a question answered or tell her something I had to catch her on her way out of the house or right when she came in before going down to her bedroom. She acted like she just didn't have the time to talk ever.
C lives a life out of control. She doesnt know how to take care of herself she doesn't take care of basic needs like food and sleep (I don't feed her) and time management doesn't exist for her. I took one factor out of the way for her (shelter) but the rest was up to her and she couldnt handle it.
Whats truth and whats a lie? Where is the reality? Was I duped? Was there never a need? C is leaving on far from good terms. Things blew up here today. She's telling me I've falsely accused her that she's a good girl but her actions don't say that to me. I told her that all I can go by are appearances, which say otherwise since she never bothered trying to develop any sort of relationship between us. She's gone this evening (I have no idea where), but left me a VERY nasty note downstairs. In the note she says she's a lesbian (she's not) a cover up lie?
I'm so confused. I'd love to hear what any of you think. This little "adventure" in my life is ending now, but I'd like some feedback on what you think might have been going on. Like I said, I've never been a parent so I'm clueless.
Thanks,
Janet
I let her move in with one rule: no boys stay the night. Well, that got broken two months later on August 15th (I wonder if there are more occasions I don't know about). I caught them as they were leaving the house. C acted tremendously guilty and said more to me then than she had for the previous 2 months. She even volunteered to come back and help with the yard work I was doing after she dropped the boy off! Wow. Actually volunteering to help (but I didn't take her up on it)! C said nothing sexual went on, but I don't believe that. (I thought the boy was acting like I was her father and was going to shoot him.) She texted me later to say that nothing happened because the boy is gay. How stupid does she think I am? A girlfriend spent the night and slept on the sofa upstairs. The boy sleeps in her room?
C often leaves the house anywhere from 10pm to 5am. Sometimes she comes back, sometimes she doesn't. (Her mom told me she sometimes goes to grandma's to stay because her dad is there.) This morning she brought a boy back to the house and I didn't hear them come in. They didn't know I was home until my cell phone rang much later and the boisterous talking and laughing in the family room abruptly changed to whispers. Guilty or not? He could have slept on the sofa, but he had been in her room from around 5 am to past 11 am. Am I supposed to believe nothing went on?
I guess what I want to know it why, when she had such a great setup at my house, did she fail to respect the one requirement I asked of her? And why did she barely speak to me at all? Not even a hello or goodbye? To get a question answered or tell her something I had to catch her on her way out of the house or right when she came in before going down to her bedroom. She acted like she just didn't have the time to talk ever.
C lives a life out of control. She doesnt know how to take care of herself she doesn't take care of basic needs like food and sleep (I don't feed her) and time management doesn't exist for her. I took one factor out of the way for her (shelter) but the rest was up to her and she couldnt handle it.
Whats truth and whats a lie? Where is the reality? Was I duped? Was there never a need? C is leaving on far from good terms. Things blew up here today. She's telling me I've falsely accused her that she's a good girl but her actions don't say that to me. I told her that all I can go by are appearances, which say otherwise since she never bothered trying to develop any sort of relationship between us. She's gone this evening (I have no idea where), but left me a VERY nasty note downstairs. In the note she says she's a lesbian (she's not) a cover up lie?
I'm so confused. I'd love to hear what any of you think. This little "adventure" in my life is ending now, but I'd like some feedback on what you think might have been going on. Like I said, I've never been a parent so I'm clueless.
Thanks,
Janet