Want to wait until marriage for sex

[Dave-W]

The Five Love Languages" (a reference to the concepts presented by Gary Chapman in a book with that name). I haven't read it, but I'm guessing it is appropriate for unmarried folks.

Indeed it is. And there are several spin-offs which tailor the basic message in that book to different groups.

 

[JoeP222w]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

1. If he truly loves you, he will wait with you until marriage, and he will never pressure you before marriage. If he is pressuring you into sex before marriage, little to no good will come out of continuing a relationship with him, because he is only pursuing his selfish lusts and not protecting your heart.
2. People set a false ideal that on the wedding night that sex is the most amazing and intense thing there is between husband and wife. This is borderline idolatry. Sexual intercourse is not the pinnacle of marriage, and if you set it to be, and then find out that it is not, you will be devastated. If God is not the core and life of your marriage, you will eventually fail.

Sexual intercourse within marriage is a journey, as all of the marriage is to be. Sometimes it is amazingly awesome, other times it is a struggle. You could indeed have problems, and many married couples do, because bodies change and emotions change. But the point is that the 2 of you have made a covenant bond together to walk through it together.

Far too many people believe that once 2 people get married all of their problems and sins go away. This is simply not true. Whenever 2 sinners saved by grace come together, you will walk together and grow and change through the sanctifying process of grace. Marriage takes work and effort, but it is one of the greatest works you will ever do in life in the process of sanctification.

No one that I have ever known that waited until marriage has ever honestly said that they regretted waiting for marriage.

 

[MayMcFlurry]

Practice makes perfect. With good communication you will learn what each other likes. So you don't need to be experts.

 

[Poppyseed78]

If you have to "force" a guy to wait, then he clearly isn't worth your time, and he doesn't share your beliefs. This is why dating is such an important phase: you learn about each other and whether your beliefs match.

Also, the logic is slightly flawed. If you are a virgin on your wedding night, and your husband thinks you're bad in bed and thus divorces you, how is this any worse than if you had sex with him prior to marriage and he dumped you right afterward? Either way you are hurt.

A marriage must be based on mutual trust, respect, and communication. Without those, there is no love, and the sex will suffer. A marriage needs a strong foundation, and the rest will follow.

 

[geiroffenberg]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

dont worry about it, the fear of being bad in bed is just a cultural symptom from too much weird hollywood productions. Its not like this in real life, as nothing else in movies is like real life! These things has a tendency of working itself out, like eating and breathing...it sort of comes naturally and inside a marriage its not like you lack oportunies to make it better next time lol!

 

[Blade]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

Girl.. THINK lol. 1st... waiting till your married is GODS your Fathers will. Then.. to have the one you love so much wait... it WONT go wrong. WHY think about what could go wrong. What about ALL the thing that WILL GO RIGHT! And be AWESOME WONDERFUL BEAUTFUL.. PRAISE GOD BEST DAY FOR BOTH OF YOU EVER!

Think like that! How does your FATHER think? What can go wrong or.. what WILL GO RIGHT? It WILL be far better then you ever imagined

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

I have been married twice. The first time, we didn't have sex until we were married. Actually, I was still a virgin as she was too. It was a bit rocky on the marriage night, but thereafter I found the sex very satisfying and conscience free. Actually my first wife left me because she became depressed, slipped from her faith, and decided to leave the marriage. 10 years later, I remarried. But during those storm and stress years I did get into scrapes with women, and the Holy Spirit on at me about it. In the end, after 10 years I decided to give up on women, and less than three months after that I met my second wife and we have been happily married for 27 years.

I am telling you this because if I had my time all over again, I would have waited after my divorce until I met the person who God allowed me to be with has His second chance for me, to engage in sexual activity. Then I would not have the enemy hassle me at times with regrets about me sowing my wild oats between marriages. From a male perspective, any guy who makes you feel guilty or inadequate because you choose to wait until married is not worth spending the rest of your life with.

 

[Bobby H]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

When you are married and love each other, it can never be bad for either one of you.

 

[JacksBratt]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

First of all,
If the guy won't wait... he doesn't respect you, love your, care about your or God... It would be good riddance.

Secondly:
The biggest sex organ is your mind. Even when married it is fantastic sometimes and so so other times..... The best part is teaching each other what they need and how they like certain things...
Not even close to taking a car for a test drive... so immature and self serving.

Thirdly:
He should feel bad for pressuring you to do something that you know is biblicaly wrong, out of your comfort zone and something he wants for his own gratification
This is blatant selfishness.

Finally:

Who is he to say that the sex was bad? What does that mean anyway? Has he had so many partners that he now knows good sex from bad sex and great sex from fantastic sex?

What is "bad sex" anyway? I'll tell you... sex that is not with your marriage partner.

 

[Na Nach Oi!]

And the reality is sex is never perfect no matter how long a couple has been together.

What do you mean with "the perfect sex"?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

What do you mean with "the perfect sex"?

Well I mean in media sex is always portrayed as this perfect thing where there are no issues. Sort of like how people who watch inappropriate content assume sex is some mind-blowingly perfect thing every time.

Sex is not perfect. It can be great, but there will always be issues. Obviously I don't want to go into details deemed NSFW on here.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

we don't have biblical permission to "try before you buy".

 

[buzuxi02]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

If it's any consolation to you even couples who are experienced and great in the sack end up hating each other and getting divorced. Basically what I'm saying is that's the last thing you need to worry about.

 

[Ginger Sunshyne]

Everybody is bad in bed the first time. Don't give in to temptation and offend your morals and beliefs for fear of "being bad in bed". Save yourself for marriage. Have no regrets.

 

[expos4ever]

Setting aside the matter of pre-marital sex, note the following:

In her recent book, The Sex-Starved Marriage, author and therapist Michele Weiner Davis, underscores the importance sex plays in a healthy relationship: "When it's good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their relationship as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that binds."

The unraveling of that tie, she adds, poses a threat to the relationship itself. "Unsatisfying sexual relationships are the all-too-frequent causes of alienation, infidelity and divorce," says Weiner Davis.

My only point here is that, if this expert (and she is an expert) is correct, mutually satisfying sex is important in a relationship. I know that it sounds pious and Biblical to suggest that there exists a pure "love" that floats free of the sexual dimension of marriage.

I appreciate the spirit behind that, but I suggest it is not very realistic - we are sexual beings; it's wired into us at the most fundamental level.

 

[expos4ever]

Re my last post: please do not misunderstand me. I want to heartily agree with all others here who have suggested that you should not worry about being "bad" at sex. Everyone is, at first, as several other posters have stated.

 

[expos4ever]

And from most guys' perspective, as long as you are willing and enthusiastic, your "performance" is kinda moot.

I very much agree with this. While this is a bit of an exaggeration, I would say that if a man's partner is enthusiastic and responsive sexually, he will do anything for her.

 

[expos4ever]

I dont know what you guys are talking about. I was great my first time.....Had us both speaking in tongues and thanking God afterward.

This is one of the funniest things I have read here. Thanks, you made my day (I am being serious).

Speaking in tongues, eh?

 

[RaymondG]

This is one of the funniest things I have read here. Thanks, you made my day (I am being serious).

Speaking in tongues, eh?

Yeah, I think i heard some French...Chinese...and a few foreign cars spoken...I believe is was Hyundai? ...was such a long time ago.

But I recommend Thinking positive....
She is a lender, not a borrower...above and not beneath.....uh I think this is the wrong scripture for this thread...but you get the point!

She will great and have nothing to worry about.

Who said all Christians were too serious and boring?

 

[brightlights]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

Having sex before marriage, or participating in any sexual activity before marriage, will make sex bad, not better.

Your initial experiences with sex within marriage (especially if you've been obedient and waited) will be awkward. It'll take a few years to really learn how to have good sex.

But if you have sex before marriage or engage in other sexual activity then guilt and shame will come to be associated with sex and it will negatively affect your sex life within marriage. I see this time and time again.

My wife and I did nothing sexual before marriage. Sex was awkward for a while within marriage. But now 8 years in we enjoy amazing freedom and joy in sex that many of our married friends do not have precisely because they engaged in sexual activity before marriage and now shame and guilt are associated with it.

On another note, if you've got a dude in your life who you have to make wait then you should ditch that guy. Find a man who is making himself wait and doesn't need his girlfriend to be his mommy.