Want to wait until marriage for sex

[Lybrah]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

 

[Your Brother In Christ]

I can promise that you and he will be inexperienced, but this is not a bad thing. You and he will have your entire lives to get to know each other. I would say, as a single man, wait it is worth doing what is right in the lord's eyes. It will strengthen your marriage.

 

[Saucy]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

Here's the thing...you're going to bad your first time. And if you find a guy who is also a virgin, he'll be bad too. That's what practice is for And if he runs off and divorces you because your first time wasn't the most amazing thing ever, then he never loved you in the first place.

These are things couples worry about, but shouldn't. It's not about how good or bad the sex is, but the love that brought you together in the first place. What if a week into marriage there's an accident that renders either of you unable to have sex. Does that mean the marriage is dead? Not at all.

Sex is a fun, pleasurable thing for couples, but if it's the most important thing, then it's valued way too highly lol.

 

[Darkhorse]

If "the sex is bad", it's almost always due to emotional conflicts, possibly originating from sexual abuse or an overly-legalistic upbringing. In any event, it's treatable with counseling or therapy.

Some physical conditions can interfere with pleasurable sex, but again, they can almost always be minimized or eliminated by good medical treatment.

 

[seashale76]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

In what universe it is suddenly okay for men to have sex outside of marriage but all women should be virgins? This bugs me. Not having sex before marriage is something ALL Christians should strive for. You're not making/forcing a guy to wait, and any guy that makes you feel this way is one that needs to go.

Nobody is good in bed the first time/s. From things I've heard over the years- there are plenty of people that have had tons of sex with lots of people that have awful experiences. Experience is no guarantee.

I'm not saying there aren't people out there like that, but my husband and I certainly didn't get married 'just for the sex'. We decided to get married because we couldn't conceive of living our lives without the other being a big part of it. Sex was a bonus. There's more to marriage than sex- and if the sex isn't good- it can be improved upon. We were both virgins when we got married and neither of us regret it. Also, I was one of those people that had those vague 'other' problems you referred to- and they were fixable.

From a Christian perspective, we see marriage like this: For the Christian, everything can be related back to communion/eucharist. Marriage is a sacrament. It is also considered a martyrdom. You deny yourself for the sake of your spouse. You also aren't joined together with someone who also isn't in communion. When you engage in fornication- it is a proclamation that you are refusing to deny yourself for the sake of Christ and are choosing to engage your passions- you are knowingly excommunicating yourself. When one is baptized into Christ they are part of the body of Christ- the temple of the Holy Spirit- receiving Christ in the Holy Mysteries. So, for us, it is actually fairly serious to engage in things like pre-marital sex.

 

[RaymondG]

I dont know what you guys are talking about. I was great my first time.....Had us both speaking in tongues and thanking God afterward.

Some of these replies are very interestingly strange.

But in all seriousness....I know most christian Males would rather the girl be a Virgin.....what way they wont know how bad They are..... Just like Girls are expected to be Vs a lot.....Male are the ones expected to know the ropes in the bedroom. I think you are fine and would be better served thinking about other things.

 

[joyfulmana]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

First of all, you shouldn't have to "make the guy wait" at all. Preferably he would have the same beliefs about sex as you and also want to wait until marriage, but even if he disagrees, he should at least respect and honor your beliefs...otherwise he doesn't truly love you for who you are!

OP, I definitely understand your concern here. I'm also a woman who is waiting until marriage and similar thoughts have crossed my mind. But please remember that this is God's design. His desire is for us to wait. There is nothing to fear! Sex is a learning experience and who better to learn with than the man who has pledged to be faithful to you forever?

 

[SkyWriting]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

Sex in marriage is rarely predictable.
Welcome to the world.

 

[Wolfe]

Sex isn't the only thing in marriage you know.

If you two love each other, then there will be no problems.
You will learn of each other, and your preferences over time.

If he leaves you for not bein good at sex, then chances are he wasn't worth your time.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Here's the thing...you're going to bad your first time. And if you find a guy who is also a virgin, he'll be bad too. That's what practice is for And if he runs off and divorces you because your first time wasn't the most amazing thing ever, then he never loved you in the first place.

These are things couples worry about, but shouldn't. It's not about how good or bad the sex is, but the love that brought you together in the first place. What if a week into marriage there's an accident that renders either of you unable to have sex. Does that mean the marriage is dead? Not at all.

Sex is a fun, pleasurable thing for couples, but if it's the most important thing, then it's valued way too highly lol.

Agreed. You guys will have alot of time to practice...
And if he leaves you because you're bad in bed then he wasn't a real man and THE man for you anyway.

I've had similar thoughts because I'm 25 and never been with anyone.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Sex isn't the only thing in marriage you know.

If you two love each other, then there will be no problems.
You will learn of each other, and your preferences over time.

If he leaves you for not bein good at sex, then chances are he wasn't worth your time.

Hey how u doin partner

 

[Wolfe]

Hey how u doin partner

Hey, I've been horribly sick for the past month, but overall pretty good.
Been studyin n such, you?

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Hey, I've been horribly sick for the past month, but overall pretty good.
Been studyin n such, you?

Sorry ur sick..I'm studying too.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

Did you say you were premillennial?

 

[MrNoodle]

I met the best person in my life, and gave her my 100% to trying to make it work. But the relationship failed, and she has mostly left my life. No one is perfect, and no relationship is perfect. But she was the best person that I have met thus far. We never had sex. So I can not say that sex was a contributing factor or not. All that I can say is that I miss her, and hope that someday I will deserve to have her in my life. Meantime all that I can do is trust that God has a plan. Because I have no idea where life is taking me. - My point is that sex is not the most important thing to a relationship.

 

[Na Nach Oi!]

Sex in marriage is rarely predictable.
Welcome to the world.

Yes! Unpredictable.

Many couples have dead bedroom.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Remember its a marriage fo two people who are used to being single and living that kind of lifestyle. Once married sex won't be the only thing people are bad at. But the good news is you learn about everything in marriage and things get better. Including sex. And the reality is sex is never perfect no matter how long a couple has been together. Same with anything else. And sometimes it can lead to issues (like sex drives and what not). But don't worry about that.

You'll be busy enough outside of sex getting used to each other in one place together. From habits to chores to bills...etc.

 

[Greg J.]

I want to wait, but I am afraid that if I make the guy wait, would if I am bad in bed? What if there is some other problem? I would feel bad making him wait, marry me, and then the sex is bad.

You don't need to be concerned about such things. Concern yourself with making sure you only marry someone who is already joyfully sacrificing what he wants for what you want—and who loves you:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ... (bold mine, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, 1984 NIV)

To be attractive to someone like this, a person may need to have been serious about following Jesus for a while.

 

[Dave-W]

So you are the [true] 40 year old virgin. Congrats!

I will join with the others in saying that sex is something you learn and it takes time. I would also add that sex is somewhat different with every partner (or so I have been told by those who have married several times). So even if you are experienced, it will still be different when you get married.

And from most guys' perspective, as long as you are willing and enthusiastic, your "performance" is kinda moot.

What you CAN do now, is to know what YOU like; what works well and what does not work. And when you do get married - teach all of that to him in small steps. Not just the what, where and how, but also the WHY. It may just blow his mind.

 

[Greg J.]

What you CAN do now, is to know what YOU like; what works well and what does not work. And when you do get married - teach all of that to him in small steps. Not just the what, where and how, but also the WHY. It may just blow his mind.

In line with this thinking, the thought comes to mind about the original poster looking into understanding "The Five Love Languages" (a reference to the concepts presented by Gary Chapman in a book with that name). I haven't read it, but I'm guessing it is appropriate for unmarried folks.