Want to Break Up with Girlfriend who thinks we will get married

[Christian4252]

My girlfriend of 10 months is dead set on us getting married. She is in her mid 30's where as I am in my upper 20's. She never had a boyfriend before me and thinks I am the one. I'm not trying to brag or be mean but I am probably a little bit out of her league (I really don't care about that, I'm just trying to paint the picture).

At first I enjoyed our relationship. I enjoyed spending time with her. But things changed in the first few months. She wanted to spend all her time with me. I felt like I could never get any time to myself. I finally had to explain that to her and that I needed more time to myself. She got mad but did give me some time.

I knew I felt like she was investing too much into me but I thought it would get better over time. However, we are 10 months in and I don't know if I feel the same way anymore. She still will ask me to hang out more than we were planning and sometimes gets upset when I push back and say no. She is also very emotionally attached to me. I wish she wasn't and I've told her not to be so attached to me.

I told her at the beginning of the relationship that there are no guarantees. I told her things might not work out in the end. She understood but said she was hopeful. And it was cool.

However, I don't know if this is what I want anymore. I feel like I don't get much freedom. I know someone who has gotten married to someone who depends on them a lot emotionally. I don't want that. I don't know if I want this relationship anymore.

If I'm being honest: if someone asked me if I could go back to when we first started dating and choose not to date. I would probably choose not to date.

I think I want to break up. But I just don't know how and I am scared about what she will think or do. I do care about her feelings and I want her to be happy. I don't think her happiness should depend on being with me anyways, but it (feels like it) does.

Does anyone have any advice on this? Has anyone been in this situation? Should I stay with her and hope things get better? Should I break up with her? Thanks for the input.

 

[Mark Quayle]

My girlfriend of 10 months is dead set on us getting married. She is in her mid 30's where as I am in my upper 20's. She never had a boyfriend before me and thinks I am the one. I'm not trying to brag or be mean but I am probably a little bit out of her league (I really don't care about that, I'm just trying to paint the picture).

At first I enjoyed our relationship. I enjoyed spending time with her. But things changed in the first few months. She wanted to spend all her time with me. I felt like I could never get any time to myself. I finally had to explain that to her and that I needed more time to myself. She got mad but did give me some time.

I knew I felt like she was investing too much into me but I thought it would get better over time. However, we are 10 months in and I don't know if I feel the same way anymore. She still will ask me to hang out more than we were planning and sometimes gets upset when I push back and say no. She is also very emotionally attached to me. I wish she wasn't and I've told her not to be so attached to me.

I told her at the beginning of the relationship that there are no guarantees. I told her things might not work out in the end. She understood but said she was hopeful. And it was cool.

However, I don't know if this is what I want anymore. I feel like I don't get much freedom. I know someone who has gotten married to someone who depends on them a lot emotionally. I don't want that. I don't know if I want this relationship anymore.

If I'm being honest: if someone asked me if I could go back to when we first started dating and choose not to date. I would probably choose not to date.

I think I want to break up. But I just don't know how and I am scared about what she will think or do. I do care about her feelings and I want her to be happy. I don't think her happiness should depend on being with me anyways, but it (feels like it) does.

Does anyone have any advice on this? Has anyone been in this situation? Should I stay with her and hope things get better? Should I break up with her? Thanks for the input.

Sounds like resentment from both sides, if the relationship continues. She wants what you cannot give her. Don't let her think it will work out. After marriage, the problem begun now will be many times worse.

For both of your sakes, stop it now.

IMHO

 

[Christian4252]

Sounds like resentment from both sides, if the relationship continues. She wants what you cannot give her. Don't let her think it will work out. After marriage, the problem begun now will be many times worse.

For both of your sakes, stop it now.

IMHO

Do you have any advice on how though? I'm afraid of how mad and upset she will be.

 

[sandman]

Unless you are from a different planet… you are not out of her league. She is human and you, I assume are human …same league. The world uses social status as a demarcation.

I see no mention of her being a believer…depending on how committed to God you are, that could present a problem… if she is not.

You have to talk, and you need to set boundaries, otherwise you will just get angry and eventually it will come to a head. You need time for yourself and she does too …she just doesn’t know it, because you are her world right now. So talk …about everything you need to talk about …or it will just get worse.

 

[valerina]

My girlfriend of 10 months is dead set on us getting married. She is in her mid 30's where as I am in my upper 20's. She never had a boyfriend before me and thinks I am the one. I'm not trying to brag or be mean but I am probably a little bit out of her league (I really don't care about that, I'm just trying to paint the picture).

At first I enjoyed our relationship. I enjoyed spending time with her. But things changed in the first few months. She wanted to spend all her time with me. I felt like I could never get any time to myself. I finally had to explain that to her and that I needed more time to myself. She got mad but did give me some time.

I knew I felt like she was investing too much into me but I thought it would get better over time. However, we are 10 months in and I don't know if I feel the same way anymore. She still will ask me to hang out more than we were planning and sometimes gets upset when I push back and say no. She is also very emotionally attached to me. I wish she wasn't and I've told her not to be so attached to me.

I told her at the beginning of the relationship that there are no guarantees. I told her things might not work out in the end. She understood but said she was hopeful. And it was cool.

However, I don't know if this is what I want anymore. I feel like I don't get much freedom. I know someone who has gotten married to someone who depends on them a lot emotionally. I don't want that. I don't know if I want this relationship anymore.

If I'm being honest: if someone asked me if I could go back to when we first started dating and choose not to date. I would probably choose not to date.

I think I want to break up. But I just don't know how and I am scared about what she will think or do. I do care about her feelings and I want her to be happy. I don't think her happiness should depend on being with me anyways, but it (feels like it) does.

Does anyone have any advice on this? Has anyone been in this situation? Should I stay with her and hope things get better? Should I break up with her? Thanks for the input.

I had similar times with people, always want to spend time with me or go out with me, even when I am not interested. When I date someone they are always more attached to me than I am to them, always most with Americans ha. It is hard, but you must say you are not interested in them, and that you do not want the relationship any more. It is hard but I can see this is the only choice. I am sorry you have to do it but someone must.

 

[Mark Quayle]

Do you have any advice on how though? I'm afraid of how mad and upset she will be.

Some things are unavoidable. I don't know what to tell you. But to not tell her what is going on in your mind is unfair, in my opinion. You should tell her, out of respect for her.

 

[Christian4252]

Unless you are from a different planet… you are not out of her league. She is human and you, I assume are human …same league. The world uses social status as a demarcation.

I see no mention of her being a believer…depending on how committed to God you are, that could present a problem… if she is not.

You have to talk, and you need to set boundaries, otherwise you will just get angry and eventually it will come to a head. You need time for yourself and she does too …she just doesn’t know it, because you are her world right now. So talk …about everything you need to talk about …or it will just get worse.

We are both born-again believers. I consider Christ to come before anything. I admit I am still trying to grow in Christ. I personally believe her attachment to me is not good or Godly. I have talked things over with her many times.

 

[Christian4252]

I had similar times with people, always want to spend time with me or go out with me, even when I am not interested. When I date someone they are always more attached to me than I am to them, always most with Americans ha. It is hard, but you must say you are not interested in them, and that you do not want the relationship any more. It is hard but I can see this is the only choice. I am sorry you have to do it but someone must.

I have that same issue. This is my 3rd GF now and all thought we were going to get married. I think I'm different than most people in that I'm perfectly fine being single and have no problem if I end up single.

 

[sandman]

We are both born-again believers. I consider Christ to come before anything. I admit I am still trying to grow in Christ. I personally believe her attachment to me is not good or Godly. I have talked things over with her many times.

And she listens to you .... but doesn't hear you....I've been there.
The first thing you have to keep in mind is... she is your sister in Christ...and deserves to be treated with the utmost respect.....I know you know that, but with emotions being charged...it can get confusing.
You really do have to take the lead in this and set the stage for the the relationship if their is going to be one.
Right now she is unwittingly chasing you away ...basically doing the opposite of what she wants by her clinginess, which is unhealthy for you, and her, and the relationship ...even if you want to remain friends.
But you have to be the one to take charge and set the standards ...if you want to break it off ...do that lovingly...if you think there is a possibility for a relationship ...let her know what you need, space wise, and do not deviate.

 

[Jeshu]

i agree with you that as it is now it is no good.

i think it is best to explain how you feel to her. i know this will hurt her a lot, so you need to pray to Jesus and ask Him to help you formulate how you are going to break this to her. Gently, loving and caring are essential having such a conversation.

i think the minimum thing to do is let her digest what you said, so she can react to it, and perhaps change her ways, and maybe then you will think differently about her after that.

Peace.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

My girlfriend of 10 months is dead set on us getting married. She is in her mid 30's where as I am in my upper 20's. She never had a boyfriend before me and thinks I am the one. I'm not trying to brag or be mean but I am probably a little bit out of her league (I really don't care about that, I'm just trying to paint the picture).

At first I enjoyed our relationship. I enjoyed spending time with her. But things changed in the first few months. She wanted to spend all her time with me. I felt like I could never get any time to myself. I finally had to explain that to her and that I needed more time to myself. She got mad but did give me some time.

I knew I felt like she was investing too much into me but I thought it would get better over time. However, we are 10 months in and I don't know if I feel the same way anymore. She still will ask me to hang out more than we were planning and sometimes gets upset when I push back and say no. She is also very emotionally attached to me. I wish she wasn't and I've told her not to be so attached to me.

I told her at the beginning of the relationship that there are no guarantees. I told her things might not work out in the end. She understood but said she was hopeful. And it was cool.

However, I don't know if this is what I want anymore. I feel like I don't get much freedom. I know someone who has gotten married to someone who depends on them a lot emotionally. I don't want that. I don't know if I want this relationship anymore.

If I'm being honest: if someone asked me if I could go back to when we first started dating and choose not to date. I would probably choose not to date.

I think I want to break up. But I just don't know how and I am scared about what she will think or do. I do care about her feelings and I want her to be happy. I don't think her happiness should depend on being with me anyways, but it (feels like it) does.

Does anyone have any advice on this? Has anyone been in this situation? Should I stay with her and hope things get better? Should I break up with her? Thanks for the input.

I am in a relationship and it is celibate. Marriage is the next step. If you are both fornicators then you are both in error. If you are both celibate then of course marriage between two people who love each other is a blessing.

 

[Christian4252]

I am in a relationship and it is celibate. Marriage is the next step. If you are both fornicators then you are both in error. If you are both celibate then of course marriage between two people who love each other is a blessing.

No we do not fornicate. We are strong believers who believe in keeping the marriage bed pure.

 

[Christian4252]

So I am thinking of maybe taking some time off from the relationship. Maybe telling her we should breakup for a few months and do some self-reflection. Tell her that I feel like she is too attached to me and she needs to work on that. Then in a couple months see where we are at.

What do you guys think?

 

[Sketcher]

So I am thinking of maybe taking some time off from the relationship. Maybe telling her we should breakup for a few months and do some self-reflection. Tell her that I feel like she is too attached to me and she needs to work on that. Then in a couple months see where we are at.

What do you guys think?

Many relationships don't come back from that. It seems to be a fake, weird state of a relationship that doesn't make sense to a lot of people. It'll probably hurt her. She might do something to hurt you back in the interim, or at least feel like she would sort of be hurting you back.

What do you need more of from her? Space? Peace? Respect? Something else I'm failing to mention?

I would say make it about whatever those things are, and if she addresses those things, the relationship can continue. I'm not an expert on relationships at all, but if a break doesn't make sense to me, I have my doubts about whether it would make sense to her with the way you described her.