Vow of silence

[Lord'sWarrior]

I usually say when I'm stressed out here on the advice section that I have a mental illness, which is schizoaffective disorder, if anyone knows what it is, and I don't work and stay at home isolated only with my parents, which is hard because I'm 36 and there is too much friction. But what I wanted to talk is that I heard my mother speaking on the phone to my aunt about me and it sounded like she was complaining about the situation and me.

So, I am pretty mad about it, because she isn't honest with me about her feelings and then goes complain about me to someone else. I don't have anyone to talk to all day and my parents are the ones who are here. And because of this I feel I don't have no one anymore. I just feel like wanting to stop my interaction with them, because I'm upset, but am afraid I will not be able to cope without having anyone to talk to. And speaking this to them is not an option, they will not understand.

I feel lonely and now, more than ever. I feel I have no one to talk to, and really don't have. I don't think I will be able to cope well with not speaking to anyone here in the house, only the bare essentials. I feel like a weight. And going to church is not an option because I don't know no one there, and catholic churches aren't places you make friends and hang out. They do the service and when its over, everybody goes their separate ways home.

What am I to do. Probably I will do nothing, as always and be treated as a 12 year old or someone who has no voice in any situation. When you have a serious mental illness, and are isolated because you can't deal with other people, its like a bottomless pit and you are at the margin of society because you are insane and no one hears insane people. That's a fact and a truth. There are exceptions to the rule, but are rare.

 

[Tolworth John]

I don't work and stay at home isolated only with my parents,

I am sorry that you are isolated and have no one to talk to.
Can I ask why you don't volunteer to help with any charities that are in your area.

That would get you out of the house and mingling with other people.

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

I am sorry that you are isolated and have no one to talk to.
Can I ask why you don't volunteer to help with any charities that are in your area.

That would get you out of the house and mingling with other people.

I have paranoia, anxiety and fear of people. I rarely leave the house unless I need to. I don't adapt well in out of home situations, my mind gets tired and lost. I've tried it.

 

[FireDragon76]

Do you work with a therapist?

 

[Tolworth John]

I have paranoia, anxiety and fear of people. I rarely leave the house unless I need to. I don't adapt well in out of home situations, my mind gets tired and lost. I've tried it.

And if you want to break your isolation you will have to keep on trying untill it becomes normality.

Talk to your therapist, doctor, as a mild tranquilizer might takethe edgeoff your fear of leaving home and meeting people.

yes I know I'm ignorant of the medical issues and of your problems.

What are you going to do when you are on your own, terrified of new people and you have to meet new people in order to get benefits to live on/ draw cash from investments/ deal with your parents funerals.

Please start learning how to cope now it will be impossible in 50 years.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

And if you want to break your isolation you will have to keep on trying untill it becomes normality.

Talk to your therapist, doctor, as a mild tranquilizer might takethe edgeoff your fear of leaving home and meeting people.

yes I know I'm ignorant of the medical issues and of your problems.

What are you going to do when you are on your own, terrified of new people and you have to meet new people in order to get benefits to live on/ draw cash from investments/ deal with your parents funerals.

Please start learning how to cope now it will be impossible in 50 years.

You speak truth here, I was in health care for more than twenty years and had several patients who found themselves in that situation when they be in their forties or older when their parents got too old and or they had died.
My duties was to help my patients adjust to having to do their own grocery shopping, setting up their own accounts, help them move to an apartment due to their parent's home being sold to pay of outstanding debts.

 

[Sarah G]

I am sorry that you feel hurt from overhearing your mum on the phone. It is always upsetting to hear someone we love or rely on talk about us in a negative way. Still, as a mum and a sister I must say that your mother is probably just having a moan, letting off steam, venting. Sisters say all kinds of things to one another that they can't or wouldn't say to anyone else. It is just a way of letting things out and also serves the purpose of letting our sisters know that we too are suffering. I suspect that at least one of my sisters messages me when she wants to feel better about her own difficult situation so I tell her about my troubles and she feels a little cheered. Sometimes I say negative things about certain loved ones that I would never say to anyone other than my sister, because they would take it too literally and seriously rather than understanding that I am just having a little whine and a moan.

It sounds as if you are too upset to communicate right now but it probably isn't wise to take a long term vow of silence whilst in this emotional state. It would be best to research the subject and take advice from doctors and priests.

Edit 24/02: I read this today on the subject of living in solitude/silence.

“Only a few can live in true solitude (silence); in fact, only those who have obtained divine consolation for encouragement in their labours and divine co-operation in their struggles” (Step 4, par. 120). “Solitude (silence) chokes the inexperienced” (Step 27, par. 5). Recluses and hermits often suffered greatest spiritual adversities: those, who retired into seclusion out of their own will, not being called by God, suffered adversities.''

Подробнее: Danger of Delusion When Living in Solitude
St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov). "On Prelest". On Hermitic Life.

Edit 25/01: This came up on my Quora digest today. I found it interesting although it isn't from a Christian perspective it gives diverse experiences of elective mutism experiences. https://www.quora.com/What-happens-if-you-stop-talking-for-a-year

 

[Angeldove97]

But what I wanted to talk is that I heard my mother speaking on the phone to my aunt about me and it sounded like she was complaining about the situation and me.

So, I am pretty mad about it, because she isn't honest with me about her feelings and then goes complain about me to someone else.

Something you should realize... people sometimes need to complain and let off steam about what is upsetting them. It doesn't mean they don't love you or want you to be there with them.

I'm a teacher. I have 136 students... I know them by name and their hobbies, what they are good at and not so great at. They are my children. I love and adore them. I pray for them. I hurt when they hurt.

It doesn't mean that I don't have a day when I'm annoyed or short tempered and want to rant about the stupid thing a kid did. It doesn't mean that I don't love that student of mine. I just need to vent for whatever reason - maybe I didn't sleep well or I've been having my own anxiety and depression issues.

What a blessing it is to be with your parents. If YOU don't like situation, then get yourself out of it. Don't use your mental health issues as an excuse to stay in that situation.

 

[Lord'sWarrior]

Something you should realize... people sometimes need to complain and let off steam about what is upsetting them. It doesn't mean they don't love you or want you to be there with them.

I'm a teacher. I have 136 students... I know them by name and their hobbies, what they are good at and not so great at. They are my children. I love and adore them. I pray for them. I hurt when they hurt.

It doesn't mean that I don't have a day when I'm annoyed or short tempered and want to rant about the stupid thing a kid did. It doesn't mean that I don't love that student of mine. I just need to vent for whatever reason - maybe I didn't sleep well or I've been having my own anxiety and depression issues.

What a blessing it is to be with your parents. If YOU don't like situation, then get yourself out of it. Don't use your mental health issues as an excuse to stay in that situation.

do you really know what psychosis is as to say that I'm using it as an excuse? If you knew you'd probably wouldn't say that. You seem proud of yourself for having 100 and something kids at your care. Do you teach them that the world sucks and that they will have to face this God forsaken world on their own and that if they have a serious illness everybody will desert you. You don't know and assume that I'm not grateful for having my parents. Please have some mercy. Do a research and see that 80% of people with schizophrenia do not work but want to, but the world is a effed up place to live in so they can't cope. Show some sympathy. And don't go on saying I shouldn't use my illness as an excuse. You know nothing about it. If you did you wouldn't use that argument. Show some respect.

 

[Angeldove97]

I'm giving you plenty of respect. It's called tough love though.

You don't like the way your life is going. So change it.

If you want a pity party, plenty of members here will give you that. But then nothing in your life will ever change.

People have offered you suggestions on how to make changes and you keep telling them you've tried and can't do it.

What else would you like us to tell you then?

 

[Angeldove97]

I will add that I have my own mental health issues that I deal with each day. It hasn't stopped me from getting a degree, having a profession (that I've been in for 10 years), getting married, having friends. It's a battle to do those things on some days, but I want it so bad I didn't let my mental health issues stop me even when I wanted to simple hide in my apartment.

 

[Andrew77]

I usually say when I'm stressed out here on the advice section that I have a mental illness, which is schizoaffective disorder, if anyone knows what it is, and I don't work and stay at home isolated only with my parents, which is hard because I'm 36 and there is too much friction. But what I wanted to talk is that I heard my mother speaking on the phone to my aunt about me and it sounded like she was complaining about the situation and me.

So, I am pretty mad about it, because she isn't honest with me about her feelings and then goes complain about me to someone else. I don't have anyone to talk to all day and my parents are the ones who are here. And because of this I feel I don't have no one anymore. I just feel like wanting to stop my interaction with them, because I'm upset, but am afraid I will not be able to cope without having anyone to talk to. And speaking this to them is not an option, they will not understand.

I feel lonely and now, more than ever. I feel I have no one to talk to, and really don't have. I don't think I will be able to cope well with not speaking to anyone here in the house, only the bare essentials. I feel like a weight. And going to church is not an option because I don't know no one there, and catholic churches aren't places you make friends and hang out. They do the service and when its over, everybody goes their separate ways home.

What am I to do. Probably I will do nothing, as always and be treated as a 12 year old or someone who has no voice in any situation. When you have a serious mental illness, and are isolated because you can't deal with other people, its like a bottomless pit and you are at the margin of society because you are insane and no one hears insane people. That's a fact and a truth. There are exceptions to the rule, but are rare.

First, you need to find out if you can work a job with your disorder. Many people can. If you can, then you need to do so.

Second, if you really honestly can't do any type of work, then you need to accept the fact that your parent do control your life, and always will.

That's how life works. The person paying for you, owns you. You can't ask other people to take care of you, and then expect them to not dictate your life.

That's why if you can, get a job, earn your own money, and eventually move out into your own place, and then you can live your life as you see fit.

But again, if you can't do that, then you simply need to submit yourself to the authority of your parents.

Additionally, you need to accept that your parents are struggling with this as much as you are, and sometimes people need to vent their frustration. Now I would hope they would do in a way that you could not overhear, but we all are imperfect, and you need to let that go. After all, they are taking care of you.

The only other bit of advice is, as long as you live with your parents, you need to live in the most helpful, and servant way possible. You need to do all that they ask, when they ask, and do it the way that they ask.

Again, if you want to do your own thing, then you need to find a way to generate income, and pay for yourself. That may, or may not be possible with your illness. But that is the only way to not be a ward of your parents.

 

[Sarah G]

What am I to do. Probably I will do nothing, as always and be treated as a 12 year old or someone who has no voice in any situation. When you have a serious mental illness, and are isolated because you can't deal with other people, its like a bottomless pit and you are at the margin of society because you are insane and no one hears insane people. That's a fact and a truth. There are exceptions to the rule, but are rare.

Saint Pope John Paul II said, “Whoever suffers from mental illness ‘always’ bears God’s image and likeness in himself, as does every human being. In addition, he ‘always’ has the inalienable right not only to be considered as an image of God and therefore as a person, but also to be treated as such.”
Mental Illness: Five Patron Saints to Invoke

 

[Netgear]

I will add that I have my own mental health issues that I deal with each day. It hasn't stopped me from getting a degree, having a profession (that I've been in for 10 years), getting married, having friends. It's a battle to do those things on some days, but I want it so bad I didn't let my mental health issues stop me even when I wanted to simple hide in my apartment.

Not everyone is the same though. Not everyone can cope. It can be extremely debilitating for some.

 

[Netgear]

I usually say when I'm stressed out here on the advice section that I have a mental illness, which is schizoaffective disorder, if anyone knows what it is, and I don't work and stay at home isolated only with my parents, which is hard because I'm 36 and there is too much friction. But what I wanted to talk is that I heard my mother speaking on the phone to my aunt about me and it sounded like she was complaining about the situation and me.

So, I am pretty mad about it, because she isn't honest with me about her feelings and then goes complain about me to someone else. I don't have anyone to talk to all day and my parents are the ones who are here. And because of this I feel I don't have no one anymore. I just feel like wanting to stop my interaction with them, because I'm upset, but am afraid I will not be able to cope without having anyone to talk to. And speaking this to them is not an option, they will not understand.

I feel lonely and now, more than ever. I feel I have no one to talk to, and really don't have. I don't think I will be able to cope well with not speaking to anyone here in the house, only the bare essentials. I feel like a weight. And going to church is not an option because I don't know no one there, and catholic churches aren't places you make friends and hang out. They do the service and when its over, everybody goes their separate ways home.

What am I to do. Probably I will do nothing, as always and be treated as a 12 year old or someone who has no voice in any situation. When you have a serious mental illness, and are isolated because you can't deal with other people, its like a bottomless pit and you are at the margin of society because you are insane and no one hears insane people. That's a fact and a truth. There are exceptions to the rule, but are rare.

I sympathise with your situation. It must be extremely difficult and heartbreaking for you.

As i said above, we are all very different. We all cope differently with problems and with life. Its easy to throw out advise but i guess you have looked at all ways to try and help your situation.

Obviously your mum would be very stressed out too. You have to look at it from her point of view too, however hard that is. I dont know your mum though, so i cant really comment much on that.

I am going through a very tough time at the moment myself. It feels like there is no light at the end of these tunnels that we go through. No escape. But, we have to find a way even if it means we have no outside help. God is with you i am sure. Reach out as best you can to Him.

Is there any chance you ask your local priest to pop out to see you. Have a chat, receive communion?

 

[Angeldove97]

Not everyone is the same though. Not everyone can cope. It can be extremely debilitating for some.

I don't buy that though - I think with the right therapies, medication, and outlook everybody can find a way to get through their issues. Otherwise what's the point of keeping on?

 

[Netgear]

I don't buy that though - I think with the right therapies, medication, and outlook everybody can find a way to get through their issues. Otherwise what's the point of keeping on?

Then you dont understand that not everyone can find the right treatment. Some can go through years looking for the right help only to still be no better off physically or mentally.

 

[Angeldove97]

Then you dont understand that not everyone can find the right treatment. Some can go through years looking for the right help only to still be no better off physically or mentally.

Then they need to rely on their willpower to want to get better or at least learn to cope. Not rely on excuses.

 

[Netgear]

Not rely on excuses.

Well, i disagree strongly.

 

[Angeldove97]

Well, i disagree strongly.

I disagree with telling someone there might be no hope for them too.