Virginity and sin - seeking advice

[Jon Osterman]

I would say it is more important HOW and why they stayed a virgin that the mere fact that they did.

Was it out of fear of relating to people?
Was it from lack of opportunity?
Was it from legalism?

Granted a virgin could still be a virgin for all the wrong reasons. But there are very few right reasons for why a (single) non-virgin stopped being a virgin.

 

[JoeP222w]

I need to let it all out and I am sorry if my post will be too personal or with explicit details. I will understand if it gets deleted, but right now I really need to write it out because I feel like I am going insane.
Before I married my husband I slept with another man. He was older than me and he was engaged. I didn't want to sleep with him as I always wanted to get married as a virgin, but spending so much time with him and him insisting made it hard to resist. It only happened once (and it was very clumsy to say the least, as I was extremely uncomfortable and hesitant). I refused to sleep with him again after that and became extremely depressed. I told him that he ruined my life, that my virginity was the most important thing to me and that now my next relationship will fail to be perfect. He felt guilty as well and one day when we met he gave me some pills (he's a doctor) and he told me it's for me to become a virgin again from a biological perspective. I had already looked it up online and I knew he was lying because there is no such thing (there is surgery, but I could not afford that). I took the pills anyway.
When I met my husband shortly after, I was hesitant to tell him about this man. When he asked me if I was a virgin, I told him that I fooled around once and that I am not sure. He never asked me again, he seemed to avoid the subject. But this is the weird part: when we finally slept together, there was proof that I was actually a virgin. It was a wonderful surprise for both of us.
Up to this day he is convinced that I was a virgin. I never told him about the pills. A friend of mine who knows the story told me that maybe the first time I did it wasn't 'all the way' so to speak. But nonetheless, she has asked me to get in touch with the doctor to get her some pills as well. I have put them in contact (as I do not want to talk to him personally nor meet him face to face). This happened recently and now it feels like I opened an old wound.
I not only feel guilty for my husband, but also for whoever is going to be the next man in this friend's life, if the pills work for her as well.
I want to tell my husband everything, I want to leave this all behind. I wonder if it would be better not to, so he doesn't suffer. After all, it's him whom I love and no mistake from the past can change that.
My priest told me that it's all in the past and that I should just move on.
But it's very hard for me to do so, I feel like I am an impostor.
Am I really forgiven? Should I tell my husband and ask for forgiveness? I feel like any way I choose is the wrong way.

No pill or surgery can ever restore virginity. That is a complete falsehood.

God judges the heart, if you ever lusted before any physical encounter, God considers you to have committed adultery.

Additionally, no one is innocent, as we are all born into sin because of Adam. It is only in Christ that you are made new. It is only in Him where there is healing and forgiveness of sins.

You need to discuss this with your husband and get biblical counseling. If you cannot be honest and transparent to your husband, what is your marriage based upon? I am not saying you need to provide your husband with a exhaustive list of all of your sins you have ever committed. But sins of the past, even when repented of, have an effect on your relationship now. It is only through the grace of God and biblical counseling that healing can truly begin.

No one can tell you if you are forgiven, because no one knows your heart and if you are truly repenting and trusting in Jesus Christ except God Himself.

 

[johnbastion]

Staying a virgin speaks volumes of the person's character.
I suspect to most men virginity is important because of jealousy - to want your partner all for yourself and to strengthen the marriage by that fact. God is a jealous God. It's said in the Old Testament and the New. He is so jealous for Israel that He literally destroyed Israel for being unfaithful.
A person's desire to honor God is also shown by the fact that he/she has/had been honorable in the fear of God - towards the opposite sex.
Of course , if a person is a non-believer or who takes their personal walk with God lightly would not hold to this view.
When reading the Old testament, you can know God's character by reading the laws, and what displeased Him.
There is of course forgiveness in Christ.
And a person is free to marry one who is compatible to him/her.

 

[johnbastion]

I was furious when I discovered that my wife had lied to me about this.
Pretended to be a virgin when she was not. Her actions/words during the time we were living together was so confusing - but made sense after the big reveal.

 

[Lybrah]

I need to let it all out and I am sorry if my post will be too personal or with explicit details. I will understand if it gets deleted, but right now I really need to write it out because I feel like I am going insane.
Before I married my husband I slept with another man. He was older than me and he was engaged. I didn't want to sleep with him as I always wanted to get married as a virgin, but spending so much time with him and him insisting made it hard to resist. It only happened once (and it was very clumsy to say the least, as I was extremely uncomfortable and hesitant). I refused to sleep with him again after that and became extremely depressed. I told him that he ruined my life, that my virginity was the most important thing to me and that now my next relationship will fail to be perfect. He felt guilty as well and one day when we met he gave me some pills (he's a doctor) and he told me it's for me to become a virgin again from a biological perspective. I had already looked it up online and I knew he was lying because there is no such thing (there is surgery, but I could not afford that). I took the pills anyway.
When I met my husband shortly after, I was hesitant to tell him about this man. When he asked me if I was a virgin, I told him that I fooled around once and that I am not sure. He never asked me again, he seemed to avoid the subject. But this is the weird part: when we finally slept together, there was proof that I was actually a virgin. It was a wonderful surprise for both of us.
Up to this day he is convinced that I was a virgin. I never told him about the pills. A friend of mine who knows the story told me that maybe the first time I did it wasn't 'all the way' so to speak. But nonetheless, she has asked me to get in touch with the doctor to get her some pills as well. I have put them in contact (as I do not want to talk to him personally nor meet him face to face). This happened recently and now it feels like I opened an old wound.
I not only feel guilty for my husband, but also for whoever is going to be the next man in this friend's life, if the pills work for her as well.
I want to tell my husband everything, I want to leave this all behind. I wonder if it would be better not to, so he doesn't suffer. After all, it's him whom I love and no mistake from the past can change that.
My priest told me that it's all in the past and that I should just move on.
But it's very hard for me to do so, I feel like I am an impostor.
Am I really forgiven? Should I tell my husband and ask for forgiveness? I feel like any way I choose is the wrong way.

Were these pills birth control?
I think that if you are truly sorry, God has already forgiven you. You just need to forgive yourself. That is the problem. You can tell your husband but from what you've said about him, he may not be as upset as you envision. Was he a virgin? Was that a dealbreaker? If he loves you now, he may not care.