Vindication

[dabro]

In 05 I went through a very traumatic psychosis. I was raped. Severely beat up. Abandoned in the jail not even knowing how to use the phone.

I get out and went through another five months.

As soon as I started to come to my ex breaks up with me. Her ultimate goal was to make me jealous.


Half a year went by and I gave my life to Jesus.

I wanted my ex back and the deceiving part of some churches is to say if you believe you’ll receive.

I wanted her back to help me become a preacher, not saying her but allow God to use us for what we both endured.

In 08 I gave up believing. I collapsed in my faith.

In 09 I found her on MySpace I gave her a very lengthy apology.

She gave me a very lukewarm one.


In the Gospels Jesus talks about the wicked judge and how the women pestered the judge to her case.


I suffer so much today. Anxiety above anything we’re capable of handling.


I’m torn by what she did to me.


But this rubberband effect happens and I’ve allowed God to search my heart.

I’ve realized everything I’ve done wrong but I feel that the ppl that did me wrong can care less.


I wasn’t stealing, breaking into places, having depraved sex that eroded my love for her.


I tell God every day in a heart wrenching apology how sorry I am,

I forgive her, my rapist, the person who severely beat the crud out of me.


But today I’m asking God are you blind to the injustice that’s happening to me? Do you even care?


Kinda like Job I’m scared of His answers. I know God is Sovereign. I love Him w all of my traumatized, broken heart.


Do I want vengeance. NO AND YES,

I don’t desire anyone going to Hell, but I do want all the ppl who did me wrong to understand the pain they put me through.


Even as a Christian I’m starting to think death is better then this.


That there will be no justice in this life.



Will God answer my prayer for Vindication???

 

[dabro]

Someone please!!!!

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

You're a lot braver than me! I'm a rookie, but...if you've forgiven everyone-WOW! Seriously. But if you've forgiven everyone, what's the vindication you pray for?

These people get away with things like that in a world ruled by Satan. It won't always be that way.

I think it would help if you kept your mind and heart focused on God's love, and didn't expect much from
this used up world.
Someone told me once to pray more and think less. I try to remember that when I can.

I'll pray for you too. You'll be fine.

 

[Keegan Rhodes]

Romans 8:18-30

Romans 12:17-21

Mercy should be all the more sweet the more you suffer.

We all deserve hell, but God is gracious.

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

My nephew, a really strong Christian, was going to become a preacher but became a cop, has been struggling because of what he sees. He gets angry with God because of the scum he sees walk free.

This is a hard evil world. Stay close to God. Ask Him to help you stay close, don't listen to your
brain. Satan and demons will tell you all sorts of things and put thoughts in your head.

You should just be,
"Help me God." He will.

 

[ilovejcsog]

Vengeance is mine saith the lord God will take care of it but you probably will never know. Keep in mind the tortures our savior went through for us. I know right now you can't think that your trials are any less than his.
I am also sure there are so many terrible things that happen to so many people even worse then what you have but still you must have faith that what you went through God has a purpose to your good. I read something yesterday that left me hoping that God would take care of those that harmed me but I was ashamed wishing something bad on someone else. We must maintain our faith in our loving God to have the best in mind for us. I have a feeling your perps are suffering for what they did and perhaps even more then you are suffering. Keep the faith. I am sure you know that when you do something wrong the guilt goes on for years and can ruin your life.
God loves you!
God bless you and keep you.

 

[Keegan Rhodes]

You guys should learn about the doctrine of reprobation.

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

On a lighter side of that...

I had a friend whose neighbor was a horrid woman who seemed bent on making his life miserable.
After one particular bad episode he told me he prayed..."Now Ken, I didn't want to pray for anything bad, so I said, 'dear God please give this woman lots of money so she can move away.'"

Within the week she was arrested for embezzlement. TRUE STORY

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

You guys should learn about the doctrine of reprobation.

I'll have to learn what reprobation is first

 

[dabro]

The aftershocks I’m feeling is what I’m talking about.


I understand ppl are fallible beings.

I just can’t go on feeling this way.

I’m not going to get myself.

I boast only of my weaknesses.

That His Power May rest on me.

 

[dabro]

There is a fork in the road. I could slap God in the face a take my life, or I can persevere and do His will.


I’ve never been suicidle but yesterday I was in so much pain that it felt hopeless.


I’m not going to hurt myself.

I’m just in a place where I despair life itself.

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

There are support groups of people who have dealt with some of this. A famous hockey player, I forget his name, gets interviewed once in awhile and talks about rape he suffered from a coach when he was
a young player. Maybe seek out some people who have an idea of how you're suffereing? You aren't alone, you could find strength through both prayer and groups?

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

I'm praying hard for you. Will pray for God to send you angels to help fight off the depression. You need light, and God provides it. You're incredibly strong. Things WILL get better.

 

[Andrew77]

In 05 I went through a very traumatic psychosis. I was raped. Severely beat up. Abandoned in the jail not even knowing how to use the phone.

I get out and went through another five months.

As soon as I started to come to my ex breaks up with me. Her ultimate goal was to make me jealous.


Half a year went by and I gave my life to Jesus.

I wanted my ex back and the deceiving part of some churches is to say if you believe you’ll receive.

I wanted her back to help me become a preacher, not saying her but allow God to use us for what we both endured.

In 08 I gave up believing. I collapsed in my faith.

In 09 I found her on MySpace I gave her a very lengthy apology.

She gave me a very lukewarm one.


In the Gospels Jesus talks about the wicked judge and how the women pestered the judge to her case.


I suffer so much today. Anxiety above anything we’re capable of handling.


I’m torn by what she did to me.


But this rubberband effect happens and I’ve allowed God to search my heart.

I’ve realized everything I’ve done wrong but I feel that the ppl that did me wrong can care less.


I wasn’t stealing, breaking into places, having depraved sex that eroded my love for her.


I tell God every day in a heart wrenching apology how sorry I am,

I forgive her, my rapist, the person who severely beat the crud out of me.


But today I’m asking God are you blind to the injustice that’s happening to me? Do you even care?


Kinda like Job I’m scared of His answers. I know God is Sovereign. I love Him w all of my traumatized, broken heart.


Do I want vengeance. NO AND YES,

I don’t desire anyone going to Hell, but I do want all the ppl who did me wrong to understand the pain they put me through.


Even as a Christian I’m starting to think death is better then this.


That there will be no justice in this life.



Will God answer my prayer for Vindication???

The long term answer is yes of course.

In the end.... G-d will judge everyone. No one "gets away with it". Someday, all of us, me, you, them, everyone else.... everyone will face the judgement. We will all be judged, and judged rightly and perfectly, before G-d himself, and it will be perfect and good.

G-d will right all of the wrongs.

However.... that doesn't mean its is coming when you want it. It may not. I don't know. Some people will see justice done in this life, others not so much. Some will see justice in the next week, and others the next year, and others a decade from now.

So I cannot answer for G-d. I don't know his plans. You have to decided for yourself if you trust G-d with this, or not. I can't answer that for you.

 

[dabro]

I have nightmares.

I have an unrelenting excruciatingly amount of anxiety.

I’m an ex drug addict so docs give their condescending looks about prescribing anything that can help.


Unfortunately this is my lot in life. Maybe I’m the one God is gardening and my ex is persevering,

Maybe God truly does hate me and wants nothing to do with me.

I’ve been abandoned by everyone,

What makes me think God wouldn’t either.

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

I’ve been abandoned by everyone,

We're still talking to you.
God wouldn't. He is with you always. Even during the worst times.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Do I want vengeance. NO AND YES,

I don’t desire anyone going to Hell, but I do want all the ppl who did me wrong to understand the pain they put me through.

Even as a Christian I’m starting to think death is better then this.

That there will be no justice in this life.

Will God answer my prayer for Vindication???

Hello brother Dabro,

My heart goes out to you. It is not easy to express the things that have happened to you and cry out for answers. Most men would never speak of being raped.

Personally if I was in your shoes I would not blame you at all for the way you feel and the cry of your heart for justice. We are humans, we have feelings, we feel pain, and we want those who victimize us to receive their dues. Lord God knows your heart and it is natural to feel that way.

As Christians, we have become children of a living God. As adopted children brought into his family, He is our Father and teacher. We have the promise that he will not forsake us nor abandon us. That we no longer live our lives for ourselves, but become like our Father and teacher. Sometimes like children, we don't like the answers we are given, let alone fully understand the answer we get. I say this because as a brother I have to encourage you to listen and trust, even though it hurts and you have no clue why you are told this.

"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” -Romans 12:19 ESV

In my own walk with the Lord, he didn't cure my emotion problems over night. Some people can be cured instantly, but that was not in the deck of cards for me.

Night by night, when all the evil thoughts would arise saying how worthless I was and that the world be better off without me. Time and time again my Lord would rise to encourage me and let me know I was OK. I was so frustrated with myself to point I wanted to die, throwing myself into the trash can. Yet Jesus would take the crumbled paper of what he made me to be out of the trash can and told me I didn't understand what he had created.

He walked me thru forgiving those who bullied me. I found my heart was full of hate and vengeance for what they did to me. I wanted them to die and pay for what they did to me. Lord reminded me of a memory, walking out my work place and one of the security guards pulled me aside. He knew who I was, He told me he used to bully me on the bus and he wanted to apologize. He had his own problems that lead him to juvenile detention. Holy Spirit gave me the strength to forgive and to hand justice over to God himself. It was NOT easy at all, but it had to be done. It was a cancer in my soul.

Lastly I want to leave you with hope. I had to walk the painful road, I made MANY mistakes along the way. Thanks be 100% to God I am not the scared boy I started this walk with. I healed from many things, and the Lord has put a hurt inside of me for others who have suffered as I did. To come along aside them just as my Lord has done to me. One day you might do the same too.

 

[paul1149]

I’ve been abandoned by everyone,

What makes me think God wouldn’t either.

God abandoned Jesus on the cross. And even that abandonment was strategic and temporary. He did it so that you could be reconciled back to Him forever. On the third day Jesus arose, victorious over death. Now glorified, He will never die again.

God will not abandon you. He has promised. In this life there are times, as with Jesus on the cross, that it seems He has. But He never really does. We can't understand all His ways and purposes, but by faith we can believe that they make sense. And trusting in Him despite the pain, despite the circumstances, brings the 'peace that passes understanding' that Philippians 4 talks about. That gives us the strength to draw near to Him and endure. Do not doubt God's love.

In addition to Philippians, maybe 1Peter will help. It's all about suffering.

Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little. -1pe 5.10
​

Also, Romans 8 contains a lot of the promises of God.

 

[dabro]

Yes I go through a boatload of pain. Jesus has asked me to pray in the same way.

Father forgive me, as I forgive my debtors.

 

[dabro]

My desire is for each and everyone of them to have a relationship w the Lord. I don’t desire any of them going to hell. I don’t desire my worst enemy that.

When I was going thru the psychosis I had an eternal pain beyond anything imaginable.

If that didn’t happened I probably would of overdosed and been dead.

It’s my ex that I have the hardest time forgiving. But I do. And I care about her.