• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

Very hurt over Fiances past actions

Discussion in 'Courting Couples' started by Gdoll18, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Gdoll18

    Gdoll18 Active Member

    38
    +99
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Hello All.

    Right now I feel sad. I have been with my Fiance for almost 2 years now.
    He is perfect. He loves me so dearly, and is always a sweet caring man towards me. He has never cheated ( Technically, but I will get to as of why), always makes sure I am happy and have everything I have ever wanted.

    Hes the one for me.

    However, last year I would catch him watching porn. It devastated me. He knew how much it hurt me. I told him it hurt because it made me feel as if I was not good enough :( Those girls in the videos are not like me, and knowing that he looked at that hurt. I feel as if he cheated in a way, it ruined my self esteem a lot. His reason was that he was a little immature boy ( he was 18/19) , and that he does not want those girls. He apparently has not watched any Porn in months he says.

    I have been super depressed since the last time. I have cried many times not feeling good enough. My self esteem is super low. Sometimes I just think about it and feel super sad. I wish I could have tons of $ to get plastic surgery and look like the girls he looked at. He tells me I am beautiful and don't need to look like that and that those girls are gross. But why did you look? " I was young and dumb. I regret it everyday."

    He knew the way I felt and he did it anyways, that is what hurts. I feel as if I can not trust him. I am very depressed over my body image as a result of all this. Is it normal?
     
  2. gadar perets

    gadar perets Messianic Hebrew (Non-trinitarian)

    +599
    Messianic
    Single
    Your fiance did something incredibly foolish and dangerous. You need to make totally sure he has the victory over porn before you marry him.

    Also, based on your picture, you are gorgeous and don't need plastic surgery. That would also be a foolish thing to do, especially since many such surgeries are dangerous and get botched making the patient look worse than before.
     
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  3. Gdoll18

    Gdoll18 Active Member

    38
    +99
    United States
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Aw thank you much. It is tough being a young woman in today society. The pressure of being a certain weight and to look a certain way is tough. As for my fiance, he swears that he has not watched anything for a few months, and the he knows it hurts me alot. I just do not know if I should believe him or not with his track record... He does truly love me though. I know that.
     
  4. Poppyseed78

    Poppyseed78 Well-Known Member

    +2,096
    Christian
    Married
    I have a lot to say on this topic. First, I understand completely that his porn viewing made you feel inadequate. When my first boyfriend watched porn, I felt the same way, although he made it clear that he never planned to stop watching it. I let his behavior make me feel ugly and not good enough, and I truly wish I hadn't let it affect my self-esteem in that way. It has nothing to do with how attractive you are.

    I do think it's a very good thing that your bf is willing to stop, and is putting in the effort to do so. I will say though, that I do think he will probably give in to temptation at some point in the future - this is not something that is easily stopped. He needs to always be vigilant because the temptation is very strong. It takes a lot of self-control and discipline to fight this. He's not the first man to struggle with porn, and he won't be the last. The most important thing here is that he understands it's not good for him, for you, or for your relationship, and he should respect you enough to make every effort to abstain from the behavior.

    Please try not to let it hurt your self-esteem so much. You are beautiful just as you are, and you are worthy of love and respect just as you are, a creation of God.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Prayers Prayers x 1
    • List
  5. gadar perets

    gadar perets Messianic Hebrew (Non-trinitarian)

    +599
    Messianic
    Single
    Also, Gdoll18, if he is a believer, he should respect and love his heavenly Father and his Savior enough to never do it again. It grieves them both when our minds are fixated on carnal pleasures. We can commit adultery simply by lusting after the opposite sex in our hearts. The lust of the eyes is a sign that the love of the Father is not in him (1 John 2:15-16). I highly suggest he, or both of you together, study what the Scriptures say about lust and how dangerous it is to our walk.
     
  6. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +2,920
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    Lots of men look at porn, and they're ashamed of it. And they can't seem to resist the temptation, which frustrates them greatly. His looking at porn is not an indicator of any inadequacy on your part, looks or otherwise. Believe him when he says he likes you better than the women he looks at. He asked you to marry him. To him, they're likely just eye candy. You are much more than that to him if he asked you to marry him.
     
Loading...