Valuing Ourselves

[Colleen1]

That is utterly beautiful. Thanks for posting!

This is about the first post, by the way. I did a Quick Reply and didn't realise there were more.

Welcome. You're welcome and I'm glad it was uplifting. I hope your time here is blessed.

 

[Colleen1]

The Gospel is Good News. Its message tells us about how Jesus gives us a new beginning (born again), that Jesus has accomplished and freely gifted to us the ability to know Father without hindrance, and that with our life being 'hid in Christ' we can learn to see ourselves from the perspective of who we now are in Christ as the basis of our identity.

Abused, pained, devalued degraded - yes you were. Memories of those times remain. But now loved (always), accepted (unconditionally), understood (and never diminished in value by God whatever you went through and how feel about yourself) because of what Jesus accomplished by His death and resurrection, a precious child of God.

Learn to see yourself as God sees you in Christ. And a pox on any church teaching that obscures the wonder of your new identity.

John
NZ

God is a good Father and He does want relationship with us.

 

[Colleen1]

No Chains on Me - Chris Tomlin - Lyrics - YouTube

 

[strawberryhill]

I want to thank John with all my heart for those comforting words ... they came at the right moment. I need your prayers now, my sisters and brothers in Christ. I grew up in an emotionally abusive family with 8 older sisters (I'm the youngest girl). I'm 51 years old with a happy family of my own (loving husband & a perfect kid).... but my sisters still exert their authority of judging, condemning, and accusing me.

I need to be reminded that I'm freed by Christ, and no one can judge and condemn me. When one of my sister brought up a subject that haunted me since childhood, I voiced out what my grandpa did .... and got yelled at by my 8 older sisters. Why do the victims of abuse need to be accused of lying when they suffer so much already?

Words of advice to those were abused during childhood: keep one's mouth shut to your own family, for they will get angry at you for what happened. Worse yet, they will accuse you of lying. If the pain inside is too great, talk to a friend, or a stranger, but NEVER TO your own-family. They won't believe the victim, and yell at the victim more.

It's amazing how family members can treat each other worse than they do to strangers. People are nice and polite to strangers, but can cut down their own family members.

Thank you, Colleen1, for starting this great thread, with great songs .... so anyone feel down can be lifted up and gain power from the love of Jesus.

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

StrawberryHill,

You are so right. Sometimes it is not good to tell your relatives or siblings what had happened in one's childhood because in some ways it can back fire. I myself had found it hard to tell my aunt and uncle what my parents and brother had done to me. It was almost like they were shocked and like they didn't really believe me. I find it hard to even be around them because they may think that I am making it all up. But if they didn't see what happened than of course they will not believe it.

So I really have no one to turn to when it comes to my family.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Colleen1]

I want to thank John with all my heart for those comforting words ... they came at the right moment. I need your prayers now, my sisters and brothers in Christ. I grew up in an emotionally abusive family with 8 older sisters (I'm the youngest girl). I'm 51 years old with a happy family of my own (loving husband & a perfect kid).... but my sisters still exert their authority of judging, condemning, and accusing me.

I need to be reminded that I'm freed by Christ, and no one can judge and condemn me. When one of my sister brought up a subject that haunted me since childhood, I voiced out what my grandpa did .... and got yelled at by my 8 older sisters. Why do the victims of abuse need to be accused of lying when they suffer so much already?

Words of advice to those were abused during childhood: keep one's mouth shut to your own family, for they will get angry at you for what happened. Worse yet, they will accuse you of lying. If the pain inside is too great, talk to a friend, or a stranger, but NEVER TO your own-family. They won't believe the victim, and yell at the victim more.

It's amazing how family members can treat each other worse than they do to strangers. People are nice and polite to strangers, but can cut down their own family members.

Thank you, Colleen1, for starting this great thread, with great songs .... so anyone feel down can be lifted up and gain power from the love of Jesus.

You are so welcome. I'm glad you feel comfortable and safe here. I think that's so important.

I do understand what you are saying in regards to family. When abuse occurs it's like a toxin that runs into the whole family system and the way things are dealt with or not dealt with. There comes a point as we grow into adulthood that we need to decide we will live differently and there are some that, unfortunately, don't decide to live differently / they don't understand how to. Really rather sad and wearisome. I empathize with you. My family is very emotionally abusive and very manipulative...and there was other abuse too. They are too toxic for me to be around. This is just something I've had to accept after being so hurt by them in so many big ways repeatedly. I'm not saying doing this is the right decision for you but...I can't be the judge of that. However, we all need healthy boundaries and some times we have to say no to the people in our lives or just not go near certain issues with them but keep to things to topics that are safe. Space can also be great too.

I have worked hard to live a healthy life for many years and it takes work and not everyone wants to put in the work. For the most part my family does not. They do not understand my depth or desire to be deep or emotional process well at all. I think at times too, within church, there can be this fear of examining emotions and this can hinder the healing process and acquiring awareness. I think this has improved in part but can still be rather frustrating. Ironic since God created us in His image and that includes emotions and there are Biblical passages and Biblical people that talk about emotions.

I think it's great you recognize that things aren't right and that it's good to admit what really happened so that you can heal more and move on. Denying things never gets us to a point of healing. I would encourage you to find someone to talk to who does understand. It's so important to feel validated and understood.

Be good to yourself. God does love you.

 

[Colleen1]

StrawberryHill,

You are so right. Sometimes it is not good to tell your relatives or siblings what had happened in one's childhood because in some ways it can back fire. I myself had found it hard to tell my aunt and uncle what my parents and brother had done to me. It was almost like they were shocked and like they didn't really believe me. I find it hard to even be around them because they may think that I am making it all up. But if they didn't see what happened than of course they will not believe it.

So I really have no one to turn to when it comes to my family.

Moriah Ruth

I understand where you are coming from and I've been there and still am at times. My family is so manipulative some so much so that not many people can comprehend. This can be hard. Not only manipulation and emotional abuse but unfortunately not all abuser are dumb. Some are smart and can bend things for their benefit / selfishness. This is so sad. I'm so very glad that I know God knows and gets it. I am safe with Him to think and feel what I need too. Once I open up to Him He speaks in 'whispers' ...meaning He guides with insights. Do take care.

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

Colleen,

So true. Thank you for your encouragement, even though it was not to me directly. However it is just your message that encourages me.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

Hi Colleen,

Lol..I just read your last post after I had sent me post to the previous one. Yes, some abusers can be really smart. Smart enough to decieve and manipulate.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Colleen1]

I just think this issue of feeling loveable, capable and worthy = valuable is so important for us to acknowledge. Yes we have human nature and make mistakes as all humans do but that does not mean that we are to be treated in a substandard way. The way our abusers have treated us and others who were toxic. Abusers try to take away our dignity and self-respect and self-confidence. This is something I think we all need to reclaim. God wants us to value 'us' His creations. ...Not meaning to ramble but I just would like to see everyone who has been abused to reclaim this. ...including myself...in an even deeper way than I have so far.

 

[Colleen1]

Colleen,

So true. Thank you for your encouragement, even though it was not to me directly. However it is just your message that encourages me.

Moriah Ruth

You're welcome. I'm glad you shared. Thank you.

Hi Colleen,

Lol..I just read your last post after I had sent me post to the previous one. Yes, some abusers can be really smart. Smart enough to decieve and manipulate.

Moriah Ruth

No problem. Yes, unfortunately abusers are not all dumb and so some of them are harder to get found out.

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

I agree with you Colleen. Even though it can be hard to do at times. Value ourselves as God values us.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Colleen1]

I agree with you Colleen. Even though it can be hard to do at times. Value ourselves as God values us.

Moriah Ruth

Very true. I can know something in my mind and yet still struggle to really internalize it in my heart / life. ...especially when I'm getting a lot of negative from people. I can feel out-voted in what I know.

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

I know what you mean when you say that you get a lot of negative from people. I am the same way. When someone says bad about me, than I automatically revert to the old way of thinking that I am no good, no one loves me, I am stupid. The list goes on. It is hard even to get out of that negative feeling about oneself. The only way is to stay away from negative people and stick with the positive people. However negativity has it's way of sneaking in there.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Colleen1]

I know what you mean when you say that you get a lot of negative from people. I am the same way. When someone says bad about me, than I automatically revert to the old way of thinking that I am no good, no one loves me, I am stupid. The list goes on. It is hard even to get out of that negative feeling about oneself. The only way is to stay away from negative people and stick with the positive people. However negativity has it's way of sneaking in there.

Moriah Ruth

Yes. I hear you. If it's just one or two people but sometimes I feel deluged with negative from people...small communities ...still some gossip.... I am lucky that I've come across some people who are deep too and get stuff I need to talk about ...they can be hard to find though but real gems when you do find them.

 

[Moriah Ruth 777]

Oh yes, I forgot the gossip and slander. This happened to me last year in the summer. And did it ever make me feel so worthless. It took me a while to get over that and the enemy certainly played his part with my feelings and thoughts of myself.

Yes, it can be hard to find really good deep heart felt people to actually share things with, without the guilt and condemnation. I love talking to people like yourself because it makes me search my own heart and lets me know where I am at in my walk with the Lord.

Moriah Ruth

 

[Colleen1]

Oh yes, I forgot the gossip and slander. This happened to me last year in the summer. And did it ever make me feel so worthless. It took me a while to get over that and the enemy certainly played his part with my feelings and thoughts of myself.

Yes, it can be hard to find really good deep heart felt people to actually share things with, without the guilt and condemnation. I love talking to people like yourself because it makes me search my own heart and lets me know where I am at in my walk with the Lord.

Moriah Ruth

Yes, it can be sooo nasty and sooo very unnecessary.

Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable. It can be tough when we've had bad experiences. I just try to be honest about life. I've had to deal with so much dishonesty that I just don't want it any more...ick. I mean that I think it should be okay to say...I feel...I think and it be safe. I think it should be okay to say I'm struggling.

 

[Johnnz]

I posted this before somewhere. But here is is again anyway as It's relevant to this discussion.

Its from Baxter Kruger

[FONT=&quot]My friend Paul Fitzgerald of Grace Connexion Ministries showed me a poster that he uses in one of his lectures. It was a tombstone with a place for a name. Underneath that was the simple epitaph “I survived.” When I first saw it I laughed, but then it has haunted me ever since. I will be posting some thoughts soon on the origin of our “I am nots.” I am not loveable. I am not good enough. I am not worthy, not special, not wanted. We all have them, and they debilitate us, poisoning our freedom to live life. We go into survival mode. One of my most damaging is “I am not there yet.” It is a simple statement, but it drives me, and I suspect it drives nations, corporations and denominations as well. The particular problem that “I am not there yet” [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“I am not there yet” usually means that we buy into someone’s definition of where ‘there’ is, and some notion of how to get there, and we lose ourselves in the diligent process of being faithful. So much so that we don’t even know who we really are. Our very identity, our sense of who we are becomes confused with our role in ‘getting there.

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Where is ‘there”? All our “I am nots” have their origin in the whisper of the father of lies. They certainly are confirmed by life experiences, by childhood wounds, by financial loss, betrayal, tragedy, and disappointments. There is evidence for the whisper, or so it would seem. But given the evidence, what will it take to get there? What will it take to feel worthy? What will it take to feel important, or wanted, or special or loved? These are the better questions. Who told us what ‘special’ is and why did we believe them? Who defined ‘there’ for me, and why does their opinion matter so much? What is the origin of ‘important’ or ‘worthy’? What constitutes being ‘wanted’ or ‘loved?’ Who or what has defined these quite fundamental ideas for us?

Toward the end of The Shack there is conversation between Mack and Jesus that is very relevant here.
‘Jesus?’ he whispered, as his voice choked. ‘I feel so lost.’
A hand reached out and squeezed his, and didn’t let go. ‘I know, Mack. But it’s not true. I am with you and I’m not lost. I’m sorry it feels that way, but hear me clearly. You are not lost.’”

I think Jesus’ own “I Am” is the answer to all of our “I am nots.”
I Am there, and you are in me. So you are there too.
I Am worthy, and you are in me. So you are worthy too.
I Am loved, and you are in me. So you are loved too.
I Am important, and you are in me. So you are important too.
I Am wanted, and you are in me. So you are wanted too.

Blessed are the ones who have the freedom to be, for they shall see glory everywhere. [/FONT]

John
NZ

 

[Colleen1]

^Yes, I've come across that before.

 

[strawberryhill]

How I treasure your company, Colleen1 and M. Ruth. You speak from experience of being emotionally abused, and I respect that. I am reminding myself of the Beatitudes taken from the Bible site:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Salt and Light

13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

From Strawberryhill: I will see my broken heart, my fear, my hurt as "making me salty", as giving me a tender-heart, so I will NEVER, NEVER repeat what my sisters did to my 10-years old daughter. I feel more for the emotionally abused .... I cringe whenever I see someone else being put down, or controlled.

The longer I live, the more I realize it's more important to be a good person, than to win in any situation, and any argument. A good person stood silent when insulted like Jesus..... He might be considered a loser, but he maintains his goodness depite all the abuse heaped on him. Our rewards in heaven is more important than being a winner, or being the one "in control".

Colleen1 is right, the abusers are usually extremely intelligent, and has to win at any cost. It's ego at its utmost. What is evil? Lucifer arose from the ego, of wanting to be in control, of winning by stepping on others' feelings, of boosting one's ego by making others BAD. It's the same game of judge, accuse, and condemn that all controllers on earth practice. Is there a verse in the Bible that say Satan is the accuser? Thanks for the info.