Unwelcome guests

*~DJ~*

Knock and keep knocking, seek and keep seeking...
Mar 14, 2006
12,005
898
West Virginia
✟23,696.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
I need some help. My husband has invited 2 of his friends to live with us short term. I never wanted them to be here. One has been here 1 month, the other for 4 days, I have already caught BOTH of these guys looking at x rated sites on the computer. This stuff is not allowed in my house. My husband seems to let an "I'm sorry" be enough. I have 3 young girls. I have taken to locking my computer when I'm not home. I do not agree with A LOT of things these guys do. I feel like the guest. Any suggestions?
 
  • Like
Reactions: SweetBella

bliz

Contributor
Jun 5, 2004
9,360
1,110
Here
✟14,830.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Have a serious conversation with your husband. You may feel they are unwelcome, but they have in fact been welcomed into your home by your husband.

You and your husband need to hash out the rules and he needs to inform them of what they are. Under circumstances like this, you should feel free to put them to work on your home from time to time.

You also need to discuss when they will be departing.

A month's visit from a very good friend is a strain... or, as Ben Franklin put it, "Fish and guests stink in three days."
 
Upvote 0

SweetBella

Legend
Aug 20, 2005
36,806
1,367
✟43,328.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Single
djkraemoore said:
I need some help. My husband has invited 2 of his friends to live with us short term. I never wanted them to be here. One has been here 1 month, the other for 4 days, I have already caught BOTH of these guys looking at x rated sites on the computer. This stuff is not allowed in my house. My husband seems to let an "I'm sorry" be enough. I have 3 young girls. I have taken to locking my computer when I'm not home. I do not agree with A LOT of things these guys do. I feel like the guest. Any suggestions?

im sorry that you have to deal with this....i said a prayer for your situation.

how long are they expecting to stay?
was your husband upset that they were doing that on the computer?
 
Upvote 0

*~DJ~*

Knock and keep knocking, seek and keep seeking...
Mar 14, 2006
12,005
898
West Virginia
✟23,696.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
My husband and I have already talked about this. He feels that I am overreacting. There has not been a time limit set although I asked for one to be. One has been helping around the house here and there. My husband gave him our old vehicle for payment (without aking me). Now he is hardly ever here. A password has been installed on my computer, but I shouln't have to. The first time the site was found, hubby just kinda blew it off. The second time he was upset, but it seems to be up to me to lay the law down. This has also been a strain on my children. They have to be very quiet in the morning as to not wake anyone up. If I am home, I let them go about their daily buisness.
 
Upvote 0

Momma2H

Legend
May 9, 2006
24,157
547
✟42,025.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
Well, IMO, you should make your hubby talk to the guys about how to act around ladies. If he won't do it alone, then maybe you two can talk to them together. Sounds like they need to be reminded that they aren't living in a bachelor pad. I think your hubby was disrespectful for not talking to you about it first. I would be furious!!! If your hubby doesn't talk to the guys about what is inappropriate behavior around your daughters (i.e. inappropriate content, etc.), then you should do it anyway. It's your house too and if they can't respect your wishes, then they need to hit the pavement. I would have another discussion with your hubby and let him know you mean business! Good luck!
 
Upvote 0

Athene

Grammatically incorrect
Supporter
Sep 4, 2005
14,036
1,319
✟42,546.00
Faith
Anglican
Marital Status
Married
Politics
UK-Labour
I think you have issues you need to deal with with your husband, he invites these two men to live with you without consulting you first, then he gives away a car without consuting you, imo this shows a complete lack of respect for you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: SweetBella
Upvote 0

Cright

Veteran
Apr 18, 2004
1,855
141
46
SE Michigan, USA
Visit site
✟17,849.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
I would not make it comfortable for these guys, they'll just want to stay. Don't make your kids adjust ANYTHING in their schedual. If they want to play in the house in the morning, let them!

I would keep the password on the computer and not let them use it at all, it's yours!! They've already abused it! Don't cook for them, cook only for your family. If your husband gave them beds in your house is one thing, but I would not give them your services!

Make sure you get a date they are leaving. If they are working a month should be MORE than adaquet for the 2 of them to go in on a cheap apartment together.

I'm not into this at all... if someoen had to stay with us John and I have already agreed we'd lay down the laws (just the 2 of us) and explain them all WELL before letting someone sleep in our house.

Hope all goes well from here on out...

Carina
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Torah

Senior Veteran
Oct 24, 2004
3,535
246
Florida
Visit site
✟12,588.00
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
.

“Unwelcome guests” this says it all.:doh:



I need some help. My husband has invited 2 of his friends to live with us short term. I never wanted them to be here. One has been here 1 month, the other for 4 days, I have already caught BOTH of these guys looking at x rated sites on the computer. This stuff is not allowed in my house. My husband seems to let an "I'm sorry" be enough. I have 3 young girls. I have taken to locking my computer when I'm not home. I do not agree with A LOT of things these guys do. I feel like the guest. Any suggestions?

Big mistake! You have unbelieving men in your home. And there looking at
X-rated garbage on the computer & you have 3 young girls in your home.:eek:

“Any suggestions”? Yea. Get them out!.
 
Upvote 0

*~DJ~*

Knock and keep knocking, seek and keep seeking...
Mar 14, 2006
12,005
898
West Virginia
✟23,696.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Thank you all for your advice. The situation has gotten a bit more complicated now. I have brought our Pastor into it. His one friend makes sexual comments to me, even in front of my husband. He blew it off for a while and I had to defend myself. Then I got really mad, talked to our Pastor and he talked to hubby. Something was finally said, but this guy is still here. I am worried about the other guy being around my children, but hubby thinks I'm over reacting. This is destroying my marriage and my husband doesn't seem to notice. I am to the point where I am thinking about leaving. He told me today that he doesn't want to hear me say anything else about his friends. I don't think I have much of a choice now.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

Momma2H

Legend
May 9, 2006
24,157
547
✟42,025.00
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
djkraemoore said:
Thank you all for your advice. The situation has gotten a bit more complicated now. I have brought our Pastor into it. His one friend makes sexual comments to me, even in front of my husband. He blew it off for a while and I had to defend myself. Then I got really mad, talked to our Pastor and he talked to hubby. Something was finally said, but this guy is still here. I am worried about the other guy being around my children, but hubby thinks I'm over reacting. This is destroying my marriage and my husband doesn't seem to notice. I am to the point where I am thinking about leaving. He told me today that he doesn't want to hear me say anything else about his friends. I don't think I have much of a choice now.


:eek: Oh my! Ok, you need to tell him it's either them or you (& your kids) that's leaving. You need to let him know that you should be his first priority over his friends any day and if he is going to sit back and let another man make sexual comments to his wife without some serious consequences, then you're gone. He's not doing his job as a husband and father, which is to keep you guys safe at all times. If you can't feel safe in your own home, then you needn't be there. Maybe if you leave he'll get the picture! I really hope and pray he will! Good luck!
 
Upvote 0

Torah

Senior Veteran
Oct 24, 2004
3,535
246
Florida
Visit site
✟12,588.00
Faith
Messianic
Marital Status
Married
djkraemoore said:
Thank you all for your advice. The situation has gotten a bit more complicated now. I have brought our Pastor into it. His one friend makes sexual comments to me, even in front of my husband. He blew it off for a while and I had to defend myself. Then I got really mad, talked to our Pastor and he talked to hubby. Something was finally said, but this guy is still here. I am worried about the other guy being around my children, but hubby thinks I'm over reacting. This is destroying my marriage and my husband doesn't seem to notice. I am to the point where I am thinking about leaving. He told me today that he doesn't want to hear me say anything else about his friends. I don't think I have much of a choice now.
His one friend makes sexual comments to me, even in front of my husband. He blew it off for:mad:

You have deeper problems than just his friends living there. I am taking a shot in the dark here: Your husband is not a believer?. If he is, there is a problem.
I agree with Momma2H “post # 16. And seek concealing. [an after thought: “Is he trying to get you to leave????”:confused: ]


 
Upvote 0

MaraPetra

WARNING! Uncoated observations dispensed here.
Dec 12, 2005
3,934
824
50
Louisiana
✟15,435.00
Faith
Charismatic
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
So far, you've done everything you could, and should have.

At this point, if you can manage it without having a strong urge to bash your husband over the head for stupidity, you need to sit him down and explain to him the following:

1. He's invited people into the home you share without consulting you. That shows that he doesn't consider you a "full partner" in the marriage.

2. He's blown off the guests' use of inappropriate content in the home you share with three little girls. Because most child molestations occur in the home, by a person the victim knows, that inappropriate content is a dangerous indicator. If these guys can't resist the temptation of inappropriate content for a few days, then what does that say about them resisting the temptation of their own urges? Thus, your husband is showing a blatant disregard for his own daughters and their safety.

3. He's given your old vehicle to one of them without asking you. Has he signed over the paperwork on the vehicle to the guest? First, by not even consulting you, your husband is again showing a horrible disrespect for you. Secondly, if your guest wrecks that vehicle and it's still under your name, YOU ARE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DAMAGE HE CAUSES WITH THAT CAR.

4. He didn't defend you when the friend made a sexual comment to you. Ma'am, are you property, or are you a human being? It's appalling to think that your own spouse will not rush to your defense. Again, it's an earmark of blatant disrespect. But it's also a sign, because of the aforementioned inappropriate content problem.

5. Your girls have to be quiet when the guests are sleeping in the morning. HUH???? Exactly who is paying the house note? And why do you and the girls have to walk on eggshells in your home? Why should you treat these men with great respect when they treat you like dirt?

6. Finally, ask your husband if he wants to spend his years with those friends, or with his wife and children. Because, considering what you've typed here, your girls and you are in danger. You're protected by no one, because your own spouse isn't standing up for your rights. You've got men in that house who are showing signs of strong sexual temptation.

Tell you husband that either he protects his family and gets those freeloaders out, or you and the girls will leave. Please also tell your husband that you wish it was otherwise, but since your own husband won't stand up for his children, you have to do it yourself.

God bless you and those kids, sweetie. God never leaves you, nor forsakes you...Even if your spouse does.

:(
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums

heatherwayno

Jesus- Lover of My Soul!
Jan 29, 2006
6,625
99
46
Maryland
✟7,285.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Married
Hey! I know that I have already talked with you personally about this but it is terrible that he expects teh kids to be quiet int he mornings so as not to disturb the freeloaders that he has single handledly invited into YOUR!!!!! house. You need to go to Walmart and buy kazoos, toy drums, pianos, talking toys, and LOTS OF BATTERIES!!! Let that be their wake up call every mornign that you are home. If they do not like how niosey your kids are being- they can leave! Derek- I mean your hubby needs to respect you more than his friends. He made a commitment before God to honor and respect you for the rest of his life. If you do not feel safe in your own house and you have to worry about the safety of your girls- then he does not honor and respect you. Also- it is very weird that he is going camping and leaving you stuck with the guy alone that is making comments to you. Despite all of the problems I have with Wayne- he would never leave me alone all night iwth any of his friends. Even if they do not make comments, you never can fully know what a person is capable of doing. That is appalling to me that he would rather go camping than stay there with you. If something happens to you I would take him for everything he has!! He is acting like a creep Kristei and
 
Upvote 0