Unsympathetic?

[DZoolander]

Got back from vacation today and looked on Facebook, to see that an old friend of mine from wayyyyy back in the day apparently committed suicide this morning.

My first reaction was surprise and shock, because he always seemed to have his stuff together. But, it kinda quickly morphed into a sense of disbelief with a touch of anger. The guy had a 5 year old daughter.

I think that whatever freedom you might have to pull boneheaded stuff like that goes right out the window once you have kids. Especially young kids.

 

[eleos1954]

Got back from vacation today and looked on Facebook, to see that an old friend of mine from wayyyyy back in the day apparently committed suicide this morning.

My first reaction was surprise and shock, because he always seemed to have his stuff together. But, it kinda quickly morphed into a sense of disbelief with a touch of anger. The guy had a 5 year old daughter.

I think that whatever freedom you might have to pull boneheaded stuff like that goes right out the damn window once you have kids. Especially young kids.

Sorry to hear about your friend.

May the Lord bring peace to you and all his family and friends.

 

[Katechon]

Got back from vacation today and looked on Facebook, to see that an old friend of mine from wayyyyy back in the day apparently committed suicide this morning.

My first reaction was surprise and shock, because he always seemed to have his stuff together. But, it kinda quickly morphed into a sense of disbelief with a touch of anger. The guy had a 5 year old daughter.

I think that whatever freedom you might have to pull boneheaded stuff like that goes right out the damn window once you have kids. Especially young kids.

It is not our place to judge or assume what he was going through. That being said, everything is part of the grand plan, and perhaps God is strengthening his daughter by having her grow without her father. Perhaps her father would have had a negative effect on her life? Things like this, we don't know, and it is not our place to know the will of God. The best thing you can do is give your condolences to the wife, and offer to be a male role model / father figure in her life if you truly feel that inclined to help the child. If not, then just understand that everything happens for a reason.

 

[mkgal1]

People that contemplate (and carry out) suicide aren't behaving with a reasonable mind. They believe they aren't contributing to others and believe their family and friends would be better off without them.

 

[PeachieKeen]

I think generally when you want to kill yourself you're at a place where you truly believe everyone you love is better off without you and you're just a burden.

Sorry about your friend.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Got back from vacation today and looked on Facebook, to see that an old friend of mine from wayyyyy back in the day apparently committed suicide this morning.

My first reaction was surprise and shock, because he always seemed to have his stuff together. But, it kinda quickly morphed into a sense of disbelief with a touch of anger. The guy had a 5 year old daughter.

I think that whatever freedom you might have to pull boneheaded stuff like that goes right out the damn window once you have kids. Especially young kids.

I agree with your assessment, and I'm sorry to hear this happened with our old friend. That's a heart-ache for everyone involved, and the effect it will have upon the kids will be devastating. [Prayers for that family!]

 

[Deidre32]

I don’t think that people who are deeply depressed like that can think past their pain. They just feel an everlasting pit of pain.

Who from his life posted that on FB?

 

[Deidre32]

It is not our place to judge or assume what he was going through. That being said, everything is part of the grand plan, and perhaps God is strengthening his daughter by having her grow without her father. Perhaps her father would have had a negative effect on her life? Things like this, we don't know, and it is not our place to know the will of God. The best thing you can do is give your condolences to the wife, and offer to be a male role model / father figure in her life if you truly feel that inclined to help the child. If not, then just understand that everything happens for a reason.

I’m crying reading your post. What a beautiful perspective.

 

[DZoolander]

I don’t think that people who are deeply depressed like that can think past their pain. They just feel an everlasting pit of pain.

Who from his life posted that on FB?

Another old friend of ours who had kept more in touch with him over the years. Apparently his older daughter found him - and he was one of the first people she notified.

 

[DZoolander]

It is not our place to judge or assume what he was going through. That being said, everything is part of the grand plan, and perhaps God is strengthening his daughter by having her grow without her father. Perhaps her father would have had a negative effect on her life? Things like this, we don't know, and it is not our place to know the will of God. The best thing you can do is give your condolences to the wife, and offer to be a male role model / father figure in her life if you truly feel that inclined to help the child. If not, then just understand that everything happens for a reason.

I've never really bought into the "everything happens for a reason" or "is part of God's plan" line of thought. Part of free will, to me at least, means that God is pretty much hands off when it comes to how events transpire. We are free to be as helpful or hurtful to others as we choose - and the consequences of our actions are of our creation. As a result, it's imperative to be cognizant of what you do.

So, in that way, I have a lot of deist leanings.

 

[Deidre32]

Another old friend of ours who had kept more in touch with him over the years. Apparently his older daughter found him - and he was one of the first people she notified.

I’m not sure I would have put that on FB. I think social media is evil. Let this man and his family have a private moment. That’s just me.

Anyways...so sad and I’ll be praying for his family.

 

[Llleopard]

I don’t think that people who are deeply depressed like that can think past their pain. They just feel an everlasting pit of pain.

Who from his life posted that on FB?

I agree. When I come off my anxiety medication, I get suicidal. It fills my head, and I run on auto pilot doing everyday things, but the pain is completely overwhelming and I literally can't think of anything else but how to make it stop. Part of my mind considers my family, but needing to stop hurting overrides everything. It is indescribably horrible. Zoolander, don't judge too harshly, because the torment is real and must be unbelievably bad to drive someone away from their family.

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, suicide is one of those topics I don't particularly know how to process - or at least process properly.

Like, when I was growing up I had a favorite relative - a second cousin. The men in my family generally have kids later in life - so all of my direct cousins were a lot older than me. Old enough in fact that they could probably have been my aunts/uncles. One of them had a son, who was the only one close to my age, so we bonded growing up.

When we were in our early 20's his grandfather died (who was particularly close to him - probably closer than his actual father) - and that took a huge toll on him. That in conjunction with a few other things that weren't going right in his life drove him to kill himself - in a particularly horrible way. I remember the devastation that wrought on the family. Within a year - his parents were divorced.

I'd always been close to his mom (my direct cousin) as well. When the grandfather died - she sensed there was something wrong with him and asked me to check in on him from time to time to make sure everything was ok. I was busy with my own life at the time - college/girlfriend/etc - figured it was just natural grief - and didn't get around to it. She knew that - and held it against me for quite some time. We in fact didn't speak for probably close to 20 years after that.

Then over the years I've known other people that would threaten it - but not do it. Maybe due to my experience with my relative - I found that I had little tolerance for that and didn't make a good sounding board for them (which I guess is what they wanted). I remember one girl in specific - who kept talking to me about how horrible everything was and how she wanted to end it all. Finally - after one night of discussion and she hung up the phone - I sent the police over to her house. That didn't fly very well...lol...and I don't think she really ever spoke to me again after that.

But then there are a few others that I've known that never talked about it and just up and did it. I see how it impacted their families/kids/etc - and it just brings up all of the memories that I still kind of think about from way back when.

So yeah - I guess I'm not good at processing that issue.