- Aug 3, 2014
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Hi. I'm 56 year old woman and I'm bipolar 2. It took my doctors practically my entire life to find the right combination of meds to keep me balanced, but I have been REALLY well and stable for a period of years now.
The problem has been over the last few weeks. I'm getting that "rattled" feeling, when I start to obsess over things and imagine that others are rejecting me, or that I've done something wrong and will be in trouble (though who knows what that might be!) or that I've forgotten something really important. There has been a couple of times recently that I have not responded to people appropriately -- and I see my illness rearing up it's ugly head again. My dreams are really crazy. On good nights I'll be dreaming I'm teaching again and trying to write something on the board, but keep making mistakes. On bad nights I have dreams about being raped or other terrible things. On especially bad days, I feel that my voice is shaky, and that my hands are shaking, and I'm worried that others will notice this.
I think that part of this is just increased stress. I am recently diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, which is a pretty serious deal. I worry about my kids (one is also bipolar and the other is autistic), and feel terrible that I don't have the funds to help them. I'm in the middle of interning, and not getting paid for it. And I worry about areas in my own life that are less than functional, such as keeping up with opening the mail, responding to government agencies, and filing documents away properly. In fact, right now I'm unhappy with myself because I can't find the paperwork I need to begin the next part of my internship, because it's buried somewhere in piles of papers.
But I highly, highly suspect that the root of this unraveling has been a recent change in my meds. We would never have tampered if it hadn't have been an important reason. The Risperdal I take causes weight gain, and there are fat buildups in my throat that are now making it almost impossible to sleep comfortably at night, because I choke, or just feel funny as something is crushing my throat. I have started sleeping sitting up in a chair because of it.
I see my psychiatrist once every two months, so of course we will discuss this in another month. But I'm wondering where I should draw the line. Going back into a life of constant pain and torment is not an option for me. Dealing with an occasional night of extra anxiety might be doable. But above all else, I won't let myself start acting in a way that others avoid me again.
Should I call and make an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss this? Or should I give it time, and try to get through the next month?
I would really appreciate prayers.
The problem has been over the last few weeks. I'm getting that "rattled" feeling, when I start to obsess over things and imagine that others are rejecting me, or that I've done something wrong and will be in trouble (though who knows what that might be!) or that I've forgotten something really important. There has been a couple of times recently that I have not responded to people appropriately -- and I see my illness rearing up it's ugly head again. My dreams are really crazy. On good nights I'll be dreaming I'm teaching again and trying to write something on the board, but keep making mistakes. On bad nights I have dreams about being raped or other terrible things. On especially bad days, I feel that my voice is shaky, and that my hands are shaking, and I'm worried that others will notice this.
I think that part of this is just increased stress. I am recently diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, which is a pretty serious deal. I worry about my kids (one is also bipolar and the other is autistic), and feel terrible that I don't have the funds to help them. I'm in the middle of interning, and not getting paid for it. And I worry about areas in my own life that are less than functional, such as keeping up with opening the mail, responding to government agencies, and filing documents away properly. In fact, right now I'm unhappy with myself because I can't find the paperwork I need to begin the next part of my internship, because it's buried somewhere in piles of papers.
But I highly, highly suspect that the root of this unraveling has been a recent change in my meds. We would never have tampered if it hadn't have been an important reason. The Risperdal I take causes weight gain, and there are fat buildups in my throat that are now making it almost impossible to sleep comfortably at night, because I choke, or just feel funny as something is crushing my throat. I have started sleeping sitting up in a chair because of it.
I see my psychiatrist once every two months, so of course we will discuss this in another month. But I'm wondering where I should draw the line. Going back into a life of constant pain and torment is not an option for me. Dealing with an occasional night of extra anxiety might be doable. But above all else, I won't let myself start acting in a way that others avoid me again.
Should I call and make an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss this? Or should I give it time, and try to get through the next month?
I would really appreciate prayers.