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Unmarried in the Ministry!

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by Jazz Life, Mar 15, 2020.

  1. Jazz Life

    Jazz Life New Member

    16
    +11
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    US-Others
    I have never had a romantic relationship before and I am in my later 30's. And have been a bachelor for basically since I was dating age. Anyway.
    I am getting the calling as a bachelor to the ministry but want to remain unmarried. Is this possible?
     
  2. High Fidelity

    High Fidelity Well-Known Member Supporter

    +9,184
    United Kingdom
    Baptist
    Private
    Of course it's possible. In Catholicism it's mandatory as far as I'm aware.
     
  3. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

    +7,442
    Australia
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    Why not? It worked for Paul. The only time it could be messy is if you are ministering to a woman alone. The simple answer is don't. I involve my female co-worker as much as possible, especially if we are counselling a woman. It's in order to avoid even the appearance of evil as much as anything.
     
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  4. Heavenhome

    Heavenhome Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,264
    Australia
    Christian
    Single
    Of course it is alright as previously posted.
    As Aussie Pete says you would take extra precautions ministering to a woman in that case.
    Paul indeed is an example to study and to also take heed of, in his warnings that if you find to the contrary, then it is better to marry.

    All in all it is something between you and God, and if He is calling you, who are we to say otherwise.
    You may marry later, or you may not, follow Him and He will lead you on the right path.:)
     
  5. Murray J

    Murray J Member

    101
    +25
    New Zealand
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Ask the Lord for confirmation. If he is calling you, let him make that clear.
     
  6. Jazz Life

    Jazz Life New Member

    16
    +11
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    US-Others
    Thank you for replies.
     
  7. S.O.J.I.A.

    S.O.J.I.A. Dynamic UNO

    +2,578
    United States
    Christian Seeker
    Single
    if Paul can do it, you can do it.
     
  8. He is Worthy

    He is Worthy New Member

    23
    +17
    United States
    Calvary Chapel
    Celibate
    You don't have to work for a church so in short you are in the ministry in this life.
     
  9. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    +1,897
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    I have Notes on the virtues of being single that addressed being single in ministry saved on my work computer. I will post the relevant parts tomorrow. :)

    Not good!
     
  10. DragonFox91

    DragonFox91 Well-Known Member

    +1,897
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    Here's relevant parts of notes:
    Matthew 19: disciples shocked & say it’s better not to be married in response to Jesus’s words. His words imply 3 different kinds of singleness: by choice, by others choice, by birth. Jesus says Singleness is not for everyone. Singleness is for those to whom it has been given. Should be used for kingdom effectiveness, not to be used to avoid responsibilities. Noble calling to be single, they don’t need fixing.

    1 Corinthians 7: Everyone assigned to different marital statuses. You’re not where you are by accident. ‘If you have sexual desire, pursue marriage’. It’s a wisdom decision, not moral. Paul focuses on opportunities for singles.
     
  11. Juan777

    Juan777 Active Member

    395
    +138
    Canada
    Christian
    Divorced
    I think you might find the right woman in the course of following the plan of God for your life. It is good that you at least know God's calling for your life and are pursuing to fulfill that, and the Bible says that finding a wife is a good thing and receives the favour of the Lord. It's important you are both like-minded and that she supports your ministry. Having a supportive wife adds allot of credibility to your ministry and alleviates any doubts people might have as to if you are gay or have some personal issues (ie "creep factor") as to why you are not married and makes you look more balanced and whole.

    On the other hand, if you have a specific ministry where having a wife and family would be an entanglement and prevent you from reaching your potential in the Lord, then in this case it's better to stay single. People reference Paul allot, but he travelled in boats, often at peril of his life, and having a wife and family would not work for him since he'd have to provide for them.
     
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  12. linux.poet

    linux.poet Member

    224
    +169
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    In children's ministry you may be facing a slight disadvantage, since parents tend to trust people more who have kids of their own.

    Even if it is the case, I encourage you to push forward anyway, because I think we need more singles in that area. They tend to be more empathetic and thoughtful toward the children.
     
  13. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +16,628
    United States
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    As others mentioned its definitely possible. But I’ve heard some experienced challenges securing pastor positions when they were unmarried. Primarily because they weren’t called to singleness and the church expressed concern about them dating members of the congregation. To lessen the possibility of fallout most prefer married candidates.
     
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  14. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 This And That

    +1,052
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    You know what I find odd these days....the numerous reasons people come up with NOT to date someone (when we really do want to date someone) vs. back in the olden days of our parents, there were no real concerns of conflicts of interests or fallouts or repercussions of dating someone.

    Heck, even in my circle of friends (not close friends) a woman I asked out said she wouldn't date anyone in her circles because...'drama", and I'm like "What drama? I'm rarely in touch with those people anyways, lol"

    It's like, you have to be complete strangers to qualify to date someone. (IE meet on a public transport or a cold turkey approach in a grocery line, lol)

    Sorry, kind of got off topic :)
     
  15. bèlla

    bèlla ❤️ Supporter

    +16,628
    United States
    Non-Denom
    In Relationship
    No worries. I'll answer both. :)

    In the context of the OP, few connections lead to marriage on the first try. We interact with many until we find the right fit. Our previous connections come from different avenues. They're not gathered under the same roof. That's where the other is problematic. You can have a situation where he's engaged with or dated several women in the church.

    And you hope they parted amicably. But that's not always the case. One party may see potential where the other doesn't. In that setting with the propensity for wagging tongues you'd have a scandal. Everybody would know his business and hers. This is one instance where not dating where you work is advisable.

    It's important to view nostalgia in its proper context. Change is inevitable and we see the signs everywhere. You can't spend 18 years rearing someone without recognizing the differences. It's the parents responsibility to prepare the child for the world they're entering. Not the one they left behind.

    If marital standards are changing they're supposed to fill the gap so you're able to cope. If the opposite sex is harder to meet, less accommodating and so on; you're supposed to know that upfront. Not when you're out there trying to find a spouse. You should know what you're working against beforehand.

    A proactive approach is best but it requires planning and foresight. You attack the problem head on and devise strategies to combat it to improve the child's chances when they confront it. It's a combination of offense and hedging. You strengthen the most desirable and scarcest qualities to increase the likelihood of selection. You want them to be the exception not the rule when things tighten.

    And they need to be conversant in the opposite sex. Which requires you to begin marital preparation at a younger age. Unless you've reinforced the ideal in age appropriate ways where the desire is nurtured and the qualities of the future spouse are heralded. You teach them to esteem faith, love, and the related attributes for the role. 'That' person is foremost in their thoughts and remains that way when they encounter societal suggestions. Because its ingrained.

    You can increase the possibility of success by forging connections with others who share your thoughts on the subject and want the same for their children and let them get acquainted. That's how arranged marriages were formed years ago. You needn't pledge them to another. But if you surround them with possibilities on the same page you increase their options. Continue the practice through groups and interests seeking the same in those settings. Now you've got a network. That comes in handy for friends, suitors, and jobs too.

    The caveat in all of this is vision. You have to be forward thinking to navigate the world and succeed. You can't respond to everything when it happens. You have to anticipate challenges and hone adaptability skills for adversity and the unexpected.

    No one should be surprised about the current state because it wasn't the 50s in the 70s, 80s, 90s, etc. You can't go back. If that's the reality you want you have to work for it and plan it. It won't fall in your lap.

    The principle I'm discussing is stacking. You stack things in your/their favorite to increase the possibility for success. When it comes to finding a spouse irresistibility matters in a competitive market. Tick as many musts as you can and bring more extras than they expect. That's how you stand out.

    No one should be seeking a spouse in this era without a clear idea of their estimation in the market (i.e. how other's view them) and availability. What percentage of people meet that description within the whole and who comes close? And who desires them? People like you, those beyond you or a combination of both?

    That's how you find your sweet spot. The person who possesses some of the qualities you seek who isn't pursued by the most eligible in your sex. Once you narrow it down discover what they're looking for, what's lacking, and what they'd love to have but never find.

    You can't spend your time lamenting what was. From the day you were born it was no more. We were heading elsewhere. You have to adjust to the current day to get what you want. They're not going to change for you or slow down. The wheel keeps turning.
     
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  16. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member CF Ambassadors Supporter

    +2,199
    Catholic
    Single
    @OP,yes it is possible. Jesus, Paul, Barnabas, Titus and Timothy were all effective single men in ministry :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
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