Prayer Request Unmarried father being pushed from child.

Noah Reineke

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Hi, my name is Noah. I’m 19, and soon to be a father (December 18th), and my girlfriend is 16. Recently, I have have felt major convictions about living with my girlfriend's family. When we first discovered she was pregnant, we came to the conclusion that living together would be the smartest thing to do. And I’ve been living there since.

But now I’m pursuing a more intimate relationship with God, and I felt told to move out. I still want to continue my responsibilities as a father, and future husband, but I felt it’s wrong to live with someone I’m not married to, so I’m moving in with a friend while also doing what I can to be there.

The problem is, she is completely against the movement, and her parents are on her side. They are worried that I’m going to leave them with the baby, and take off, and abandon them. And my girlfriend has told me to do what I need to do, but she is still hurt and angry over it. And I’m scared that if I do leave, her parents will try to keep me away from them.

They won’t let us get married, and won’t even consider until she is graduated in a year and a half, and there’s no way to get around it. And even if there was, God told me to move out, not find a way to marry her.

I want to use the time to focus on my relationship with Him, as well as get on my feet financially and prepare for a child and family.

I have already made up my mind about it, and nothing in this world could keep me from being obedient to God, but I want to know how I can help them see where I’m coming from, or at least help them be more at ease with it.
 

maintenance man

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I want to use the time to focus on my relationship with Him, as well as get on my feet financially and prepare for a child and family.

Those are good goals. Where will you go to live and how will you accomplish these things?
 
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Noah Reineke

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Those are good goals. Where will you go to live and how will you accomplish these things?

I already have a trailer home that my friend is closing on in two weeks. He’s a good Christian friend. One of few people who have been encouraging me through all of this
 
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maintenance man

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I already have a trailer home that my friend is closing on in two weeks. He’s a good Christian friend. One of few people who have been encouraging me through all of this.

How will you focus on your relationship with God?
How will you get on your feet financially?

I'm quizzing you because these are the details that will help your girlfriends parents feel comfortable about what you are doing.
 
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Noah Reineke

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How will you focus on your relationship with God?
How will you get on your feet financially?

I'm quizzing you because these are the details that will help your girlfriends parents feel comfortable about what you are doing.

Well really, being disobedient to God is a hinderance in my relationship with him for one. Second, I’ve been intending to start studying with my friend, but spending every day and night with my girlfriend hinders that. Simply staying at a home with my friend would allow more time for such.

And financially, I’ve been very irresponsible since I got my first Job, spending it on anything and everything that doesn’t matter. I want to crack down on myself by being forced to pay rent, utilities, etc, to get on my feet, and be ready to be a husband the moment it comes time.

In all reality, financially and spiritually, I’m in no position to be a father or husband, so I want to get to the point that they can clearly see beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can support my family the moment it comes time.
 
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anna ~ grace

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Well really, being disobedient to God is a hinderance in my relationship with him for one. Second, I’ve been intending to start studying with my friend, but spending every day and night with my girlfriend hinders that. Simply staying at a home with my friend would allow more time for such.

And financially, I’ve been very irresponsible since I got my first Job, spending it on anything and everything that doesn’t matter. I want to crack down on myself by being forced to pay rent, utilities, etc, to get on my feet, and be ready to be a husband the moment it comes time.

In all reality, financially and spiritually, I’m in no position to be a father or husband, so I want to get to the point that they can clearly see beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can support my family the moment it comes time.
Those are all awesome and sound goals. I think you have a good head on this issue, and what needs to be done. I find it weird that they were ok with you sleeping and living with her and fathering a child, but not ok with you marrying her. :confused:

I think you have good, Christian, thoughtful goals here. Don't feel afraid of sharing your Christian faith and growing convictions as you share why you are doing this.
 
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maintenance man

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Well really, being disobedient to God is a hinderance in my relationship with him for one.

I'm personally on the fence about your moving out, but I honestly don't believe God told you to move out. I honestly believe you can be obedient to God by staying as well.

Second, I’ve been intending to start studying with my friend, but spending every day and night with my girlfriend hinders that.

There should be no need for a special circumstance to study the Word of God. Suggesting you need assistance is a sign of weakness. That's how I would see it if I were a parent of your girlfriend. You could make time to study with your friend while still living with your girlfriend.

And financially, I’ve been very irresponsible since I got my first Job, spending it on anything and everything that doesn’t matter. I want to crack down on myself by being forced to pay rent, utilities, etc, to get on my feet, and be ready to be a husband the moment it comes time.

Living with your girlfriend will allow you to save money since I'm assuming you are not being charged rent. Saying you will become financially secure by spending more money on rent and utilities makes absolutely no sense.

In all reality, financially and spiritually, I’m in no position to be a father or husband

That sounds like absolute truth.

so I want to get to the point that they can clearly see beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can support my family the moment it comes time.

You need to enroll in some kind of program that will increase your chances of earning more money in the future - college - trade school - certification program of some sort, etc.

Having a baby is a lot of work. The mother will need 24/7 help with that work. Right now it looks like you are shifting that load onto your girlfriends parents instead of taking responsibility yourself.

You need to let them know you understand the work load and dedicate blocks of time to show up and do your part of the work.

You need to convince your girlfriends parents the person you want to live with is honestly dedicated to a closer walk with God and have a detailed plan regarding how that will transpire.

Forgive me for being a little bit hard on you, but this is serious stuff!

I pray you find something helpful in all this.

I'm praying for you, your girlfriend, her parents, and your family and friends as well.

May you all be blessed through this difficult time.
 
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ChristianGirl_96

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Babies are definitely hard work.

You need to show you can help when needed. Have a talk with your inlaws. Reassure them that their worries and fears are unfounded too. Even so called typically growing babies have needs and require attention. Prove you can cope with the task of parenting.

Make a action plan. List goals to achieve. Regularly update it. How will you achieve them? Consider how best to answer that question. What program do you have in mind? Find out all important details.

You are in my prayers!
 
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Lost4words

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Your responsibility is for the baby and the mother. No point in bolting closed the barn door after the horse has got out!

Surely you can stay with her, in separate bedrooms until you get married? You can be there for her and the baby. Save and plan together.

God would never tell you to high tail it out of there. You have responsibilities now my friend
 
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Noah Reineke

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Your responsibility is for the baby and the mother. No point in bolting closed the barn door after the horse has got out!

Surely you can stay with her, in separate bedrooms until you get married? You can be there for her and the baby. Save and plan together.

God would never tell you to high tail it out of there. You have responsibilities now my friend

That’s the misunderstanding. I’m not hightailing. I’m sleeping in a different place, and that’s the difference.

And it’s been said that putting yourself in a situation where you know you’ll be tempted to sin, is a sin itself. - She May be pregnant, but living with her in any way is a constant temptation for sexual immorality.

I’m in no way evacuating my responsibility. I have promised to be there, and it is my responsibility. But how can I set a good example for my child, and my younger siblings, and the ministry that I’m in at church, if I’m living with someone I’m not married to. It would be a better example if I listened to God, stated faithful, and married her when the time is right.

And to answer your question about separate bedrooms, they live in a 3 bedroom house, and there’s no place for me to go in the house.

Simply put, God told ME to move out, whether people believe it or not. Whether people say “God wouldn’t do that”. I haven’t heard Gods voice much in my life, but this I’m sure of. He has reasons for me to do this, and I must obey.

I’m not dropping my responsibility as a father. I have just come to a conclusion, that if God told me to, I need to love him enough to do it, despite the consequences. Jesus said “Drop your nets, and I will make you fishers of men” those nets were their way of supporting their family. It wasn’t just a hobby. And they sacrificed to follow him. When Job lost all of his wealth, his children, and more, he still listened to God’s still voice. And his wife even left him over it.

I know it won’t make sense. It may seem wrong, but being disobedient to Gods direction, and allowing myself to be tempted, and lead astray, is wrong even more so, as I will still be here as a father and future spouse.

You may find it wrong, and untrue, but I know what God has told me.
 
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Noah Reineke

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I'm personally on the fence about your moving out, but I honestly don't believe God told you to move out. I honestly believe you can be obedient to God by staying as well.



There should be no need for a special circumstance to study the Word of God. Suggesting you need assistance is a sign of weakness. That's how I would see it if I were a parent of your girlfriend. You could make time to study with your friend while still living with your girlfriend.

When her whole family is unsupportive of my relationship with God when it gets in the way of anything in their life, they turn on me. My simply spending time with my friend is an inconvenience to them.

And so what if it’s a sign of weekends? I’m human. I’m week. I need help. I won’t deny that. It’s called accountability. And it’s hard when my girlfriend can’t really be an accountability partner in my relationship with God when she isn’t taking it as seriously as I am. Especially when a huge portion of this is based on sexual temptation and sexual immorality.

I stated this in my last reply that staying in a situation in which temptation is inevitable, is sin in and of itself. I am not leaving my family. I’m simply chasing after my eternal life and what God has asked more than anything in this earth. That’s what God has asked, and even if you can’t see how, I haven’t heard God speak to me in my life, but this I’m sure of.

Even since making this decision, he has provided a new job making enough money to survive. He provided a friend who out of the blue felt like God wanted him to give me his tithe money for the week. And more.

It may seem sketchy, or wrong of me, but there can’t be anything more right than laying my life down for God and allowing him to connect the dots and make the image beautiful.
 
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Lost4words

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That’s the misunderstanding. I’m not hightailing. I’m sleeping in a different place, and that’s the difference.

And it’s been said that putting yourself in a situation where you know you’ll be tempted to sin, is a sin itself. - She May be pregnant, but living with her in any way is a constant temptation for sexual immorality.

I’m in no way evacuating my responsibility. I have promised to be there, and it is my responsibility. But how can I set a good example for my child, and my younger siblings, and the ministry that I’m in at church, if I’m living with someone I’m not married to. It would be a better example if I listened to God, stated faithful, and married her when the time is right.

And to answer your question about separate bedrooms, they live in a 3 bedroom house, and there’s no place for me to go in the house.

Simply put, God told ME to move out, whether people believe it or not. Whether people say “God wouldn’t do that”. I haven’t heard Gods voice much in my life, but this I’m sure of. He has reasons for me to do this, and I must obey.

I’m not dropping my responsibility as a father. I have just come to a conclusion, that if God told me to, I need to love him enough to do it, despite the consequences. Jesus said “Drop your nets, and I will make you fishers of men” those nets were their way of supporting their family. It wasn’t just a hobby. And they sacrificed to follow him. When Job lost all of his wealth, his children, and more, he still listened to God’s still voice. And his wife even left him over it.

I know it won’t make sense. It may seem wrong, but being disobedient to Gods direction, and allowing myself to be tempted, and lead astray, is wrong even more so, as I will still be here as a father and future spouse.

You may find it wrong, and untrue, but I know what God has told me.

Ok my friend. I am sure you are being very responsible. I can see you care for your future wife and child.

If you truly believe that God has told you to move out then all you have to do is to convince your girlfriend and family that you are only acting as a true Christian and will not high tail it off into the distance.

God bless and protect you and your family.
 
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Noah Reineke

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Ok my friend. I am sure you are being very responsible. I can see you care for your future wife and child.

If you truly believe that God has told you to move out then all you have to do is to convince your girlfriend and family that you are only acting as a true Christian and will not high tail it off into the distance.

God bless and protect you and your family.
I really appreciate it.

I just really wouldn’t put so much on the line if I didn’t truly believe God told me to.
 
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It may seem sketchy, or wrong of me, but there can’t be anything more right than laying my life down for God and allowing him to connect the dots and make the image beautiful.

There's no way for me to know what's sketchy or wrong in your life. I don't know you, I don't know your girlfriend, I don't know her parents.

Your question was this:

how I can help them see where I’m coming from

By remaining true to your convictions and demonstrating over time your sincerity to do the right thing.

You sound sincere to me.

They may not get it right away, but over time you will prove yourself.
 
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