- Mar 8, 2019
- 10
- 30
- 33
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Protestant
- Marital Status
- Divorced
I don't think that God loves me anymore, I don't think he wants anything to do with me. I say this because I am suffering. ALL DAY long. It's a constant fight, a battle, with NO REST. I'm tired, exhausted, and I am no longer enjoying it. It's like returning to a job you don't like but have to do because you have to provide for your children, put food on the table, and pay the bills. Except it feels worse than that...because it's never ending. I'm more of like a slave.
I've been experiencing the loss of happiness, suicidal thoughts, the fear of the unknown, and agonizing pain. I understand what happened..I did wrong and I am a reprobate and God an apostate most likely. What I don't understand is why I'm still questioning what I already know is true, maybe it's denial and disbelief that this is where it ends...I can't understand why I remain hopeful when there are no signs of recovering from this terrible mental state. I guess I believe that God is the answer and will someday forgive me and that help will come...but I believe in my heart that I have done too much wrong and that God has had it with me.
I'd do anything just to feel OK again though, to feel normal. I reach out to God and pray, I read bible verses, have attended church and bible studies, yet I'm doing terrible...
What would you do if you were in my position? I have already sought out help from psychiatrists, medication, and therapists...nothing..ever..changes...
I've been experiencing the loss of happiness, suicidal thoughts, the fear of the unknown, and agonizing pain. I understand what happened..I did wrong and I am a reprobate and God an apostate most likely. What I don't understand is why I'm still questioning what I already know is true, maybe it's denial and disbelief that this is where it ends...I can't understand why I remain hopeful when there are no signs of recovering from this terrible mental state. I guess I believe that God is the answer and will someday forgive me and that help will come...but I believe in my heart that I have done too much wrong and that God has had it with me.
I'd do anything just to feel OK again though, to feel normal. I reach out to God and pray, I read bible verses, have attended church and bible studies, yet I'm doing terrible...
What would you do if you were in my position? I have already sought out help from psychiatrists, medication, and therapists...nothing..ever..changes...