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Unfriendly church or just me?

Discussion in 'Non-denominational' started by BeccaCheria, Oct 1, 2011.

  1. BeccaCheria

    BeccaCheria Newbie

    Last edited: Jan 31, 2013
  2. JRSut1000

    JRSut1000 Newbie no more!

    I've totally been there. For a long time I felt uncomfortable because I just didn't know how to interrupt 'cliques' and socialize. Christians can really have the 'us four no more' mentality. It's hard to fit into the world sometimes as a Christian, so they're grateful to have a 'clique' within Christianity. Okay, that's just a theory.

    I have to be honest though, in looking back to those times when I tried but couldn't fit in, Im realizing that I didnt really try. I was awkwardly shy and I've found that unfortunately awkwardly shy people make other people uncomfortable.

    How did I get to how I am now? Well, I'm STILL not miss outgoing or anything, but I do have friends now. It just comes by being yourself. Maybe try a small group thing or prayer or an event. Get involved and when input is asked, give it. If someone needs prayer in the group and they say so, be willing to talk to them, take down their name, and say you'll pray with them or even better say "hey can I pray for/with you now?" Obviously, be genuine! Just some ideas to hopefully help you out!
  3. Norah63

    Norah63 Newbie

    if it helps any, just try to put yourself in their shoes. And treat them the same way you want to be treated. There is a verse about, 'if you want a friend, show yourself friendly'
    Everyone is a little self conscience in a new setting. Don't let your feelings rule your fellowship. Everyone has been through this from one time or another. Also some churches just are not very spiritual, and that's sad.
    Just think about how much heavenly Father wants to be your friend, so anyone else is just frosting on the cake.
  4. gcfrankie

    gcfrankie Junior Member

    Just maybe this is not a church God wants you in. Pray and ask God where he wants you to go. It may be a small church that may not have many people your own age or who go to college. You never know God has a place for you.
    I was raised in a small church where everyone was friendly regardless of age and then I moved and went to a large church and that did not last long because of the clicks. I believe we are all God's children and in God's house their should not be clicks. If you want to be in a click it should be done outside of church but in church everyone should be treated equal by members and pastors. Pastors should not be in clicks, but I have seen this happen too many times.
  5. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    United States
    Becca, here's what I would do.

    Go before the Lord, and the first thing, affirm your forgiveness toward these people for their behavior. Your hurt and anger, while very understandable, is not going to help you get clarity on what's going on and what you need to do. And those are the central questions.

    Paul acknowledges deep problems in the church, and in the next breath tells Timothy to fellowship with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. So in general we are not obligated to attend church just to be there. We're to be in a place where we are an integral member of a functioning expression of Body.

    And Jesus' definition of what that might look like is very broad indeed: wherever two or more are gathered in His Name!

    But, sometimes we are called to persevere and persist. That's why it is essential that you take this to the Lord, get yourself out of the way, and get the mind of Christ and the will of the Spirit.

    However it plays out, I hope you find that fellowship we all need, where we are made complete in Christ.
  6. revrobor

    revrobor Veteran

    Well Becca, I've been attending all kinds of churches since before your parents were born and have experienced this many times. The sad truth is many, if not most, people who belong to a church consider it "their" club and are very protective of it and their particular "click". What they seem to want is a trouble-free, smooth running club that doesn't get involved in things outside the church that require them to get uncomfortable. There are exceptions of course. These clubs we call churches were not established by Jesus. The Church Jesus established is the Body of Believers wherever they may be found not religious organizations ("churches"). I would encourage you to find fellow Believers outside the church you mentioned and perhaps they will invite you to a church that is more receptive. The one you mentioned sounds like an excellent example of why many people do not attend a church and why many Believers are leaving the religious organizations. Ask God to lead you my young sister. He will.
  7. Norah63

    Norah63 Newbie

    You said it very well Bob, A 'club' or a well oiled machine, apt discription of many a metting place.
    I can smile now, many years later, thinking back on being a new christian and going to the local, supposedly spiritual church. As I carried my bible in with me, all eyes fell on
    it and you could tell that was not the norm, there. I didn't know and was a while getting a lesson on how things went.
  8. If Not For Grace

    If Not For Grace Legend-but then so's Keith Richards

    There is good & bad in everything. That includes churches. No one gets it right all the time, but offending the brethern is what the "church" does best. Try not to take it personally. People raised in the church have no clue about those who were not and vice versa. Christ did more correcting of the religious leaders of His day than any other group. The same is needed today. Let it Begin with me. If possible stay and change the place from the inside, if not change churches and get feed until you gain the spiritual maturity not to be hurt by the ignorance of mankind. Be spiritual rather than religious, it's better for you and everyone else :).
  9. fortheus

    fortheus Newbie

    Been there...It's just sad how things really happen in real life. We are sinners, so does pastors and church members. They don't really behave like Christ. We are all in process.

    So what I can say is now depends on ourselves. You can have 2 choices. Left the church, and find another 'friendlier' church, or proactively looking for cell groups in that church and join them.

    What I believe is, moving from one church to another won't solve your problem as each church have their own problem.
  10. woden

    woden Senior Member

    Jehovahs Witness
    You could always approach the Pastor with a question he could answer at a later meeting as a lesson for all there.
  11. ashtonjones2011

    ashtonjones2011 Newbie

    It could very well be the church. I have been to several churches over the years where people just seemed like they were strictly there to occupy the pews. If they don't know you they don't try to get to know you, etc you get the point. I'm 23 and from experience I find that alot of people I come into contact with that are my age, are nowhere near where I am in my relationship with God. They're still straddling the fence thinking they can live both ways. I find older more mature people to be better examples and they have more to say in a conversation about God. I had an experience last week where a group of ladies from a church knocked on my door, offering prayer, and an invitation to come to their church. There were young women and a few older women. For reference purposes I'll tell you that I live in an apartment complex that is considered public housing or "the ghetto". So I was speaking to one of the older ladies about coming to their church, when a younger woman asked me if I had any prayer requests for myself. I told her no, but that I had a friend that needed prayer because she was homeless and on drugs. The woman waved her hand towards my apartment and asked me if I needed prayer for finances. I was deeply offended by this because of the smirk she wore when she asked me. Clearly, on some level she thought because of where I live that she is better than me. I hate this sort of judgemental thinking. This is the type of attitude that causes people to avoid church altogether. I'm trying to make an example of myself by looking past what people do to me, and continue to show them kindness regardless. But, getting back on point, maybe you should be more assertive in making friends. If that approach doesn't work, you should try the other churches. So what if the preacher doesn't know all of his flock by name, the flock still mingles within each other. Try going to a bible study first, maybe while you're there mention that you're looking to make friends to fellowship with. More than likely they'll flock to you more than willing to give you what you seek. Pray for God to give you friends to fellowship with.