Unfriending/Unfollowing Friends

[Matthew Frazier]

One of the very first groups I spent time with when I became hot for God was the Baptist Student Ministry. I wasnt with them for long because I already committed to a different Bible study group, and a embarrassing moment I had with couple of my friends in that group tainted how this group saw me and me being comfortable with this ministry.

I also used to attend church that I considered my primary group of friends, having made a few best friends and going on a couple of mission trips together in the process. After 2 years of being a part of this group, however, things took a turn for the worse because I blew a gasket trying to adhere to all of this church's beliefs and events that were hosted, occasionally I would be encouraged or commended for doing so, but most often I pretty much conformed to the crowd for the sake of conforming, without reward. If I did anything that was considered out of the norm, particularly hold differing beliefs from the rest of church (especially with sexual matters), demonstrated vulnerability, or even just try to be myself, I would receive criticism or shunning, including on social media. My family and I even discovered that this place was a quasi-cult. It wasn't quite as severe as some cults, but it was still known for hurting its members.

Several of these friends from the said groups I still hang out with and think highly of, but most of them have stopped talking to me or fell out of contact with me as I stopped hanging out with these groups. Even people that I previously viewed as best friends have unfollowed me.

I want to continue cleaning up my social media accounts, as this has improved my self-esteem issues and anxiety, but don't want to go overboard. Should I unfriend/unfollow the remaining people from BS/church groups that I have since removed myself from? What should I do?

 

[.Mikha'el.]

The one thing I don't believe in when it comes to Facebook is adding someone just for the sake of doing so. Any people for whom that holds true, whether you were the adder or the one added can probably be removed safely. If any of them add you back in a short time, accept the request and do not remove again.

 

[Matthew Frazier]

The one thing I don't believe in when it comes to Facebook is adding someone just for the sake of doing so. Any people for whom that holds true, whether you were the adder or the one added can probably be removed safely. If any of them add you back in a short time, accept the request and do not remove again.

Thanks bud. I'm a firm believer that adding someone just to gather friends is silly. It's all about the quality and not the quantity

 

[Kiterius]

One of the very first groups I spent time with when I became hot for God was the Baptist Student Ministry. I wasnt with them for long because I already committed to a different Bible study group, and a embarrassing moment I had with couple of my friends in that group tainted how this group saw me and me being comfortable with this ministry.

I also used to attend church that I considered my primary group of friends, having made a few best friends and going on a couple of mission trips together in the process. After 2 years of being a part of this group, however, things took a turn for the worse because I blew a gasket trying to adhere to all of this church's beliefs and events that were hosted, occasionally I would be encouraged or commended for doing so, but most often I pretty much conformed to the crowd for the sake of conforming, without reward. If I did anything that was considered out of the norm, particularly hold differing beliefs from the rest of church (especially with sexual matters), demonstrated vulnerability, or even just try to be myself, I would receive criticism or shunning, including on social media. My family and I even discovered that this place was a quasi-cult. It wasn't quite as severe as some cults, but it was still known for hurting its members.

Several of these friends from the said groups I still hang out with and think highly of, but most of them have stopped talking to me or fell out of contact with me as I stopped hanging out with these groups. Even people that I previously viewed as best friends have unfollowed me.

I want to continue cleaning up my social media accounts, as this has improved my self-esteem issues and anxiety, but don't want to go overboard. Should I unfriend/unfollow the remaining people from BS/church groups that I have since removed myself from? What should I do?

If in doubt, unfriend.

 

[Matthew Frazier]

If in doubt, unfriend.

Agreed. But of course I don't know what the people's feelings will be on the other end. Should I be afraid about hurting SM's friends' feelings if I unfollow them?

 

[Job3315]

One of the very first groups I spent time with when I became hot for God was the Baptist Student Ministry. I wasnt with them for long because I already committed to a different Bible study group, and a embarrassing moment I had with couple of my friends in that group tainted how this group saw me and me being comfortable with this ministry.

I also used to attend church that I considered my primary group of friends, having made a few best friends and going on a couple of mission trips together in the process. After 2 years of being a part of this group, however, things took a turn for the worse because I blew a gasket trying to adhere to all of this church's beliefs and events that were hosted, occasionally I would be encouraged or commended for doing so, but most often I pretty much conformed to the crowd for the sake of conforming, without reward. If I did anything that was considered out of the norm, particularly hold differing beliefs from the rest of church (especially with sexual matters), demonstrated vulnerability, or even just try to be myself, I would receive criticism or shunning, including on social media. My family and I even discovered that this place was a quasi-cult. It wasn't quite as severe as some cults, but it was still known for hurting its members.

Several of these friends from the said groups I still hang out with and think highly of, but most of them have stopped talking to me or fell out of contact with me as I stopped hanging out with these groups. Even people that I previously viewed as best friends have unfollowed me.

I want to continue cleaning up my social media accounts, as this has improved my self-esteem issues and anxiety, but don't want to go overboard. Should I unfriend/unfollow the remaining people from BS/church groups that I have since removed myself from? What should I do?

I would.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Agreed. But of course I don't know what the people's feelings will be on the other end. Should I be afraid about hurting SM's friends' feelings if I unfollow them?

In my experience, most people don't notice or care about being unfollowed. It just means their activity doesn't show up in your news feed.

 

[Matthew Frazier]

In my experience, most people don't notice or care about being unfollowed. It just means their activity doesn't show up in your news feed.

Thats good to know. I guess this question came up as I was killing time with FB. I guess I have too much time on my hands lol

 

[Kiterius]

Agreed. But of course I don't know what the people's feelings will be on the other end. Should I be afraid about hurting SM's friends' feelings if I unfollow them?

No. God has not given us a spirit of fear. Fear comes from someplace else.

 

[Matthew Frazier]

No. God has not given us a spirit of fear. Fear comes from someplace else.

Let me guess, not from God? haha This is really encouraging

 

[Andrew77]

One of the very first groups I spent time with when I became hot for God was the Baptist Student Ministry. I wasnt with them for long because I already committed to a different Bible study group, and a embarrassing moment I had with couple of my friends in that group tainted how this group saw me and me being comfortable with this ministry.

I also used to attend church that I considered my primary group of friends, having made a few best friends and going on a couple of mission trips together in the process. After 2 years of being a part of this group, however, things took a turn for the worse because I blew a gasket trying to adhere to all of this church's beliefs and events that were hosted, occasionally I would be encouraged or commended for doing so, but most often I pretty much conformed to the crowd for the sake of conforming, without reward. If I did anything that was considered out of the norm, particularly hold differing beliefs from the rest of church (especially with sexual matters), demonstrated vulnerability, or even just try to be myself, I would receive criticism or shunning, including on social media. My family and I even discovered that this place was a quasi-cult. It wasn't quite as severe as some cults, but it was still known for hurting its members.

Several of these friends from the said groups I still hang out with and think highly of, but most of them have stopped talking to me or fell out of contact with me as I stopped hanging out with these groups. Even people that I previously viewed as best friends have unfollowed me.

I want to continue cleaning up my social media accounts, as this has improved my self-esteem issues and anxiety, but don't want to go overboard. Should I unfriend/unfollow the remaining people from BS/church groups that I have since removed myself from? What should I do?

I don't know if you should unfriend, or unfollow people. There are people I have met in church groups from over 10 years ago, and we rarely talk, but I still have them as friends on facebook.

I think there is a much bigger issue, and that being that the people on your social media, affects your self-esteem and anxiety.

That's a problem. If people on facebook or any social media, are controlling how you feel about life... then that needs to change.

This is a huge problem. When social media dictates your happiness in life, to the point that you are fretting over people to keep friended or unfriended on facebook, that is a huge problem.

I don't expect you'll take my advice, but based on your post, I would recommend that you completely close your facebook account, and all your social media accounts, and you need to get out and involved in groups in real life, with real people. You need to stay off your computer completely.

You likely need to do this for at least a whole year, or long enough that you are not longer enslaved to the whims of social media.

 

[Phil 1:21]

"What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?" Matthew 16:26

 

[Call me Nic]

Agreed. But of course I don't know what the people's feelings will be on the other end. Should I be afraid about hurting SM's friends' feelings if I unfollow them?

Hurting people's feelings isn't necessarily a sin, otherwise Jesus would have been a sinner, but he's perfect, so what are you worried about? They'll live.

 

[Call me Nic]

One of the very first groups I spent time with when I became hot for God was the Baptist Student Ministry. I wasnt with them for long because I already committed to a different Bible study group, and a embarrassing moment I had with couple of my friends in that group tainted how this group saw me and me being comfortable with this ministry.

I also used to attend church that I considered my primary group of friends, having made a few best friends and going on a couple of mission trips together in the process. After 2 years of being a part of this group, however, things took a turn for the worse because I blew a gasket trying to adhere to all of this church's beliefs and events that were hosted, occasionally I would be encouraged or commended for doing so, but most often I pretty much conformed to the crowd for the sake of conforming, without reward. If I did anything that was considered out of the norm, particularly hold differing beliefs from the rest of church (especially with sexual matters), demonstrated vulnerability, or even just try to be myself, I would receive criticism or shunning, including on social media. My family and I even discovered that this place was a quasi-cult. It wasn't quite as severe as some cults, but it was still known for hurting its members.

Several of these friends from the said groups I still hang out with and think highly of, but most of them have stopped talking to me or fell out of contact with me as I stopped hanging out with these groups. Even people that I previously viewed as best friends have unfollowed me.

I want to continue cleaning up my social media accounts, as this has improved my self-esteem issues and anxiety, but don't want to go overboard. Should I unfriend/unfollow the remaining people from BS/church groups that I have since removed myself from? What should I do?

I experienced something similar to this before. They may indeed be your brethren in Christ, and as long as you don't hate them or think ill of them for no cause, I haven't found anything scripture-wise that says we must "congregate or assembly" with a particular group of Christians. As long as we don't forsake the assembling of ourselves together in general with the saints, everything else seems preferential. I really encourage you to do what you feel is comfortable for you and what would help you better serve God - God gives grace to us in the smallest matters, no matter how small they seem.

 

[Aldebaran]

Several of these friends from the said groups I still hang out with and think highly of, but most of them have stopped talking to me or fell out of contact with me as I stopped hanging out with these groups. Even people that I previously viewed as best friends have unfollowed me.

I want to continue cleaning up my social media accounts, as this has improved my self-esteem issues and anxiety, but don't want to go overboard. Should I unfriend/unfollow the remaining people from BS/church groups that I have since removed myself from? What should I do?

If there are people on your list of friends that you have stopped talking to or hanging out with, especially the ones who turned against you in that church, then I certainly would have no problem deleting them from your Facebook friend list. If you and they aren't communicating anymore, they probably won't even notice. It's happened to me with coworkers that I no longer work with. They eventually unfriended me. I understood. People who no longer are a part of your life are ones that really don't need to be on your list anymore unless you plan on reconnecting with them again.

 

[Chinchilla]

One of the very first groups I spent time with when I became hot for God was the Baptist Student Ministry. I wasnt with them for long because I already committed to a different Bible study group, and a embarrassing moment I had with couple of my friends in that group tainted how this group saw me and me being comfortable with this ministry.

I also used to attend church that I considered my primary group of friends, having made a few best friends and going on a couple of mission trips together in the process. After 2 years of being a part of this group, however, things took a turn for the worse because I blew a gasket trying to adhere to all of this church's beliefs and events that were hosted, occasionally I would be encouraged or commended for doing so, but most often I pretty much conformed to the crowd for the sake of conforming, without reward. If I did anything that was considered out of the norm, particularly hold differing beliefs from the rest of church (especially with sexual matters), demonstrated vulnerability, or even just try to be myself, I would receive criticism or shunning, including on social media. My family and I even discovered that this place was a quasi-cult. It wasn't quite as severe as some cults, but it was still known for hurting its members.

Several of these friends from the said groups I still hang out with and think highly of, but most of them have stopped talking to me or fell out of contact with me as I stopped hanging out with these groups. Even people that I previously viewed as best friends have unfollowed me.

I want to continue cleaning up my social media accounts, as this has improved my self-esteem issues and anxiety, but don't want to go overboard. Should I unfriend/unfollow the remaining people from BS/church groups that I have since removed myself from? What should I do?

My friend told me a story once that he had some random "friend" ask him on facebook how to unfriend people . My friend told him how to do it and that random "friend" unfriended him...

Back to topic . Sometimes it's best to just let go these who were your "friends" .

Acts 15
36 And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do.

37 And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.

38 But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work.

39 And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus;

40 And Paul chose Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of God.

41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, confirming the churches.

 

[Aldebaran]

My friend told me a story once that he had some random "friend" ask him on facebook how to unfriend people . My friend told him how to do it and that random "friend" unfriended him...

Back to topic . Sometimes it's best to just let go these who were your "friends" .

Acts 15
36 And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do.

37 And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark.

38 But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work.

39 And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus;

40 And Paul chose Silas, and departed, being recommended by the brethren unto the grace of God.

41 And he went through Syria and Cilicia, confirming the churches.

Then Barnabas and John determined to unfriend Paul from their Facebook friend list, and Paul took great offence but was advised in a dream to not cyber stalk Barnabas and John when he arrived in Syria.

 

[Matthew Frazier]

Hey guys I want to give a shout out and thank you for all of the scriptural support, good-humoured posts, and Godly perspectives which you have given me here. I've taken these replies and my uneasiness towards SM to God, and realized I have yet indeed sinned by becoming borderline addicted to Facebook, and putting my faith in it, in the previous weeks. I responded to God by breaking this source of bitterness by deactivating my FB account, the biggest stressor and distractor in my repertoire of SM accounts. So surprisingly for @Andrew77 I followed through with your advice after all! Thanks to everyone not just for freeing me from fear of hurting peoples feelings through unfollowing but also pushing me towards freedom! Lets see where this new freedom will take me

 

[Spherical]

Thanks to everyone not just for freeing me from fear of hurting peoples feelings through unfollowing but also pushing me towards freedom! Lets see where this new freedom will take me

Glad to see it worked out for you!
If, in any case, you reactivate your account, I agree you should always remain with the freedom of adding or removing from your friend list those you want to have there or not. Remember: it's just a Facebook friends list, not your life's friends list.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I never add anyone either "just because". Unless I know them well then its best that we just be friends outside of social media.