There is no sin that cannot or will not be forgiven if it is sincerely confessed. It is a dangerous thing to ignore the pleadings of a healthy conscience and harden one's heart, because then that voice becomes harder to discern. This might be why you cannot sense God and you feel "unsavable".
This is where you cast yourself upon the mercy of God in Christ Jesus. Having given so much, He will not reject the sincere repentant. Why would He want Christ's sacrifice to go to waste?
The way forward is this: repent and confess you known sins, including quenching your conscience in this instance. Prayerfully stay in the Word, and faithfully walk in the Light you have been given. All the stewardship parables teach that those faithful in little are faithful in much, and more will be given to them. And the parable of the unjust steward teaches us to be faithful even in unrighteous riches! Jesus went to this amazing extreme to make a clear and dramatic point: there is no one outside the grace of God, if you will only repent and turn to God for help.
So do not despair, as if God is not sovereignly able to save.
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, because, he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. -Heb 11:6
Remember also God's invitation in Isaiah:
"Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool. -Isa 1:18
And Jeremiah concurs:
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
'You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.
'I will be found by you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,' declares the LORD, 'and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.' -Jer 29:11-14
Don't give the devil place any longer. That's merely continuing the original mistake. Come out of your unbelief and begin to believe the Lord for salvation. You can spend your whole life looking at past sins and mistakes, or you can take Jesus up on His offer of forgiveness, reconciliation, restoration and new life.