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Turned out platonic after a year of dating

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by ThisIsMe123, Nov 9, 2018.

  1. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    I had been getting to know this new Christian woman. Met her on a dating site and had only been living here a few years. Active in her church, also a greeter.

    Anyways, we had real nice time on our first date and have something set up for next week for dinner.

    We had been talking to each other via text/voice between dates, so there had been a good amount of time getting familiar with each other that way.

    She has been engaged twice in the past. She's in her early 50s, never married.

    We got to talk about dating/relationships and she is currently friends with men that she had dated at one time. She mentioned one of them that she dated like 10 years ago. Dated him for a year (knew him for 2 years). They ended it because they only thought of each other as "brother and sister", not in terms of romantic relationship.

    I was like "It took you a year to discover that?" It got me wondering about if there was ANY romance going on, physical affection like hand holding and kissing. She described their terms of "dating" as more "hanging out" instead.

    Usually if a woman thinks of me in that way, she lets me know immediately when I ask her out for the first date...not a year.

    I may need to find out more about the nature of said relationship because I had an errand to run while we were talking about it.

    The reason I mentioned her engagements was because obviously she had something romantic going on with those men, but not this one? I don't understand how you can date a full year and not just nip it in the bud in the beginning? Am I missing something here?
     
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  2. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

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    It's our (the man's) job to ask the "Big Questions" and push the boundaries of a relationship and for the woman to accept or deny it.

    If your lady friend describes her dates with the man as "hanging out", then the guy failed to do his job. He either lacked the courage to do his part or isn't interested enough...

    Therefore, this is the guys's fault.

    And you should stop gossipping about the women you meet!
     
  3. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    So the onus is completely on the man to do his "job"?

    I'm not sure what you mean "gossiping about the women you meet". Not sure what you mean.
     
  4. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    Believe her. It is possible...especially when women tend to date for close friendship along with romance. She found the close friendship but they eventually realized that the romance wasn't there and wasn't like to grow. My marriage started out as a platonic friendship that turned to romance. And it isn't abnormal for people to date for over a year before they realize that although they like each other a lot, that there isn't a future as a romantic couple.
     
  5. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    There is a difference between "you are a nice guy but I have no romantic feelings toward you" ... and " I love you like a brother/sister". The difference includes that a "family-like" love will continue on for long term like you would have with a sibling. Many women use it to simply mean "I have no romantic feelings toward you". She obviously does think of him like family. 10 years worth of friendship is the evidence that backs her statement.
     
  6. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Thing is, typically it's considered unorthodox to start off platonic....however, that seems to be the more fundamentalist Christian way of dating, while others they have to "feel it" the first couple of dates in order to move forward.

    If they don't move forward, a friendship isn't even formed. The two typically part ways, OR at the VERY most...become acquaintance level friends...which probably means I wouldn't expect routine texts, phone calls, nor hanging out anymore.

    Chances are they are focused on finding someone romantically. Also if you develop feelings for said friend, and you want more..and the other doesn't, they typically part ways for good and shift to finding a mutual romantic partner.

    I joined a dating site with a purpose. I recall even seeing profiles of some people saying, "I'm not here to make friends, I have plenty of those". It does sound bad, but...it does make sense.

    The same can be said for me, but just throw in "female" friends. I do have a decent handful of them, and they are great...but a new female friend probably won't be at the same level of friendship as my current platonic lady friends. I could make an exception with this one, since she lives locally. But you only have so much time for some people, and if you're "single and looking", you're focused can shift from time to time in certain phases of your life to that of trying to reach said goal of finding a romantic partner. I'm not getting any younger. Granted, I'm not desperate either.
     
  7. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Meh, to us dudes, it's all the same to us.
     
  8. ReesePiece23

    ReesePiece23 The Peanut Buttery Member.

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    I've personally never known a woman who fell in love straight away. Men? ALL the time, but women tend to be complex thinkers - there won't be a categorical answer to this, nor will it be a case of "you SHOULD have done that differently" so don't see it as a failing.

    Women will (more often than not) think about the practicalities way way WAY before they allow lust and romance to cloud their vision. If it's been a year? Chances are it isn't you (I know, cliche) but something about her psyche that has ruled out romance this time. (Again, not necessarily down to you, remember, this is a theme of hers.)

    I don't know whether I'm in the ballpark or not, but those are my thoughts. You'll never put anything past an intelligent woman, so it doesn't matter what tests you pass or what games you'll play, or even how perfect YOU are, she'll never buckle if she doesn't think it's right.
     
  9. Bortsss

    Bortsss a social experiment

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    [​IMG]
     
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  10. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    i agree.
     
  11. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Why are you agreeing, Timewerx never came back to answer my question. Obviously, he doesn't have an explanation on how I was gossiping. I fail to see it.
     
  12. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    i've read many of your posts, including the posts in this thread.
     
  13. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    You mean coming on here to ask about a certain situation I'm in regards to needing advice as a single Christian man. That's all. Dost judge too much.
     
  14. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    No. You mention "women", not "situations" and are consistently disparaging and critical and negative.

    Thus, "gossiping".

    Timewerx's comment was spot on.
     
  15. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    Whatever, man. You all are just a couple of trolls. I'm out of this here thread. :p
     
  16. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    I've never known Timewerx to be a troll or anything of the sort. And neither am i a troll or anything of the sort.

    It's just honest feedback.
     
  17. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

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    And I'm not gossiping, so...agree to disagree. Okay NOW I'm done here.
     
  18. brinny

    brinny everlovin' shiner of light in dark places Supporter

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    I don't mean this unkindly, but yes, that is gossiping. We all do, in one way or another, and it can become quite habitual. It's just good to be aware of it, learn from it, and move on.
     
  19. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    gos·sip /ɡäsəp/ noun
    1.casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.
     
  20. timewerx

    timewerx the village i--o--t--

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    I apologize for putting you on the spot. I should have PM'ed you instead.

    Your posting habit does fit the definition of gossip if you google it.

    Unless it's very serious (involving abuse for example) or a matter of life and death, we should avoid telling on others
     
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