Trying to get husband to care more about what he eats

[caresforthebirds]

My husband is sick and has several dietary restrictions. The problem is if he is around food he likes even if it's bad for him he eats it. I've sacrificed my own diet to keep this food away from him by eating what he eats. I eat at a soup kitchen when I want to eat normal food.

A problem though is now we have a roommate who eats regular food. He was grilling hot dogs and he ate a hot dog causing pain, and also he ate pizza someone brought causing pain. I even yelled at the person who brought the pizza and she said it wasn't her fault, she brought the pizza for me and my roommate and not him and was told not to eat it.

I've been told by my therapist I'm his wife and not his mother and he should make his own dietary decisions. But he could literally die if he eats the wrong things. How do I handle this situation?

 

[mkgal1]

What kind of dietary restrictions does he have? And what do you mean by "normal food" and "regular food"?

It's true that you can't (and shouldn't try) to control him......but maybe he's feeling deprived? I wonder if there are alternatives you can figure out in order for him not to be tempted to eat the "off limits" foods.

There was a show on a while back (not sure if it's coming back....but you should be able to look up past episodes) that was a cooking competition, and the chefs had to come up with healthful substitutes for unhealthy cravings. It was on HLN....called CYAO with Richard Blais (I found a link here).

The problem is.....your husband has to *want* to eat differently. I don't know how you can *make* him want that other than to have alternatives that are even better than what he's craving (and I don't believe that's difficult).

 

[caresforthebirds]

He has to eat a low fat, low cholesterol/triglyceride, carbohydrate controlled, low potassium, low sodium diet. Its too many things to keep track of. There are very few foods that meet all that criteria, and often he has to eat something that is still bad for one or more restriction.

What I mean by normal food is stuff that is not really restricted things. Right now he's in pain and he can't have much more than jello and I can't eat like that myself.

The bigger issue is he developed most of these health problems after I married him and we are married 2 years next month. I feel like I did something wrong that caused him to become so unhealthy. When I married him, he had controlled diabetes. Now it's out of control and he developed several other problems on top of that. When I married him, he just had to watch his carbs but he ate lots of things. Now not so much.

Oh and BTW, I get so frustrated by his health that I've told people in the past I was going to divorce him and my Christian friends all said that was a bad idea. I don't have much strength to deal with this anymore, I hate fighting with him all the time over food.

 

[DZoolander]

Did he have gastric bypass or something? That sounds an awful lot like the restrictions on food you must make when you've had that surgery (or else you get a side effect called "dumping")

 

[caresforthebirds]

Did he have gastric bypass or something? That sounds an awful lot like the restrictions on food you must make when you've had that surgery (or else you get a side effect called "dumping")

No, he has diabetes, chronic pancreatitis (he drank in the past), kidney damage caused by the diabetes, high blood pressure, high triglycerides, and unrelated to his diet reoccurring eye infections that severely damaged one of his eyes and knee pain.

 

[BeachSun]

...I've been told by my therapist I'm his wife and not his mother and he should make his own dietary decisions. ...How do I handle this situation?

I don't mean to sound unfeeling, but if you're not going to heed the advice of your therapist, someone who knows you and your situation, why would you take advice on a message board?

 

[mkgal1]

No, he has diabetes, chronic pancreatitis (he drank in the past), kidney damage caused by the diabetes, high blood pressure, high triglycerides, and unrelated to his diet reoccurring eye infections that severely damaged one of his eyes and knee pain.

I'm not a professional on nutrition, but I do agree with EZoolander that it sounds like an extreme amount of restrictions.

Is your husband frustrated by being in pain? If he's motivated to change due to pain.....I wonder if he'd be up for seeing how he did for a week by eliminating high inflammation foods (like what's outlined in this book: Food Allergies Food Sensitivity Burst Training Fast Fat Loss JJ Virgin home ). That should align with his current restrictions.

I wonder if getting nutritional advice from another source would help? Jello doesn't sound like a healthful choice to me.

 

[DZoolander]

Just out of curiosity - how old is this guy?

 

[mkgal1]

I believe that our bodies do have the ability to heal, if we give them the proper nutrients (to a degree). Again.....your husband would have to be "on board", but I've heard of a lot of people that have reversed their diabetes.....blood pressure.....cholesterol.... through nutrition (and, typically, restricting dietary cholesterol will *increase* the amount of cholesterol our livers secrete....so that's not the modern approach).

If he's willing to make short-term efforts in order to see long-term progress......I wonder if seeing what's called a "functional medicine" MD would be something he'd be wiling to try? Here is a link to see if there's someone in your area:

Institute for Functional Medicine

 

[Annessa3]

geez. If pain doesn't motivate him to avoid these foods, what do you really think will?
Quit being his mother, just like the therapist said. This is supposedly an adult. If he won't act like an adult, you have to decide whether you want to be married to an impulsive child.
I was. And being married to a child who won't take responsibility for their actions is no fun. And not a marriage.
good luck; you have my prayers.
A

 

[mkgal1]

I agree that you can't be his mother.....but I wonder if he *could* use an advocate to help him get the *best* information on how to live his life without pain---yet still feel as though he's not deprived. It sounds to me as if his medical practitioners have only offered the "don't do's" and haven't been able to offer the "this would be a great alternatives" (but.....I can be wrong).

This is what I mean by great alternatives (except I don't know how these are in terms of low potassium):

Recipe Index » Carrie Brown | Life in the SANE lane

 

[DZoolander]

Maybe it's high time for him to learn to take enjoyment out of something other than what he stuffs into his mouth.

 

[mkgal1]

^ That's a good point, too.......but shouldn't we get *some* enjoyment out of what we eat? I can't imagine living my life eating MRE meals each and every day.....could you?

 

[Annessa3]

and... the light bulb has to want to change......

 

[DZoolander]

^ That's a good point, too.......but shouldn't we get *some* enjoyment out of what we eat? I can't imagine living my life eating MRE meals each and every day.....could you?

I'd argue that it ain't all that hard to adjust your palette to appreciate that a piece of pineapple tastes better than a piece of pizza...and feels better in the long run, too.

Odds are if you've screwed up your body to the point where it just flat out rejects those types of foods - where your kidneys are shot - you're a diabetic - etc...that it ain't sporadic "every now and then" indulgences that you're dealing with.

 

[DZoolander]

What's bizarre to me about discussions like these is that everything revolves around prepared food.

"Should I substitute pizza (a food heavily prepared) for MRE rations (figurative, I know, but let's substitute for some other heavily prepared man made 'diet' food)?"

What happened to just perusing the produce aisle? That's the stuff you're really supposed to be eating. Why does everyone have this desire to hand over responsibility to someone else to determine what's "food"? Why does everything revolve around man-made processed stuff?

 

[mkgal1]

I'd argue that it ain't all that hard to adjust your palette to appreciate that a piece of pineapple tastes better than a piece of pizza...and feels better in the long run, too.

Odds are if you've screwed up your body to the point where it just flat out rejects those types of foods - where your kidneys are shot - you're a diabetic - etc...that it ain't sporadic "every now and then" indulgences that you're dealing with.

I absolutely agree. In fact.....when there's no pain afterwards, I imagine it would far exceed any perceived "pay off" pizza is going to give (which always seems to be what it is---just a perceived pay off).

I just wonder if he's ever been given those ideas beyond the "don't eat this.....and this.....oh! and this is off limits as well".

Being diabetic.....pineapple probably isn't on his list of things he should eat (there's probably too much sugar in that....I'd guess).

 

[mkgal1]

What's bizarre to me about discussions like these is that everything revolves around prepared food.

"Should I substitute pizza (a food heavily prepared) for MRE rations (figurative, I know, but let's substitute for some other heavily prepared man made 'diet' food)?"

What happened to just perusing the produce aisle? That's the stuff you're really supposed to be eating. Why does everyone have this desire to hand over responsibility to someone else to determine what's "food"? Why does everything revolve around man-made processed stuff?

It doesn't revolve around man-made processed stuff.

I used the example of MRE meals in response to your statement that he maybe should find enjoyment in something other than what he eats. It was the one thing that came to mind as something I couldn't eat on a regular basis as a life sustaining diet.

 

[iluvatar5150]

As others have said, he has to want to change.

But if you're going to help him, you'll have to learn to cook. I have several friends with dietary restrictions ranging from mild to severe (including one with a histamine sensitivity that rules out tons of stuff) and the only way they can really manage it is to cook for themselves.

 

[mkgal1]

.....or *he* can learn to prepare what he likes (that's appropriate for him)

The reason I mentioned functional medicine earlier is that I've become a bit cynical about most doctor's knowledge of nutrition.

This is from a blogger's page that I follow (I Breathe I'm Hungry):

She wrote: "So my father in law just had knee surgery and we were visiting him in the hospital this afternoon around lunchtime. He's diabetic and they are giving him the "special" diabetic menu. They served him this shake ten minutes before his lunch ( without checking his blood sugar since yesterday) and then this ADA approved meal of a heaping pile of white rice with gravy, half of a tiny chicken tender, canned pears, a slice of bread, and broccoli. If this is the extra healthy and low carb diabetic lunch - what horrific carb bomb Is everyone else getting??? Oh and they were very proud of their low fat breakfast for diabetics with only one slice of turkey bacon - aaaaand orange juice, grits, and toast with jelly. Am I crazy or is this just wrong wrong wrong???? "