Trying to figure out my error so I can repent

[Is Antipas taken?97]

My conscience has gotten weaker for awhile, convictions seem gone, and even though I had no desire for the world, Its gaining back its appeal, and following God has sometimes seemed to almost become a burden. I am not currently living in full blown known sin, but I'm trying to figure out where I went wrong. My Biggest inference is I think I may have not been obedient, essentially I was really scared of God asking me to give up my ambitions in entertainment, which I was in studying for, which off course is idolatry. Gods grace helped me and took away my ability to enjoy entertainment. Not sure if this was just my desire for the things of the spirit being stronger than my desire for the flesh or God trying to tell me something. It literally happened suddenly, like a light switch in my brain, and I began desiring his will more, eventually I ended up depressed and thought based on some signs and dreams that God was telling me to leave my studies, so I did so, but barely a few days later applied back in and changed my withdrawal to a study leave, since I began questioning if God was really speaking. I figured I'd have a year to figure this out on my break, Since my admission back wasn't guaranteed I prayed hoping God would answer my dilemma and close/open the door according to his will. but overtime it seems I've gotten more distant from God. Even before leaving I was hit with hunger pangs, and feel the constant need to eat food, I lost my Joy, and at present it seems like I'm dead spiritually, can barely pray at all, don't talk to God all day like I used to, don't hunger for him, I don't remember my dreams nor do they touch my conscience etc But they're are some other possible obstacles I've considered, like perhaps its my lack of prayer life, and its distanced me from God. I thought maybe the study break was actually the opposite of his will, and I got ahead of him in trying to leave. I also had many dreams warning me about trying to save people to my detriment, and I realized my pride had lead me around trying to save and convince people who weren't open to hearing the gospel, so maybe the exposure to them is hurting me spiritually. My workplace is also full of horrible music, that I thought might be harming me.

I'm repenting now of pointless discussions/debates with unbelievers and hypocrites and trying to spend more time praying. I can barely read too much scripture, I still like reading, but I dislike doing it long as I often feel sad that God doesn't seem to be reading with me anymore. I've been fasting, but still keep eating and overeating. I can't tell the line between temperance and starving myself since I'm perpetually hungry. But with my last two possible stumbling blocks, depending on what I'm doing wrong, I either end up quitting my studies a second time (to which they won't let me back in, and almost everyone in my life will continue to talk down my decision as they have been), or I quit my Job which I'm using to pay rent for the accommodation I'm not even living at anymore, as well as the debt I'm trying to get rid off. If I make the right move, I've repented and I can trust God, but the wrong move, well that's pretty bad for me. Almost everyone I know, practically everyone is either secular or carnal. Outside folks from my church, the christian's around me swear and take the Lords name in vain, the ones who don't are either older people from church, or young people back at my uni which is 2 hours away. So I have no spiritually minded friends. I want to put my trust in God, but his silence makes me weary to make a real choice. So I came here hoping people with experience might be able to discern the issue. How does God speak to you, if he asks you something, it it ever vague or does he make himself clear?

Sorry for the length of post, God bless

 

[Anthony2019]

Have you thought about maybe going away on a retreat somewhere for a few days. Somewhere peaceful and quiet to gather your thoughts, to go walking and admire God's creation, to chat to Christian brothers and sisters in community and participate in their way of life. The perfect quiet environment to really listen to God away from the distractions of everyday life. The last time I went on a retreat, I came back a new person - it really helped me focus on my spiritual life and my faith had increased. There are places around the country, and if as a student you're on a budget, some of them are free to stay and you just give what you can afford to donate.

 

[Blade]

Relax...let.... AND the peace of God which passes all understanding.. SHALL keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus. He said OT..if you keep your mind on God He will keep you in perfect peace.

I can only tell you what I know. The thing here is.. one has to just believe. He said..if we know He hears us then we know we have the petitions/prayers we asked for. For the WILL OF GOD is the word of God. If we know that we know that we know GOD/Christ/Holy Spirit can not lie...ever. Faith would not be a problem.

See God does not hear sinners the unrighteous. Only when they repent. Yet YOU are in right standing with GOD aka righteousness. Because you believe in Jesus. <----this did not happen based on sinning or not sinning. Do you believe John 3:16? All you have is His word period. Faith. So you have to toss out what you see what you hear and what you feel. See He says be like a child because .. they read the word take what He said and just believe...

What so ever you desire when you pray. Believe you receive it and you will have it. What ever you ask the Father in my name He WILL do it. What ever you ask me... on and on. This is one of those if we KNEW HE cant lie. Then ask and you receive that your joy may be full. See the way it works is one faith.. two we ASK according to what is WRITTEN! What is Gods will? Its His word. We ask .. things that are written. What HE promised us.

So.. faith.. one has to build their faith.. that comes by reading His word..hearing. So no matter what it looks like feels like..no matter how dark no matter what ANY MAN says..you hold true to what He said in His word. How does HE move? YOU look up the "fruits of the spirit". That is how He always moves. So.. if you have sin.. you repent.. but what about all that stuff we can't remember? I pray "Father forgive me for all the things I cant remember and hold them not to my charge". And I also tell Him.. remind me what it or they are and I will repent. Now TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD! You repented? Then DONT let the enemy rob you.. He forgave you and cleansed you from ALL not some but ALL unrighteousness. Dont go by how you FEEL! You take HIM at HIS word.

Hearing? We tend to TALK TALK TALK TALK and wonder why we can't hear Him. Again no matter what you FEEL..KNOW He hears you.. HE does.. every time. And believe it or not He talks SO MUCH MORE then we ever do. But.. how do we treat this GOD.. this friend.. this best friend this brother (Christ) this savior this GOD every day? Do we say good morning or after noon or good night... He is with us ALWAYS..how would you like always being with someone that never talked to you? I would stop talking to them.. PRAISE GOD HE IS NOT LIKE US LOL!

So.. what did Jesus say? My sheep know my voice. Didnt say wonder or guess. They KNOW my voice. Now if am goofing around with worldly stuff ..then it can be hard to hear Him.. I just repent of anything and everything so I KNOW there is NOTHING coming between us.

See the GOOD in others 1st. If we are to love our enemy.. thats the same love HE loves us.. love those around you..see the good. Read Phil 4...1st Cor 13.. let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus.. its written.. put on the armor of God..its written be strong in the lord in the power of HIS might.. its written let the peace of God...its written the joy of the lord.. on and on.. Notice its all Him?

We need to work our faith. We tend to try it on BIG THINGS.. believe on things that ..if it does not happen your faith will not be crushed. He told us to be praying always. To pray about ALL THINGS. See He wants to be apart..oooh this is strong..right here...for you. He wants to be apart of EVERY THING IN YOUR LIFE! Its a truth yet FOR YOU! So strong.. wow Isa 41:10

So.. know HE is not against you but for you. But you did this you said that.. look at Him..thats why HE died. Its ALL HIM! In anything everything RUN TO HIM! Relax.. be at peace.. for peace is of God.. read that word.. ask the sweet sweet Holy Spirit to open that word for you..

That being said.. I have to say.. in Luke...just like John 3;16.. I did what Jesus said.. I asked the Father for the holy Spirit.. what fell on the 120. See I just asked.. period. No matter what .. I didnt care if I felt anything.. I asked and the Father gave. FAITH! JESUS IS REAL. He is IN YOU..not a billion miles away.. right now with you. He never uses FEAR WORRY DOUBT to talk..but if we doubt let not that man think he will get anything from God.. so I repent of doubt..

And He that started ALL this in you? A He never looses.. so He WILL finish it

 

[FutureAndAHope]

My conscience has gotten weaker for awhile, convictions seem gone, and even though I had no desire for the world, Its gaining back its appeal, and following God has sometimes seemed to almost become a burden. I am not currently living in full blown known sin, but I'm trying to figure out where I went wrong. My Biggest inference is I think I may have not been obedient, essentially I was really scared of God asking me to give up my ambitions in entertainment, which I was in studying for, which off course is idolatry. Gods grace helped me and took away my ability to enjoy entertainment. Not sure if this was just my desire for the things of the spirit being stronger than my desire for the flesh or God trying to tell me something. It literally happened suddenly, like a light switch in my brain, and I began desiring his will more, eventually I ended up depressed and thought based on some signs and dreams that God was telling me to leave my studies, so I did so, but barely a few days later applied back in and changed my withdrawal to a study leave, since I began questioning if God was really speaking. I figured I'd have a year to figure this out on my break, Since my admission back wasn't guaranteed I prayed hoping God would answer my dilemma and close/open the door according to his will. but overtime it seems I've gotten more distant from God. Even before leaving I was hit with hunger pangs, and feel the constant need to eat food, I lost my Joy, and at present it seems like I'm dead spiritually, can barely pray at all, don't talk to God all day like I used to, don't hunger for him, I don't remember my dreams nor do they touch my conscience etc But they're are some other possible obstacles I've considered, like perhaps its my lack of prayer life, and its distanced me from God. I thought maybe the study break was actually the opposite of his will, and I got ahead of him in trying to leave. I also had many dreams warning me about trying to save people to my detriment, and I realized my pride had lead me around trying to save and convince people who weren't open to hearing the gospel, so maybe the exposure to them is hurting me spiritually. My workplace is also full of horrible music, that I thought might be harming me.

I'm repenting now of pointless discussions/debates with unbelievers and hypocrites and trying to spend more time praying. I can barely read too much scripture, I still like reading, but I dislike doing it long as I often feel sad that God doesn't seem to be reading with me anymore. I've been fasting, but still keep eating and overeating. I can't tell the line between temperance and starving myself since I'm perpetually hungry. But with my last two possible stumbling blocks, depending on what I'm doing wrong, I either end up quitting my studies a second time (to which they won't let me back in, and almost everyone in my life will continue to talk down my decision as they have been), or I quit my Job which I'm using to pay rent for the accommodation I'm not even living at anymore, as well as the debt I'm trying to get rid off. If I make the right move, I've repented and I can trust God, but the wrong move, well that's pretty bad for me. Almost everyone I know, practically everyone is either secular or carnal. Outside folks from my church, the christian's around me swear and take the Lords name in vain, the ones who don't are either older people from church, or young people back at my uni which is 2 hours away. So I have no spiritually minded friends. I want to put my trust in God, but his silence makes me weary to make a real choice. So I came here hoping people with experience might be able to discern the issue. How does God speak to you, if he asks you something, it it ever vague or does he make himself clear?

Sorry for the length of post, God bless

There is God's perfect will, then there is His permissive will. It is hard as an outsider to know the direction God wants to take you. But really it does not matter if your study is of God, or not. It would be at least His permissive will, meaning it may not be 100% God's direction for you, but God would still permit it, He would not judge you.

Study in my human opinion is very important as it leads to knowledge that can give us a stable income, a thing that God requires for the most part.

Also don't beat your self up over fasting, when I used to fast in my youth, I had great trouble raiding the fridge. I have heard one pastor joke that the food would "talk to him". Fasting is like giving, it is a free will offering to God, it is an extra to show our sincerity before God. You are certainly sincere in your seeking, just your flesh is getting hungry. You don't need to prove yourself to God, by going without food. The bible tells us "it is vain to rise up early, and seek God late " ... "if he is not in it" ... "for he gives his beloved sleep". That verse means sometimes we try to seek God in the flesh, using our own effort, such a search is vain/pointless rather God grants His child (you) rest.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

My conscience has gotten weaker for awhile, convictions seem gone, and even though I had no desire for the world, Its gaining back its appeal, and following God has sometimes seemed to almost become a burden. I am not currently living in full blown known sin, but I'm trying to figure out where I went wrong. My Biggest inference is I think I may have not been obedient, essentially I was really scared of God asking me to give up my ambitions in entertainment, which I was in studying for, which off course is idolatry. Gods grace helped me and took away my ability to enjoy entertainment. Not sure if this was just my desire for the things of the spirit being stronger than my desire for the flesh or God trying to tell me something. It literally happened suddenly, like a light switch in my brain, and I began desiring his will more, eventually I ended up depressed and thought based on some signs and dreams that God was telling me to leave my studies, so I did so, but barely a few days later applied back in and changed my withdrawal to a study leave, since I began questioning if God was really speaking. I figured I'd have a year to figure this out on my break, Since my admission back wasn't guaranteed I prayed hoping God would answer my dilemma and close/open the door according to his will. but overtime it seems I've gotten more distant from God. Even before leaving I was hit with hunger pangs, and feel the constant need to eat food, I lost my Joy, and at present it seems like I'm dead spiritually, can barely pray at all, don't talk to God all day like I used to, don't hunger for him, I don't remember my dreams nor do they touch my conscience etc But they're are some other possible obstacles I've considered, like perhaps its my lack of prayer life, and its distanced me from God. I thought maybe the study break was actually the opposite of his will, and I got ahead of him in trying to leave. I also had many dreams warning me about trying to save people to my detriment, and I realized my pride had lead me around trying to save and convince people who weren't open to hearing the gospel, so maybe the exposure to them is hurting me spiritually. My workplace is also full of horrible music, that I thought might be harming me.

I'm repenting now of pointless discussions/debates with unbelievers and hypocrites and trying to spend more time praying. I can barely read too much scripture, I still like reading, but I dislike doing it long as I often feel sad that God doesn't seem to be reading with me anymore. I've been fasting, but still keep eating and overeating. I can't tell the line between temperance and starving myself since I'm perpetually hungry. But with my last two possible stumbling blocks, depending on what I'm doing wrong, I either end up quitting my studies a second time (to which they won't let me back in, and almost everyone in my life will continue to talk down my decision as they have been), or I quit my Job which I'm using to pay rent for the accommodation I'm not even living at anymore, as well as the debt I'm trying to get rid off. If I make the right move, I've repented and I can trust God, but the wrong move, well that's pretty bad for me. Almost everyone I know, practically everyone is either secular or carnal. Outside folks from my church, the christian's around me swear and take the Lords name in vain, the ones who don't are either older people from church, or young people back at my uni which is 2 hours away. So I have no spiritually minded friends. I want to put my trust in God, but his silence makes me weary to make a real choice. So I came here hoping people with experience might be able to discern the issue. How does God speak to you, if he asks you something, it it ever vague or does he make himself clear?

Sorry for the length of post, God bless

Well the first thing I'd say is just be honest with Jesus. He was here on Earth too and was faced with similar temptations. As far as how I hear from God well I honestly just ask Jesus to help me hear The Holy Spirit and then I ask The Holy Spirit a question and then weigh and discern if that was Him or not.

It wasn't always that easy so in the past I was similar to you in that I always thought I was doing something wrong or wasn't good enough and would have half-hearted conversations with God. Back then when I wasn't the greatest at discerning the voice of The Holy Spirit I would do research in the Bible and online and would just talk to God. That was all I could do.

If I could give any advice on knowing God's Will and if He's talking to You I would say just be honest with God in your logic and reasoning behind doing something, pray about it, and ask God to lead you. Ask The Holy Spirit to speak to you and He will, I believe it, I don't know how long that ability to discern His still small voice will be but it will happen.

As far as school and work goes I would see if you can still do both, be sure to pray every morning before starting the day and pray for protection and help, and then walk through the rest of the day knowing that God is with you and JESUS is with you and knows everything. He knows how annoying the music is, how shallow the conversations are, how distant you may feel and uncertain you might be about your future.

In short, whatever you choose to do just know that God is with you and supports you in all you do.

 

[Is Antipas taken?97]

Have you thought about maybe going away on a retreat somewhere for a few days. Somewhere peaceful and quiet to gather your thoughts, to go walking and admire God's creation, to chat to Christian brothers and sisters in community and participate in their way of life. The perfect quiet environment to really listen to God away from the distractions of everyday life. The last time I went on a retreat, I came back a new person - it really helped me focus on my spiritual life and my faith had increased. There are places around the country, and if as a student you're on a budget, some of them are free to stay and you just give what you can afford to donate.

I'd heard of them but didn't know about retreats, it might be worth trying out some time for fellowship, thank you, I think that might be good for me

 

[Is Antipas taken?97]

Well the first thing I'd say is just be honest with Jesus. He was here on Earth too and was faced with similar temptations. As far as how I hear from God well I honestly just ask Jesus to help me hear The Holy Spirit and then I ask The Holy Spirit a question and then weigh and discern if that was Him or not.

It wasn't always that easy so in the past I was similar to you in that I always thought I was doing something wrong or wasn't good enough and would have half-hearted conversations with God. Back then when I wasn't the greatest at discerning the voice of The Holy Spirit I would do research in the Bible and online and would just talk to God. That was all I could do.

If I could give any advice on knowing God's Will and if He's talking to You I would say just be honest with God in your logic and reasoning behind doing something, pray about it, and ask God to lead you. Ask The Holy Spirit to speak to you and He will, I believe it, I don't know how long that ability to discern His still small voice will be but it will happen.

As far as school and work goes I would see if you can still do both, be sure to pray every morning before starting the day and pray for protection and help, and then walk through the rest of the day knowing that God is with you and JESUS is with you and knows everything. He knows how annoying the music is, how shallow the conversations are, how distant you may feel and uncertain you might be about your future.

In short, whatever you choose to do just know that God is with you and supports you in all you do.

Thank you, just out of interest, How long did it take you personally to begin discerning his voice better? Was it a gradual process of hearing clearer or have you just learned to identify when its him?

 

[Is Antipas taken?97]

There is God's perfect will, then there is His permissive will. It is hard as an outsider to know the direction God wants to take you. But really it does not matter if your study is of God, or not. It would be at least His permissive will, meaning it may not be 100% God's direction for you, but God would still permit it, He would not judge you.

Study in my human opinion is very important as it leads to knowledge that can give us a stable income, a thing that God requires for the most part.

Also don't beat your self up over fasting, when I used to fast in my youth, I had great trouble raiding the fridge. I have heard one pastor joke that the food would "talk to him". Fasting is like giving, it is a free will offering to God, it is an extra to show our sincerity before God. You are certainly sincere in your seeking, just your flesh is getting hungry. You don't need to prove yourself to God, by going without food. The bible tells us "it is vain to rise up early, and seek God late " ... "if he is not in it" ... "for he gives his beloved sleep". That verse means sometimes we try to seek God in the flesh, using our own effort, such a search is vain/pointless rather God grants His child (you) rest.

Thanks, doubt God is pleased by compulsive fasting to be fair. Concerning permissive will, do you have and scripture pointing this out? And again thanks alot

 

[Is Antipas taken?97]

Relax...let.... AND the peace of God which passes all understanding.. SHALL keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus. He said OT..if you keep your mind on God He will keep you in perfect peace.

I can only tell you what I know. The thing here is.. one has to just believe. He said..if we know He hears us then we know we have the petitions/prayers we asked for. For the WILL OF GOD is the word of God. If we know that we know that we know GOD/Christ/Holy Spirit can not lie...ever. Faith would not be a problem.

See God does not hear sinners the unrighteous. Only when they repent. Yet YOU are in right standing with GOD aka righteousness. Because you believe in Jesus. <----this did not happen based on sinning or not sinning. Do you believe John 3:16? All you have is His word period. Faith. So you have to toss out what you see what you hear and what you feel. See He says be like a child because .. they read the word take what He said and just believe...

What so ever you desire when you pray. Believe you receive it and you will have it. What ever you ask the Father in my name He WILL do it. What ever you ask me... on and on. This is one of those if we KNEW HE cant lie. Then ask and you receive that your joy may be full. See the way it works is one faith.. two we ASK according to what is WRITTEN! What is Gods will? Its His word. We ask .. things that are written. What HE promised us.

So.. faith.. one has to build their faith.. that comes by reading His word..hearing. So no matter what it looks like feels like..no matter how dark no matter what ANY MAN says..you hold true to what He said in His word. How does HE move? YOU look up the "fruits of the spirit". That is how He always moves. So.. if you have sin.. you repent.. but what about all that stuff we can't remember? I pray "Father forgive me for all the things I cant remember and hold them not to my charge". And I also tell Him.. remind me what it or they are and I will repent. Now TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD! You repented? Then DONT let the enemy rob you.. He forgave you and cleansed you from ALL not some but ALL unrighteousness. Dont go by how you FEEL! You take HIM at HIS word.

Hearing? We tend to TALK TALK TALK TALK and wonder why we can't hear Him. Again no matter what you FEEL..KNOW He hears you.. HE does.. every time. And believe it or not He talks SO MUCH MORE then we ever do. But.. how do we treat this GOD.. this friend.. this best friend this brother (Christ) this savior this GOD every day? Do we say good morning or after noon or good night... He is with us ALWAYS..how would you like always being with someone that never talked to you? I would stop talking to them.. PRAISE GOD HE IS NOT LIKE US LOL!

So.. what did Jesus say? My sheep know my voice. Didnt say wonder or guess. They KNOW my voice. Now if am goofing around with worldly stuff ..then it can be hard to hear Him.. I just repent of anything and everything so I KNOW there is NOTHING coming between us.

See the GOOD in others 1st. If we are to love our enemy.. thats the same love HE loves us.. love those around you..see the good. Read Phil 4...1st Cor 13.. let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus.. its written.. put on the armor of God..its written be strong in the lord in the power of HIS might.. its written let the peace of God...its written the joy of the lord.. on and on.. Notice its all Him?

We need to work our faith. We tend to try it on BIG THINGS.. believe on things that ..if it does not happen your faith will not be crushed. He told us to be praying always. To pray about ALL THINGS. See He wants to be apart..oooh this is strong..right here...for you. He wants to be apart of EVERY THING IN YOUR LIFE! Its a truth yet FOR YOU! So strong.. wow Isa 41:10

So.. know HE is not against you but for you. But you did this you said that.. look at Him..thats why HE died. Its ALL HIM! In anything everything RUN TO HIM! Relax.. be at peace.. for peace is of God.. read that word.. ask the sweet sweet Holy Spirit to open that word for you..

That being said.. I have to say.. in Luke...just like John 3;16.. I did what Jesus said.. I asked the Father for the holy Spirit.. what fell on the 120. See I just asked.. period. No matter what .. I didnt care if I felt anything.. I asked and the Father gave. FAITH! JESUS IS REAL. He is IN YOU..not a billion miles away.. right now with you. He never uses FEAR WORRY DOUBT to talk..but if we doubt let not that man think he will get anything from God.. so I repent of doubt..

And He that started ALL this in you? A He never looses.. so He WILL finish it

Thank you for the response, I can hear a lot of faith in what your saying, and I can't believe I technically called God a liar! I let the uncertainty of waiting let me forget how real his love is, I was praying so much less. Today I've been doing a lot better, so I'll continue in faith that he's is with me again, thank you brother, Love you

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Thanks, doubt God is pleased by compulsive fasting to be fair. Concerning permissive will, do you have and scripture pointing this out? And again thanks alot

The bible tells us to make choices according to our hearts desire, by doing so we will not have sorrow, yet that said we should sill be open to God's direction, for He know what is best for us.

Ecc 11:9-10 Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Thank you, just out of interest, How long did it take you personally to begin discerning his voice better? Was it a gradual process of hearing clearer or have you just learned to identify when its him?

Hey Antipas thanks for asking! Well It was a gradual process of discerning when something was my own thought vs when something was from someone outside of myself. The next part of discerning if it is from The Holy Spirit took some time because sometimes the enemy would try and imitate The Holy Spirit, but over time I began to notice what sounded like The Holy Spirit, and of course anything non-Biblical was immediately dismissed and ignored.

Even to this day I'm careful not to just believe whatever I hear. Also, in case anyone else is thinking, "This sounds like schizophrenia" well the world did diagnose me with that but this is just the sad case of those who claim to hear The Holy Spirit, the world labels you a schizophrenic and claims you are too different from the normal population. In all honesty I don't care what the world says. If today's psychiatrists were around in Biblical times they would have diagnosed Jesus and the prophets with schizophrenia as well.

Feel free to ask away anything else I'll gladly answer.

 

[Joined2krist]

God speaks to me through dreams and visions, also He does it directly when I'm meditating and through others too. The Bible said we should test every spirit, it's also important to note that God is not the author of confusion. When God speaks to you, does it contradict what He has written in His word? does the message bring confusion into your life? are you at peace in your spirit? all these are questions you should ask yourself.

 

[lastofall]

Repenting begins with the repenting of our own will, for we must needs disown our own will first, otherwise we can never be in submission to and relying upon God and His Word as we ought to.

 

[Is Antipas taken?97]

Repenting begins with the repenting of our own will, for we must needs disown our own will first, otherwise we can never be in submission to and relying upon God and His Word as we ought to.

This is making sense to me, I'm praying to retain this understanding