Trying to be friends but need perspective!

[Katie's Mom]

I got divorced six months ago. Things had been snowballing for a few years and everything hit the fan when my ex husband had an emotional affair and he made it clear that it was my fault and it meant nothing. I wanted to get counseling and work together, but he was done. We decided to file the paperwork on our own, but I decided to hire a lawyer because our initial agreement was that he would get 90% and I would get 10%. We lost our daughter five years ago and I worked part time after she passed, so he believed he was entitled to that. The negotiations were very difficult and my lawyer advocated for me and we finally settled...I got about 35% and he got 65%. He kept the house and I moved into a tiny apartment. He put my belongings on the front porch and made my transition very difficult. I had to go back to teaching full-time after being away for ten years. It's been extremely difficult, but I have no choice at this point.

Fast forward to a couple months ago...my ex husband and I were trying to stay on decent terms. I reached out to him to ask him a financial question and I discovered that he was in a mental institution for a 72 hour watch for suicide. Of course, I was concerned and kept checking to make sure he was okay. I try to be like Christ...kind, forgiving, loving. I'm a very empathetic/feeling person. Since then, we've been working on a friendship...I do enjoy his company. When we got divorced, he said he still wanted to be friends...he could envision us going on vacation together. However, I told him that if he starts dating, it is only fair if he lets me know. It would make a friendship very difficult. I have a dog with special needs and I asked him if he could let her out from time to time because I'm usually at work for 12 hours or so. I gave him a key to my apartment to make it easier. Last week, I invited him over for dinner and he helped me unclog my toilet. I felt happy that we were getting along and I wasn't going to lose him forever.

Yesterday, I was walking my dog and I ran into him and his new girlfriend whom he met online. I was crushed and lost my mind almost! Yes, we are divorced and free to date, but I feel misled about his words and his failure to tell me he was dating. I told him he was a lying snake (among other things) and all the anger and hurt came out...very unlike me. I am COMPLETELY crushed. I demanded my key back. We talked on the phone later and he said, "We can discuss all this later when we have settled down." I told him I need lots of time and space...I'm just broken. It's so hard to let go but I feel I need to. I've tried so hard to be kind and caring, but I feel kicked in the face and depleted. Any advice, thoughts, perspective? My family and friends think I'm crazy for trying to make amends, but my heart tells me to follow Christ and forgive. I'm conflicted, but all around broken. Thanks so much.

 

[John Bowen]

Always forgive a person because when you do that you are no longer tied to that person . When things don't work out it's for a reason .It means its time to let go and see where the river of life will take you. I know it very hard to start all over I done it too . Blessings to you and prayers for your daughter who passed over.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

's to you sister.

Just prayed that the Lord is a comfort and healer to you. Give yourself time to heal. I empathise with you about having to return to teaching - when my relationship failed I've had to resort to substitute teaching plus raising two kids. Grace does and will play a BIG part together with the assurance we have that the Lord will never leave nor forsake you.

Because of your obedience to Christ, you will pull through, you will definitely heal. Be sure to give yourself time. And, as the above poster said, be quick to forgive your ex and declare to the Lord that you're willing to hand the pain over to Him so that His peace can fill you.

Will continue to pray for you